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  1. #1
    Machine Stitcher

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    Jul 2018
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    Default I Need Your Thoughts on This

    HI everyone,
    It makes me sad to post this but I need your thoughts and help on this situation. We have three children who are married and every year for their birthdays we send them a card and a check. The one child/husband always thanks us but the other two and their husbands do not acknowledge the card or gift or even give us a call to say they received it. We send to the grandchildren also and with the exception of one, they do not acknowledge the gift cards and cards that we send either. They are all out of state. We are thinking of discontinuing the check/gifts to the adults and just send a card to them (they are all in their forties). What are your thoughts on this situation and what do you do? Do you have a certain age that you stop sending money to your grown children? Any ideas will be helpful. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Quilting Royalty

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    Nov 2016
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I have also been in this position for several years. My son, for the last 5 years, has completely ignored Christmas, my birthday and mothers day even tho I continued to send him a card and $$. So starting in 2019 I did not send him money for birthday( I did send him a silly e-mail card and he picked it up but didn't reply) I'm am going to send a Christmas card but again no $$. He hasn't called me in over a year and in the past asked me not to call him as his wife is jealous and always thinks he is talking to a girlfriend. Starting in 2020 I may stop the cards also. I have taken this position, "If I can't do anything about it I won't worry about it". I find that my life is O.K. without all of the drama.

  3. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Dec 2015
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    SE KS
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I have the same problem and when I chastised the teen grandchildren on their manners all communication was stopped by the parents. I still send the child who is not an adult a card and a little money since I know she has to do as she's told. The parents and the 20 yr old might get cards or not depending on my mood.
    ATTITUDE IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ORDEAL AND AN ADVENTURE

  4. #4
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    Along the Illinois river-Central Illinois
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I let my children know that at age 21 they may or may not get any $$ in their cards.. Grands, I did the same. I've never gotten a thank you from any, but did get a phone call or 2 from My children. The grands, nothing: so I don't feel bad when I "forget" a card.

    After I turned 75 and they lost their father (divorced over 30 years), I've gotten more attention from them. calls, gifts and visits. Time heals a lot of old hurts.. whether they are real or imagined.

  5. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Mar 2012
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    New Mexico
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I never started that president. I make my kids and my 1 granddaughter things. My oldest doesn't talk to me due to I told her to get a job...I didn't raise kids to live off the state. So I don't get to see my Rosa. I really think people have become more ungrateful with technology. Buy yourself some nice fabric with the money and don't stress. When I feel bad I didn't send anything, I think I have 4 grown children when was the last time I got more than a text for a holiday, birthday or mother's day?

  6. #6
    Rotary Pro

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    Dec 2018
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    cushing, OK
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Cut the string & count your losses, explaining you did not raise them to be so disrespectable. It's also called common courtesy!
    You think you have it bad? try having an EX husband kidnap your twin girls at the age of 8, not finding them for 9 years.....
    and they hate YOU because they believed all the lies of me not wanting them anymore. I died the day they were taken.... now
    all I have is nightmares for memories. A person can't make another believe or act the way they should, painful to say the least, but like it or not you have to say NO MORE...
    When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand alone and be counted
    Elanor Roosevelt

  7. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Apr 2012
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    Northern California, USA
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Quote Originally Posted by ktdid View Post
    Cut the string & count your losses, explaining you did not raise them to be so disrespectable. It's also called common courtesy!
    You think you have it bad? try having an EX husband kidnap your twin girls at the age of 8, not finding them for 9 years.....
    and they hate YOU because they believed all the lies of me not wanting them anymore. I died the day they were taken.... now
    all I have is nightmares for memories. A person can't make another believe or act the way they should, painful to say the least, but like it or not you have to say NO MORE...
    What a heartbreak! Did your husband ever suffer consequences for kidnapping your children?
    Toni ... If I keep sewing long enough, will they make their own dinner?

  8. #8
    Rotary Pro

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    Dec 2018
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    Unhappy Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Quote Originally Posted by GuitarGramma View Post
    What a heartbreak! Did your husband ever suffer consequences for kidnapping your children?
    NO! but I heard he died several months ago, in the bay area of calif. And yes I'm not sorry he died, I hope he rots in ….for it! I'm sure he's paying now!!! I firmly believe one has to pay for what you do in life good or bad, I'm just glad I lived long enough to see it. I always worried that cancer or lupus would do me in before I knew he paid for his actions. Am I a horrible person for not being sad he died, probably by some of you, but your not the ones who lived this nightmare.
    When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand alone and be counted
    Elanor Roosevelt

  9. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Apr 2012
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Quote Originally Posted by ktdid View Post
    NO! but I heard he died several months ago, in the bay area of calif. And yes I'm not sorry he died, I hope he rots in ….for it! I'm sure he's paying now!!! I firmly believe one has to pay for what you do in life good or bad, I'm just glad I lived long enough to see it. I always worried that cancer or lupus would do me in before I knew he paid for his actions. Am I a horrible person for not being sad he died, probably by some of you, but your not the ones who lived this nightmare.
    No, you aren't horrible! (And you aren't either, Laura!) Not even God would expect you to be sad for the death of a man who did you such evil. I will pray that you are able to rebuild your relationship with your daughters.
    Toni ... If I keep sewing long enough, will they make their own dinner?

  10. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Apr 2015
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    Spring, TX
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    KTDid, I am so sorry for your loss of your children and pain.

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