Happy and rough week in one 😧

[AlohaSandy]

I look back and wonder how I made it through this 12 years ago. Our oldest son's birthday is tomorrow and my husband's leaving this earth is on Friday. I wonder how does he feel, how does he think about his birthday and know that the next day is when his dad left this earth. Even though our son is a grown man I feel for him. My husband was only 58 when passed away from Asophogus cancer he didn't smoke or drink but had heartburn probably almost every day. By the time we caught the damage it was stage 3 he had surgery was cancer free for over a 1.5 then without any notice it popped back stage 4 and doctors gave him 6 months God gave us 5 months. He was a truck driver bigger than life woke up every morning with a smile and a whistle lol. The morning he passed was like any other morning we woke up I went over to his bedside (we had Hospice) he was in a hospital bed, leaned over put both my hands on his cheeks gave him a kiss and I said "Good morning my love" , he opened his eyes looked at me and took his last breath. He literally died in my hands me holding his face with that very last kiss that I would have never imagined that it would be our last kiss. I know that he hung on one more day not to leave this earth on his son's birthday that's the kind of man he was familia came first for him. We were high school sweethearts from the moment I saw him I just knew that he was the one. It wasn't an easy marriage he put me through hell and back but I never gave up on our marriage I hope he remembers that. Well sorry for the book but I'm feeling really really awful this week. I'm sure our son feels worse. I'm glad I could write this out.

[Mom23]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

((((Sandy)))) Hugs to you Sandy. You have every right to have a crappy week. Coming to the forum for virtual hugs and special prayers is good for you.

My dad died 37 years ago when I was 15. It gets easier but I never forget. I always feel a little sorry for myself that week. I feel like I'm entitled to that.

Robin

[Jean Sewing Machine]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

So sorry to hear of your loss, Sandy. This is a wonderful story, your husband died with your precious words lingering in his ears, what a wonderful way to go!

[Midge]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

Sending virtual hugs your way, Sandy. How bittersweet for you that he died looking into your eyes, loving words on your lips. How sad that your son did not know his dad. I hope there are sweet memories to share with him on his birthday and always.

[rebeccas-sewing]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

I'm sorry you're grieving today. I'm sure it's not easy for your son. My mother actually died on my birthday - December 25th. For me, all Christmases/birthdays are now a reminder of her passing. Losing his father at 58 is certainly harder than me losing my mom at 91 but we still miss them no matter what age they died. In a way, it's not so bad for me. Christmas is always a very busy time with lots of happy folks surrounding me to keep my mind off of that sorrowful time. It's also a happy time for me knowing that God has given me another year of life and hopefully more to come. Shortly after my mom died I lost my cousin to esophygeal cancer. His cancer was most certainly related to having been a smoker most of his life. I guess I'm telling you all this to let you know you're not alone. I shed tears now thinking about your loss and mine. All I can say, is try to think about whatever happy times you shared with your husband. You might even ask your son how he feels about it. It might do you both good to talk about it and maybe even cry together about it. How wonderful you were there with him when he took his last breath. I wasn't that fortunate to be with mom when she let go. A number of days by her side until my sis and I needed to go home and get a bit of rest. When we woke up we got the call that mom was gone.

[AlohaSandy]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

((((Sandy)))) Hugs to you Sandy. You have every right to have a crappy week. Coming to the forum for virtual hugs and special prayers is good for you.

My dad died 37 years ago when I was 15. It gets easier but I never forget. I always feel a little sorry for myself that week. I feel like I'm entitled to that.

Robin

Robin I feel the same way easier but never forgotten and yes kinda feel sorry for myself no one understands they say time to get over it , we had so many plans.

[AlohaSandy]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

So sorry to hear of your loss, Sandy. This is a wonderful story, your husband died with your precious words lingering in his ears, what a wonderful way to go!

