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So What Do You Do?

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  • #16
    Re: So What Do You Do?

    So much good advice here. I think one of your greatest challenges will be to support your DH and try to keep him from feeling guilty. Stick to your boundaries and go forward knowing that you are doing all that you can. It's painful to watch the consequences of your MIL's poor decision making, but that doesn't mean that you should start making poor decisions because you got sucked into the drama. Hugs to you and your DH.

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    • #17
      Re: So What Do You Do?

      Thanks to each of you. Your comments helped to think about this problem outside of what DH & I came up with. Two heads are better than one and lots of heads can help to sort out a problem!

      Last night I sat & re-read all your comments a couple of times. When DH came in from work I asked him to read this thread. What all of your wrote reminded him of the decision we made early in our marriage, that we would not participate in the drama or dysfunction in either of our families. We then talked for a couple of hours late into the night.

      He said he realizes his mom is difficult, stubborn, irrational & cares only about getting her way. He said he knows he can't reason with or issue ultimatums with her and she has a way of making him feel guilt. I asked if he would talk with a therapist to see if he can finally let go of the guilt & he's going to do that.

      Everything is a life lesson. Between my mom & my MIL I've seen the example of the kind of person I never want to be. I decided years ago I would be the kind, sweet, giving & agreeable old lady that people love. So far I think I'm doing pretty good:-)



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      • #18
        Re: So What Do You Do?

        It is such a difficult situation. My DH live in the US, and when his mom got ill, we went down and luckily we were able to get a will, and powers of care and finance done, as she had her faculties. After she passed, nothing was as complicated to do as his dad was still alive. Now he's 94 and his great grandson has moved in the house to help with chores. The problem was that when we went down 6 years ago, it was like a scene from these hoarder shows. His mom had let things slide. There were bugs. We did what we could and disposed of food in cupboards, freezer and part basement. But we were working and flights were not changed cheaply.
        So we know there will be a mess to deal with when his dad passes. Probably have to tear down the place also. It is sad as it was a really nice place 80 years ago.
        Don't be too willing to offer to dig her out of her mess, as others have mentioned, she will not change her spots.

        Enjoy life and do what makes you happy. Everything else will follow.

        Every day I try to do one thing that challenges my comfort zone.

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        • #19
          Re: So What Do You Do?

          I have been keeping up with this thread and my heart goes out to you and your husband. Even though I do not know you, I do know of your circumstances and can relate. It is very difficult to see our loved ones make horrible decisions and choices in their lives knowing what the outcome will be and also realizing that basically there is nothing we can do to change their situation if they don't respond to reasoning. I will be praying for youand your husband in this situation and pray that you and your husband ejoy this new phase in your life.
          Trisha
          Coram Deo

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          • #20
            Re: So What Do You Do?

            My heart breaks for you and your husband. My prayers are with you. I would be talking to someone in Senior Services and see if there is an option you don't see right now. Click image for larger version

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            sigpicwww.whisperofrose.blogspot.com


            Scottie Mom Barb

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