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Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

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    Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

    I guess I have posted before that my DH and I are going through a pretty rough patch right now. Yesterday he informed me that he was done and we needed to discuss splitting up. He had decided and enough was enough. I was devastated. It was very difficult to hear and I was completely stunned. He was very worried that I would "hate" him which is ridiculous if you know me at all. He's the father of my son. I would never hate him. But since he had made the decision and I basically had no say, I knew I needed some space. So I told him to go stay at his dads at least overnight with Liam (our son) because I needed the day and night to gather myself before facing Liam. I also told him to start figuring out how we were going to tell Liam. That we were not going to have him living in the house and not understanding what was going on. I sent him some articles on how to talk to your children about divorce and I think that shocked him back into reality.

    I think reality set in at that point, of what he was actually doing to our family. I went upstairs and he began to really fall apart. Within an hour he came back and agreed to go to therapy finally (to this point I have been going alone...I guess he figured it wouldn't help him initially and since I have suffered from depression most of my adult life that our problems were all my fault...oye). He realized that he was being very selfish in deciding to leave and that it really was not what he wanted after all. He does love me and our family just some of the things in our lives are broken and need to be fix and we've been ignoring them.

    It was an extremely emotional and exhausting day. Today was better. We went out and did some shopping together and then set up my quilting station in our dining room as it had all been put away. Then we talked about some things that we needed to change and do in our lives. It's going to be a long road but at least he is willing to work with me now.

    I'm sorry to dump all this in here...maybe it's TMI but my life is kind of an open book... but I don't really have anyone else that I can talk to other than my one sister who is a 20 hour drive away...I so miss her at times like these. Anyway...I did a bit of sewing today and that helped alleviate some of the stress and anxiety I was having. And now I feel better having written it down...if you got this far...thanks for reading.

    #2
    Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

    So sorry for the marital struggles you're having. It's positive that he's willing to go to therapy. I hope with the help of a good counselor you can mend the hurts & move into a deeper, closer relationship. It takes work on everyone's part. I'm glad you felt like you could share in this forum. I'm sure there are others who have struggled over the years. This is a sympathetic group. My husb. has had problems with depression several times over the years, so I understand what that's all about. He was greatly helped by Cognitive Therapy. I wish you the best. JCY

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      #3
      Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

      Aww Wendy, I am sorry that you are going through all of this, but am hopeful that the counseling will help. Am glad that reality set in for him before Liam was told. I am sure that he knows things are going on - kids always know more than we think they do.

      Glad that you got the sewing/quilting stuff back out. it always helps me to focus on something else, but things still get thought through or processed at the same time. Hugs and prayers for all of you as you work through this.
      Lisa

      M*QC forum is full of the best people!

      I'm not just buying fabric, I am supporting the economy...

      A bad day in the sewing room is better than a good day at the office.

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        #4
        Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

        Lean on those who care, WendyI.....My younger sister has been going through this same issue for the past 8 months...I know this may not mean much now; but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. My Navy daughter has this tattoo on her left upper arm...and that has given her a sense of never giving up and hope.....
        Let me know if you need an ear!
        Sherri

        "Don't let someone else's ugly spoil your beautiful. " Thanks, Bubby!!!!!!

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          #5
          Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

          Wendy {{{HUGS}}} Praying for your marriage.

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            #6
            Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

            Aww Wendy, so sorry for your stresses! Men really can be such ignorant butts sometimes. They have a real hard time looking at themselves when unhappiness strikes them. My dad told me many years ago...you make yourself happy...if you are depending on someone else to do it...you will be disappointed. Words I have always treasured. I had to remind my DH of this some months back.

            It's hard sometimes to realize what roles we play in life. Our unhappiness were brought on by our children growing older and needing us less. My DH expected me to fill that void. Don't get me wrong, I want to spend time with him...but not all of my time. He was jealous of the things I was doing to fill my new found free time... Which was quilting, making new friends, living!! It was a brutal awakening for him to find out I was not in charge of his happiness, but we have gotten thru it as I am sure you will with time and therapy. Hugs to you! And we always care!!
            Mary
            SW Missouri


            Smile and the world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone.

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              #7
              Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

              smiley toes.jpgsmiley sun.jpg

              Thinking of you......
              ~Kathy~

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                #8
                Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                Oh Wendy, you have had one tough weekend! I'm glad your husband realizes the impact of splitting up and the value of your marriage. Hopefully the therapy sessions will be productive.

                As someone with depression too, I hate that when something goes wrong, the problem/explanation/reason is alway my depression.

                Sending you hugs and prayers.

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                  #9
                  Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                  Wendy, it seems your hubby really does love you and you him. I hope you work this out.
                  SandyWhite
                  Ocala, Florida
                  http://handpiecing.blogspot.com


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                    #10
                    Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                    (((HUGS)))

                    Praying for a resolution to the problems. I am glad to hear he is finally willing to try.
                    Donna

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                      #11
                      Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                      His willingness to go to therapy is a big step in the right direction. I hope you can work out your problems and keep your family together. Divorce is a very sad thing and so stressful. I've recently watched what my brother-in-law and his ex-wife went through to divorce and it has been a long, hard road for the whole family. I hope you can salvage your marriage, Wendy. Are you taking any medication for depression? I was on Lexapro for quite a few years for anxiety. It changed my life!
                      Goodbye Europe! Hello California! Home sweet home.

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                        #12
                        Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                        Wendy, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your hubby as you work through some issues. I think it's wonderful that you come here and share your struggles among friends who care about you. We all need someone to lean on now and then. I am one of those people who rarely opens up to others and I can assure you it makes your struggles all the harder and lonelier, so I envy and admire your ability to open up and share! Hugs!!!!
                        Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne

                        Quilting is my passion . . . chocolate is a close second!

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                          #13
                          Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                          One of the things I treasure about this group, is that we tend to circle 'round our own in times of need.... I've seen it happen over and over.... We are glad you felt comfortable enough to share what is going on in your life... I hope everything works out for you, and your husband...


                          Sandy from Cincinnati


                          AKA Kermit

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                            #14
                            Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                            1 step at a time.jpg Glad your DH is willing to join you in therapy to take that big first step.

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                              #15
                              Re: Well THAT was a brutal weekend....

                              So sorry for the problems you are having , but happy that he is willing to go to therapy with you. It's a big step, but in the right direction. Keeping the lines of communication open is very important. (((Hugs))) you will be in my prayers that everything will work out for you.
                              Keep sewing and keep posting, we are all here for you.
                              Cil
                              A quilt is a blanket of love
                              http://www.pinterest.com/cil3612/boards/
                              http://www.creativelyhomemade.etsy.com/

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