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    I need some advice

    Okay, I need some advice. I am in a big fight with my BFF right now. She is the gal that just lost her SIL and then had a new great niece born two days later.
    My BFF doesn't have children.....She was present at the first great-nephew's birth.( This niece is the great-nephew's mom and the mom of the new baby )
    My BFF's dad ( 83 yrs old ) has been Dx'ed with cancer....and my BFF has got it in her head that "Daddy" can't be left alone. So, when the baby was born ( 2 days after the SIL's death....) BFF wasn't there to witness the blessed event like she was with the niece's first baby ( who is 10 yrs old now )

    This couple who had the baby doesn't have much....( the dad is worthless....he doesn't work, etc. has other kids he doesn't support etc. You get the picture )
    When I called the new mom, I congratulated her, and we chatted about the baby for a little bit....and she made mention that she was going home the next day and didn't have anything to take the baby home in. So, I told her I had a couple of outfits for the baby, and if she wanted me to I would bring them up to her.
    Now....here's the thing my BFF ( of 44 yrs ) is pissed at......I took the outfits up to the hospital, and thought that they volunteers could take it up to her. There was only ONE volunteer at the desk, and she said she was the only one there until later on, and she didn't see the big deal WHY I couldn't just take the gift up to the new mom..( she looked at me like I was nuts )

    This is when all hell broke loose.....I took a gift up when I shouldn't have??? ( how crazy is this ?? ) .....I did see the baby, BUT I didn't touch it.....
    Now, my BFF has discussed this with her entire family, who said I was in the wrong....that the parents usually purchase something for the baby to go home in. But...the new mom said she had nothing for the baby.....and now, because the BFF is so mad, the niece LIED and told her aunt that she told me that they HAD something for the baby to come home in...NOW Come on, had she told me that, I probably wouldn't have even thought to tell her I would bring the outfit up to the hospital. I didn't tell the niece I would "see" her...as I thought I could just take the outfit to the front desk and leave it there.....the niece LIED....and I am paying the price for this.

    Here's another thing....I have 4 kids. My DH Terry had a seizure disorder and couldn't drive....Because we didn't know what the babies were in the 70's I usually took the kids home in something someone brought up to me,. Not only that, but I chose an outfit from the things my friends and family brought even when our first son was born...

    Don't most people still take gifts up to a new mom ?

    IF I am really wrong here....how do I fix this ? I have apologized...over and over....and I am getting no where.

    This is a mess.....I would appreciate any comments......

    Another thing, we share a phone contract together. This BFF is into for Thousands of dollars ( she has borrowed over the years...and I have just let it slide )

    I would appreciate any comments .....thanks!
    Last edited by redcaboose1717; February 23, 2014, 10:05 AM.
    Jacqueline ( Sugar ) Dorer-Russell
    http:\\www.sugarssmilinpapercrafts.BlogSpot.com

    "I miss the me I was when you were here"

    #2
    Re: I need some advice

    I would just give it a few days to settle down. Don't call her for a few days so she has time to 'get over it'. If she truly is your BFF, she won't stay mad long. If she does stay mad, she didn't love you as much as you thought.
    Blankets wrap you in warmth, quilts wrap you in love

    Marilyn......
    sigpic

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      #3
      Re: I need some advice

      Originally posted by auntiemern View Post
      I would just give it a few days to settle down. Don't call her for a few days so she has time to 'get over it'. If she truly is your BFF, she won't stay mad long. If she does stay mad, she didn't love you as much as you thought.
      I totally agree with Marilyn.

      Also, I did not know there was anything wrong with taking a present to a new Mom. If it was me, I would wait until she makes amends with you. You can only apologize so much. And YOUR heart was in the right place. YOU did nothing wrong.
      Vonnie

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        #4
        Re: I need some advice

        For what it's worth, I agree with others here.give her a few days to get over it. It sounds like she is overwhelmed with everything that's happened to her lately & she isn't thinking clearly.. Grief does very strange things to people, I've seen it first hand!
        If after a while she is still mad, then I'd get her off my phone contract so you don't keep paying her bill. Not sure how you could ever recover the money she owes you though..
        In any case, you did nothing wrong, I always thought that you SHOULD bring a present to a new mom & baby. I can't imagine anyone being angry about that unless there's more going on with them emotionally.
        I hope she has sense enough to apologize & you can be friends again.
        May the road rise up to meet you...
        May the wind be always at your back...
        May you be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead...
        Patt :icon_wave:

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          #5
          Re: I need some advice

          Have to say I agree with all already said. Let her cool down see if she comes around. Get her off your phone contract . I have always taken a gift for the new baby AND the mom when I went to see them at the hospital. I never expected it to be the going home gift as it was usually a bigger size to where later since most get so much at birth. My mom always made my babies going home sweater sets and thats what I have done for close friends and relatives. Others just get a nice outfit for later.
          sigpic:icon_hug: Iris Girl = April = fabric, Fabric FABRIC!!
          Time spent with cats is never wasted.
          Sigmund Freud

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            #6
            Re: I need some advice

            I agree with everyone else here. Give her time to cool off and if she truly is your bff, she will come around...eventually. You did nothing wrong!
            LIVE well, LAUGH often, LOVE much

            Hugs, Pat

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              #7
              Re: I need some advice

              Wow! Something's up with your BFF! Sounds like a major over-reaction to something so trivial in my opinion. Sometimes I just don't get people. Why there has to be so much drama is beyond me. Your BFF should be so grateful that you are a loving and giving friend and not bent-out-of-shape because you took a gift to her niece. Maybe something else is going on here of which you are not aware. Shame on the niece for lying just to cover herself and in turn making you look like a liar. If I were you I'd be really upset with her and I'd let her know it. How dare she lie like that and cause you so much heartache when you were trying to do something nice for her. You've said you're sorry. That should be enough. I wouldn't try to make contact with any one of them. I'd be so disgusted with their attitude. Sorry you've been treated so badly.
              Last edited by rebeccas-sewing; February 23, 2014, 11:35 AM.
              Goodbye Europe! Hello California! Home sweet home.

