Quilt Not Appreciated

[VickiJ]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

This has been a very enlightening thread to read. Since I'm just learning to quilt, and currently have nothing complete (3 quilt tops, though! LOL), I haven't had to deal with the harshness of someone not appreciating my quilt.

I'm glad that I have a chance to get my mind right first, because I am the type to be heart-broken by something I put a ton of time, work and $$ into and it being treated as something you can just easily replace at Walmart.

So far, only my mom and my super sentimental niece (love her!!) have asked for a quilt and I consider them "quilt worthy". I've got some the fabrics picked and purchased for them and I'm hoping to get them completed soon.

Right now I'm detouring from that mission with some not quite so expensive Walmart fabric that I am hoping to make into baby quilts for another niece's twin daughters. They are about 15 months old and their mother is just the kind of spoiled, ungrateful type who will never get a quilt from me. But this fabric was cute and cheap. Plus I need the practice before I try and make my mom & niece's quilts with my pricey M* fabric! LOL

My problem is, I've seen so much fabric I love, and so many designs I want to try - that if I end up making even half of them, I'm going to have a lot of quilts in my house! Guess I will do a lot of changing out for the seasons, and decorating with quilts thrown over couches and beds in my house!

[coffeebreak]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Sorry to hear that. We work so hard for someone and it goes unnoticed and that is hard. Has happened to me several time. I made a baby quilt for a guy who does work on our truck some times...never even met him or his wife. Just him and my husband deal. 2 months after i mailed it....she finally sends a card..just says "thanks!"

I have made crochet afghans for my 2 brothers and sister and one for my mom and one for dad...not only did they never say thanks, but I later saw that my one brothers wife gave the afghan to her mother and the other brothers wife, gave the afghan to the kids for playing on the floor! One, rolled up never used an the other stretched and being ripped apart!

Just makes you not want to do things for people!

[DCM]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

My mother lives in Southern Arizona (it's hot almost all year). I've made her 2 different quilts and she loves them both and uses them both. One is a lighter warm weather one to just cover with if the fan or AC is too chilly at night and the other is her warmer quilt for their winter when it is cold for them. It doesn't matter what climate someone lives in, there's always going to be a time when it feels good to snuggle up with a quilt. A quilt as beautiful as yours would be wonderful for her to display in her home if she really thinks she'll never need to use it to cover with.

When I've been asked if I could make a quilt for someone (they'll pay me) they change their mind quickly when they find out how much just the fabric will cost.

[Learner quilter]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Your quilt is beautiful. I have a co-worker whose Daughter is due her first baby in January, I would not make a quilt for this person as I know it would not be appreciated. I will go to Asda and buy an outfit.

[Lightwriter]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

I think the quilt is very pretty and you did an excellent job on it. Funny how things see things so differently...a present of a quilt would be treasured by people who understand the value of such work. Let it go and understand that your intentions of a gift may not always be understood by the recipient...but that does not take the value of the gift away. Personally I do not quilt for anyone else...with the exception of an occasional baby quilt (and I still have yet to see one of these being actually used!) You put yourself out there, so that is the most you could do. That itself would be appreciated by many.

[Suesquilts]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

I just wanted to add a bit of encouragement to you -- ditto everything everyone else has said. You just don't know who is going to appreciate your hard work and effort and the love you put into the projects you make for others. One of the first quilts I made for my daughter is now outside on the back deck of her home and her cat sleeps on it. And this is a girl who LOVES all the quilts I make for her and her family. Go figure. My sisters love my quilts but my older sister is an artist and always criticizes whatever I do. I take it with a grain of salt. So keep on quilting, sister. You will always find encouragement here.

[ozziepuppy]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments about the quilt. They are very encouraging. I did not think I would feel better but I do. You are all so kind! ♡

[auntiemern]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

It is a beautiful quilt. My mom would have loved it...she was a very big humming bird lover.

[wackyaunt3]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Oh yeah. I've had this happen. I make crib quilts for new great nieces and nephews. Last one not received well by the mommy. It seems she was disappointed that I did use same chevron pattern (I chose star, baby born at Christmas) and fishing, camping fabrics. The daddy loved tho, so I choose to focus on his gratefulness rather than her disappointment and just call it a day.

[carolyn125]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

I gave my brother and SIL a quilt for Christmas. When unwrapped, i got "oh that's nice" and while another peson was admiring the work imvolved, my SIL rolled it up and left the room with it and it wasn't seen again. 2 days later, SIL on facebook thanking her brother publicly for the polar fleece blanket he bought them for Christmas. No mention about the quilt. No more quilts for them.

[CarrieG]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

So glad you feel better after reading all our stories! That is the reason members do post when someone is sooo very appreciative of the gift of a quilt. It's not a common occurrence.

I had embroidered a large piece for my brother when we were both single. Hours and hours of hand stitching on an oriental piece he chose. When he got married later, his wife was going to sell it in the garage sale for $1. The frame alone was expensive. My BFF told her she'd take it & it is now safe. SIL didn't realize my BFF was serious when she told her she'd give her $100 for it.

I will say, even as a quilter who knows just how much work goes into one, there are many that just aren't my style.

[lyric]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Ms. Kathy:

What a well though out, compassionate response to OzziePuppy's situation. Much of what you wrote I will treasure away in my heart for future projects.

After viewing a vid by Jenny about signing quilts I too plan to adopt your "when I give a quilt, usually it comes with a letter or note telling them about the quilt and the process" stance on my quilt projects.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to her.

