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Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

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    Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

    My husband died 15 years ago, age 36. He was the self-proclaimed healthiest man in town. He died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism. Well meaning friends said, you'll get over it. I would like to say that you don't get over it, you get past it, but you don't get over the past. I found an old radio/tape recorder/player with a tape in it today. Out of curiousity I played the tape in it, and it was my late husband's voice. What a wonderful surprise. I cried, but not for the loss, for the find.

    To all my friends who have lost a spouse, I hope you find such a tearful joy in your attic some day.
    My friends call me Peggy
    The government calls me Mary Margaret

    Proverbs 13:22 A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.

    #2
    Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

    I have a Build A Bear that my late Hubby made me with the recorded message inside. I don't think you "get over" the loss of a mate but it becomes possible to move on with your life. I remarried 6 years ago but I still have "those moments". Jeff is totally understanding and he misses my late DH also. They were good friends.
    sigpicwww.whisperofrose.blogspot.com


    Scottie Mom Barb

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      #3
      Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

      (((Peggy)))Thank you for sharing such a tender moment with us. I am still quite lucky to have my dh and dont think i could ever get over a loss like that. I do admire yours and others here in your strength in carrying on with life as difficult as it may be at times.
      Finished is way better than perfect! :icon_bigsmile:

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        #4
        Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

        Thank you for sharing this with us. I have never had to 'deal' with this, but still working on losing my mom over 2 years ago. Hugs to you.
        Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love

        Marilyn......
        sigpic

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          #5
          Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

          Originally posted by auntiemern View Post
          Thank you for sharing this with us. I have never had to 'deal' with this, but still working on losing my mom over 2 years ago. Hugs to you.

          Thank you, Marilyn. I understand your pain. My parents died a year apart when I was in my mid 20s. No matter how old you are when your parents die, it still leaves you feeling orphaned. ((Hugs)). I saw Rhonda's post today. Your mom was well loved, and I'm sure she knew that.
          My friends call me Peggy
          The government calls me Mary Margaret

          Proverbs 13:22 A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.

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            #6
            Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

            I still miss my Mom and I lost her suddenly in 2004. I have always said "you get through it, you never get over it". Holds true for me. And yes, that feeling of being an orphan. Very true. Hugs to you. And happy for your find!
            sigpic~~Libby~~

            Quilters make great comforters.

            Friendship is sewn with love and measured by kindness.

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              #7
              Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

              Timely post. My daughter has been stressing that Al and I need to have burial plans in place . . . so I asked Al the other day what he would do if I were to die tomorrow . . . his response? "I'd die, too."

              Never get over losses like this . . . parents, spouses, siblings, children . . . any loved one. It hurts. I'm happy for you that you found joy in finding your DH speaking to you once again. We don't all have that opportunity. Embrace it.
              Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
              it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

              "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

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                #8
                Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                Get over it...not really...around it past it....yeah eventually....there is NOTHING like losing a spouse. PERIOD. The loss of parent, child, partner, nothing compares. Eventually the loss is like a scar that you have to live with but every once and a while the scar is sensitive and you realize it's still there. Eventually you only remember the good times. Every surviving spouses survival skills is different from person to person. When you find an unexpected item or you walk into a room and you can smell their particular "smell", it can be3 like walking into a brick wall. But yeah, eventually, you can get past it.
                :icon_wave::icon_woohoo:Kellie:icon_hi:

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                  #9
                  Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                  Originally posted by Sandy Navas View Post
                  Timely post. My daughter has been stressing that Al and I need to have burial plans in place . . . so I asked Al the other day what he would do if I were to die tomorrow . . . his response? "I'd die, too."

                  Never get over losses like this . . . parents, spouses, siblings, children . . . any loved one. It hurts. I'm happy for you that you found joy in finding your DH speaking to you once again. We don't all have that opportunity. Embrace it.

                  Brad and I had a similar discussion. He jokingly said he wanted to be cremated and sprinkled over the grocery store parking lot so I would see him every day. That wasn't happening. I now have my final plans nailed down, so no one has to wonder what I would want. Oh, and I should add that I am a probate paralegal, and my sister works for a funeral home, so I'm a little close to the importance of making decisions.
                  My friends call me Peggy
                  The government calls me Mary Margaret

                  Proverbs 13:22 A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                    Originally posted by auntiemern View Post
                    Thank you for sharing this with us. I have never had to 'deal' with this, but still working on losing my mom over 2 years ago. Hugs to you.
                    I lost my mom in Dec of 1991, and my dad 3 months later in March of 1992. There are still times, granted less and fewer, when I think about calling her to tell her something. Don't know how I got through those few months. Thank God for hamburger helper and an understanding DH and kids.
                    Dolores :lol::icon_heh:

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                      #11
                      Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                      I don't think you get over anyone you truly love passing away. You get through it and eventually you get used to them not being here... but never over it.

                      Even for those who lose spouse and remarry, don't get over it. That person will always be someone you loved, who was part of you then, and even now, and who you will be. Life and death are part of the course of life, we learn to live with the idea of death and even having to part with our loved ones. I hope we never say we "get over it".

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                        #12
                        Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                        How wonderful for you that you found the recording of his voice...personally I have not had to face this, but it certainly has crossed my mind several times with Carl's heart problems. However, like many of you have said, I miss my mom terribly...she has been gone 10 years...
                        Thank you for sharing this with us...I can only imagine your joy and sorrow when you heard his voice.
                        LIVE well, LAUGH often, LOVE much

                        Hugs, Pat

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                          #13
                          Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                          Thank you for sharing. My grandmother passed away four years ago and we were incredibly close. She lived with my parents every winter, moving from the mountains of upstate New York to sunny Florida, every year from when I was 12 until the year she passed when I was 30. We spent many months together and I'm so glad that my husband got to meet this wonderful woman. My sister sent me a video that she took of grandma a week after the funeral and four years later, I still haven't watched it. Maybe now is the time.

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                            #14
                            Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                            So sad to hear this. I have two very dear friends who lost their husbands at a similar age. They feel the same as you. It's something you never get over. Sadly, one of these two friends also died at a young age. Their sons are both in their twenties and no longer have either parent. The father dropped dead on our soccer field down the street while playing a game of soccer. His boys witnessed this tragedy. It was his heart. The mother met a wonderful man and remarried. She, her new husband and one her her two boys were living in China. Her husband woke one morning to find her gone. She passed away in her sleep. Every time I think about it I still can't get over these young men losing both parents. Both of them dying at such a young age. Life can sometimes be so cruel.
                            Goodbye Europe! Hello California! Home sweet home.

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                              #15
                              Re: Do you "get over" the loss of a spouse?

                              Wow, this post hit close to home! I have not lost a spouse but I did lose the most important man in my life 5 years ago: my Daddy. I will never get over it as his life was taken from him so unfairly at the hands of the negligent staff of the nursing home he was in. Just today I received a package in the mail from my friend in Florida. It was a cross stitched piece that he had made for me in honor of my father. My father had been a mechanic for the John Deere company and he collected and restored antique tractors. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe when I opened the package and I have cried off & on all day. I know that my dad is with me everyday but there is NOTHING in this world will ever take away the hurt in my heart caused by the loss of him.
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                              Not all wounds are so obvious. Walk gently in the lives of others - Unknown Author

                              No one has ever become poor by giving - Anne Frank

                              http://www.etsy.com/shop/thequiltedpig

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