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                #8
                Re: I need some advice

                I never heard that the parent are the ones to give the going home outfit. The mom usually has a baby shower and brings something herself. Then the other one about coming to visit the mom is strange to me too. My step dd has four kids and each time her room was packed with people and her husband snuck in beers for everyone to celebrate.

                I think your friend and niece are totally in the wrong and you should stop saying sorry, you did nothing wrong. Maybe your friend is just jealous you did it instead of her.


                And get her off your phone! I was never more stressed when I had both dd's on a plan and I didn't even own a phone. Worst mistake ever.
                Last edited by Hulamoon; February 23, 2014, 12:43 PM.
                🌺 Lorie

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                  #9
                  Re: I need some advice

                  There must be something else going on here. Why would anyone be upset about some one taking a new baby a present??? I would just tell your BFF that somewhere something got misunderstood and you only had good intentions, that your sorry for the misunderstanding and then drop it...balls in her court!!
                  Then as fast as I could run ...I'd find a new phone company and set MYSELF up a new contract...tell my BFF with the new prices I could no longer afford the extra line...again balls in her court!!
                  Then I would behave as I always have with this friend. If it's a true friendship things will heal...other wise it wasn't what you thought it was.
                  If you watch those judge shows on tv...there is always some one suing their best friends over phone contracts. Good idea to drop that problem before it gets even worse!
                  sigpicWHEN THE STITCHES ARE PERFECT....THAT'S GOD'S WORK

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                    #10
                    Re: I need some advice

                    Speaking as the first time parent of a 10 day old baby- those people are nuts. My wife and I appreciate all the gifts (clothes or otherwise) which have been given to us. I don't really know where the outfit that we brought Little Man home from the hospital came from. I assume mom bought it but it I don't really remember because we got a lot of clothes at the baby shower which I did not attend so it may have been a gift. What made bringing him home special was bringing him home though and not what clothes he was wearing.

                    People need to calm down. Who has been harmed by your thoughtful gift? I'm sorry this created drama. If you come to MD you can dress Sawyer in whatever you want and Tabatha and I would just be grateful to have such a thoughtful friend.
                    Loosely based on a true story.

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                      #11
                      Re: I need some advice

                      Just let it ride. If she is truly your BFF. She'll forget about it or decide that is not really a big deal after all.
                      Peggy:icon_hug:

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                        #12
                        Re: I need some advice

                        Here is my two cents for what it is worth. First, you didn't do anything wrong, AT ALL! Now that that part is said, and from talking to my therapist on my own issues, Your friend is going through a lot. The SIL, dad, new baby. The one things that every human requires in life, somewhere, is control. That could be control over a diet, job, house, hobby, friendship, family. It runs the gambit. But humans need to feel there is something in their life that they can control. She has no control right now. No control over death, cancer, or things going on around her. Seems she is reaching out to control something, anything. She is in the wrong but sounds like she is spiraling. Give her time, don't take it personally. This is her problem, not yours. Sometimes the best thing to do is just step back. You have control over your life. She might somewhere deep down inside, be envious of that at this time.

                        That is the professional advice I paid for, yours for the taking. LOL It is true though.
                        Hugs,
                        Joanne

                        There are no mistakes, only happy accidents. - Bob Ross

                        A girl needs to surround herself with TONS of happiness.
                        Happiness = fabric!:icon_woohoo:

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                          #13
                          Re: I need some advice

                          Congrats to you and the wife. Now THIS is some good news.

                          Sugar is such a sweet, honest, down-to-earth person. Hopefully this will not worry her to death as if she needs more on her plate.

                          Cheers,

                          L


                          Originally posted by HandsomeRyan View Post
                          Speaking as the first time parent of a 10 day old baby- those people are nuts. My wife and I appreciate all the gifts (clothes or otherwise) which have been given to us. I don't really know where the outfit that we brought Little Man home from the hospital came from. I assume mom bought it but it I don't really remember because we got a lot of clothes at the baby shower which I did not attend so it may have been a gift. What made bringing him home special was bringing him home though and not what clothes he was wearing.

                          People need to calm down. Who has been harmed by your thoughtful gift? I'm sorry this created drama. If you come to MD you can dress Sawyer in whatever you want and Tabatha and I would just be grateful to have such a thoughtful friend.
                          sigpic

                          http://www.sewlyricallyvintage.wordpress.com

                          "Being a great quilter is 5% talent and 95% pushing yourself away from the internet!" ~ Angel Bear

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                            #14
                            Re: I need some advice

                            Gee... I usually do take a gift to a new baby, if I visit while mom and baby are still in the hospital.... Nothing wrong with that.

                            To tell the truth, I really don't understand why your BFF is so angry.... I don't get it.... Find she wasn't to be the one besting gifts? She can't think that she should be the only one allowed to take a gift to the baby....

                            You should probably have a little talk with the mom.... She threw you under the bus.....and all you did was brung the baby something to wear going home....

                            Yikes!


                            Sandy from Cincinnati


                            AKA Kermit

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