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  1. #41
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Name:  images.jpg
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Size:  8.2 KB Sending this along also. You sure deserve it!!

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  3. #42
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    When my daughter was four I sat at the kitchen table and had her over my lap and actually said the words, "this is going to hurt me worse than it's going to hurt you", I was right, my knuckles hit the table and it hurt. I thought that by the time she was 18 I would know that banging my head against a brick wall would hurt me more than her, apparently I didn't because I've put up with her disrespectful crap for 35 years. She's a user and seems to think I owe her something, guess what little girl, I don't owe you anything, I raised you with what I thought were the right tools to survive, it's up to you to decide what to do with those tools. I dread picking up the phone when she calls because I know she wants something, she never calls just to say Mom, just calling to say hi. I finally wised up, for the past year I have refused her money, she's in debt to me so deep and will never pay it off because she thinks I owe her.

    Her oldest daughter just graduated from High School and she decided "WE" would give her a trip to New Mexico whre she would be spending a month with a friend of my daughter, (the plane ticket story). Well, daughter decided that she would drive her out but at the last minute called and said she was broke, excuse me, I AM NOT paying for your vacation, I can't afford one for myself. So, granddaughter is now going out for 3 weeks but daughter is mad AT ME because she's not MOVING out there.

    When she was 16 she wanted to go to a concert, I said no so she stormed out. I was washing dishes and looked out the window and turned to my husband and said, she stole the freakin car. I had an APB out on her, the cops actually stopped her for a tail light out but didn't do anything about the APB, she got to go to the concert but then didn't dare to come home, A friend of hers told me where she was but instead of me going to get her I sent the police. I had it set up that a juvenile officer would come to the house and scare her straight. She came home, the juvenile officer showed up and she threw a fit, swearing and screaming and throwing things, he very calmly told her she had better calm down or he was going to take her to juvenile hall, I was actually saying to myself, take her, take her, but she calmed down. Oh, and she got pregnant that night but that's another story. I have done for her all of her life and she has no respect for me.

    Okay, sorry about the rant, it's about you, not me but your story just made me think about how similar our lives are. You are not a bad mother, you gave him the tools he needed he just chose not to use them, his bad, not yours, so stop beating yourself up for what he did, not what you didn't do. The moral of this story is, banging your head against a brick wall really does hurt.
    Last edited by Leah53; June 19th, 2014 at 01:04 AM.
    Since you're always on my mind can you straighten out the mess up there?

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  5. #43
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Holy geeze Leah...so sorry you had to go through that. Unfortunately I think that some people are just BORN difficult and no matter HOW hard we try we can't help them. So hard though as a parent I would imagine. (((HUGS))) to you as well. xox

  6. #44
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    HANG IN THERE ROXY!!! Just because you haven't posted bail, doesn't make you a bad parent. I feel for you. Take Care of yourself.
    Perhaps he may come to realise that when we're all grown up, we need to take responsibility for our decisions. Not always easy, but a big part of life!!
    HUGS,
    Lenore


    "I'm not crazy. My Mother had me tested." (Dr Sheldon Cooper)

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  8. #45
    Fabric Fanatic

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Roxy - just wanted to say that I agree with what everyone else has already said. I also wanted to say that I am sure your son, like all of us, has some wonderful parts of his character as well. And that's the hard part when you're the mum, your heart remembers the wonderful things and the brain knows the ugly stuff.

    When he was little and wanted to play in the road, or stick a fork in the power socket, you told him not to and (hopefully) he stopped. But now he makes his own choices - and we all know choices come with consequences.

    I was thinking what would happen if you did bail him out? Well, you'd be out the $ to start with. And I guess eventually he'd go to court - and maybe you'd end up paying for the lawyer - and he'd get some punishment or other, and then he'd be back at home with all the same old things that he got angry about the last time. And then what? Angry people do dumb things, and what if someone was permanently damaged - or worse?

    You'd be sitting right where you are now, saying to yourself "I KNEW I shouldn't have bailed him out. I knew it but I did it anyway". It's time to listen to what your mum brain knows - with all the love in the world - and tell your heart that this time the brain wins.

    We all have times when life goes well, and times when it doesn't. Sometimes the reasons are random, sometimes they are consequences of the actions of ourselves or others. But you're not a failure if you honestly did the best that you could with the things that you had.

    Thinking of you
    Ming

  9. #46
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Oh Roxy, what I wouldn't give to be there to give you one giant Mom-to-Mom {{{HUG}}}.

    You and your husband are not only doing the right thing.....you are doing the loving thing. Hang in there, this is HIS problem and he has to sort it out. He made choices and must be responsible for making them. None of this makes it easier on you or your husband........being a parent is never an easy road. Love him....never stop, but he has to be a man as well as a son.

    Sending lots of prayers and {{hugs}} to you all.
    Sandy B.
    "A heart that gives will never be empty."

  10. #47
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Dear Roxy,

    The only perfect parent is our Heavenly Father. And of ALL His children born down through the millennia, only One was perfect. The rest of us have screwed up pretty royally.

    The fact that you chose not to bail out your son shows that you are being a GOOD parent, and that you LOVE him.

    Hugs and blessings, dear.
    ~ Sally \0/

  11. #48
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I read this somewhere recently and maybe it will help. It went something like this:

    "We are free to make our own choices. However, we are not free of the consequences of those choices."

    If there are never any consequences, is there ever going to be any need to change?


    Marci

  12. #49
    9 Patch Princess

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    Someone once told me, God is the perfect parent, and look how many wayward children He has. It is not easy, but you made the right decision.

  13. #50
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Im a failure as a parent

    I am sure we could fill a forum with the decisions our children have made that have broken our hearts and made us feel as failures. Once you get past that tough decision of not helping then it becomes one day at a time. Maybe, just maybe he is listening to your words play in his head as he sits and cools his heels. I hope tomorrow looks a little better
    Last edited by Terry L; June 19th, 2014 at 09:46 PM.

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