Venting, do you think I was out of line

[jjkaiser]

First, this is totally unrelated to quilting. My dd is having a baby in Sept and her best friend Megan wanted to have a shower for her. She said she couldn't have it at her house bc she got a new dog recently and didn't know how the dog would react to so many people being over so she asked me if I could have it at my house. I said sure. She did the invites and is doing the decorations and games. The invite said the shower is from 12:30-3:30. I am providing all the food. Another daughter Katy is helping pulling it all together, making cakes etc. I tried contacting Megan by phone but she lets it go to VM, says she does not talk on the phone only texts!! Katy (who does talk on the phone) told me today that she was txting Megan back and forth and Megan decided not to do any games and instead was planning an art project. She is buying 2 dozen white onesies and wants people coming to paint them with special fabric paint that she will provide. There's about 25 people coming, incl about 6 kids age 2-10. I txtd Megan that I did not like the idea. She msg me back that the kids would not be allowed to paint shirts, only the adults. I could see a problem developing right there. I told her I wished she had asked me about this first but sorry, no you cannot do this art project at my house at the shower. We would have to do it at the dining room table where we will be eating (and which has beige carpeting under the table) and where am I supposed to lay out all the shirts to dry, not to mention this project would eat up way too much time given the length of the shower. So now Megan is mad at me for saying no and wrecking her "cool fun idea" and she already bought half the supplies. I feel like a real meany but this just seemed like such a terrible idea to me. The shower is in two weeks. Well thank you for letting me vent here!

[quiltsRfun]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

If it’s happening at your house it should be cleared by you first. JMHO

[auntstuff]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Your house. Your rules.

[JCY]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Absolutely! I agree. What's wrong with having some games?! And why are there children coming to the shower? Usually it's an all adult event. I hope you can get all the details worked out to everyone's satisfaction with no hurt feelings. Sorry you're having an awkward time of it.

[KPH]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

You aren't out of line at all! It's your house, you have final say on everything. I wouldn't have allowed kids, or a 'painting craft' in my house either. If she insists on painting, make her do it outside and figure out the rest of the logistics of such a craft on her own.

[DeniseSm]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Totally justified. Your house, your rules.

[Caroline T.]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

I agree "Your House, Your Rules".

I've been to many baby showers where kids are present, and they will expect (and their mothers will expect it too) to be included in the party games and festivities. If she thinks that they won't be, I hope she has other distractions planned for them. (I'm guessing she's not a mom yet?)

But if you're in the mind for a compromise, suggest to the hostess, and I give her that title loosely, as it seems the hostess usually provides the venue and the food too, maybe co-hostess is more appropriate, but I'm getting off topic now - where was I? Oh yeah...

Suggest that if she really wants to do this project, that she provide outdoor tables and chairs so that the art project can be done outside where you don't have to be concerned about paint spills on your furniture (this includes your outdoor furniture) and carpet, and the kids can partake too (and yes, the kids are going to want to participate and some will pout or worse, if they are told No), and she should also provide painting smocks (old t-shirts work) for the kids while she's at it.

[Carol336]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

I agree with everyone else...it definitely should have been cleared with you. It's just a shame your DD's shower is turning out so stressful for you.

[am2901]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

jjkaiser, if Megan's only reason for not having the shower at her house is her dog, why don't you ask her if she can take the dog to a kennel during the time of the shower, or have someone else keep the dog at another location. Then if she wants to have a "paint party" she can have it at her own house.

[GrammaBabs]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Never ceases to amaze me the "lack of consideration" that comes with many of our younger generations... At the very least, asking permission should be a given...never mind asking their elders to take on MORE than agreed upon and think about the added work and stress this would cause.... I guess it's just me... I'm 72 ,,, my kids already are "extra kind" to the hubs and me realizing how lucky they were to have us for parents... GB

[Lyndaj]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Your house, your rules. She was totally inconsiderate not speaking with you before just going forward with the idea.

As for the not speaking on the phone, I'm not a big fan of that either, but I answer the phone when people call me. She's just rude and seriously inconsiderate.

[alliek]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

Absolutely agree with everyone. The "lack of consideration" is a big issue with todays very young generations. I can see the difference in my granddaughters and how they were raised. I love them all dearly, but some have no idea of looking beyond themselves and others,(raised in another household) are most considerate. At any rate NO to the painting,. You are very justified.

[MRoy]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

You are absolutely justified in stopping the paint party before it's started. If it were my house I wouldn't want kids or adults slinging paint brushes loaded with paint around my furnishings...a disaster just waiting to happen! Silly girl should have asked you about it first.

[pcbatiks]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

I agree with the others no paint project or they can do it outside. I would have a real problem with the fact that she can’t be bothered to talk with you on the phone but she wants you to do most of work for the shower.

The kids will definitely want to play with the paint project. I would say no, no, no!

Good luck.

[KarenC]

Re: Venting, do you think I was out of line

I have no issue with kids being at the shower, as long as the parents monitor them. Paint project - no way! My DD's baby shower was at my house, and everything was perfect except for one person's youngest child. The parents just let him run wild, especially at the end of the shower when most people had left but this family stayed to help my DD and SIL pack up (really the friend was going through all the gifts, and ignoring kid). I finally lost my cool and yelled at him when I yanked the ink pen away when he went to write on my brand new cabinets. 6 months later I was still finding pen marks on my ceramic tile where he had left his art work.

When DD asked about having DGD's birthday party at my house, I said "yes, as long as this friend is not here with her child running loose". She decided to have the party with family only.