I Need Your Thoughts on This

[GuitarGramma]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

NO! but I heard he died several months ago, in the bay area of calif. And yes I'm not sorry he died, I hope he rots in ….for it! I'm sure he's paying now!!! I firmly believe one has to pay for what you do in life good or bad, I'm just glad I lived long enough to see it. I always worried that cancer or lupus would do me in before I knew he paid for his actions. Am I a horrible person for not being sad he died, probably by some of you, but your not the ones who lived this nightmare.

No, you aren't horrible! (And you aren't either, Laura!) Not even God would expect you to be sad for the death of a man who did you such evil. I will pray that you are able to rebuild your relationship with your daughters.

[TMP]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

All of this makes me very sad. I am one of the lucky ones my daughter lives a few miles from me and she has a small family party at her house with a cake on my birthday and she did this for her father before he passed . I get a text from my son or flowers on my birthday and mother's day. We are a small family and I only have two grand children. They all say thank you .

[ktdid]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

It does
and the only reason I didn't kill him was cuz then my kids would have lost both parents. Had a lot of VERY serious offers to do the job though.

So did I!! I even had an offer of $50.00 for him to have an accident driving!!! (the guy needed drug money) I always wanted to know when he died so I could go to the funeral to make sure he was dead.

[Monique]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

WOW thank you all for sharing a part of your lives that I have no doubt are very painful to remember. My heart goes out to you.

I am very thankful that we have a wonderful relationship with our two sons. They will always acknowledge a gift they have received. If I send Maizyn something, her father will always call and thank me.

[redcaboose1717]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

I have been sick for a few weeks and reading these posts.....its sad, so sad.

About a month ago, I posted a comment after a young gal whose mom & I have been friends for 40 yrs. made a comment about saving money for HER retirement...(she's 33 yrs old) so I mentioned about a Family Circle magazine article I read when my DH & I were first married in 1975 about saving for your future retirement. We had been married a little over a year when I read this article explaining if you could manage to save $10-$20 per week, and then when you got $500 saved where you could put into a CD at the bank (and of course high denominations too) when you retired you would have a pretty good nest-egg to retire on.)

Now, I rarely post anything on FB....I mainly use it to message(FB messenger...it is private msg between my niece & I) my niece who lives in Idaho with her DH and kids.(my niece treats me fabulously) So, imagine my surprise when my daughter posted a FB message making a BIG issue as who the H*LL I thought I was bashing the way she lived or how she raised her children!!!?????? ….
Imagine my shock and surprise.....Knowing full well I had done nothing wrong....I told her she was mistaken, that if she really re-read the message SHE would see that the post I made had nothing to do with her or her family whatsoever. Of course that even made her madder and she continued to berate me ON FACEBOOK for all to see,IT WASN'T DONE PRIVATELY. She ranted on that people thought I was crazy as loon with some of my comments????? Really? Where did I make crazy comments? I think the last time I made a comment before my DD decided to let the entire FB community know what she thought of her own mom, I had wished my oldest nephew Happy Birthday (I hadn't mailed him a card due to being ill).
(really? I don't hardly see my children or grandkids, they forget what phones are and don't like it because I don't text). I too have thought long and hard about discontinuing the birthday & Christmas gifts or checks, never a thank you...nothing.
I made excuses here a few years ago when I was in the hospital for 16 wks with kidney failure (I told myself it was too far for them to drive 40 miles to see me in the hospital.....no calls nothing...Oh, my oldest son did call about 4 wks after my 3 times a week Dialysis ended(that was another 18 wks) to ask for money, and I refused.

I know that part of this is due to the fact that all four of the kids are ticked off because after their dad died, they each were given 30K (not 3K....THIRTY THOUSAND $$). They all wanted triple what they got, and the answer to that is to withhold the grandkids.
I sent my DD a msg asking if we could start fresh a few days ago......and I am terrified to meet with her. I am tired of being told I am the cause of why they don't come around (well, actually they're right, I am the cause....because they are ticked off because they couldn't B.S. me into giving them the amount of $$ they thought they were due when their dad passed away.)

