Why do people have to be so inpatient?

[Rhonda D. Matzker]

OKAY I am venting here, which I don't do often, I usually do that on Facebook, but can't because the rest of my family will see it and I will get jumped on and I don't feel like listening to their BS today. So here it goes...

My niece is pregnant and is living in my mom's house (which is located directly behind my house). It has a spare room that, when mom was alive we converted into another bedroom for her and after she passed it became my sewing room. So not that my niece is pregnant, they (her & her boyfriend) wanted that to be their room (hence, I lost my sewing room), they wanted to move her son into mom's old room and turn his room into the nursery. I did not have a problem with this except I told her that some of the stuff that is that room was going to have to stay in that room because I had NO WHERE to go with right now. We also discussed taking the full size bed out of my spare room and putting it in her son's room and me bringing his twin bed over for the company we NEVER get since my husband smokes and won't quit (that is another vent). I said I would try to help them today. They called the house this morning and my DH told them that I was laying down because I was down in my back and had been for a few days. I told them a few days ago that I did not want ANYTHING (regardless of what it was in) set out in the cubby hole by that room. I get up from my nap and look at outside and low and behold there are boxes of stuff piled in that cubby, some of which was material and most of which was my mother's clothes (that I still can't go through). Needless to say I was POed. I, not being able to walk real great, go out to my shed and start moving boxes (which I shouldn't be doing) so that I could put that stuff in there (except for the material and clothes-which I brought to my-which I do not have room for but don't want outside). Then I go over there to see what was going and they have moved furniture around are packing up my mom's mug collection (which I also did not want (I was going to bring them to my house-my cats would not have bothered them-they didn't bother them when the cat's were at mom's house). She wanting the futon out of the room (I have no where to go with it) there are now 3 shelves she wants out of there (I have no where to go with them right now).

I was going to get my spare room over here in order and turn it into my sewing room so that I could bring some of the stuff over here but she didn't give me time to do anything. I just feel like they are slowly boxing mom away and that is HER house and it will always be HER house.

Just very irritate right now.

[kensington]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Who owns the house?

[Rhonda D. Matzker]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

My husband and I do. When we bought our home, it came with mom's house and another house. Mom moved down here with us after she retired in 2006 so we could keep and eye her but she would still be on her own.

[kensington]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Then, go over there and tell them you are not ready and you want them to stick to the plan you had to empty the house.

[Vonnie]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

That would really bug me too since you are actually their landlords and they are ignoring your requests.

[Rhonda D. Matzker]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Too late really, they most of it done before I found out about it.

[Genny]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Then, go over there and tell them you are not ready and you want them to stick to the plan you had to empty the house.

I agree and they need to know who owns the house and who makes the rules.

[auntiemern]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Ok, I told her to pack them up, so it would be easier for you to move them to your house, AFTER she called and said she was told to call me. I suggested that she leave some of them out, I did NOT know they were packing up mom's clothes and everything else. Uh it isn't as if the baby is due in a month. You need to tell them to slow down, and some of that stuff has to stay there and if they don't like it they can move. The shelving units can still be used in Gavin's and the baby's room. You own the house, so they need to follow your rules. The futon does not need to be moved out of the house entirely. You can't worry about them or Mary mad. That is still mom's house and you are 'letting' them live there for a minimal amount of rent. That point needs to be made clear. Or you can tell them they can't use that room at all, since it was not part of the original agreement since it has a separate entrance, and was to be used as your sewing room. They have plenty of room in the rest of the house.
And make them put everything they took out of there back. They can always move back up here and live with Larry. If they are gonna live there, then they have to follow your rules for the house.

[Rhonda D. Matzker]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

I told her I would ask you, I never told her to call you. I am going to bring the shelves over here I just can't do it right now. It's not Chad, it's Sarah, she is being a crab A-----.

[auntiemern]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

I would normally chalk it up to being hormonal, but can't in her case...just the way she is

[TRLSRL72]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

You are being much nicer about this then I would be. Family or not they should respect you. Like you said that was the agreement ahead of time. If you don't stand your ground now things will only get harder for you or worse for you. Sorry this is happening to you. I sure hope you get things settled.

[auntiemern]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

They know they wouldn't get away with that with me. And had she told me the WHOLE story, she would have gotten different instructions. Uh, and Chad wouldn't even be there.

[kensington]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

Yep, if you don't stand your ground now concerning YOUR house, they will be taking advantage of you all the time.

[Judy, USMC]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

I went through a similar circumstance. That's what happens when someone starts playing one relative against another - something like when mom says NO they'll go to dad hoping he'll say yes. I'd recommend telling her in very specific terms what can and can not be done. That she is only to speak directly with you. You are the only one that has the authority to give them permission for anything.

Then talk to your husband, sisters and any other relative and tell them that if the subject of the house or anything in it is off-limits for discussion. Relatives making comments like "That sounds good" or "I don't think she'll mind" will be taken as permission. If she calls while you are resting, hubby should tell her "Don't do anything until she calls you when she gets up." Any relatives should realize that they are getting only one side of the story when speaking with her and they don't have the authority to give instructions.

In my opinion, If they want things out of the house they can pay moving and storage fees at a reputable facility until you were ready to re-arrange your house. They probably don't realize what sacrifices you are making for their comfort - and sounds like they probably wouldn't appreciate it anyway. Time to be firm with everyone and explain the "new rules."

Bless you for the patience you've already shown!

[Rhonda D. Matzker]

Re: Why do people have to be so inpatient?

I need to go over and see what they actually did over there with all of the room and find out what they did with everything.