Cheers,

Lyric

It's funny how we think about our quilts. For me, making a quilt is very much a labor of love, almost like raising a child. When I give away a quilt I am giving away a piece of myself. When I'm working on a piece for a specific person, I try to keep myself present in the process, thinking about the person, what they mean to me and my hopes for them and the quilt. I used to hold on to the expectation that was my idea of how they should react. When they didn't react the way I thought they 'should', I felt like my gift was not appreciated.

Now when I give a quilt, usually it comes with a letter or note telling them about the quilt and the process. My Dad was more enthralled with the letter than the quilt, same with my Father in Law. Bella is afraid to use her quilt because she doesn't want the writing to go away (the label on the back). I promised her I would bring my ink pen next time I visited to re-write anything that had faded. When I was at Mom & Dad's at Thanksgiving, Dad's quilt was still in the closet. I think he forgot it was there. Yet when the family friends visited, he had me fetch it so he could show it off. I put it on the end of his bed when they left. Father in Law's quilt was on their bed when we left their house. Where it is now, I don't know

Your family member may be of the age when they save stuff 'for good' - like the good china only coming out only on special occasions and such. We spend so much time and energy making the quilt, maybe they're afraid of messing it up, spilling on it, or whatever. It may not be that they don't appreciate the quilt, more like they're overwhelmed by the gift. By giving voice to your feeling (naming and claiming) you've already taken steps to lessen the power behind it. Don't let her reaction take away your feeling of accomplishment and joy in giving the gift.

I don't think your time and money were wasted. Did you enjoy making the quilt? Did you learn something while making the quilt? (About yourself or the process?) Did you celebrate its finish? Just food for thought.

[c21cg]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Hummmm I thought about your question and kinda know how you feel. My grandson has aspergers autism... he never says thank you for anything.... he is never pleased or happy with anything.. so, was my Christmas a quilt a waste of time for him? I dont know but it made ME feel good giving it to him. I enjoyed making it, and probably will never make that pattern again nor make one for him...

Had I GOTTEN a quilt, how would I react/respond? 1. Quilts can be very heavy and I am a senior citizen used to light weight blankets, 2. I have particular colors I like, others that turn me off (black and white print. red black and white patterns) 3. Did I NEED a quilt? 4. Do I like the pattern. Now, I agree that the recepient should have acknowledged your quilt, but us old people are funny sometimes...

So, in a nut shell, maybe surprise quilts are not a good thing...

Nana B, in Texas

[Kelly F]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

Kathy,

Well put. I needed to hear this too. It really resonated with me when you mentioned that the older generation put stuff away. Tat is so true.

Thanks for the wisdom.

It's funny how we think about our quilts. For me, making a quilt is very much a labor of love, almost like raising a child. When I give away a quilt I am giving away a piece of myself. When I'm working on a piece for a specific person, I try to keep myself present in the process, thinking about the person, what they mean to me and my hopes for them and the quilt. I used to hold on to the expectation that was my idea of how they should react. When they didn't react the way I thought they 'should', I felt like my gift was not appreciated.

Now when I give a quilt, usually it comes with a letter or note telling them about the quilt and the process. My Dad was more enthralled with the letter than the quilt, same with my Father in Law. Bella is afraid to use her quilt because she doesn't want the writing to go away (the label on the back). I promised her I would bring my ink pen next time I visited to re-write anything that had faded. When I was at Mom & Dad's at Thanksgiving, Dad's quilt was still in the closet. I think he forgot it was there. Yet when the family friends visited, he had me fetch it so he could show it off. I put it on the end of his bed when they left. Father in Law's quilt was on their bed when we left their house. Where it is now, I don't know

Your family member may be of the age when they save stuff 'for good' - like the good china only coming out only on special occasions and such. We spend so much time and energy making the quilt, maybe they're afraid of messing it up, spilling on it, or whatever. It may not be that they don't appreciate the quilt, more like they're overwhelmed by the gift. By giving voice to your feeling (naming and claiming) you've already taken steps to lessen the power behind it. Don't let her reaction take away your feeling of accomplishment and joy in giving the gift.

I don't think your time and money were wasted. Did you enjoy making the quilt? Did you learn something while making the quilt? (About yourself or the process?) Did you celebrate its finish? Just food for thought.

[Sandy]

Re: Quilt Not Appreciated

This has been a great thread to read. And let me add I loved your quilt Ozzie

At the start of this I felt one way now I'm not sure how I feel… more sides to this than I had thought about. I have one daughter that loves ALL my quilts, I was there today and the one I made for grandson is well, well used!! not misused but really used, it has been washed a lot and spilled on and spit up on and it is so soft but you can tell it has been well loved. She treasures everyone I have given her. My other daughter, who is dear and a lovely woman, said Mom I really don't need quilts but when she found out she was pregnant she asked me to make one for the baby I was happy to do it for her… but she loves hand made things from me has asked for new makeup bags Then there is my son, he asked for a quilt.. octagon pattern I hand stitched each pice of the top and machined quilted it … he asked my why I did not enter it into the last quilt show , saying he thought it was my best one ever. yet when I asked if he wanted a new bed quilt he said no, don't need one so…. it is hard to tell how people will receive things. I was asked once to make a quilt for a dog and I just smiled and said lets just buy the dog a blanket instead.

I had no advice just wanted to add to this thread. I t has given me lots to think on
much love to all who quilt with love

Sandy