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    Funnies

    I thought we could have a thread here just for some jokes and light things. If I don't get a giggle or good squeal each day, it is a really bad day. Here is an oldie goldie but it still is cute.



    A frog goes into a bank and
    approaches the teller. He
    can see from her nameplate
    that her name is Patricia
    Whack.

    "Miss Whack, I'd like to get
    a $30,000 loan to take a
    holiday."

    Patty looks at the frog in
    disbelief and asks his name.
    The frog says his name is
    Kermit Jagger, his dad is
    Mick Jagger, and that it's
    okay, he knows the bank
    manager.

    Patty explains that he will
    need to secure the loan with
    some collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure. I have
    this," and produces a tiny
    porcelain elephant, about an
    inch tall, bright pink and
    perfectly formed.

    Very confused, Patty explains
    that she'll have to consult
    with the bank manager and
    disappears into a back office.

    She finds the manager and
    says, "There's a frog called
    Kermit Jagger out there who
    claims to know you and wants
    to borrow $30,000, and he
    wants to use this as
    collateral."

    She holds up the tiny pink
    elephant. "I mean, what in
    the world is this?"



    The bank manager looks back
    at her and says.

    "It's a knickknack, Patty
    Whack. Give the frog a loan,
    His old man's a Rolling
    Stone."


    (You're singing it, aren't you?
    Yeah, I know you are..)

    Never take life too seriously!
    Come on now, you grinned, I
    know you did!


    Sewing mends the soul.
    sigpic


    Do the math; count your blessings
    Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

    http://pinterest.com/vintageprims/boards/ Unless we are creating we are not fully alive
    ~ Madeleine L'Engle


    #2
    Re: Funnies

    Tooooo cute!!!
    There's still time to change the road you're on - Led Zeppelin, "Stairway to Heaven"

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Funnies

      I had heard that before, but missing the Kermit Jagger section. That makes it even better! Thanks Blondie!
      Be who you are and say what you feel
      because those who mind don't matter,
      and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

      http://www.toggpine.wordpress.com

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Funnies

        ok not giggling I'm laughing in my office at work and everyone is looking at me as they walk down the hallway. I needed that today. Thanks.

        Lynne

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Funnies

          Too funny Blondie!

          Hugs,
          http://www.flickr.com/photos/quiltsbytrish
          http://quiltdreaming.blogspot.com
          http://pinterest.com/TrishLapp


          What if you woke up today and the only things you had were the things you thanked God for yesterday? :icon_hug:quilting trish

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Funnies

            Originally posted by LynneLeavell View Post
            ok not giggling I'm laughing in my office at work and everyone is looking at me as they walk down the hallway. I needed that today. Thanks.

            Lynne
            Now we all know what you do in your down time! hehehe.
            Sewing mends the soul.
            sigpic


            Do the math; count your blessings
            Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

            http://pinterest.com/vintageprims/boards/ Unless we are creating we are not fully alive
            ~ Madeleine L'Engle

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Funnies

              Thanks , I really needed a smile.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Funnies

                That was cute Blondie, How is everyones day going? Mine was frigid. It's-4 degrees with the windchill. It was only 4 degrees to begin with. Brr. Our plow guy couldn't make it today so my little quilting and knitting group couldn't come out cause they would get stuck in the snow. Maybe it's just as well as it is so cold. So I mopped my floor for no good reason! LOL Just kidding it needed it anyway. I see Sally is back from her vacation.
                I'm glad she missed the 33 state snowstorm. Love to you all, Jan L
                Home, where each lives for the others and all live for God! ><(((((o>

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Funnies

                  Thanks Blondie Needed that one.
                  Have a blessed day in HIS name!
                  PAULA

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Funnies

                    GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES
                    Inside every older lady is a younger lady - wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong

                    Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

                    The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
                    -Helen Hayes (at 73)-

                    I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber-

                    Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
                    -Lily Tomlin-

                    A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
                    -Carrie Snow-

                    Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky-


                    My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck-

                    Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis-

                    A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome-

                    The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman-

                    Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
                    -Jennifer Unlimited-

                    Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton-

                    Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen-

                    I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-

                    If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine-

                    When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley-

                    I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton-

                    If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
                    -Sue Grafton-

                    I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
                    -Roseanne Barr-

                    When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-

                    Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

                    In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

                    I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem-

                    I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

                    Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
                    Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
                    it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

                    "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Funnies

                      Funny Sandy. Love the quotes. And so true too! Hugs, Jan L
                      Home, where each lives for the others and all live for God! ><(((((o>

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Funnies


                        That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Now Jan you know that's what I look like in the morning!
                        hehehe
                        Sewing mends the soul.
                        sigpic


                        Do the math; count your blessings
                        Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

                        http://pinterest.com/vintageprims/boards/ Unless we are creating we are not fully alive
                        ~ Madeleine L'Engle

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Funnies

                          Blondie, somehow our pictures got switched or something -- that looks about like me.
                          Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
                          it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

                          "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Funnies

                            LEXIPHILES

                            To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

                            When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

                            A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

                            When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

                            The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

                            The batteries were given out free of charge.

                            A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

                            A will is a dead giveaway.

                            If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

                            With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

                            Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

                            You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

                            Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

                            A boiled egg is hard to beat.

                            When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

                            Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

                            Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

                            If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

                            A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

                            In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that
                            votes.

                            When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds

                            The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

                            He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

                            Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

                            When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

                            Acupuncture: a jab well done.
                            Sometimes, when there's a raging fire,
                            it's best not to try to put it out with gasoline.

                            "...pal carajo con la negatividad..."

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Funnies


                              Thanks Sandy, not only is it pleasant to share a cup of coffee with you in the a.m., you are not only sharing funnies but making me think and re read a few. LOL. Love it.
                              Sewing mends the soul.
                              sigpic


                              Do the math; count your blessings
                              Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

                              http://pinterest.com/vintageprims/boards/ Unless we are creating we are not fully alive
                              ~ Madeleine L'Engle

                              Comment

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