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  1. #11
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    I find it ironic that every time I come to 'chit chat' this evening that this thread is right next to one about wanting to strangle someone!!

    I do find SO MANY lovely people here to be tolerant, patient, forgiving, and kind. That's what makes this a fantastic forum. However, as I said earlier it's a matter of perspective. I appreciate what Shirkey is trying to say, and it has validity.

    There was recently a post about hanging a sign in a booth about giving unattended children espresso and kittens. As a parent in this generation I found the entire thread offensive, not just the original poster but the bandwagon assault on the failings of my generation. I almost left the forum entirely because of it, when someone stood up for parents of kids with special needs they all backed down, but what about other situations that people know nothing about? It is a harsh world sometimes though, and I figure someone has to float around to show that not all of us are worthless. It's all a matter of perspective though, because until someone piped up the thread was pretty much cheering on the post and trash talking about an entire generation. It must have felt good for everyone to rally around their mutual disappointment in the state of the world today, because of course, they weren't the ones they were ripping to shreds.

    Perspective matters. Honesty is important, so is the ability to walk away. I'm glad people feel safe here and share, I just know more now, from a negative experience, that not every forum member is alike. So, even though the attitudes are overwhelmingly positive and supportive, I tread with more caution than before.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Even children with special needs can be handled in such a way as to create less distress for those around them. Special needs does not give you a free pass on manners. And considering the lack of manners in a good many of todays children (and adults, for that matter), the sign was very likely appropriate. I have some female kittens to donate to the cause.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Quote Originally Posted by Carrie J View Post
    I am always amazed at how a "word" can morph into another entirely different meaning. To me, negativity is pretty well surmised in this fashion.....

    Negativity is a tendency to be downbeat, disagreeable, and skeptical. It's a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst.

    What I seek ( and can and is construed to be negative) is honest hard core truth, interject constructive criticism here. Being mean spirited (add that to the above definition) well....... therein lies the vast difference. I genuinely appreciate constructive criticism, mean spirited harpy-like opinions for the sake of a cheap thrill on someone's part, is truly objectionable. Much of which was/is exhibited on FB and other social media. The typewritten word is easily misconstrued, and it is up to the individual to interpret and not necessarily have a "knee jerk" reaction to. How often, as human beings, do we knee jerk? Quite often as a matter of fact! It's how we, the human animal, is built! Humor though, is the antidote, one emotion that should be practiced more religiously.
    Great distinction! Negativity and mean spirited are quite different than constructive criticism. Thanks! I think we have all benefited from an occasional rant, or complaining about something we are frustrated with. And when we ask for opinion, we should expect to get it, even some that are not positive.
    ~Louise

    What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
    George Eliot

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Lou, I have always held issue with generalizations. I know most people don't say something and mean it to cover every person that falls into that category, but it happens and annoys the heck out of me, always has.
    K is for Karen .....................Cremation - My last hope for a smokin' hot body.

    Before you speak,
    T - is it TRUE?
    H - is it HELPFUL?
    I - is it INSPIRING?
    N - is it NECESSARY?
    K - is it KIND?


    Check my User Notes.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    I do not think negativity and constructive criticism are the same thing. Negativity is just that - a negative statement about the current topic. Constructive criticism should show respect to the receiver while at the same time explaining what the giver thinks would cause an improvement.

    Negative comments often state what the giver thinks is wrong, usually without any suggestions for improvement. Negative comments also are often disparaging remarks to an individual, rather than to the idea/project/discussion. (I.E. "That is a stupid thing to do.""Who would ever do such a thing?" "Why would you do that?")

    Construction criticism, showing respect to the individual, will have statements such as...."my opinion is....", "I would do it this way....", "This is what it seems like to me....", even just an "I think" and often asks for more information before giving a critique. Constructive criticism does not attack the receiver in any way. A person giving constructive criticism takes responsibility for THEIR opinion, a person giving just a negative comment seems to want to either berate the receiver, or make themselves feel better by putting someone else down (or both).

    While a negative comment may also be a honest comment, how the giver sends the comment is important. Do you want your comment to be considered? Then you should be respectful. If you don't care how it is received, and just want to send the comment for some reason that is important to you, and no one else, then be disrespectful.

    I don't think there is any reason in the world why we cannot deliver constructive criticism in a way that is respectful.
    If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you.- Zig Ziglar

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Quote Originally Posted by RockinLou View Post
    I find it ironic that every time I come to 'chit chat' this evening that this thread is right next to one about wanting to strangle someone!!

