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  1. #1
    The Guild President

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    Default Im a failure as a parent

    Well once again DRAMA, my youngest son was arrested tonight for domestic assault. Josh has a temper and is a hot head, he and his wife got into a argument because he dont trust her,she got out of the truck to walk home,they were on a dark road on the outskirts of town he grabbed her arm to stop her from walking,somebody saw and called it in. Well sshe told me that they fought and she shoved him 1st etc ,anyway her story matches his BUT hes the one sitting in jail. Im so so upset we have tried and tried talking to josh but he never listens,he called me crying begging us to bail him out,,,,,,,we have decided not to. My heart is breaking I know hes gonna say we dont love him and that we let him rot in jail. But I cant continue to help this child when he refuses to take or even listen to our advice he just keeps messing up. We dont have a lot of money and would have to break the bank to pay the bail Im so tired I feel like such a piece of sh*#!!!! Im so tired of never having peace ,happiness I dont enjoy life I dont see the stinkin point!
    I blame myself maybe its wrong but I cant help it. I see people enjoying their life their kids are a success and mine is a huge pain in the butt!! I MUST have done something wrong . Anyway thanks for reading rant over

  2. #2
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Hi
    I'm sorry you're going through this right now. your son is responsible for his own actions. You are not a terrible mother or person . those are the things he's going to say to guilt you into getting him out of jail,but getting him out doesn't teach him to keep his hands to himself.(whether he started the problem or not) I had a brother that was a drug addict and my parents spent a fortune also bailing him out of jail. bailing him never changed his behavior,so finally after my mother died I actually had to talk my father into letting him stay in jail.My brother would not have been in jail if he had only showed up when he was supposed to anyway.You are not responsible for your son's behavior he is an adult and he is the only one that is responsible now.my brother sat in jail for 6 mos. that def. changed him and he came out of jail clean and sober.It's hard to let him be a adult but he needs to realize that you can't and won't save him from his own bad decisions.
    Joan

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  4. #3
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I hope you see all of this in a different light in the morning.
    Joan

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  6. #4
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    PLEASE DON'T FEEL THAT WAY! I wish I had further words of wisdom for you ... but this is beyond your control. Personally, I think you are right in making the decision to let him be responsible for his actions. Maybe this is the incentive he needs to reflect on the way he reacts.

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  8. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I wish I was there to give you a hug. Tough love is exactly that, very tough. We provided for them as they grew into adults. From there we need to let them make their mistakes and suffer the consequenses of those mistakes. From time to time we may shelter them from something, but we can only do that so many times.

    The day will come that he will appreciate you and understand that it was himself that put him where he is. He will also understand that you love him and are doing what you feel is the best thing for him.

    Talk here anytime. We are here for you.
    Karen
    Life is short - live it up while you can

  9. #6
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I agree but my head and my momma heart are in a huge battle I KNOW i need to walk away but its killin me I dont know how where or when I failed him but GOD why dont he listen to me THATS what makes me feel i have failed smh I just dont know anymore

  10. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I tell my kids "I DON'T DO BAIL". My exSIL got into so many situations where he needed to be bailed out, my DD used the rent money and any money she earned to bail him out. (Lost the house as a result). When he was arrested for being part of a major drug ring and the bail was really high, she asked me to bail him out. No, I wasn't going to do it.

    You need to stay strong on this, you made the right decision that will teach him the life's lesson he needs to learn, "be responsible as an adult for your actions and pay the consequences". I'm sure you are hurting big time right now, and this will be hard to listen to his pleas and guilt trip laid on you, but stay strong, my dear. We're behind you supporting the decision you made, which is the right decision.

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  12. #8
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I would just like you to know you are not alone. As you can see from the other posts many families are going through this. My own family is in the middle of an intervention for my nephew. I wish I'd have taken a no bail stand much sooner than I did it would have saved me thousands. In a few hours I'm suppose to go get him and take him to the airport to go stay with his father. I have no idea if he will get on the plane, this is the 3rd ticket his dad has purchased. Stay strong you will be in my prayers.

  13. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Roxy,

    He's an adult...old enough to be responsible for his actions! As far as you being a bad parent....let me put this in perspective for you. I had THE best parents....seriously...they raised me to know right from wrong....yet I STILL made bad decisions when I was younger. I don't blame this on my parents...I blame it on my own ignorant self. Don't take ownership of his bad decisions. You raised him...yep...you taught him right from wrong....what he does now is totally on his plate. Don't let guilt make you feel "less than"as a parent. If you were to bail him out...what would stop him from doing it again...there has to be consequences for actions. Take heart sweetie...you are like millions of other mothers...your heart speaks louder than your head...but don't let your heart start talking crazy! He'll learn much quicker with the decision you made. Hugs!!!
    Mary
    SW Missouri


    Smile and the world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone.

  14. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Roxy I wish I had something more to add than what these other wonderful ladies have so I am just sending positive thoughts and cyber hugs to you ((((Roxy))))!
    Finished is way better than perfect!

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