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I guess I really need a lawyer now

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  • Carlie Wolf
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    I don't mean to be cynical but it's unbelievable what they will do during a break up. You can't trust anything IMO. I've been through two and both were sneaky and pulled all kinds of stuff. I feel really bad at what you are going through. My first marriage breakup put the house into the foreclosure process and he even cashed in insurance policies without my consent. My first female lawyer wanted me to give him the house and not take anything out of the 23 yr marriage. I switch to another female lawyer and she was good. He angered the judge so much with his antics the judge did award me $300 a month alimony for life...till death do us part and that was without us asking. Of course we then had to chase him for back alimony and jail him three times.

    My second ex (common law) of 11 years was a nightmare. He assaulted me, had mental problem that just kept getting worse etc. We had a joint piece of property we lived on, both on the deed that I eventually had to do a force of sale. He "represented himself" in both the criminal and the civil cases. It was a nightmare of delay tactics and harassments. It took four years and me going into hiding. Fortunately my lawyer was very good and finally I was able to rid myself of any ties to him in 2015. I left in 2011. My experience was that there was no bottom low enough for them to go or try. I may still be eating hand to mouth but it is glorious to only be responsible for myself now. I'm very happy and will never, never get in another relationship again! Obviously I don't know how to pick them. :-)

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  • Altairss
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    So sorry your going thru this, it always seems the mean guys find loop holes. Definitely hire a lawyer make sure you are legally separated and that the bank and the mortgage company get copies. If your in a community property state this make a huge difference if you are not legally separated your liable for anything they have in their name up until the divorce is done if not legally separated.

    A friend separated from her husband but did not file a legal separation thru a lawyer and thought she could not afford the divorce so held off. She let him live in her basement while he supposedly got his act together one day he just up and left and she found she was on the hook for debt he ran up for over 50 grand even though she never signed anything. They were still legally married and sharing the same physical address so no way to prove the debt was not hers.

    No one can find him so all the places went after her and her assets. Really you can't afford to not get a lawyer to protect yourself anymore.

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  • sherriequilts
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    It was my first time also needing a lawyer. I got really lucky/blessed that a friend at work recommended this (female) lawyer to me. She accepted my case and listened to me .. Different states have different laws. We had already sold our house, split the profit and had been living apart for over a year .. In my case it just came down to being legally divorced. We had 2 children from the marriage .. One was over 18 so no child support, one was 13. And he is a member of a local union ... I could've got back child support and because of the length of our marriage I was also entitled to half his pension. I chose neither option .. I just wanted to be away from him .. So if he and I agreed on current child support we could share , (we both pay half) of the lawyers fees. When I told the now ex his options , he agreed .. I had leverage over him and my lawyer really wanted me to go after half of his pension. In the end when I explained to her that if he doesn't have his full pension.. That will punish our kids because they will have to take care of him, not me.. She understood. I'm not sure male/female lawyers are different .. You just need someone who will stand up for you and listen to you.

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  • kaydee
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    LauraP, that's a little hard to believe, but if it did happen, then that should have been reported to the bar. DH could have sued. Lawyer would have been in huge trouble in several ways.

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  • KarenC
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    This has definitely been an interesting thread. I think the main thing is get someone you feel you can trust. Have any friends or co-workers who can maybe make a referral? I happen to remember a man I served with on the high school band board was a lawyer, called him for a referral of someone who dealt with family law and learned it was his specialty. You might even reach out to your church. They may know someone they can suggest you see. I live in community property state. While when married, everything was owned 50/50, that does not mean that assets are divided 50/50 in a divorce. Remember that this person you are divorcing is NOT the man you married.

    After reading this thread, I realize that as frustrating as I thought my divorce was, mine was not that bad. I do believe you will come out of this stronger and happier, just understand that there will be ups and downs, but you will survive. Good luck.

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  • LauraP
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    Does it matter if your lawyer is male or female? Well it can. DH's lawyer with his last wife never seemed to be on his side but DH had already paid him a good retainer so he just kept fussing about the guy. After the divorce he found out she was sleeping with the lawyer. Needless to say, DH got screwed but not in the same way the lawyer did. Right after that he quit doing divorces and stuck to estate law.

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  • kaydee
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    Lori, this sounds awful. First thing -- get a lawyer.

    Second thing, get yourself down to the courthouse and see what papers have been filed on your home. Anything that affects your property has to be filed with the clerk.

    I'm no expert (at all) on property law, but I think he could technically get your name off the MORTGAGE by paying it off. (Hey, nothing wrong with that, right?) Getting your name off the MORTGAGE is entirely different than getting your name off the DEED. A bank is unlikely to just remove someone from their legal obligations of a MORTGAGE, unless the MORTGAGE is paid off. He then might have tried to refinance it, but I don't think he could legally do that without your consent and/or notice b/c you are on the DEED. I suppose it's possible a finance company might refinance half the value of your home in his name only. I'm not sure what the laws are in Hawaii.

    Lori, you really need to get out from under this guy. Just a question though, when you bought the house, where did the money for the downpayment come from? If it was a sizeable amount, did it come from just one of you? The reason I'm asking is because while most people think property held in joint names is owned 50/50 for purposes of divorce, there are other factors. If one person had a chunk of money that they had before they got married (or possibly even received as an inheritance during the marriage), and that person can show they put that pre-marital chunk of money down on the house (without any co-mingling of that money), that person is then entitled to get that money back FIRST before dividing the remaining proceeds in half. Thus if Joe and Jill get married and buy a house, and they use $50,000 that Jill had in her account before their marriage as the downpayment on that house, many (if not all) jurisdictions will give Jill that money back (not sure about interest) upon the sale of the house in a divorce, then divide the remaining proceeds of the house in half. And that's only if Jill can show that money was never co-mingled. Just something you might want to be aware of. Good luck, Lori. My heart goes out to you. What a horrible situation.

