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  1. #1
    Applique Angel

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    Default Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Since moving to a condo community I have befriended a lady named Lois. She is a good friend and she would give me the shirt off her back. I too would do anything for her. She frequently stops by for a glass of wine while walking her cute little dog in the afternoons. I stop by her place too!

    With all her good points, Lois is a "little" rough around the edges. She does not suffer fools gladly. It is not an unfrequent occurrence for her to "go off" on people who have made her angry. Fortunately, I've never been the target. My personality is completely different. I'm much more passive.


    Tonight I've invited Lois and her husband over for dinner. I'm really dreading listening to her rants over something that happened in the community yesterday. One of our residents died a few weeks ago. Yesterday there was a sign put up in the yard (against HOA rules, real estate signs only allowed in windows) and it was from an auction company. Later in the day an email went out to all of us that the auction was not for the condo, it was for the furniture, etc. The sign was unclear, to be sure.

    Most of our homeowners are retired and the thought of a condo being auctioned of course makes us concerned about property values. Lois called me last night, still in a furor. She had called the son of the previous owner and started the conversation with "I want to know what you have done to you to make you treat us like this, putting the condo for auction and ruining all of our property values!" He explained the fact that the condo itself was not going up for auction.

    Lois could not let it go. She was still venting last night; apparently she caused a big furor with the board over the whole thing. When I talked to her after the meeting she said "I'm so sick of this place! I can't stand living here!" I was tempted to tell her that she should move if she thought that was best, but like I said, I'm more passive.

    I dread listening to the same rants tonight. I talked to DH about it and we are going to try to steer the conversation to other topics. I doubt we will be successful.

    I swear, I wish we could all just count our blessings.

    Any ideas of how to handle this situation?

    Thanks
    Grace-Ann

    What I make with my hands, I give with my heart.

  2. #2
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Lois you know it's only for the furniture. How can she be so hard headed. She must be scared about money. Which everyone is. It sounds like you just have to keep repeating it like a mantra. lol

    Why would it ruin property values for a condo auction? I don't know anything about condos.



    Lorie

  3. #3
    Applique Angel

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    It wouldn't necessarily ruin property values. I think the fear is that an auction would bring less than a regular real estate sale. Real estate values are based on similar properties in the area, so if an auction brought less, it would affect other values. Potentially, of course, an auction could bring more. However, there are other condos for sale in the community and I wouldn't think a person going to an auction would want to pay more than the lowest priced condo currently on the market here.

    The mantra idea is a good one. I guess part of my concern really is about her going off on me if I do anything besides just listen.

    Maybe I should suggest that she have her meds checked. JUST KIDDING!
    Grace-Ann

    What I make with my hands, I give with my heart.

  4. #4
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    So Lois called a grieving son and yelled at him about a piece of property? She only thought of herself and not of the poor man who lost a parent.

    If she started on about it at dinner I probably would ask how she could be so callous. But that's just me. Blunt like Lois says she is.

  5. #5
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Either cancel the dinner, or have other topics ready to discuss. It's your home, guide the tide of conversation. Just come right out and say you don't want to talk about that issue. That's what I would do.

  6. #6
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Thanks Grace-Ann for explaining that. I always think of value going down when you have neighbors collecting all kinds of cars and junk in their yards.

    I was going to mention about talking to the son too. That was a little harsh and out of line.



    Lorie

  7. #7
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Grace-Ann, I would just simply say that I don't wish to discuss this subject and then move onto something else.
    Blessed are the children of the piecemakers for they shall inherit the quilts!

  8. #8
    The Guild President

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    I'm definitely the blunt type. I would say "Lois, I enjoy our friendship, but I must be honest and tell you that I find venting unproductive. I'd rather talk about something pleasant and I hope you'll agree. We're all friends here and there's no need to dwell on the negative."

    That's the diplomat in me. If she kept it up I'd say, "Lois, sometimes you're like a dog with a bone. You need to give it up or I'm going to call it an early evening."

    You set the boundaries in the relationship. For her to respect them, she has to clearly understand them.

    Good luck!
    Joan, aka the Unaquilter

    "I've never been to heaven, but I've been to Oklahoma."

    Learn more about me and my quilts at my blog:

    http://debtofgratitude.wordpress.com/

  9. #9
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    Grace-Ann... First of all, I love your name.... My daughter had four boys, but if she had had a girl, her name would have been Grace.

    I agree that if Lois behind to rant about the condo.... Tell her that subject is off limits.

    Also.... Lois's frequent rants obviously upset you.... It would upset me, too. I know you don't like confrontation... neither do I.... But. You may have to sit down with Lois....over a glad of her favorite wine, of course.....and explanation that her ranting makes you very uncomfortable. You have to do something, or your friendship isn't long for this world.

    Good luck.... I'm pretty passive, too, so I know how difficult this situation must be for you.


    Sandy from Cincinnati


    AKA Kermit

  10. #10
    Missouri Star

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    Default Re: Warning...long read...how to handle difficult people when they're also your friends?

    I think you have gotten some good advice. I would simply put up my hand, put on my smile, and say, Now, Lois! We have sorted that all out. It was a misundertanding....Lets talk about something enjoyable....
    ...Trish

    (I'm sarcastic. Breathe deeply, then laugh...)

    my blog-- http://www.aliaslaceygreen.com my photos --- http://www.rteest42.com

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