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  1. #11
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    So glad she is on the mend!! I sure hope you all can get it figured out. Explain that it is just too much stress and worry for their kids and you would all be must less stressed if you knew they were properly cared for. Might help them accept it?

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  3. #12
    The Guild President

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    Jul 2015
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    I'm glad your Mom is feeling better. Prayers will continue for all your family.

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  5. #13
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    Quote Originally Posted by songbird857 View Post
    First of all, thank you all for your support and prayers - they are really appreciated.

    My mom is doing much better. I spoke with her yesterday, and she sounds more like herself. I think her speech is back to normal.
    She did have a stroke, along with a UTI, and the blood clots in both legs (whew, that's alot!!). They have her on blood thinners, and things seem to be under control. What all of this DID bring about was a chance to not only evaluate my mom, but also how my dad is getting along at home. My sister and I feel that even moving to a one floor unit will not be enough at this point. So we're going to probably have to have the 'nursing home' discussion soon for both of them (yikes...). They both have so many medical needs; it's not really an option to have them move in with any of the kids. The three of us that could actually consider that (as far as accommodating them); we all live at least 1.5 hours from Boston - not feasible or kind to uproot them and make them find all new doctors at this stage.
    For the time being, I'll be heading to Boston again on Saturday to check in on both of them. My sister who lives just a few minutes away from them has been checking in on dad daily, and he's a bit better since my mom is feeling better - he misses her so much, and is just not up to going to the hospital to see her.
    We'll sort all of it out...
    I'll keep y'all posted - and thank you again - love you all
    I don't think I saw your initial post about your mom and dad's situation, but now that I have, how stressful for all concerned and of course warm thoughts and prayers for your parents' improvement.

    A few ideas to pursue as you and your sister try to plan - I write as a retired nurse practitioner, so I have the perspective of dealing with these issues professionally for many years, as well as the perspective of a daughter whose late mother ended up in much the same difficulty with hoarding. First, given that your mother had a UTI as well as a stroke, her thinking and expressive aphasia might improve a bit as she convalesces. UTIs cause confusion in older people too. Second, given your parents' living situation, please try to enlist the help of her caregivers in supporting you and your sister's assessment of their self-care ability. And do try to speak with the social worker assigned to her care, or get one assigned to her through the nursing staff. They will be very aware of the resources in your community to support your parents in independent living. There may be enough supportive services they qualify for as low income older adults that they will be able to stay out of a nursing home. Definitely do not make snap judgements because you don't want them in a nursing home if they don't have to be. And don't waste time and energy calling around trying to find out what your parents can receive to help them. The social workers knows. Passport Services may be available in your area, and your parents will probably qualify since they already qualify for low income housing. The worker will have to do an assessment and get the paperwork for Passport going - not lengthy, but essential. These services are designed to keep older adults who need help in their homes as long as possible. And they are designed for low income elders. Your parents may also need a visiting nurse service to supervise your mother for her anticoagulant therapy. This should be a covered service, and a visiting nurse is an expert on keeping people functioning in their home, as well as having ambulatory social workers associated with them. It sounds like your parents need that. You and your sister have a lot of work ahead of you. In my own situation, once my mother became overwhelmed she let me clean out her house (o.m.g.) and she was actually relieved. Good luck!

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  7. #14
    Missouri Star

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    Feb 2015
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    FL
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    So glad to hear she's feeling better. Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
    Katrina


    “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
    ― Maya Angelou

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  9. #15
    Missouri Star

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    Jan 2011
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    St. Louis Missouri
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    Glad your Mom is diagnosed and doing better. It is surely a testament to their love that your Dad misses her so much, but also very sad to see him so sad and worried. Hopefully she will be home soon and you will sort out the best options for them.

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  11. #16
    Missouri Star

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    Oct 2012
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    IL
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    Glad to hear things are somewhat better! The UTI can definitely cause lots of confusion, etc.

    If things don't improve to the point that they can stay where they are, there are other options, such as assisted or independent living. Have been through this with my MIL and my parents - all are gone now, but I still remember the stress of the changes for everyone.

    Please take time for yourself during all of this, if you don't, you can't take care of them. You need to find ways to de-stress and change your focus (sewing is great!) even if just for a few minutes at a time - a quick prayer, walk around the block, etc.

    Happy to chat via pm or phone. I know how scary all of this is and sometimes just expressing what is going on to an outsider you can get a better perspective. Sometimes the family dynamics (even if they are always good) can cause issues. I am the 3rd out of 4, but I am the oldest daugher, so I did the majority of running, decision making, convincing the parents they needed more help etc.

    Hugs and prayers for all of you.
    Lisa

    M*QC forum is full of the best people!

    I'm not just buying fabric, I am supporting the economy...

    A bad day in the sewing room is better than a good day at the office.

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  13. #17
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    It's hard on a person of any age to recover from multiple medical problems ... glad to hear she is progressing in her recovery.

    Lots of good advice ... you will know what is best route to take. My mom also had multiple problems but made me promise to never, ever put her in a nursing home. She did agree to go to a rehab facility. And would have contemplated going to an assisted living facility. You have to remember that their generation grew up with the notion that nursing homes were akin to prisons where you went to die. Silly in today's world ... but something they may fear. And giving up possessions is giving up on living ...

    Possibly approaching them with the idea that certain family members need something that your parents don't use (ie, some of the hoarded items) and wouldn't it be nice if they could support them and share what they have. Yes, it's a ruse - but it's an approach that is more positive than them having to "get rid" of stuff. Senior psychology is the key to maintaining a good relationship without making them feel bad about getting old.

    Best wishes to you ... it's a tricky path ... but can be done with a lot of patience. Been there; done that.

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  15. #18
    Missouri Star

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    Jun 2013
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    grafton,ma
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    Glad to hear your parents are doing better and that the dr's found the problem with your Mom.I will keep you and family in my prayers because you have some hard choices to make.
    Joan

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  17. #19
    Applique Angel

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    Oct 2015
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    North Augusta, ON Canada
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    Prayers continue for you and your family. These decisions are not easy and I know what you are going through. I pray that you have the strength and guidance needed.
    Peggiep
    "I don't need to get organized, I just need a bigger sewing room."

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  19. #20
    Missouri Star

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    Mar 2012
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    Just outside of St. Louis in rural Missouri
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    Default Re: Update on my mom...

    So happy to hear she is doing much better. Great advice has been given here, though I do believe Midge has the best perspective and advice. Going in to a nursing home isn't always the best, if there are other available options...especially for low income seniors.
    Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love

    Marilyn......

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