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  1. #1
    The Guild President

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    Default Mom forgot who my sister was today

    Hi All,

    It's a sad evening here in NE Ohio...my sister from Texas came up for her annual visit today (she goes home Thursday), and Mom had no idea who she was. (Mom is 88 and has Alzheimer's.) At first we thought she was just confused because E has almost the same haircut I had 10 years ago. Nope. After my sister left for her hotel, I asked Mom who she thought E was. Mom looked at me like I was nuts and said that I knew very well she was "so-and-so's" daughter. I never did find who so-and-so was (maybe someone from Dad's side?).

    Anyway, I had both my sisters crying the kitchen (E and M, M lives with Mom), and poor Mom was completely clueless, and doesn't understand why E is coming over for lunch tomorrow. We finally told her it was because our brother is coming over and she wants to see him. Here's hoping Mom has a better day tomorrow and knows who E is. Mom was so looking forward to her visit; darn that Alzheimer's for not letting her enjoy it.

    And darn that rotten disease for getting us all upset -- I managed not to lose it at Mom's house, but now I have a cake in the oven for our luncheon tomorrow and I can't for life of me remember if I put the oil in or not. Probably not the best night to bake.

    Thanks for letting me vent, and remember to hug those you love every chance you get!

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  3. #2
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    Oh I'm so sorry. Don't ask her questions like do you know who that is. Tell her. My father in law came for thanksgiving one year and sat next to me with a whole house full of family. He said, "I wonder who was responsible for this beautiful meal and I just told him it was me, Hanks Wife. He seemed relieved not to play guessing games.
    My mother is 92 and I call her once a week. Some days we do well on the phone, others not somuch. She needs me to tell her who I am and my relationship ad then we can move on for a few minutes. When the conversation goes full circle the second time, I tell her we don't have anything else to talk about and she agrees....remember...her mind is still in there, it just needs to be nudged and when things get overwhelming it will be harder.
    God bless all of you and I hope for a better day tomorrow. Take some pictures with you and reminince . That is the easiest part for her.

  4. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    It's so hard when you realize your own parent doesn't even know who you are. I feel for your sister and your family. It's not easy and there is no one right way. Remember the old days and focus on things she does remember.

    Hugs for all and prayers for your family.
    Katrina


    “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
    ― Maya Angelou

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  6. #4
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    Julie, so many of us have been down that road. When my Mom was at her best she always told everyone that my little sister was "Mud Ball". Not even close, but we embraced it. Terry gives some great advice.
    Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
    it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

    "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

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  8. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    I was an Alzheimer's research nurse for 8 years. Please know that your mom DOES know your sister...she just can't articulate it. She can get out the daughter part. Always look for that kernel of truth. Don't try to reason or rationalize. Try to minimize her anxiety. People with Alzheimer's don't do well in large groups with folks they haven't seen in awhile...it's just too much over-stimulation. With Alzheimer's the brain cells can't communicate with each other. Their ability to learn new information is greatly diminished...that's why they can't remember what they had for breakfast, but the information that has already been encoded (learned) a long time ago stays intact quite a while.
    I know it's very hard, but don't mourn for what's gone...celebrate what she still has. Humor goes a long way.
    The Alzheimer's Association is a wonderful organization www.alz.org with the latest information and support.
    Last edited by chelea; May 19th, 2018 at 11:32 PM.

  9. #6
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    Hugs to you Julie. This must be so hard.
    "I'm putting together a list of 100 reasons why I am NOT relentless!" - Sue Heck, The Middle

    Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
    Sheldon (intrigued): You have a sarcasm sign?

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  11. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    I am so sorry this is happening in your family. I just can't imagine that. I suppose it is much harder on you, your sisters and brother than it is on your Mom, because she doesn't know what she forgot but you can see the big picture and it kind of breaks your heart. I guess just be thankful you still have her in your life even in her diminished state.

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  13. #8
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    Both of my in-laws had Dementia, MIL had vascular, FIL had Alzheimer's. With both we used to sit down and go through the photo albums. They really appreciated bringing back memories and it lessened the stress when they couldn't remember what happened yesterday. We would also ask them about their youth etc and right up to FIL's passing he still thought he worked, he was 88 years old and had retired at 66!!

    Try not to dwell on the sad times and if you have to keep repeating yourself, well that's what it is. I will say a sense of humour frequently got us all through the day.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  15. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    I never had to go through this with my parents, my dad passed away in '86 and Mom died of cancer. But I did watch my mother-in-law and it was so terribly sad. My husband was always her 'brother' in her eyes.

    Sending prayers to you and your family.
    Blessed are the children of the piecemakers for they shall inherit the quilts!

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  17. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Mom forgot who my sister was today

    My SIL (80) has Alzheimer's as well as other medical problems. She's lived with her dau. since my bro. passed away in 2009. It's getting to be too much caregiving for my niece; she has her mom on a wait list for the local nursing home. I just attended our county's annual caregiver's symposium & attended a class on the stages of Alzheimer's / dementia. If you don't already participate in one, I'd encourage you to find a support group. One of our friends from church -- his wife had to be placed in a memory care unit last year. When he & I talked about it, I learned his wife no longer recognized him. "She just knows me as Bill." It's very sad.

    I haven't had time to verify this info., but I heard recently that people who take Prilosec & other acid reflux meds. may develop dementia after long time use. The acid blocking process affects the body's ability to absorb Vit. B-12 which can affect the mind. I know this lady from my church took Prilosec for years. Whether this was a factor in her case, I have no way of knowing.

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