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  • MSN
    replied
    I have worked at a VA hospital for more than 30 years. One thing I have learned is that veterans take care of each other like they were brothers. And their brother's family, too. The saying, "Once a Marine, always a Marine" is so true.

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  • cjsews
    replied
    That was so wonderful of those men. Brings tears to my eyes and a joy to my heart

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  • Bouse
    replied
    What a lovely thing Lance and Jimmy did for you and hopefully you can take some comfort from that. 4 weeks already! It probably feels like time has dragged it's heels but also flashed by. Each day brings new challenges for us all especially at this time but we can all only take it one day at a time. It's lovely to hear from you again as you negotiate this new to you way of life. There will be stumbles and hurdles as you continue but we are all here for you lean on when you get weary. There are many members of this forum who have travelled this path ahead of you and know exactly what you are going though.

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  • ktdid
    replied
    17, April 2020
    It’s 4 weeks today…I had gotten the death certificate last week, but I just couldn’t open it. I can’t say why, I guess in some dumb way, it wasn’t “Official” up to that point…it’s like this is it, it’s the last confirmation of Bob leaving me. I have to take it to the lawyer, to file for putting the house in just my name. I’m still somewhat in the “dazed” state. You ask yourself over & over, is this really “real”? I guess a “Reality Check” is in order here. But it’s just too hard. The images are still doing a rerun in my head. I can’t make it stop …..

    My Lupus is flaring up, it’s always there, but some days-weeks- it’s worse. No 2 people have Lupus in the same way. It’s a crap shoot every time you get up, wondering what will you get accomplished today? if anything, and what part of the body is causing chaos. I usually have about 4- 6 hours a day to stand up & get something done. I get so ANGRY I want to do things, but the body doesn’t cooperate. If it weren’t for my pain med. I’d be on the couch 24-7. I’m constantly thinking of the forum family, I feel for them, and what they have gone through. I could never forget them. Their words have given me so much comfort, and support like I have never known.
    Lance, the neighbor up the street, did the most wonderful thing for me last Friday. I’m inserting my letter to him. He has been a true “Blessing”.

    Friday 10, April 2020
    Cushing, Oklahoma

    There are angels among us, living, breathing, mortal angels, doing “Gods” work. Not knowing they had been chosen to do their particular selfless act. Each of us has pondered the thought, why am I here, what is my purpose in life? I have been compelled to tell this story, this feeling will not let me rest until I do, I take it as a message from God to do this, I cannot explain this feeling, nor can I say I won’t do this, all I know is I must write this down. To acknowledge, the men that did such a wonderful unselfish act. To say “Thank You” from my very soul.

    There were 2 of these mortal angels, that came to me one morning while I was sitting on my porch. One I knew, the other I didn’t know.
    Lance Larson was a neighbor up the street from me. I mostly knew him as the guy who mowed lawns, dressed in shorts, sitting upon his riding lawnmower. He knew my husband had been gravely ill, and had recently passed away. He offered me help in any way he could, because my husband had been a Marine. He had told me he was a member of the American Legion Post 108 here in Cushing, Oklahoma.
    But that particular day, he looked so different, he was nicely dressed, in his legion shirt, hat, and white gloves. A proud handsome man who was still serving his country. Then the other man introduced himself as Jimmy Cranford. he also, was dressed as handsome as Lance.

    These 2 men, who proudly stood in front of me, representing their post and our country. Jimmy began to speak, in his soft voice, I started crying, when he thanked me for my husband’s service. His kind words touched my heart in my darkest of hours. Then he presented me with a flag, neatly folded in the traditional triangle. I clutched this flag closely with all my might. Had it been a living thing, it wouldn’t have survived. I kept saying to them how very much this meant to me, how kind they were to do this. I felt so blest and honored. Jimmy’s words came from the heart, not a scripted speech, that they had meant every word spoken. I knew Lance felt the same way.

