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  1. #1
    The Guild President

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    Default A lesson to be learned

    Thursday I will say a final goodbye to the love of my life. It has been a very difficult journey to this point for both him and me. He had been in the hospital since March 1 (5 days in ICU, 6 days in a regular room and then the rest of the time till March 23 in ICU again). All the arrangements have been made; my older son and family arrive today; my other son and daughter live locally; my SIL left Sunday b/c she did not feel she could get through the funeral for her brother. The funeral guy called yesterday and asked if I would like to spend some alone time with DH today. I am not sure I can do that but I will try at 1 p.m. today. Everything has been very difficult. Everybody calls, or stops by, to see how I am doing. I don't want to sound uncaring, but sometimes I just want to be alone.

    Yesterday, I couldn't find the check I had written for the car insurance. I knew I had seen it on the kitchen table, but it wasn't there. Through tears of fear of not knowing what I would do if I could not find it, I looked through everything in the kitchen a couple of times - even emptied the trash can - nothing. Then I spied a pile of stuff on the dining room table and there it was. I had moved it when my SIL and I were going to eat supper on Saturday. I know that things like this will happen again as I take on things my husband did, but I also know I am a strong woman and I will get through this and hopefully, after everyone has left, I can start carving out what will be my new "normal" for my life.

    One thing I have learned, realized, whatever you want to call it, and I have told my children this. Make sure that you tell your husband, wife, significant other, that you love them every single day and give them a kiss every single day - even if it is only a peck on the cheek or on the top of the head. Ever since we both retired, we became "comfortable" being around the house all day with each other and tended to take each other for granted. Now, I do not have him anymore. In the hospital, I told him I loved him and kissed his hand constantly (it was the only place I could reach on him most of the time). One night, I was able to kiss his cheek and, even though the breathing tube was still in his mouth, I saw him pucker up a little and was able to kiss his lips. It meant the world to me and I will cherish that moment the rest of my days.

    Once again, I can't thank you all enough for all the compassion, thoughts, prayers for my husband, family and myself. It has been a lifesaver for me in the darkest moments of the past few weeks. You are truly great friends and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Nancy
    Last edited by BethB; March 27th, 2018 at 09:45 AM.

  2. #2
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Nancy, prayers and good thoughts to you and your family. I can't imagine what you are going through, but you do sound like a strong woman and I admire your courage. God Bless you.
    A day patched with quilting Seldom unravels Sharon

  3. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Nancy, I'm so glad you had time with your dearest husband.

    I didn't have that luxury. Howard was able to get on the gurney and the last I saw him was when he was in the ambulance. I begged to see him and talk to him when they told me he was being so difficult in the Cath Lab, but they wouldn't let me go back. I wanted to see him in ICU, but they wouldn't let me see him. It still bothers me that I never had those last precious moments with him.

    There will be lots of moments where you know you've taken care of something and then can't find it. My dining room table was stacks and stacks for weeks. Then that moment of panic when you know you've done something, and it's lost in the paperwork. I went through everything over and over while I tried to get a handle on things. Howard did all of the bills. He didn't even want me to write a check if it wasn't necessary and heaven forbid if I wrote anything in the register. lol, his quirks left me in the dark about a lot of things (which probably would have caused friction if I'd known about them).

    One thing that I did that may help, I started a notebook and kept a log of what I did. I dated it in the margin, then who I called and on the next line what was discussed. It really helped me keep my head. Put the name of who you talked to, the phone number, etc. that way everything will be in one central location and if you have to call that company back, you'll have all that information at your finger tips.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
    Katrina


    “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
    ― Maya Angelou

  4. #4
    Rotary Pro

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    I am so sorry for your loss, Nancy. Thank you for reminding us to keep our loved ones close. I'm praying for peace and comfort for you and your family... Kay

  5. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Bless your heart Nancy. We all forget...but you are under such stress right now, you must just relax and forget the trivial stuff. I know how you feel about being tired of company and you must just tell them you need alone time and you will call when you are ready to have company. Don't feel guilty about that. You probably just want to take stock of your situation and recoup. We love you and pray for your swift recovery.

  6. #6
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Nancy, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and good thoughts. Thanks for reminding us, you're so right.

  7. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Still praying for you Nancy. You will go through some tough times, but as you mentioned you are strong and will get through it. Katrina had some good advice about keeping notes in a notebook until you get your routine. Take your time and don't try to do everything at once. When you think of something that needs to be done, write it down then you can mark it off once you get to it. I am a list girl. It helps me prioritize.

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  9. #8
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    So sorry for your loss, prayers for all!!!!

  10. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Nancy - Please understand the calls and visits are well intentioned and meant to support you. Also understand that you can let the calls go to voice mail or hang a Please Do Not Disturb Sign on the door But please keep in contact with those who have offered you help ... you may need to count on them to help you climb out of the valley you are in now.

    You, Katrina and I have all recently gone through this type of loss ~ and are handling it in our own ways. You will find your path. And I agree that being a member of this forum has brought each one of us a sense of unconditional support. Know my heart is with you.

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  12. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: A lesson to be learned

    Nancy, the days and weeks ahead will not be easy but know that we are all here for you. Thoughts and prayers are with you at this most difficult time. May your memories help you through them.
    Blessed are the children of the piecemakers for they shall inherit the quilts!

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