Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

[mpattylou]

Long story short...my Mom passed away Monday morning. Just 2 months ago she was living at home. In July,two days after I visited her at home, she went into the hospital. Mildly dehydrated, low-grade temp (for which they found no obvious reason), just feeling bad. After 3 days in hospital (gotta love Medicare requirements) she was moved to a rehab wing of the hosp. A few days later they said she had made such great progress at rehab (HA!) that she was ready to be released (she had used up her 21 days that medicare would pay 100% of her care and they didn't want to fill out the paperwork required to have her co-pay paid by her insurance.) She chose the option of going to the nursing home. After 3 days there, she started having heart palpitations (previous heart attack 4 years ago) so off she goes to different hosp than before that has a heart DR. Within 1 day they have diagnosed a second leaky valve(first one was diagnosed after the heart attack) and leukemia....2-6 dos to live. Sent out the door in 3 days and back to nursing home. She chose to receive no treatment and DR said she was too weak to do any treatment anyway. So a little over a month later she passed away. Right now I am so appalled at the lack of adequate medical care she received from her general DR. The ER DR she saw listed a bunch of tests that needed to be run, and her regular DR didn't do any of them. Not that it would have changed the course of her illness....but he didn't know that then. Just appalled at his lack of attention and caring. Is this what the medical field has come to....just get out of here and die. Granted my Mom lived a good long life....86 years. Raised 13 good productive kids (9 of which are college graduates) (how she did that and kept her sanity????). Grandma to 34 and great-grandma to 17. She buried my Dad 4 years ago, a son and a grand-daughter almost 20 years ago (within 6 mos of each other) and grand-son almost 15 years ago. Lots or reminiscing with my cousins today. A lot of them said she was like a second mother to them. So here I am at 1 am....my mind won't shut off. Late this evening my sister called and said one of our brothers had called and chewed her out cause we opened a memorial card (ones provided by the funeral home that have a space for the place they want the donation to go and their name). It had my brothers name written on the outside of the envelope along with all the other info and it was put in the box with all the other memorial donations. We were writing out thank-you cards....so I opened it....wrote the thank-you, addressed the envelope....done. He said we had no business opening the card since it has his name on it(written at the top). I say....if the donor intended for it to be a private donation, they should not have used the donation cards provided by the funeral home or put it in the box with all the other cards. We had suggested donations to the Richland Co Senior Citizens Center....and assumed that is where it went. Guess I will apologize and hand him $20 that was inside the envelope. Emotionally charged day....I didn't need this too. Sorry for long rant. Maybe I can sleep now. Rest in Peace Mom.....love you!

[LauraP]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

So sorry for your pain. Rant away, you deserve it. My mother committed Dr. assisted suicide. She told us all that she didn't want to live to come off the operating table. The operation was a success except for she died twice during it. The Dr. chose to bring her back even though she had a do not resuscitate order on her chart and he was very aware of it. It took her four more days of being on dialysis and life support before they would allow the family to have the plug pulled. Then the hospital had the gall to send us a bill because they hadn't notified anyone that her supplemental insurance had lapsed. By the time my sister got done with them they were almost offering to pay us just to go away.
Please remember that your mother is in a beautiful, peaceful place now and she understands your grief and anger but doesn't want it to take over your life.

[Monique]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

I am so sorry for your loss. Hold your memories close as they will help you through this difficult time. As for your brother, well, there is one in every crowd.

[Bubby]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. My thoughts and prayers for peace are with you.

[just4me]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

So sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, like any profession, in Medicine there are good doctors and bad ones, and innocent people suffer as a result. And your brother.....there's one in every family. I wish you a comforting support network that can help you through this time.

[Snip Snip]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

My heart goes out to you having to go through this. It sounds a lot like the mess I went through when my mom passed two years ago. (It's cancer, it's not cancer. She's terminal, she's not terminal. She qualifies for this assistance, no she doesn't)
I am aghast that the surgeon went against her will during surgery. I would be as mad about that as anything else that happened! You say you are from Southern Illinois: was the hospital/doctor in Cape Girardeau?

[grammaterry]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

Please, rest and be peaceful for your mother has a journey and doesn't need to be worried about you worrying and your brother will get over this, it is just his way of dealing with his loss too. We all believe we are at the center of the universe sometimes and your brother is right there. Hug him, love him and treasure his existence as you are not alone in the world. We all love you and care and life will be blessed

[auntiemern]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

So sorry for your loss. I would be angry also
At her doc, medicare, and your brother. Take time now for yourself, and focus on the good memories of your mom. Prayers for comfort.

[TMP]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

I am so sorry to hear that your mom passed away . She sounds like a wonderful person. I don't know why some family members go all weird when you have a loss in the family. I feel like maybe your brother is hurting so bad maybe he is not himself. My prayers are with you and your family.

I also lost my mom about three years ago. I only have one sister and all but one thing went fine. I love my mom and my sister and I have tried to forget the incident and think that mama would have wanted me to.

[sydneybean]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

I am sorry.

[laura44]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

So sorry for the loss of your mother. I totally understand what you are going thru.
Remember every good thing about your mother when you feel blue. Time will ease
the pain. As for your brother, remember he suffered a loss too, but has turned it into
anger against you. Be careful not to let a donation card turn into a fight. Saying prayers
for you right this minute.

[LynneLeavell]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

mpattylou - after going through this with the los of both of my parents, my sisters were the same way as your brother but in other circumstances once all was said and done with everything. Just give him time and he will come around. I am sorry you had to go through all of this. It sounds like you and your cousins and some of your siblings are still close. Good luck and keeping you in my thought and prayers.

[bakermom]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

Sorry for your loss.

[alliek]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

So sorry for your loss and the way it happened. It is so frustrating dealing with the medical area and ESPECIALLY if you are aged. I know, I just had another bout with my mother. Went to another hospital and the care was totally a 100% turnaround from a previous stay.(for the good this time). I often think of those elderly people who have no advocate or family. It is difficult to get quality care for them and then have no one to help? Sad for this country. I want you to remember the good memories of a wonderful mom. She is at peace and not suffering. God Bless you.

[jjkaiser]

Re: Loosing MOM-2 rants-sorry it's long

Oh my, I am so sorry for your loss. You have plenty to be angry about regarding your Mom's care. But nothing will bring her back, so if you can, I urge you to let that part of it go (questioning the doctors about tests ordered or not done, etc) as stirring it up will not do anything but make you feel angrier and more frustrated. Much better to focus on the wonderful person your Mom was, so many children and grandchildren! She had a full rich life. Let her rest in peace now. Your brother will come around, just give him some time.