WOW ….this post really made me think.....I would love to meet with my DD.....but to be honest, I've been burnt a few times (she's 41 yrs old) over the years, and I just am so tired of being the one to always apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong.

My kids had a wonderful childhood.....wonderful grandparents, etc. We all met for holidays, went out to dinner with each other,my sisters and I each have 4 kids each, and we were always meeting and having fun.

Now, it's pretty quiet.....and well, I wonder, should I answer my DD message (I haven't opened it yet....) ????

Any suggestions as to what you would do?

[cjsews]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

My step daughter complained that she did not get any inheritance from her grandparents. Well, first off they did not have anything to give. Second, I told her any inheritance would go to the children. If they choose they could pass part it on to their children. I also said if my DH went first I still had a life to live and may need all that we worked to save for this time in our lives. And lastly, our gift to our children was that they would not have to support us in our old age. They would be fortunate if anything is left to pass on after our passing but that was not our goal when we were working so hard to be able to enjoy our latter years. My girls need to work as hard as myself and DH did to fulfill their daily and future means.

[Lyndaj]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

I have been sick for a few weeks and reading these posts.....its sad, so sad.

About a month ago, I posted a comment after a young gal whose mom & I have been friends for 40 yrs. made a comment about saving money for HER retirement...(she's 33 yrs old) so I mentioned about a Family Circle magazine article I read when my DH & I were first married in 1975 about saving for your future retirement. We had been married a little over a year when I read this article explaining if you could manage to save $10-$20 per week, and then when you got $500 saved where you could put into a CD at the bank (and of course high denominations too) when you retired you would have a pretty good nest-egg to retire on.)

Now, I rarely post anything on FB....I mainly use it to message(FB messenger...it is private msg between my niece & I) my niece who lives in Idaho with her DH and kids.(my niece treats me fabulously) So, imagine my surprise when my daughter posted a FB message making a BIG issue as who the H*LL I thought I was bashing the way she lived or how she raised her children!!!?????? ….
Imagine my shock and surprise.....Knowing full well I had done nothing wrong....I told her she was mistaken, that if she really re-read the message SHE would see that the post I made had nothing to do with her or her family whatsoever. Of course that even made her madder and she continued to berate me ON FACEBOOK for all to see,IT WASN'T DONE PRIVATELY. She ranted on that people thought I was crazy as loon with some of my comments????? Really? Where did I make crazy comments? I think the last time I made a comment before my DD decided to let the entire FB community know what she thought of her own mom, I had wished my oldest nephew Happy Birthday (I hadn't mailed him a card due to being ill).
(really? I don't hardly see my children or grandkids, they forget what phones are and don't like it because I don't text). I too have thought long and hard about discontinuing the birthday & Christmas gifts or checks, never a thank you...nothing.
I made excuses here a few years ago when I was in the hospital for 16 wks with kidney failure (I told myself it was too far for them to drive 40 miles to see me in the hospital.....no calls nothing...Oh, my oldest son did call about 4 wks after my 3 times a week Dialysis ended(that was another 18 wks) to ask for money, and I refused.

I know that part of this is due to the fact that all four of the kids are ticked off because after their dad died, they each were given 30K (not 3K....THIRTY THOUSAND $$). They all wanted triple what they got, and the answer to that is to withhold the grandkids.
I sent my DD a msg asking if we could start fresh a few days ago......and I am terrified to meet with her. I am tired of being told I am the cause of why they don't come around (well, actually they're right, I am the cause....because they are ticked off because they couldn't B.S. me into giving them the amount of $$ they thought they were due when their dad passed away.)

WOW ….this post really made me think.....I would love to meet with my DD.....but to be honest, I've been burnt a few times (she's 41 yrs old) over the years, and I just am so tired of being the one to always apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong.

My kids had a wonderful childhood.....wonderful grandparents, etc. We all met for holidays, went out to dinner with each other,my sisters and I each have 4 kids each, and we were always meeting and having fun.

