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  1. #11
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    When we had custody of our grandson, he really liked to play video games. We made and enforced a rule that in order to play, he had to read 30 minutes for 30 minutes of play time. At the end of that 30 minutes, if he wanted to continue playing, he had to pause or turn off the game and read 30 more minutes for 30 minutes of play time.

    He quit living with us when he got out of second grade. His new school tested his reading level (he was eight years old), and when they got to 11th grade level, they quit. The teacher asked me how this was possible. I told her our rule and she wrote a note home to all her parents asking them to enforce it. To this day, that boy loves to read!!

    He did get a cell phone shortly after, and it was only because at that age, he was coming home to an empty house. The phone he had had five buttons on it.....mom, dad, grandma and other grandma....the last one was for 911. He could not call anyone else or play games on it, and it was the perfect way to teach responsibility. He could get calls from anyone who had the number to call him.

    When we are all together as a family, his cousins all have their noses glued to their phones. He is either reading or visiting (he is 24 now) and is about the best kid you could ask for.
    pat.

    No rain....no rainbows!



  2. #12
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Hmmm. Not sure what to add about a 7 y.o. having a cell phone. Seems too young to me. Obviously she needs some consistent discipline by both parents, limits set, etc. Having studied extensively about EMF (electromagnetic field) exposure & the its harmful effects, I certainly would use caution for children who still have developing brains to have so much exposure with cell phone use for health reasons. Kids today are addicted to their electronics, including phones. I'm thankful as I parent I didn't have to deal with that. We still have a land line & have no plans to get rid of it. I have an older model cell phone (19 y.o.) which I carry in my purse for only emergencies. Most of the time it's turned off.

  3. Thanks bubba thanked for this post
  4. #13
    The Guild President

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    Feb 2018
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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Wow, no nothing different that I can think of. sorry about your grandchild and her Mother too. Seven. I don't see my three great grandsons because their parents never do anything with them. they break everything and never mind anyone, etc. They don't have much, live off assistance mainly. but still, they need manners and all that. the oldest just started school. he has trouble speaking clearly and i do hope he gets attention and help there but doubt it will happen. they are so, so cute, dimples and everything. I could go on.
    take a deep breath and be there if they need you. good luck.

  5. #14
    Batting Beauty

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    May 2018
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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Grrr... this is a subject I could continue to rant about until no one wants to talk to me anymore. Sometimes I do, and sometimes they go away. Good riddance.

    This is the electronic age, which I'm sure is having a negative affect on society. Parenting styles have also changed since we were raised and raised our own children. For better or worse, it is what it is. Doesn't mean I have to put up with it, and I don't. My house- my rules. They call me "grumpa."

    I was surprised to hear that 60% of children have phones at the age of five. What? That's a parenting problem. I sorta understand it though. When we were young and the parents needed to attend to something without the interference of kids, we were told to "go play outside." As televisions gained popularity it was, "go watch TV." After that was gaming- "why don't uou go play your games?" Now you just get them a phone. Yep- a parenting problem, which there's always been, but a different way of dealing with it. A big part of it is that the "modern" parent also has their noses in their phone.

    The "attitude?" I see a lot more parents who ignore it, and to huge degree perpetuate it. It's a societal problem. It just doesn't happen around my house. My house has doors, which purpose is to keep you out if you don't play by the rules.

    I think the phones are a good thing. I live in a city with a really good public transit system. I use it a lot for the convenience and savings, (which are huge BTW.) Best thing? Everyone on the bus, train or trolley, has their noses buried in the phone, so I can pick my nose whenever I feel like it, and no one will even notice.

    End of rant- for now. Love, Grumpa
    You gots to risk it to gets the biscuit-

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  7. #15
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Too bad you don't live where I do. No cell service at all.
    TRUTH is seldom appreciated, unless you happen to agree with it. When you don't agree, you just call it rude.

