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So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

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    So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

    Over the past while I have been so very honored to be a part of this forum. Some of the most generous and kind people reside here that I have ever had the privilege of getting to know in a ‘virtual’ way. Many of you have reached out to me during this very difficult period of my life and I am, and will always be, forever grateful to you.

    However, I have to say that I am very disturbed at the same time by the behaviour of some of the “Christian” members of this forum. Knowing what little I know of the Doan family, I believe in my heart that they would be mortified if they knew that someone was suffering on this forum as a direct result of cyber bullying.

    A long time member of this forum has been bullied in private messages and it needs to stop! She has asked me not to divulge who she is and I do not have ANY idea who is doing it as she will not tell me….but you know who you are and of whom I speak!

    To berate someone for missing on a stupid swap and not being able to meet their “obligation” because they were in hospital fighting for their life is the lowest form of rudeness and uncaring behaviour I can imagine! While I think swaps are great and should be honored, if someone is fighting for their very life, the last **** thing they will be worried about is a fabric swap on a quilting forum!!

    To bully a member by sending PMs is the highest form of cowardice. None of us know each other truly. People here were shocked to see the struggles I was going through because I make an effort to be as uplifting and bubbly as I can when I am on here. I use humour to hide my pain. But not everyone can do this. I reached out to you all and was lucky to have everyone be so very kind to me. Unfortunately others have not been so lucky.

    NO ONE should feel like they have to leave this forum because they are bombarded by rude and hateful PMs every time they post!! If you don’t like someone here, SUCK IT UP! Leave them alone, ignore their posts or threads and do not respond to them, block them! You have NO RIGHT to bully a person into feeling like they cannot be safe here! SHAME ON YOU!! You know who you are. As I do not know who you are I will of course continue to treat everyone as I should, with respect and dignity. But I would block you in a heartbeat if I knew who you were. Cyber bullying is cowardly and those that hide behind it, while professing a Christian Faith and those values, should be praying to their god for forgiveness for such appalling behaviour. I certainly hope this level of hypocrisy will stop!

    Many of you are aware that I am an atheist and while I make no bones about that fact, I respect those of you that have faith and would never insult any of you by berating that faith. I do not get offended by posts of prayers for people struggling. Live and let live is a way of life for me. But this kind of behaviour is most un-Christian like and I feel it necessary to point it out. I do not intend to insult your faith, only the behaviours of those who profess to have it but not practise it. I hope that I do not become the next "victim" of cyber bullying as a result of this post but I could NOT stay silent any longer and allow this kind of behaviour to go on. It's cruel and unfair and I hate it.

    #2
    Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

    You are so right Wendy. No one deserves to be bullied, no matter the circumstances. Thank you for putting this out there and thank you for being an ally for this other person.
    LIVE well, LAUGH often, LOVE much

    Hugs, Pat

    Comment


      #3
      Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

      I agree that bullies should not be tolerated and I am SO sorry that whoever is being bullied has to endure this type of cowardice and cruelty by other members here. But I don't like that you have berated them under the Christian banner. Anyone can call themselves a Christian, doesn't mean they are. Those of us who are true Christians know that we are not saints, but works in progress and always trying to live each day a little better and closer to Christ than we did yesterday. (And yes, we are going to make lots of mistakes and fail plenty of times along the way - that's part of the journey. But we will continue to learn, strive and grow in our faith and in our words and actions.)

      So go ahead and berate the bullies. They should be called out and even removed from the group if they cannot treat everyone with respect and kindness (or simply keep their mouths shut). But that is where it should begin and end. Are these bullies Christians? I have no idea, but in the end (for this situation), what does it matter? Would you have been just as outraged by their behavior if they had professed to be atheists or agnostics while they bullied? Of course you would have. So that's all that should have been addressed was the bullying itself. While I don't doubt for a moment that you are a good person who means well and is standing up for a principle and for a forum friend, to add in the Christian element was unnecessary and frankly came off to me as a chance to take a few cheap shots at Christianity in general.
      Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne

      Quilting is my passion . . . chocolate is a close second!

      Comment


        #4
        Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

        Originally posted by Suzette View Post
        I agree that bullies should not be tolerated and I am SO sorry that whoever is being bullied has to endure this type of cowardice and cruelty by other members here. But I don't like that you have berated them under the Christian banner. Anyone can call themselves a Christian, doesn't mean they are. Those of us who are true Christians know that we are not saints, but works in progress and always trying to live each day a little better and closer to Christ than we did yesterday. (And yes, we are going to make lots of mistakes and fail plenty of times along the way - that's part of the journey. But we will continue to learn, strive and grow in our faith and in our words and actions.)

