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  1. #1
    The Guild President

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    Default Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Let me preface this by saying, I am ok, so no need to send your prayers.

    So, awhile back some of you may remember that I was trying desperately to get a quilt ready for my MIL who was dying. Well, she passed without my getting the finished quilt to her. It was at the long arm quilter and actually still is as I write this.

    At any rate, I was able to take the quilt top in to show her when she was in a good place and being the quilter that she was, she turned it over to look at my seams. ****!

    So, the day before she passed, she asked my SIL to tell me that she wanted the quilt to go to her. Sigh. Let me explain. My SIL is a bit of a self serving person and everything is hers. I had decided before this that if she were to pass before the quilt was done, that we were keeping it for 2 reasons. 1. I am in effect giving it to her son instead. 2. Quite honestly, in my 14 years of quilting, this is the first quilt that I can say that I am proud of.

    So here I am feeling guilty that I'm not giving it to the sister. Instead, I have decided to make her a one block wonder quilt (to be started shortly and she has no idea about) and will have it quilted in a similar way including mom's favourite phrase "Motor on."

    Thoughts?

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  3. #2
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Follow your heart, with no guilt. You're the one gifting not you SIL. If she doesn't like it .... What's it to her. If she wants a quilt, she can make it herself (she doesn't have to know you're making her one). You're generous in making her one anyway. Hope you have peace with your decision. Whatever it is - stick to it! My humble option.

  4. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    I think you have the right to decide who now gets the quilt. If you didn't hear the request, was it true? I have people in my life that have done similar things so I am skeptical. You are willing to make her a special quilt just for her and that should suffice. The quilting message will add special memories for her, too. Don't feel guilty as you are honoring your hubby, her son in this special way. You can't make everyone happy, but as the creator of the quilt, you should get to have your heart sing by blessing whomever you chose.

  5. #4
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Don't feel guilty. It's still yours since it never got into someone else's hands. If she says mom said it's mine just say sorry but that's not what we/ I agreed to. I wouldn't make her a quilt out of some unfounded guilt either. Stick to your heart like Star lover said.



    Lorie

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  7. #5
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hulamoon View Post
    Don't feel guilty. It's still yours since it never got into someone else's hands. If she says mom said it's mine just say sorry but that's not what we/ I agreed to. I wouldn't make her a quilt out of some unfounded guilt either. Stick to your heart like Star lover said.
    I already apologized, but I still keep feeling guilty about it. I had decided last year, before all of this happened, to make both MIL and SIL a quilt, so I'm not making it out of guilt. Besides, I already bought the fabric.

    And Suzy, you could be totally right. I wasn't there when my MIL supposedly told my SIL. As I said, she is and has always been a self serving individual, and this has always been my issue.

  8. #6
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    I think your reasons for keeping the quilt are valid. And I think you found the perfect solution by making another special quilt for your SIL. You are handling this beautifully. I would feel no guilt at all.
    Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne

    Quilting is my passion . . . chocolate is a close second!

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  10. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Follow your heart with no guilt. The quilt didn't belong to your MIL and it certainly shouldn't go to your SIL unless your heart tells you to give it to her.

    I made my MIL a Guilt Quilt. It was a pretty Orange Peel in her favorite color (blue) with scalloped borders. It was awkward giving it to her and she refused to thank me for it. Later she made a point of telling me she put it in the attic. Recently I found out that the quilt was donated to Goodwill. I hope the person who bought/buys it will love it and enjoy using it.

    I never felt happy in my heart to be making her a quilt and now I wish I had listened to my heart. Life is a journey and we must all find our own way....HUGS to you.
    Last edited by Bubby; March 17th, 2017 at 10:38 AM.

  11. #8
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    I agree with everything! Why would the subject of the quilt even come up with the mil if it weren't in the room! Will is manipulating you

  12. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubby View Post
    I made my MIL a Guilt Quilt. It was a pretty Orange Peel in her favorite color (blue) with scalloped borders. It was awkward giving it to her and she refused to thank me for it. Later she made a point of telling me she put it in the attic. Recently I found out that the quilt was donated to Goodwill. I hope the person who bought/buys it will love it and enjoy using it.

    I never felt happy in my heart to be making her a quilt and now I wish I had listened to my heart. Life is a journey and we must all find our own way....HUGS to you.
    Wow, kinda hit home. My MIL always made over my quilts. But it never sounded genuine. But many years ago, trying to please her, I gave her a queen size navy and white double Irish chain that I had won a blue ribbon in the MI state fair (ribbon was for the hand quilting). She did say thank you, but I never saw the quilt, ever. It really bothered me, so I told her I would give her $500 for the quilt. She ran, got it (stuffed in a closet), and I paid her. Whew, saved.
    Later I learned that my FIL inherited a quilt made by a gg grandmother (not sure of how many g's) made during the civil war. They inherited a bunch of stuff included an old, old trunk. Well she griped all the way back from Georgia to KY that somewhere along the way he stopped the car and threw everything off a cliff. Except the quilt, it was under the luggage. Once home she threw it in the garage, uncovered, uncared for. My BIL came by and she grabbed it to throw it into the trash. He grabbed it from her and rescued it! He has since given it to me! Whew, saved. Still not sure of the age, family stories have a way of morphing. But at least both these quilts are loved and cared for now. Ya just never know. I'd felt sooo much better if I had never given it to her. It always nagged at my heart.

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  14. #10
    Batting Beauty

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    Default Re: Feeling Guilty. Should I?

    I have to admit, both Lyndaj and Star lover's stories just tore at my heart. I didn't always understand my MiL, but she always cherished the things I made her. In fact, I used to wish she'd use them more and not just keep them for display. So I could make her new ones LOL.

    Sometimes people are either living from a very wounded place in their own minds and hearts or are just mean spirited. Bless you both for trying to connect with the difficult people in your lives. No guilt, just love for your own heart's sake.

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