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  1. #1
    Missouri Star

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    Default Mom's visit from absent son

    Today I visited mom at her nursing home. I had been away the weekend with a girlfriend, so I was anxious to see if her care had improved. Today was a good day; she was dressed and sitting in her chair watching tv.

    She was excited to tell me that she had company on Sunday. My brother and his wife came to visit, hugged my mom and said they were sorry. They updated her on family situations, deaths, and wanted news of everyone. BACKGROUND HISTORY - he's my brother, 5 years older. No other siblings. They haven't been in contact with my mom in almost 19 years, since my dad died. Before that it was sporadic. For reasons I won't spell out, my mom/dad and his wife never saw eye to eye. Now she wants to forgive and forget. I know she lost both her parents & siblings in past few years, and my brother said he now misses my dad. My mom has mourned the loss of that relationship for years, and now it's opening up wounds. I think mom may have learned to hold her tongue, maybe. I am suspicious.

    Oh well I will not stand in his way if he wants to visit. Maybe he thinks there is an estate down the road. He'll be surprised to know my parents' money ran out long ago and I have been paying the freight.

    What do you think?

    Enjoy life and do what makes you happy. Everything else will follow.

    Every day I try to do one thing that challenges my comfort zone.

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  3. #2
    Binding Belle

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    The only actions you can control are your own. Your brother/his wife will have to come to terms to whatever happened and their part in it...... If your Mom is clear headed and it doesn't upset her, let her make the choice on who she wants to come visit. Just my opinion after going through a similar situation.

  4. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    It probably is the money thing they are thinking but then again, maybe they don't want to have regrets. Just try to stay detached from their relationship

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  6. #4
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    Whatever the reason, my thoughts are to let it be as long as it doesn't upset your mom.

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  8. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    No one knows their motives except them. My SIL was estranged from her Mom for 15 years before her Mom (my MIL) died. They never made up, even when MIL was dying in the hospital. I often thought how sad it all was, my MIL was so broken up over it and one little visit would have meant so much. I kept my mouth shut fig it was none of my business. Personally, if it was my own mother, I would not have been able to live with myself turning my back on my Mom on her last days. So my SIL has to live with knowing she didn't reach out. Your brother and SIL may have no ulterior motives (money, inheritance, etc) other than wanting to mend fences while they still can.

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  10. #6
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    I think part of it is guilt, maybe looking for something in the end. As long as it doesn't bother your mom, let it slide, as hard as that might be. Has he reached out to you?
    Blessed are the children of the piecemakers for they shall inherit the quilts!

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  12. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    Let it be as long as it doesn't upset your Mom or set her back in any way. We never truly know another persons motives...time will tell. Family issues are very complex and tangled and charged with emotion...the more neutral you can remain the better.

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  14. #8
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    Suzanne, you have so much going on in your life, and you don't need another worry. I think, like the others, let it go and if/when it interferes with your Mom's well being, then see where it goes. Your brother may very well be having some guilt feelings and want to make things right before it's too late.
    A day patched with quilting Seldom unravels Sharon

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  16. #9
    Applique Angel

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    I would be a bit taken aback too learning of the visit after such a long absence, perhaps they read here, your updates.
    perhaps it was just time to say sorry, and move forward.

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  18. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom's visit from absent son

    Quote Originally Posted by 201 Treadler View Post
    I would be a bit taken aback too learning of the visit after such a long absence, perhaps they read here, your updates.
    perhaps it was just time to say sorry, and move forward.
    I was a bit in shock as well. I don't think they would know I'm on the forum, they didn't even know that I quilted until my mom showed them the quilt I made her.
    All I can say is that it's a long time to wait to say your sorry.

    Enjoy life and do what makes you happy. Everything else will follow.

    Every day I try to do one thing that challenges my comfort zone.

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