A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

[kaydee]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Ok, without taking the time to read everyone else's post, I'm going to slip in a quick note about cat allergies and hope I'm not repeating what others may have said.

I am VERY allergic to cats. I wasn't when I was young. Also, in adulthood both of my children have developed severe allergies to cats. So two things: First, it's quite possible your daughter developed her allergies after she left your home. Second, standard amounts of allergy meds do not help me around cats. I would have to take a massive amount to get any relief. The same goes for my children (mid 20's). All three of us can be around a dog as long as we take an allergy pill every day, but not cats.

So, I'm going to suggest your daughter is not just making up an excuse to not go to your house. No one in my family has a cat, but if they did, I would not visit their home. It's just too difficult to deal with. If your daughter is already on meds b/c of her back, I think it's reasonable that she doesn't want to add the excessive amount of allergy meds it would take to deal with your cats.

Hope you can get it worked out. Merry Christmas!

[GrammaBabs]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

From a "rambling old gal":

You are all right! After years of wonderful family Christmases when my parents and his were alive, then marriage, small children, morphing into grown children,,, alcohol problems (son) DD married and extremely happy both working their tales off raising a wonderful son.. retirement, I could go on forever... It has all come down to BOTH of my children giving all they've got to be kind and giving to their parents... eventually it all comes around from my experience... YES i am very blessed. I guess my point is that life is a roller coaster and if we can just try to stay positive it will all work out...trust God to lead you to where you should be right now! We have our health and each other...took me almost 50 years but we made it.. Hang in there... but always be truthful and let your feelings be known... Mom's can't "FIX" everything) Merry Christmas to all... Before you know it we will be in 2017 quilting along again... Hugs, GB

[EnumclawGramma]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Eh. Holidays. I agree with Sandy. Book a trip. Something similar went down for us last year and I stewed and cried for a day or two, then booked tickets for shows. We saw White Christmas and A Christmas Story. Both things I would not have spent the $ on if we were planning a big dinner. Christmas Day was a little quiet, but it turned into the day after and all was well. The "storm" blew over and here we are. A year later. With age I guess you just have to let it roll. It's just not worth listening to your ears ring from raised blood pressure. Am I right?

[Monique]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

I am here with 3 cats, one dog and one rat and ALLERGIC to them all. You should have seen Les and I last night!! I hope today will be better.

Peggie, I hear ya! Try not to stress over it, hurt feelings aside.

P/S Sadie only thinks of us as taxis.

[peggiep]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Thanks to all for your understanding. I have taken all the comments to heart and I did apologize for hanging up on DD. I have left the door open for discussion on how to avoid this type of situation in the future. I don't think anything will change for this year so DH and I will spend the day alone, but we will make it special for just us. Thank you Forum Friends for listening..just putting it out there made it all easier for me and I truly appreciate each and everyone of you for taking the time to help.
Thank you and Merry Christmas to all!

[snippet]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

I'm assuming the clan get together on the 27th is not at your house, right? Is anyone else coming to you home on the 26th?

I know some people get allergies after they are adults. I am one of them. So she could have developed an allergy to your cats after she left home.

I can imagine how hurt you feel. I'd certainly want to have a day with my kids. This year, since you have had words with her already, I'd carry on without her and her family and enjoy the rest of your family. Then later next month, maybe you can have an honest talk with her. If she has taken the stand that her allergies prevent her from visits in your home (even with antihistimines) AND you want to have days with her, then suggest she host the event on the 26th next year. And let her know that allergy doctors can help with cat allergies.

In any event, enjoy the time with your clan on the 27th. It sounds like a grand time with so many people!

[source of joy]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Please try to understand you dd. I have a friend whose suffered from hay fever for years and her dh never understood until he developed allergies. Allergies can develop at any time in life, even if you've grown up with animals all your life, one day it can attack your system without warning.

Holidays can be hard with family at times. We hurt the most when those we're closest to hurt us. I soooo understand and talk from experience. Keep the doors open for relationship, in the end it will be worth it if the relationship on the whole is worth it to you.