Now, it's pretty quiet.....and well, I wonder, should I answer my DD message (I haven't opened it yet....) ????

Any suggestions as to what you would do?

I am SO sorry. This is horrible to read. I am 57 and NEVER in a million years would I be putting something like that on Facebook.

[MSN]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

Oh Sugar, I am so sorry for all the drama your daughter is generating.

Perhaps it's a generational thing, but I grew up not expecting an inheritance. I believed (and still do) that my parents' greatest gift to me was to help me get through college without a mountain of student loan debt. My education allowed me to get a good job and make my own way in life. And there is a great deal of satisfaction in being able to do that. DH and I feel strongly that our children need to experience that satisfaction for themselves. We will help them (but not fully financially support them) while we are alive, but will definitely NOT be dropping a large inheritance in their lap when we pass. We have had a lot of conversations with them about this, so they know where they stand.

As we approach retirement, we are looking at our projected retirement income and how to best manage taxes. One of the most difficult parts of estate planning (for me, anyway) is deciding what to do with our assets. It would be ideal if we spent our last dollar with our last breath, but it's more likely that we will have a bunch left over. Because we don't want to just leave it to the kids/potential future GKs, we are looking for other places where our assets can make a positive impact. It's hard to find organizations that you can trust to not just squander the $$.

And yes, I appreciate how truly blessed we are to have this first-world problem.

[redcaboose1717]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

MSN.....thanks. I feel the same way about what to do with the assets as you mentioned. Of course the likelihood that we will spend it all prior to passing on isn't likely to happen.
I now wish I had made changes in the inheritance they received when their dad died unexpectedly. I've talked to a few people who have made it so that their children won't receive any inheritance until they are in their late 30's-40's. One gal told me that her kids aren't going to receive anything until they are 50 yrs old!!
It is hard to find organizations that don't squander the $$. I tend to believe if there is a CEO of a charity making the amount like say the Red Cross is, um, sorry, I wouldn't donate to some huge charity like that, etc. As you mentioned it is hard to think about where you might leave some of your assets, and it makes me wonder as well.

[redcaboose1717]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

Lyndaj…..Thank you. I am still reeling from this. I still haven't re-opened my FB account to see if my daughter had msg me to see if she wanted to meet. I hate to say I am worried or afraid (not of her...just that I've just been so shocked over this, I don't know if I'm ready for a possible meeting that won't go well.)
My parents were both diagnosed with cancer, and a lot of their savings went towards their medical bills. From the time I was married at 19 yrs old(almost 20, I turned 20 4 months after we married) not once did I wonder or EXPECT that my parents would or "should" leave me anything. My parents worked hard all their lives, and I was thrilled that my dad (who had been ill when I was younger) and mom were able to work and save money to be able to travel when my parents both first retired. I enjoyed listening to their stories about all their travels and the fun they had.....
THAT was my "inheritance"....seeing my beloved parents so happy and content. My parents were wonderful parents and grandparents. I thought that my DH and I had brought up our kids to be loving and caring. I know that my children are deeply hurt that their dad died so young (he was 48 yrs old) and some of their anger towards me is because I remarried a few years after my first DH's death...(it was several years afterwards...all the children were grown and out of the home by the time I remarried) I know that even though my current husband has never tried to do anything but be nice to the kids, it's a wasted effort.
I just wish that young people would realize that life is short and it's best to try to do your best for and by your extended families.

[Heather]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

Sugar, I think since you messaged your daughter you should read her response, but prepare yourself for the worst. At least then you'll know. And if she changes her tune, were it me I would do my best to get along whilst remaining guarded.
We've one of our own (adult) w/such a inflated sense of entitlement it's appalling. Nothing is ever his fault and the world owes him a lavish existence. Bull poop.

Forgot to add - a trust is an excellent way to protect assets and direct those assets after death.

[JCY]

Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

A trust ~ Absolutely this is the way to go. Since it was a 2nd marriage for us with a blended family, DH & I did a trust many years ago. A trust is well worth the expense to have things protected the way you want them.