    Getting back to the question of why we are here? what is our purpose in life? What did God expect of us? God choose these 2 men in particular, because he saw the kindness within them, he knew their strength, their patriotic fortitude. To give aid and comfort, in any way they could. Only these 2 men could reach out in the way they did, to give consoling words when I needed it most.

    They are fulfilling what God asks of them, this is what their purpose is. The act of giving, their standing proudly representing their country. The comfort they give is immeasurable, they have served their country well. I shall remember Lance & Jimmy for as long as I live, as other’s will also, when they encounter these “Angels” When all is said & done, and God looks upon these men, he will say to them “A Job well done, Lance & Jimmy, “A job well done”
    In kind regards Lance & Jimmy, you have no idea how much you’re appreciated and respected.
    Kathryn
    13, April 2020

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  • ktdid
    replied
    Morning all, Terry, your right regarding spirits. I'm not a medium, nor anything except what I call a "feeling in my bones". After coming to Oklahoma I have experienced many events in and out of this house. I know there is a woman named Maude, she lived here in the 30's and her husband was Howard. One day I was in the kitchen and the microwave suddenly turned on all by itself!, I wasn't afraid, but I knew it was her, and she was wondering what the "zapper" was, & accidently got to close! There's a chair in the dinning room from an old courthouse I bought. And it creeks and moans when anyone sits in it. Quite often, I'll hear it creaking just like someone is sitting in it, and I always get a mental picture of a man in blue overalls, coming in from a hot day, to cool off. Many times when I go to do a wash, before I get to the washer it will come on, all ready to start washing!

    2 days after Bob, I went to wash, and every & I mean every light on that washer light up like a Christmas tree, flashing like a strobe light! all I could do was say "Please tell me it's you" but nothing since then, I get the feeling he's not here, but in Idaho with his past family/. Oh! how that hurts, I HAVE to know he's here! in this house..... Later, I will post a letter I wrote to my friends sister that lost her DH. It's about my brother.

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  • jjkaiser
    replied
    Oh Kathryn, how I wish we lived closer, you really need a good friend right now. Everything you are going through is completely normal. Reliving Bob's death, what you did or wish you did, all normal. My sister died years ago of suicide, and my last phone conversation (she lived far away) with her we had an argument and she hung up on me. I played the what if game afterwards for years and finally got myself to let it go. Your brain will seem to play tricks on you, your memory will seem to have a life of its own recalling some things vividly yet you might not have a clue what day of the week it is. And no you are not going crazy it is just your body's way of processing this horrible loss. Let yourself cry and just do whatever it rakes to get through the next hour, the rest of the day. I am so so sorry you are hurting like this. Unfortunately there is no way to skip this part, just get through it. We are ALL here for you whenever you need us. Life will get easier but truthfully probably not for a long time.

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  • 201 Treadler
    replied
    just heard 'crying in the rain' by a-ha
    thought of you continuing prays for some comfort,
    virtual hugs T

    Leave a comment:


  • GuitarGramma
    replied
    Kathryn, you are very sweet to share with us all that is going on with you. I know I speak for everyone here, that we are honored you are willing to pour out your heart to us. Whether you're writing anew or re-sending a prior post, we feel your pain. Many of us are praying for you. (((((HUGS)))))

    Leave a comment:


  • chelea
    replied
    Kathryn, from what you say you've had some rough patches in life. One saying I've heard is that the toughest steel is forged in the hottest fire. I think you're stronger than you might think. There is no time table for working through these feelings...it's whatever time your body and mind need to process it all. Be kind to yourself.