[TMP]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

You know life is just way too short and so is time with family. I have been in situations similar to yours and it hurts. Sometimes its really hard when our kids don't understand how much their time with us really means and how much preparation goes into planning a fun family time with them . Maybe the drugs she is taking are making her not her usual self . I would call and say I was sorry for hanging up on her but I had really hoped for this time with her , maybe suggest she call her doctor and ask if it was ok to take the additional medication. If not tell her you will miss her and go ahead with your plans. I hope it all works out for you.

[cashs mom]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

I'm so sorry about this Peggie. While I understand what everyone is saying about the allergies, it seems like she's suddenly come up with this. I could be way off base, but presumeably she has been to your house before and an antihistamine has taken care of the allergy and she doesn't have life threatening attacks so the problem is taking the antihistamine with the anti-inflammatory. She could call the pharmacy and ask the pharmacist. They are very knowledgeable about drug interactions or can look it up. She could also go to the manufacturer's website and look it up. I took antihistamines when I had to take anti-inflammatories without a problem. You usually can as has been said. I'm thinking she's just wanting her way and agree with making plans without her. Manipulation gets worse when it works.

[grammaterry]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

We have 6 children. Some come to events others do not. I visit each of them 4 times a yearat their homes. Some times they just want a little drama...sometimes there is a reason, sometimes not. Once plans are made, just accept. Perhaps she really isn't well. You didn't say how old she is. Remember the reason for the season and stress seems to accompany this time of year . So much of it is commercialism. Step back and breath. It will be over in a couple of weeks

[LauraP]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Please don't do anything that you can't live with. By June maybe everything will have blown over. Why not have dinner at a restaurant, on her of course.

[pcbatiks]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

Yes, kids can cause us a lot of stress. Like Lorie said.......you are not alone.

I think you should go ahead with plans that you've already made.....especially since so many were involved in scheduling the plans.

In the spirit of the holidays I think I would call her and apologize for hanging up on her. Then tell her that if they can't come over during the set time then you will see her family on another day when it's convenient. If she wants to be there bad enough she will show up.

Hope all of this smoothes over and that you and your family will have a wonderful Christmas.

[alliek]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

I can understand your hurt, however, I have a friend who suffers terribly to be around cats, even one. I don't know the extent of your daughters allergy so it is difficult to judge this. I would go along, this year, with the change in plan. Next year, when all the hoopla has been done and over with, have a frank heart to heart talk with your daughter and get to the bottom of this problem. Life is too short to be at odds with those we love. God Bless, I will pray for you and your family.

[cjsews]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

It sounds like she partook in the planning to celebrate together. The issue with cats was not brought up them? Now she wants everyone to change plans to suit her. I would enjoy my holiday with the rest of the family and tell her you would see her family when they could manage the time with you. She will miss out on family and a great meal. Her loss not yours. If you coddle her it will likely happen again. I know you would prefer her company but are the hurt feelings worth it? Eventually she will realize what she is doing and join in again

[kensington]

Re: A Rant..but I have to talk about it!

I personally would NOT expect anyone with an allergy to come to my home. My sil had an allergic reaction here once and it's very scary... she used her Epi pen, but watching her gasp for air was enough for me. It's not worth the argument and the stress.

I am allergic to cats also... I want into a store that had a long haired cat... in minutes my eyes were watering/itching, my throat closed off and my face felt like it peeling. I left and it took a good 5 minutes for me to get to normal... I would say exactly what your daughter said.

And if I could take the whole dinner to my girls house... I would. Gladly. She is my only girl, the love of my life. My mil always put what she wanted before her kids and grandkids in matters such at this. I never want to be like her. I've learned to put my feelings back and give it up for my kids and grandkids.. years down the road, will it really matter where you ate dinner? What I really want, is to be with them, no matter where it is.

Also, if she really does have an injured back, she would probably be more comfortable in her own home. Peace.