Thanks for that

[AlohaSandy]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

I'm sorry you're grieving today. I'm sure it's not easy for your son. My mother actually died on my birthday - December 25th. For me, all Christmases/birthdays are now a reminder of her passing. Losing his father at 58 is certainly harder than me losing my mom at 91 but we still miss them no matter what age they died. In a way, it's not so bad for me. Christmas is always a very busy time with lots of happy folks surrounding me to keep my mind off of that sorrowful time. It's also a happy time for me knowing that God has given me another year of life and hopefully more to come. Shortly after my mom died I lost my cousin to esophygeal cancer. His cancer was most certainly related to having been a smoker most of his life. I guess I'm telling you all this to let you know you're not alone. I shed tears now thinking about your loss and mine. All I can say, is try to think about whatever happy times you shared with your husband. You might even ask your son how he feels about it. It might do you both good to talk about it and maybe even cry together about it. How wonderful you were there with him when he took his last breath. I wasn't that fortunate to be with mom when she let go. A number of days by her side until my sis and I needed to go home and get a bit of rest. When we woke up we got the call that mom was gone.

Loosing your mom on your birthday is so sad and on Christmas I guess we all have our own stories. I've tried but he closes off and gets very sad.

[AlohaSandy]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

Sending virtual hugs your way, Sandy. How bittersweet for you that he died looking into your eyes, loving words on your lips. How sad that your son did not know his dad. I hope there are sweet memories to share with him on his birthday and always.

Yes bittersweet but wasn't prepared at all we knew it was eventually coming but never in a million guesses would be that day. And our son grew up with his dad he was our oldest we had 3, 2 boys and a girl

[Cokie]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. What a comfort for your husband that you were right there for him when he passed. I hope that your happy memories outweigh the sense of loss for those things you didn't get to do together. No one except you knows how exactly how you feel, so it's OK to cry or feel down or come here for support - whatever you need to help comfort you in this difficult time. I'm not good with words, but please know that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[AlohaSandy]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. What a comfort for your husband that you were right there for him when he passed. I hope that your happy memories outweigh the sense of loss for those things you didn't get to do together. No one except you knows how exactly how you feel, so it's OK to cry or feel down or come here for support - whatever you need to help comfort you in this difficult time. I'm not good with words, but please know that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mahalo for your kind words and your great with expressing your words lol. And trust me I've cried way to much this week.

[LauraP]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

My father died in between my graduating from high school, turning 18 and getting married. It was a traumatic 2 months but I remind myself that 1) he got to see me, his last child, graduate 2) he knew I was getting married and knew my husband to be and most importantly he picked the time to go. He sent us all, except Mom, to a family wedding where he knew we would have the support we would need. While we were gone he finally let go and climbed the stairs. He had had stomach cancer for about 2 years so it wasn't a surprise.
When my mom decided to die she committed medical suicide. Instead of getting a police officer to shoot her she had some needed surgery (which went well) but she was determined she wouldn't make it off the operating table. Unfortunately, the doctor did not honor her DNR and we finally had to turn the machines off 3 days later. She called the entire family together to tell them goodbye while she was in the hospital and make sure we would all be alright. Unfortunately my sister, who finally told the DR to pull the plug, forgot what day it was so my mom died on my youngest daughters 21 birthday. Luckily my daughter was okay with it and claims Grandma Honey as her personal guardian angel.
You might let your son read this bunch of posts. He might be able to comment on everyone else's stories and then gradually let out his own feelings.
Remember, you are always in your husbands loving thoughts.

[Monique]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

It is good to come here and get comfort. That's what we do here. My father died 2 days before my birthday. He was 56. 32 years later, I still miss him. And I was with my mom holding her hand when she took her last breath. She died of lung cancer.

Let your son know that you are there for him should he ever want to talk about it. (Which I am sure you have already done)

It is true what is said
Done but never forgotten.

Thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this.

[sew-what2015]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

Hugs for you, Sandy. I am sorry for your grief.

[KarenC]

Re: Happy and rough week in one 😧

My thoughts and prayers for all of you who have gone through untimely losses. I guess we all have our stories, and so glad we have a place to feel comfortable sharing with each other and gaining comfort and virtual hugs. My father was a crime victim and held on for 8 years in a hospital bed with mom taking extraordinary care of him. I hope I am there for her the way she was there for him.