  8. #16
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Jocelyn, I think you've received really good advice here. I can't add much to the wisdom thats been expressed. And I certainly don't think you over reacted.

    My only addition to the conversation is this: There is a certain addictive quality to video games and cell phones. If parents are going to buy a cell phone for a child, the parent has the responsibility to mitigate that addictive quality. It's OK to say to your DGD that her last visit wasn't much for either of you & to mention that addictive quality of the phone. It's OK to let her know that worries you. If she's old enough to have a phone, she's old enough to hear the dangers such as deformed necks and arthritic thumbs (neither of which is attractive, which may be your most successful tack). But cold turkey isnt effective, so the Bubba approach tends to be the most successful: DGD can earn a certain # of minutes on her phone at Gramma's house by doing XYZ.

    You can even tell her that it's her first driving lesson! She'll be learning how to put down the phone at appropriate times. My youngest, who is a member of the communicate-by-text generation, explained to me that there's a social stigma to delaying your answer to an incoming text; it's important for you to understand this. You can tell your DGD that this will help her establish good driving habits now. In other words, she'll be investing in her future driver's license!

    My heart goes out to you. Without her parents working on this, too, you're in a tough spot.
    Toni ... If I keep sewing long enough, will they make their own dinner?

  9. Thanks bubba, MSN thanked for this post
  10. #17
    Fabric Fanatic

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Oh that's a pity..Well try to turn everything into a game as everybody loves playing! And she'd think that she's a winner and she rules, but we know what's the main point Good luck!

  11. #18
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Thank you everyone for all of your good ideas. I have given this a lot of thought. My 3 kids grew up in the '80's. The internet was just starting up then. We had dial up where you paid by the minute and I remember many hassles telling them to get off the computer so I could use the phone, or get off the computer and do your homework. Or them fighting over whose turn it was to be on the computer. Fast forward a few years and video games were a big thing. I hated them, such a time waster, so in our house the rule was NO video games. No X-box, no Nintendo, no Playstation. And you know what? They survived! And now today they all agree with me that video games are a big time wsster and none of them have game stations at their houses. Score one for Mom! So after much thought I have decided GK will not be allowed to use their cell phones at Grandma's. I have no interest in playing tug of war on this, you do such and such for 30 minutes, then you can use your phone for 30 minutes. I don't want to be the phone police with my eye on the clock, and monitoring not only how long, but content what websites are okay, what You Tube is she watching, what games are acceptable bc there is no way to keep on top of those ever changing things. If her parents want to let her have access to her phone at all times, then she will have plenty of phone time when she is with them. Yes she won't like it but she will survive. I know it might seem like I am taking a hard line but it feels like the right thing to do.
    Jocelyn

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  13. #19
    Missouri Star

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    Dec 2015
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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    Your house- your rules. Since you are starting while the phone is still new it should work. Do you have a special place to put the phone as she walks in the door? Maybe a pretty box with a lid that's only for that.
    ATTITUDE IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ORDEAL AND AN ADVENTURE

  14. #20
    Missouri Star

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    Mar 2014
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    Default Re: Cell phones and Grandkids

    So sorry this is happening to you, but kind of inevitable. I think a phone is pretty standard for kids today, especially those in divided households. But i urge you to consider carefully how to proceed. Is this a mountain you want to die on Grandma? I don't think you can win any kind of moral victory by setting very restrictive rules at your house compared to what she is doing elsewhere. You will become the mean Grandma and soon she will be finding excuses not to come to visit. i suggest you have a frank phone conversation with both parents about phone manners instead. If she is going to sit on your sofa ignoring you the entire visit do you want her there? It's rude and hurtful. That is how I would approach it to the parents. Ask them how they are handling the inevitable phone rudeness issue and make plans together. Tell them how it makes you feel and see what they say. If they can't plan with you the battle is lost right there. Yes, it is very sad, but it's reality. In a triangulated power struggle you will always be the odd person out. I know you don't want that to happen and you want a loving relationship with her. Good luck.

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