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Today I picked up some .....................

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    Today I picked up some .....................

    sewing!

    Now I know that you won't think this so unusual but truth time........... I have not sat at my machine since Christmas.

    I have been in a very dark depression and I realise now that I was really ill. I have been unable to talk about it or share it which is unusual for me, I have suffered from clinical depression since I was a teenager. Sometimes it is worse than others but it is probably 10 years since it was this bad. Now I see a small glimmer of light right down at the very end of the tunnel, which still seems miles away but I can see a tiny twinkle and it brightened a little when I sat at my machine.

    Reasons for the depression? Sheeeeesh to be honest I think accumulated 'dealing with everything' for so long. Just before Christmas my Grand daughter turned one and I have still not seen her because her mother decided she hated me while she was pregnant. I miss my daughter so very much and the little one....... My other daughter lost a baby which would have been due in late Feb, my friends Grandson was due the same date and has arrived safely. (Thanks Heavens although I feel sad and jealous and happy for her all at the same time....what a horrible person to feel that way) Pain from my cancer is beginning to take larger doses of drugs to control it and in January Mr Daisy had a 'funny turn' . We discovered that his chemo and radiation has damaged his heart which we knew was a risk because his heart was cradled with Lymphoma and there was no other way to treat it. We go tomorrow when we will find out what they can do for him. Fingers crossed the damage is not too severe.

    But today I sewed and it felt good.

    I remind myself that I should not be ashamed of this illness
    Blog
    http://divinedaisydesigns.blogspot.co.uk/

    #2
    Re: Today I picked up some .....................

    Never be ashamed. I am happy you found a glimmer so you could do some sewing. Hopefully it will get you back a bit. Sounds like you have a heavy plate of things going on. I will send bessing your way. Be good to yourself. You deserve it!
    Karen
    Life is short - Live everyday to the fullest

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      #3
      Re: Today I picked up some .....................

      Oh, Daisy! You carry a heavy burden in your heart! You have shown to us the strong shoulders you carry that burden with,but it has to take its toll. I am so glad you chose to share the burden with us, your quilting friends. Maybe we can help you carry the load. And I'm so glad you came back to the sewing machine, which has given so many here who are carrying heavy burdens the solace they need to release it for a while. And so glad to hear from you, so we can offer what help we have to support you as friends!

      I don't know about the UK, but the weather here in the US has been so dismal many are affected by it and we all carry a depression of sorts! Please, Spring, come soon before we all go mad!

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        #4
        Re: Today I picked up some .....................

        Daisy - We love you!

        What you and Mr. D are going through is tough stuff. Family can help or stuff it up. It sounds as if you have some of both.

        You are not a bad person for those feelings about the friend's grand baby. I had unkind thoughts about the mom's who couldn't have cared less about their babies health and they had perfectly fine babies, but I did all of the "right" things and my baby ended up in the hospital for two weeks and left with severe hearing loss and a few other things we are discovering along the way. It was hard to get past that. I am ever so thankful that she is who she is and happy & healthy now.

        Depression is a real thing and can make the rest of your battles even harder. Thankfully you have Mr. D and all of us who love you. So keep stitching and let us know what we can do to help.

        Big Hugs for you both, Cathy
        Be who you are and say what you feel
        because those who mind don't matter,
        and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

        http://www.toggpine.wordpress.com

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          #5
          Re: Today I picked up some .....................

          Ms. Daisy, so glas you are back on the board! I was thinking about you the other day and hoping all was ok. You and your DH have had more than a whole troop of people should, and yet you move forward. I think it would be odd not to have some down days. Just share with us and we will do our best to lift you up. Prayers for healing for both of you!

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Today I picked up some .....................

            Daisy.... You are loved here, and we are so glad you have shared your heartache with us.... Believe me, this group will stand behind you.....and surround you with love.....all the way.... I know,

            Depression can be such a hard thing to deal with..... There's always someone who advises you to just "get over it....and be happy".....
            That's impossible! Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?