    Anyhow, get thy self to a lawyer, pronto. But if your curious as to what he's done so far, get the clerk's office in the courthouse, and ask them to show you the records for your home.

    Also, if you can't afford a lawyer, are their any law schools (with legal aid clinics) or legal aid societies in your area? You might want to check them out.

    Good luck!

    Leave a comment:


  • Cokie
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    Another thing you might do is register for a credit monitoring system. The company I work for had a "data breach" a few years ago and provided one free for a year, then gave us the option to purchase it as part of our benefits. It's relatively inexpensive but so worth it. It's caught a couple little things for me that turned out to be nothing to worry about. But, my husband tried to refinance a home equity line of credit that I thought was paid off. Since my name was on it, they ran a credit check on me, and the monitoring system notified me. Needless to say, it was not a happy time in my house for a few days until the issue was resolved, but if I hadn't had that service, I would not have known and my name would've been on a HELOC that I wasn't even aware of. The service that I have also allows you to view your credit report online (I can access all three reports from one site). Just another thing to think about that I haven't seen mentioned yet. Good luck to you - such a complicated situation! Any change the mortgage he has is on his tent??? :-)

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  • shirleyknot
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    And you are STILL taking the trash out.............

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  • Hulamoon
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    Originally posted by PatinValrico View Post
    You are getting a lot of good advice here. My godmother had a saying. "A woman needs a man like a duck needs a bicycle!" There, see, I made you smile! If your husband is in a tent in the back yard; goof luck to him. Last I checked you have two hurricanes headed your way. Karma is a ......! Stay strong!!
    You did make me smile

    My mom gave me good advice...never do a joint account
    Grandma said... once you take the trash out, your always going to take the trash out.

    The second one baffled me for awhile. Then I got it. I stopped doing his laundry. I don't think he ever got over it. lol

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  • PatinValrico
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    You are getting a lot of good advice here. My godmother had a saying. "A woman needs a man like a duck needs a bicycle!" There, see, I made you smile! If your husband is in a tent in the back yard; goof luck to him. Last I checked you have two hurricanes headed your way. Karma is a ......! Stay strong!!

    Leave a comment:


  • Carolnnc
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    You don't have to wait for the mail, call the mortgage company that is holding the original note and the deed and ask if a second mortgage has been taken out. If they say yes ask if your name was signed to the document. Stop by the courthouse and go into the clerks office. Tell the clerks you were wondering who's the best woman lawyer in town and boy will they tell you!

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  • shirleyknot
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    I've worked with both, over different things. No real difference. But if the lawyer doesn't seem to be on YOUR side, find another.

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  • Hulamoon
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    Originally posted by kensington View Post
    He can take your name off of the house, but you can still get it back on. And if he refinanced it, you may not be responsible for any financial agreements he entered in to.

    We refinanced this year... I had to sign everything... my name is on the deed. I am not responsible to pay the loan at all. Dh is. But, it's still half my home. All mine if anything were to happen.

    PLEASE get that lawyer... He may have been planning this all along when he was squatting... Planning to take it from you from day one.
    That's scary that he would of thought to plan this. I have to wait for mail to come to find the mortgage company he did this with.

    Originally posted by sherriequilts View Post
    Hula moon,
    Here's my advice/encouragement as a woman who is divorced from her first husband. Call every lawyer in the phone book and ask what a consultation would cost .. It may be higher where you live but for around 100 bucks here you should be able to at least meet a lawyer and explain your situation. Before you agree to meet, let them know you can pay for the consult but later appointments will need to be paid on a payment plan. See who calls you back .. Google them for reference and meet with one .. Or two. If your husband has actually got the the mortgage in his name only .. He can get you out of the house with 30 days notice. It may take a few years for you to prove he did this illegally. Start protecting yourself now. Not trying to sound the alarms here but having been thru divorce myself...the more leverage you have .. The better off you'll be. I wish you much luck and good thoughts in this situation... It's the hardest thing you'll ever do .. But you will come out stronger and better than before. I promise... For me it was HARD to admit that person I married had turned into someone so completely different and mean .. I promised to love him forever. But those things just don't always work out and there's no shame in saying I'm a better person than this sham of a marriage. I am happily remarried but that thought never crossed my mind when I finally walked out that door..I was ready to just be happy with me, myself and I. I wish you much happiness... Find a great lawyer that will work with you ..
    Sherrie
    Different and mean sums up the marriage pretty well. He became mean and it made me different. lol Thanks for your advice.

    For those that went through this, did you find a difference working with a man or woman> I hope that's not sexest. I never hired a lawyer for myself before.

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  • kensington
    replied
    Re: I guess I really need a lawyer now

    He can take your name off of the house, but you can still get it back on. And if he refinanced it, you may not be responsible for any financial agreements he entered in to.

    We refinanced this year... I had to sign everything... my name is on the deed. I am not responsible to pay the loan at all. Dh is. But, it's still half my home. All mine if anything were to happen.

    PLEASE get that lawyer... He may have been planning this all along when he was squatting... Planning to take it from you from day one.

    Leave a comment:

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