    I do find SO MANY lovely people here to be tolerant, patient, forgiving, and kind. That's what makes this a fantastic forum. However, as I said earlier it's a matter of perspective. I appreciate what Shirkey is trying to say, and it has validity.

    There was recently a post about hanging a sign in a booth about giving unattended children espresso and kittens. As a parent in this generation I found the entire thread offensive, not just the original poster but the bandwagon assault on the failings of my generation. I almost left the forum entirely because of it, when someone stood up for parents of kids with special needs they all backed down, but what about other situations that people know nothing about? It is a harsh world sometimes though, and I figure someone has to float around to show that not all of us are worthless. It's all a matter of perspective though, because until someone piped up the thread was pretty much cheering on the post and trash talking about an entire generation. It must have felt good for everyone to rally around their mutual disappointment in the state of the world today, because of course, they weren't the ones they were ripping to shreds.

    Perspective matters. Honesty is important, so is the ability to walk away. I'm glad people feel safe here and share, I just know more now, from a negative experience, that not every forum member is alike. So, even though the attitudes are overwhelmingly positive and supportive, I tread with more caution than before.
    FOREVER one generation has accused the next of having no manners. "Kids these days..." wasn't made up recently. My grandparents (who were born at the turn of the last century) used to tell me that in the 20s they heard it, then they said it! I do have concerns about parenting, but generally take it all with a grain of salt when it isn't said to me.

    Years ago I worked as an administrator at a public school district office. After about a year of working on a project that started with 10 teachers, expanded to 30, then to 100 as a pilot, one of the hundred stood up in a public meeting and soundly criticized the project. She had six pages of complaints. This was addressed to me as the project leader and read in front of the district leadership and some board members. I listened and then said, "Thank you for the feedback. Do you have some guidance for those of us working on the project to address those concerns? How should we fix it?" She had little to say. In other words, she had complaints, but no solutions or suggestions. That is not helpful. Constructive criticism leads to solutions. Later she came up and told me she hoped she hadn't hurt my feelings. I replied that I was fulfilling a work assignment and her criticism wouldn't hurt my feeling. If she had called my children names, well then I would have been hurt. It is very difficult to hear that you are a bad parent when it is the most important work we have. That said, some parents (not just these days, but in all days) do not give it the time and effort needed for children to grow into kind people. This is unfortunate. But even in these circumstances, there is no reason to be mean spirited.
    ~Louise

    What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
    George Eliot

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Louise,

    I love that this post has us thinking about how and why we communicate, an important thing to consider when using a text based media that strips us of our tone of voice and body language. Though not what you intended, this is a valuable conversation. Thank you.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia H View Post

    While a negative comment may also be a honest comment, how the giver sends the comment is important. Do you want your comment to be considered? Then you should be respectful. If you don't care how it is received, and just want to send the comment for some reason that is important to you, and no one else, then be disrespectful.

    I don't think there is any reason in the world why we cannot deliver constructive criticism in a way that is respectful.
    I couldn't have said this in a better way
    My blog (when I will be able to keep it updated): http://juliasdreamabout.blogspot.it/

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  9. #19
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    Getting back to part of the beginning of this topic, was the way Jenny was attacked on FB, because of her tutorial, and was being called a thief at best. I was proud of all of those that came to her defense, me being one of them. Any one that has been here long enough, knows that I am not always the most tactful member of the forum. That being said, I do try to watch what I say....but there are times that the rudeness, and yes, ignorance of others just gets to me, and needs to be called out. I think for the most part, the membership of this amazing forum are genuinely kind, and helpful. There are also a few that I just choose to ignore in order to keep the peace. (I have had more than my share of threads locked, lol) ( I am also, currently not on any steroids) I have to conscientiously make an effort to read what I write before I hit that button. If more people did that, there would be less hurt feelings. BTW, those of us that are old enough to remember when manners were a priority, should also know better than to pick on an entire generation, because lets face it....we weren't all saints either.
    Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love

    Marilyn......

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Thoughts on Negativity

    It just goes to show how quick access to information is taken for granted by many people in today's world. I feel so lucky to have all of this info. at my fingertips. I would never make a negative comment to anyone's tutorial. To take the time and the effort to present an idea is commendable. I know many do this stuff hoping to make some money off the advertisers but that's okay. I'm benefitting from their efforts no matter what their motivation. I agree! If you don't like what your viewing, delete it. Don't sit there spending time being critical of others.
    Last edited by rebeccas-sewing; May 18th, 2015 at 05:14 AM.
    Goodbye Europe! Hello California! Home sweet home.

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