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  1. #41
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Quote Originally Posted by auntstuff View Post
    Keep being a doormat and it can only get worse.
    This is not supportive or helpful. Let's be good, uplifting friends in her time of need. She doesn't need this here.
    Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne

    Quilting is my passion . . . chocolate is a close second!

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  3. #42
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    I think I understand what Auntstuff was doing. Tough love sometimes seems too strong but it can also let people see their problem in a different light. Being blunt is not always a bad thing.

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  5. #43
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Quote Originally Posted by Suzette View Post
    This is not supportive or helpful. Let's be good, uplifting friends in her time of need. She doesn't need this here.
    Its helpful if it gets her to think about helping herself, which is how its intended. Preaching at each other is even LESS helpful, right?

  6. #44
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Quote Originally Posted by LLLinda View Post
    I think I understand what Auntstuff was doing. Tough love sometimes seems too strong but it can also let people see their problem in a different light. Being blunt is not always a bad thing.
    Thank you for understanding.

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  8. #45
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Lori, I would go see a lawyer and understand my options. Sometimes just doing something like that is all it takes for them to see you are serious. If "he" finds out you saw a lawyer he might change some of his ways a little.
    Might not change much, but if you don't want the D at this time it might change enough to be tolerable
    Dolores

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  10. #46
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    What you are going through is o picnic. But take some time and think of yourself. I was really working on trying to improve things in my marriage, had thought about divorce and then talked myself out of it, etc. Well, was I surprised when he wanted the divorce and filed. In the end, I think it came down to sex and money. He filed then was dragging his feet, and withdrew the filing (long story). I finally couldn't take being in limbo, so I filed. He got way more than I think he deserved. (I was the major breadwinner.) I finally decided, that my relationship with my children was more important than money, and I could always make more money than him. It's been 10 years now, I know that financially I am good (much better than he is), and enjoy retirement, time with kids, etc. He and I have a good relationship now, although we could never be together again. He even came and helped install my gas dryer when I bought a new house last year.

    So, while this is a decision that only you can make, you have received free advice from many, have the option to ignore or use parts of any of it. Speaking with a local lawyer to understand your specifics, would help you in making decisions. Take your time as it is a big decision. I don't know how old your children are, but they too will survive, especially if they have survived him living in the tent. Good luck.

  11. #47
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    First thing is, that I never asked for advice. It started out just being an update. Being called a doormat is a little harsh, but what can you do. That's why I don't share too much.

    Karen my step kids are in their thirties and my own are 24 and 25. Dh does help when I have car trouble, but right now he can hardly walk.



    Lorie

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  13. #48
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    So sorry if advice offered was not wanted........was made with the best of intentions! Hope you are doing well!!!

  14. #49
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Quote Originally Posted by Doloris View Post
    Lori, I would go see a lawyer and understand my options. Sometimes just doing something like that is all it takes for them to see you are serious. If "he" finds out you saw a lawyer he might change some of his ways a little.
    Might not change much, but if you don't want the D at this time it might change enough to be tolerable
    After years of supporting my SIL with hugs, understanding and gentle advice after her DH left her I finally gave her auntstuff's advice. She did find out what her options were but didn't go further . He divorced her and left her almost nothing it finally sunk in but it was too late.
    MissMay AKA May in Jersey

  15. #50
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Well he finally did it

    Quote Originally Posted by MaggieSue View Post
    So sorry if advice offered was not wanted........was made with the best of intentions! Hope you are doing well!!!
    I appreciate all the advice! up until the point of being called names. It's almost like being called stupid. I own a house in Calif that he can't touch. I think I'm pretty smart. Please no lawyer advice on that. lol



    Lorie

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