        So go ahead and berate the bullies. They should be called out and even removed from the group if they cannot treat everyone with respect and kindness (or simply keep their mouths shut). But that is where it should begin and end. Are these bullies Christians? I have no idea, but in the end (for this situation), what does it matter? Would you have been just as outraged by their behavior if they had professed to be atheists or agnostics while they bullied? Of course you would have. So that's all that should have been addressed was the bullying itself. While I don't doubt for a moment that you are a good person who means well and is standing up for a principle and for a forum friend, to add in the Christian element was unnecessary and frankly came off to me as a chance to take a few cheap shots at Christianity in general.
        I know that these people do profess to be Christians and as I said I intended no insult. Had the abusers been atheists or agnostics, or Muslim or Hindu or whatever, I would have said the same. This is very un-Christian like behaviour and it bothers me immensely. As indicated, I meant no offense and they were NOT "cheap shots" and that is not what the post was about. I am sorry that you took it that way and were offended. As an atheist I should be permitted to express my views but I am not...and this is the kind of reaction I receive when I do. I do not comment when people pray, why am I not entitled to MY opinion or viewpoint? Please take it in the way it was intended...from MY point of view, NOT an attack on your faith.
        Last edited by WendyI; April 19, 2014, 05:29 AM.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

          Well said Wendy.
          Blessed are the children of the piecemakers for they shall inherit the quilts!

          Comment


            #6
            Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

            A bully is a bully no matter what race,color or anything else you are. If as adults we bully no wonder why are children bully also. I think what Wendy said is right and she was not just singling out Christians. As a Christian myself if things don't go my way I have learned jut to suck it up, with that being said all have a Happy Easter. Please No More Bullying.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

              I fully agree Wendy and it's shameful that these self professed "Christians" are keeping up this bulling in The Forum. I'm sorry that our friend is going through this and I hope she is strong enough to stay. It is hard though as I've been targeted myself by not only through PM but through FB and personal email through a regular M* bully.

              Life happens and surely we know our health or our family members health have taken a toll these last couple of years. Like you said, the last thing you are thinking about when it's "really critical" is "let me meet a swap/block deadline". It's unfortunate but not the end of the world and people need to let it go/not be judgmental - we don't care that "you would have been able to complete it on your deathbed!"

              I will say it again - None of these people would have the gall to say all these horrible things to the person face to face, day in day out. Also not all opinions should be stated in mixed company, you can discuss it 'till the cows come home on the phone/pm/email/text with your sister/bff/whomever in private. Think before you speak, words hurt!
              sigpic Visit my fabric shopping cart YardageALaCarte.com - PM me for a 25% Off your Total Purchase Code, just mention "The Forum" in your message. Huggers, Ruby

              Comment


                #8
                Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                Wendy, well said. I hope that whoever is the victim of this bully will know that they are a special part of this forum and I hope that they will not let one person drive them away.
                Ginny B

                http://www.ginnyscraftbasket.wordpress.com

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                  Well said Wendy. I would encourage the person who is being bullied to report it to Al and to block any further PM messages from the bullier, if that is the right word. Al can then take any additional actions he thinks are appropriate. My 2 cents worth.
                  Ann

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                    Your friend needs to report the behavior to Al. Show him the PMs and tell explain the situation.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                      Is it not possible on this forum to block PM from certain people?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                        I am an active participant on another forum, we had a long-time member who thought he was the "Forum Police" and bullied other members for things they posted. When you called him on it, he got rude and threatening. I reported him to the moderators and until they researched and took action, I would post the following after each of his mean post: "A Bully is a Bully and should not be tolerated anywhere." The moderators suspended his account for one year as there were incidents prior to this specific round. He is back now and much quieter and hasn't been offensive as yet.

                        I hope the person being bullied will hang in there and report the bully to Al. If you don't agree with something a person post, you don't have to be mean about it. I try to live by "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                          Bullying of one member by another needs to stop. This is our happy place and it needs to stay that way. Please have your friend report the messages to Al.
                          Lisa

                          M*QC forum is full of the best people!

                          I'm not just buying fabric, I am supporting the economy...

                          A bad day in the sewing room is better than a good day at the office.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                            I am so sorry for the victim of the bullying here. No one should have to put up with that. This should be a happy place to come to, to share our quilting stories, seek advice when we have problems, show off our latest works of art to those who have an appreciation for all things quilting, and to also share our stories along the way .... in a friendly atmosphere. I do hope your friend will report the bully to M* and that they will block this person from the forums.
                            My soul is fed with needle and thread, my body with chocolate!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: So disappointed - rant and I apoloize for the length

                              If you know who is doing this, please for all our sakes, report it to Al. I would hope that this person is removed, blocked, whatever needs to be done to stop it.
                              Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.
                              Maya Angelou

                              ~Megan~

                              Comment

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