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  1. #11
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    I think a person needs to use the same caution they would use when meeting a person for a sale in the likes of say Craigslist. Over the years I've met with people I've come in contact with over the Internet. This goes back into the late 90's. My rule of thumb was pretty much first email contacts, then phone contacts and then they also had to have met someone in person from the Group I was active in. Even with that you can still make mistakes although it is less likely.

    I think many of us have noticed that lying seems to be more common then years ago and frankly I'm quite shocked to see just how common place it is. It was not all that uncommon to finally realize that people also do seem to create "persona's" for their Internet experiences. Some people are very very good at that and you'd be surprised the lengths to which they will go to become who they want. This is not all that uncommon in places like Facebook. I've known several people who had their information taken to create a false FB page including the use of their photos. While you don't hear of it all that often now, stalking was also a more known concern.

    Another trend I see for concern, although I'm sure it's always been the case, is that, yes, bad people do target those who they find are nice people. They don't think like you and me, they see "nice" people as easy targets and gullible. These people are very,very good liars, they are also excellent manipulators. I know because some, certain types, sat across the desk from me and it was my job. You just need to know this, you can always be friendly and still not put yourself in jeopardy.

    I love this group, I was shocked at the number of really nice people who congregate here. I consider that a rare thing on the Internet. Even so, I'm very careful of the information I put in a forum. I still don't use my real name or any identifying information, it's too easy for the outside world to access forum information.

    Sorry, I don't mean to scare anyone but really......

    Terry, I really need to say this because I think you are a lovely person. If I didn't "know" you for a while now, based on your postings and I was just a browser, I'd think of you as a fairly wealthy person, with means, you have a charitable soul and speak in an unassuming way, you appear outgoing. As a "nice" person I could see me wanting you as a friend but also as a "bad" person I could easily see you as a target. Years ago I came to the conclusion that I had many friendly acquaintances in my life but I would consider myself to be most fortunate to call even 5 people over a life time as true friends. I'm up to 4 at this point :-) If she wanted to donate a quilt to your cause that easily could have been done without searching you on the net for more information. As far as I can see the only thing she can do is to gather more info about you then she has already seen out there. Obviously she has already alerted your alert buttons, why walk further down that path of woulda, coulda, shoulda. :-)

    Women are Angels.
    When someone
    break's our wings
    we will continue to
    fly...usually on a
    broomstick.
    We're flexible like that.
    - embroitique

  2. Thanks cv quilter, Caroline T., grammaterry thanked for this post
  3. #12
    Applique Angel

    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Willamette Valley, Oregon
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    What comes to mind for me is, why didn’t she make a profile and send you a pm if she wanted to contact you?
    Pam

  4. Thanks Kgrammiecaz, Caroline T., grammaterry thanked for this post
  5. #13
    4 Patch Pro

    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    USA - central NY State
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    After reading your post this a.m., I've been thinking about it. I have met at least four ladies on two different quilting forums that I consider my closest and dearest of friends. Have also met three out of four of them face-to-face. You just know when a friendship clicks but you still have be cognitive of the warning signs. Why has this person just lurked and not bothered to join - doesn't want any accountability perhaps)? At the very least, could join, introduce and then determine how much they want to be involved. At that time, they could send you a personal message, but to troll you, get your phone number and call out of the blue - that just isn't the least bit appropriate and more than a bit creepy. Lousy tactics in general. The internet is the very thing that lets us meet folks that would never cross our paths otherwise but it can be a double edge sword. If you told the person you weren't feeling comfortable about the way this came about, they should understand completely. If they keep pushing and perhaps trying to coerce you, be concerned. Please, please be careful.

  6. Thanks Caroline T., grammaterry thanked for this post
  7. #14
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Jun 2016
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    Puyallup, Washington
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    Quote Originally Posted by grammaterry View Post
    I have (by this persons invitation) googled her and all the info that I was given is there.
    Keep in mind, anyone can google information on a person, then pass that info off as their own.

    I hate to say this, but as I reread this thread, my radar is pinging. I'm not by nature a distrusting person, but something doesn't seem right.

    Do be careful if you decide to meet this person, and as Granny Fran suggested, make sure your home is occupied while you are at lunch, and if you can make lunch a threesome, invite a friend to join you also or have lunch at your old place where they know you well!

    (hhmm, I wonder if this person is reading this thread?)

  8. Thanks grammaterry, bubba thanked for this post
  9. #15
    Missouri Star

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    Dec 2015
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    Well, Carlie, I am amazed that I came across as fairly wealthy...so far from it. I guess charity makes us all wealthy...right. We heat our house with wood, we do the chopping , and stacking and cutting. A luxury would be whole house heating. But, I'm not complaining. I've not been hungry since I left my parents home. I became smart enough to think ahead. But, yes, I cansee how people could prey on others and Yes, I will put up my hackles and be really alert. I intend to let this woman know that this is an uncomfortable place for me because of the method she used to contact me and therefore, will be taking the acquaintance slowly.

    I too feel that finding a good friend is a difficult task. I have had three in my lifetime . We live across country from each other now so not much contact anymore. I know a lot of people but haven't had the friendship click happen now for a long time. Maybe I'm more picky than I used to be or maybe my definition of a friend is difficult for anyone to measure up to.

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  11. #16
    Missouri Star

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    Oct 2013
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    Wealthy is a relative term Terry LOL. As beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know you are not "wealthy" but I said that from the vantage point of someone who would be thinking does this person have something I can find beneficial. Having property, fairly large house etc are part of that when some people make determinations when trolling

    Women are Angels.
    When someone
    break's our wings
    we will continue to
    fly...usually on a
    broomstick.
    We're flexible like that.
    - embroitique

  12. Thanks grammaterry thanked for this post
  13. #17
    Missouri Star

    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    FL
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    I've been thinking about this all morning. It's made me more aware and that's a good thing. Terry, you're such a good soul. I agree that if you meet this person, it be in public and someone should be at your house. It might be over kill, but better safe than sorry.

    It made me think back to the day when we put flowers on the door for mourning, and the news paper put the address of the deceased in the paper and the naughty people would go rob the house while the family was at the funeral. There's so much badness out in the real world.

    Take care, Terry! We don't want anything to happen to you!
    Katrina


    “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
    ― Maya Angelou

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  15. #18
    Missouri Star

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    Oct 2014
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    DeSoto, KS
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    I agree with Carly, and what someone else said "why not joined the forum ". This all doesn't sound right to me at all. Please be careful , and like someone else don't meet her alone take someone with you. I am in general a very trusting person sometimes to a fault, but this just doesn't sound good to me. Please have your guard up.

  16. Thanks grammaterry thanked for this post
  17. #19
    Missouri Star

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    Oct 2013
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    Wisconsin
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    Terry I hope we all didn't scare you half to death! I just read all the new posts that came in, and I have to say we all sound like mothers guarding the baby chick!! I think its kind of sweet how protective we are.

  18. Thanks SuzanneOrleansOntario, grammaterry thanked for this post
  19. #20
    Missouri Star

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    Mar 2012
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    Massachusetts
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    Default Re: Lets talk about privacy

    Quote Originally Posted by PamelaOry View Post
    What comes to mind for me is, why didn’t she make a profile and send you a pm if she wanted to contact you?
    exactly...a person could join the Forum, never post a single comment, and pm you...no need to Google you, find your contact number and call you.

  20. Thanks grammaterry thanked for this post

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