Sorry

[easyquilts]

First of all p, I want to thank those kind friends who have reached out to me recently... I really appreciate your concern...

Yes... I've been gone fir a long time... Nit like me, I know.... This forum has always been a source of support, knowledge and the daily smile....

Something happened... I don'5 know what it was, but one day I simply walked out of my quilting room, and stopped quilting... I began doing a little crochet and knitting.... nothing fancy....hats, scarves, etc.... I found I could get these simple projects done... really done...

But.... that isn'5 it.... my life has changed in a way that I find neatly interoperable... Due to my glaucoma, I had to give up driving... living in an area that lacks public transportation, not being able to drive simply ends your participation in life...unless you constantly beg rides.... something I eventually found too humiliating.

My life has been reduced to being dependent on someone for everything.....down to, and including, a simple roll of toilet paler.. I am so angry.....and so isolated....

I have family nearby, but they are all very busy.... I hate to ask for help... the help is always prefaced with how much we need to hurry, because......

I really haven't had anyone to talk with about my grief.... I cry every day.....needing the other half of me... 46 years was a very long time.. his last words to me were I love you...and then he was gone...

I spend hours watching videos,,,,, I might go days and days without actually seeing another person.... some days I think I'' going crazy....

Once you can'5 drive....if you live in a typical American small town... you're done... every purchase, every visit to church, every small thing you mihjy need....or your animals might need....is dependent on someone remembering that you might need to go shopping... it is humiliating to call anyone...even family....and say you need to, or worse yet, a personal care product....

So yes... I want to yell and scream...and break things...lots of things...

Does God want me to learn humility? Am I supposed to decide what I want to do, then find people who can get me there! And then get me home?

I can arrange fir Warren County Transport...but I might get stuck somewhere for hours....

I feel so **** isolated....do lonely.... so useless....

Thank the good Lord I have my sweet Finny and Spencer.... What would I do without then? That are truly a comfort... always there... wanting to be held and loved....

Sorry to ramble... nit you asked.... Where have I been? I really don't know... and I have no earthly idea where I'' headed...

I don''t feel that I belong anywhere.

[klgls]

Re: Sorry

Oh Sandy - my heart aches for you. I wished you lived closer and I so wish there was something I could do to help. God bless you and know you were missed here and I'm sure everyone feels the same way I do.

[alliek]

Re: Sorry

Sandy, I am heartbroken for you. I can relate to you knowing if I did not have the ability to drive myself I'd be where you feel you are.
Can you call any Senior Citizen services?, Your church Pastor, does he/she know how depressed you are feeling? You need to talk to someone, a counselor. I can pray for you and will every day. Know someone is here for you. In the city of Cincinnati, there must be services for you. Please talk to someone in the family to help you find these services, or your church Pastor. Please keep in touch here. I want to know how you are. I care, I wish I was next door, A real hug is what you need. God be with you.
s

[shirleyknot]

Re: Sorry

I'm still driving--for now. But all the rest I deal with too. I do understand and wish I could help.

[kimsophia]

Re: Sorry

Sandy, I'm so sad that you are feeling so down. I can offer that you can buy toilet paper and personal care products online and the post office or UPS delivers them. We belong to Amazon Prime and go to the store much more infrequently. I don't know if that would be an option for you or not, but it makes life easier for us. {{hugs}}

[RiverMomm]

Re: Sorry

(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) Sandy. We have missed you! I am sorry you are having such a hard time. My prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

Please check your messages as I sent you a personal message.

Vicky

[Bubby]

Re: Sorry

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with depression and lonliness, Sandy. Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Please reach out at least to your pastor and talk to him about your struggles. Many of us on the forum are just one more health event away from being in the same situation...we understand your pain. (((HUGS)))

[Lori63]

Re: Sorry

Oh, Sandy, I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Your post really hit home for me. My wonderful MIL had to stop driving about 6 months ago, and has has dementia that is progressing rapidly. Your comment about family helping but always in a hurry because they are busy fits me to a T. I sat and thought about it and it seems I'm always telling my MIL that I can't stay long. I would do absolutely anything for her, but I think the one thing I need to give her is more of my time. It seems we all get wrapped up in our own lives, we don't stop to think how that affects others.

Thank you for the reminder. Since you have family nearby, maybe you can talk with them and see if they can take turns running to the store or taking you places? Please don't be afraid or too proud to ask for help, sometimes family just needs to reminded that you do need help, that you've taken care of them, now it's their turn!

[source of joy]

Re: Sorry

Oh Sandy,

Your post breaks my heart! Please get help soon. Maybe you can find a church that has a "helps" ministry or an outreach ministry for those in need. I'm only in my early 50's and feel the brokenness of my body. My dear husband knows how I feel and he picked up a devotional at church for men yesterday and he read the following to me: "It seems as if the warranty on my body ran out as I approached my fortieth birthday." Unfortunately the ways of our human bodies are such that our bodies do become more and more fragile as we age. We can't do things on our own forever. You need help VERY much right now. I'm praying that you will find the help you need physically, emotionally and spiritually.

[Kgrammiecaz]

Re: Sorry

Sandy, my heart breaks for you. My parents need assistance these days with many things including rides. We found county assistance. Very inexpensive, I think it is income based. Not sure if you county provides the same and you may have already done your research. I did find this website to start at: http://www.help4seniors.org/programs...sabled-adults/

I wish I could just fly up there and help you find all you need. You should not have to feel this way. You want to be able to get around and do for yourself those things you can. I just want to believe there is assistance out there somewhere.

My prayers include you and sending hugs your way.

[K. McEuen]

Re: Sorry

Sandy, you ask about learning humility - one thing, if you don't ask people for help they won't know that you need it. Your sons don't live close so they may not realize that you don't have a neighbor or close friend to rely on to take you to the store or appointments when needed. You need to have a sit down with your family and fill them in completely so that thy are aware of what is going on with you.

[Heather]

Re: Sorry

Sandy, like everyone reading this I wish I could be of more help. You should know that everyone missed you and was concerned. You should never feel ashamed or humiliated asking for help. I hope you speak to someone soon about your feelings, doctor, clergy, family...
I was wondering if Uber might help with transportation? Many people around me use it to get into town for errands.

[seaturtle]

Re: Sorry

I also want to send you hugs. I'm so sorry that you are battling with depression. You need to let your family know what's going on and how you feel. Do you belong to a church? Is there a senior center near you? I wish I was closer to you to help you find resources, but they are out there. You just need to reach out to them. Please keep us posted and we will be praying for you.

[GuitarGramma]

Re: Sorry

Sweet Sandy,

I hope that this forum helps you to feel a bit less alone. Of course, the written word is no substitute for being with people face to face. I hope you find the courage to let your family know your needs. I know that takes courage, and I know that I have trouble with asking for help, so please know that this is not some glib suggestion. I know it's hard.

I wonder if setting up a schedule with your family members could work? You know the dynamics of your family best, but if four people would be willing to take you to the store on, say, Mondays, maybe knowing "their week" would make them less rushed.

I hope that things get better for you.

[Hulamoon]

Re: Sorry

I agree with Karen. You need to talk to them. I'm wondering if a move might help so your closer to stores etc. so you can be more independent. ((hugs))