    Leave a comment:


  • cjsews
    replied
    With all the stress of the virus on top of your DH passing may seem unbearable. It is for me. But we will get thru this. Time will ease our grief. Just hang in there. My DD decided to get married 5 weeks after. I totally lost it after the vows. Had to go home and cry the rest of the day. It is slowly getting better for me and it will for you too.
    happy Easter. A time for new beginnings

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  • SuzanneOrleansOntario
    commented on 's reply
    Katie, I can't speak from experience but somehow people say the pain passed with time. I don't think it really does for many, but maybe switches to distant and fond memories, a moment of kindness. Today is the 20th anniversary of my dad's passing. I remember him for all his kindness, his quiet guidance. While I cried for years before he died as he suffered from COPD, we did spent moments together in silence and just being there.

  • ktdid
    replied
    9, April 2020
    3 weeks 2 days I’m about the same as when this whole thing started. The days seem to blur into just one single event that never stops. The only difference is how many times did I cry each day….and how many times did I wish for events or things I cannot change??

    To all the women on the forum, those of you that have been thru this, I do feel for you, I do know how much you hurt. I’m truly sorry for all of you, you’re in my prayers as well, asking God to ease your pain. It would be a sin to not include you!
    I’ve thought about why is it, after a loved one passes, we try to make them better than they really were, or not wanting them to sound bad, we put the blame on ourselves?? We can play the “What if’s” into eternity, and it won’t change a thing! We try to justify the reasons of them passing. The “If only” starts to creep into your brain, “If”. .. “I had done, “If only I hadn’t” If…if…if…goes on forever. Just how stupid is that?

    We ask God to many questions. We also question God to many things. I’ve never asked the infamous “WHY” first of all, it’s not a fair question, and secondly, you’re not going to receive an answer. But I certainly have told “God” I do not understand”. Please help me see the meaning of this when I’m troubled or so deeply in horrible sorrow as I am now.

    I’ve had the troubling thoughts of why should I care about anything… nothing changes…I’m still just going thru the motions of doing the daily crap-o-la things like a robot. I can feel nothing past what I’m going through now. I’m numb, what’s a little more pain? what’s a little more burden? I just accept it, because I don’t really care. I resign myself to “Maybe, this is God’s way of punishing me for things I did or didn’t do.

    All I know right now, is these tears will not, stop flowing, the constant re-run of his passing going on & on & on in my brain. That every time I sit on the couch, I look into his bedroom, and see his cowboy hat on the bed. That hat for him was “him” he never went out the door without it. Just as you would wear clothes, he wore that hat! I can’t bear to remove it from my sight. Yet, I can’t bear to look at it…it’s an oxymoron!

    A neighbor just a few houses from me is very involved in the American Legion. He passed by yesterday, and I stopped him to tell him about Bob, and how I had tried to call several veteran’s groups for any help they might offer, and that they all said no. He said he would look into it for me, and said he had known others who had their funeral expenses reimburse. I’m not letting myself think this will happen, almost, always I get let down and disappointed, but then, “disappointed” is my middle name!

    I seem to have stopped calling MSQ’s “The forum” it seems more appropriate to just say “The Family”. I’ve never had a family per say, my grandma died when I was 7, I took over the household, my mother had polio. I was 10 when I was given my sister, to raise literally...her crib etc. was in my bedroom. I was her “mother”.
    I also cooked my first full thanksgiving meal at 10, looking back it was child abuse, but no one acknowledged it as that. It was just life as I knew it, best not to question why.
    I’ve gotten off the beaten path so to speak, to many bad memories in this brain!! I need to go do my robot things today. I’ll mow tomorrow, I’m tired….to all of you have a very blessed day! Love Kathryn


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  • JCY
    replied
    Hang in there, one day at a time. There was an article in our paper today about the Honor Guard temp. discontinuing their service at veterans' funerals due to the risk of exposure to the C-19. These vets are elderly themselves. Hopefully one day this craziness will be over & things will normalize again. Hold out for your flag from the mortuary. Sorry you're having such a tough time of it. Yes, journaling helps.

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  • Monique
    replied
    Words escape me, thoughts, prayers and virtual hugs headed your way.

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  • Bouse
    replied
    My thoughts continue to be with you as you learn to get through this phase of your life.

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