            All of the women in my family have suffered from some form of depression... It's real, and to see a tiny light at the end if your particular tunnel is a wonderful thing..... Tiny lights are a good thing.

            You are carrying a heavy load..... Don't hesitate to come here to talk, rant, or cry..... There are kind souks here, who will listen.

            When things get bad, look down at your hands.... See us holding them? You will never be alone.....

            The feelings you have experience because the healthy arrival of your friend's little grandson, are so normal.... Don't best yourself up over them.... They are only natural.....

            God Bless.... We love you.


            Sandy from Cincinnati


            AKA Kermit

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              #7
              Re: Today I picked up some .....................

              Prayers for continued light!! You sure brighten many a day around here! Let us keep the light on for you! Hugs!
              Mary
              SW Missouri


              Smile and the world smiles with you, frown and you frown alone.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                Dear dear Daisy. To begin with, thank you for sharing your life with us here. It has been a rough road for you, so never apologize for feeling the way you do. Sometimes it is hard to 'own' our perceivable weaknesses. I am so very proud of you for doing that. There are many of us that suffer from clinical depression on this forum. Please continue to feel comfortable enough here to share your life with us. So happy to hear your have sat at your machine. I know mine is cathartic for me. I don't know where I would be emotionally without it. Come by and visit often...we miss you and worry when you disappear. (((Daisy)))
                Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love

                Marilyn......
                sigpic

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                  I certainly understand why you are depressed, Alison. You've been through more than most. You have done an admirable job of coping and I consider you to be a very courageous woman. I wish I lived close by. We'd be quilting together and chasing away the blues with lots of laughter and silliness. I'm thinking about you and hoping the sewing continues to bring you out of this dark place in which you find yourself. Hopefully, it will redirect your focus and help to alleviate some of your worries and your sadness. I have found it to be great therapy. Concentrating on creativity is a very healthy activity. I bet some small projects would be a great way to go so you don't get overwhelmed. The quilt you made your daughter was quite an undertaking and very labor-intensive. Working on a small project would probably go easier for you and give you more immediate gratification. We'll be waiting to see your next piece of work so get busy making something fun and relaxing.
                  Goodbye Europe! Hello California! Home sweet home.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                    Daisy, I agree with everyone here. I just want to say that I love you and wish only the best for you and Mr. D.
                    I pray when risen from the dead before the Lord I stand; perhaps a crown upon my head, but with a needle in my hand.

                    Becki

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                      #11
                      Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                      Ned a hug.jpgThought you could use some hugs right about now and a few prayers too.
                      Attached Files

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                        #12
                        Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                        Dear Daisy - you are well loved, we've missed you on here and we hold you in our prayers. Hopefully there will be sunnier days ahead for you and Mr Daisy. You have had such a tough burden to carry and hopefully we can share some of it for you. Depression is the pits!
                        Jane

                        http://jtct-jane.blogspot.com.au

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                          Never be ashamed. Millions of people suffer from this, myself being one. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Would you be embarrassed to have gray hair or blue eyes or to be a woman? Depression is another part of lfe. It is those small moments where you sit at your sewing machine or take a shower or step outside if even for a second that matter the most. Baby steps.
                          Hugs,
                          Joanne

                          There are no mistakes, only happy accidents. - Bob Ross

                          A girl needs to surround herself with TONS of happiness.
                          Happiness = fabric!:icon_woohoo:

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                            Hello Sweet Friend, just wanted to tell you I love you, and send you a gentle hug, and my faith and prayers. Love You! ~Sheri
                            sigpicMiss Sheri

                            For me, it's all about Love, . . . Always!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Today I picked up some .....................

                              Sending you good vibes, lots and lots of love, and support where needed (and no, I won't be a bra for you . . . so don't even think it!!)

                              You know we all love you here, you have constantly been in our hearts and part of us - you and that wonderful Mr. Hunk mean the world to us. I'm another who shares your imbalances and have all the empathy one can muster. Keep on stitching!!
                              Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
                              it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

                              "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

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