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  1. #1
    Machine Stitcher

    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    Default I Need Your Thoughts on This

    HI everyone,
    It makes me sad to post this but I need your thoughts and help on this situation. We have three children who are married and every year for their birthdays we send them a card and a check. The one child/husband always thanks us but the other two and their husbands do not acknowledge the card or gift or even give us a call to say they received it. We send to the grandchildren also and with the exception of one, they do not acknowledge the gift cards and cards that we send either. They are all out of state. We are thinking of discontinuing the check/gifts to the adults and just send a card to them (they are all in their forties). What are your thoughts on this situation and what do you do? Do you have a certain age that you stop sending money to your grown children? Any ideas will be helpful. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Quilting Royalty

    Join Date
    Nov 2016
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I have also been in this position for several years. My son, for the last 5 years, has completely ignored Christmas, my birthday and mothers day even tho I continued to send him a card and $$. So starting in 2019 I did not send him money for birthday( I did send him a silly e-mail card and he picked it up but didn't reply) I'm am going to send a Christmas card but again no $$. He hasn't called me in over a year and in the past asked me not to call him as his wife is jealous and always thinks he is talking to a girlfriend. Starting in 2020 I may stop the cards also. I have taken this position, "If I can't do anything about it I won't worry about it". I find that my life is O.K. without all of the drama.

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  4. #3
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
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    SE KS
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I have the same problem and when I chastised the teen grandchildren on their manners all communication was stopped by the parents. I still send the child who is not an adult a card and a little money since I know she has to do as she's told. The parents and the 20 yr old might get cards or not depending on my mood.
    ATTITUDE IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ORDEAL AND AN ADVENTURE

  5. #4
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Along the Illinois river-Central Illinois
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    3,103
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I let my children know that at age 21 they may or may not get any $$ in their cards.. Grands, I did the same. I've never gotten a thank you from any, but did get a phone call or 2 from My children. The grands, nothing: so I don't feel bad when I "forget" a card.

    After I turned 75 and they lost their father (divorced over 30 years), I've gotten more attention from them. calls, gifts and visits. Time heals a lot of old hurts.. whether they are real or imagined.

  6. #5
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    New Mexico
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I never started that president. I make my kids and my 1 granddaughter things. My oldest doesn't talk to me due to I told her to get a job...I didn't raise kids to live off the state. So I don't get to see my Rosa. I really think people have become more ungrateful with technology. Buy yourself some nice fabric with the money and don't stress. When I feel bad I didn't send anything, I think I have 4 grown children when was the last time I got more than a text for a holiday, birthday or mother's day?

  7. #6
    Prairie Pointer

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    cushing, OK
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    74
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Cut the string & count your losses, explaining you did not raise them to be so disrespectable. It's also called common courtesy!
    You think you have it bad? try having an EX husband kidnap your twin girls at the age of 8, not finding them for 9 years.....
    and they hate YOU because they believed all the lies of me not wanting them anymore. I died the day they were taken.... now
    all I have is nightmares for memories. A person can't make another believe or act the way they should, painful to say the least, but like it or not you have to say NO MORE...
    When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand alone and be counted
    Elanor Roosevelt

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  9. #7
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Spring, TX
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    KTDid, I am so sorry for your loss of your children and pain.

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  11. #8
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Canada
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Kay4- I'm sorry you have to live with this pain and sorrow. My mom (95) had no communication with my brother for over 19 years, since my dad died. Before that for 20+ years, only sporadic communications, never acknowledging birthdays, Mother or Father's Day or family occasions. I know this bothered my parents and attributed this to his wife, but he is a grown man with free will. Mom would send cards and cheques which were never cashed. I stopped sending them years ago, on her behalf. She doesn't have much to give and she has given them so much over the years. Then this January, he and his wife showed up asking for forgiveness. My mom was happy to see them, but no communication since then. I'm not certain, he may have heard that she broke her hip, and that would be her end. Fooled him - she's stronger than than. Perhaps, he thought there would be an inheritance, but the joke is on him, mom has been enjoyed the fruits of my parents' labour, and so it should be.

    I have always sent xmas/year in review newsletter to family and friends. This year I decided he wasn't worth the postal stamp. If this was a friend who treated you in this manner, you would end the relationship. It is heartbreaking I'm sure, but like my mom, she had to learn to grieve the end of that one.

    Enjoy life and do what makes you happy. Everything else will follow.

    Every day I try to do one thing that challenges my comfort zone.

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  13. #9
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Licking, Missouri USA
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    Reading these posts makes me so sad and my heart ache for all of you. Hugs.....

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  15. #10
    Rotary Pro

    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    84
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    Default Re: I Need Your Thoughts on This

    I have had this issue too. Always had family over on Xmas eve. Now that they are working different shifts and some have moved out of the area it is hard to get them all together understandable. I have sent cards with $ and gotten no response. So I now just send cards. If they come to visit they get the $. If that is too much trouble, well more fabric for me ��

  16. Thanks dwil23 thanked for this post

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