1, April 2020
I finally gave up on the post office sending the boxes. I’m packing it well, a box withing a box. Sending it Fed X. As I’m driving, I cry saying “You’re on your final last trip” …… I cry all afternoon
2, April 2020
It was 2 weeks last Tuesday, these tears running down my face are relentless, some say it’s cleansing ….all I know is that it doesn’t stop. I asked his sister to spread some of Bob’s ashes out on the desert. I feel sorry for anyone that has never smelled the sage brush right after a rain, it’s cleansing, a freshness one can’t describe and you never forget that scent. Bob loved going out on the desert, camping out, with just his horse, a cast iron skillet, and a few provisions. I’ll ask her to send me some sage brush so I can smell it again, I doubt I’ll ever get to see that beautiful desert that goes on for miles & miles again.
The mortuary calls, said because of the virus, they will mail the death certificate to me… now this place is about 5 -6 blocks from my house, why the hell couldn’t they just open the door a crack and give it to me…. or leave it at my house. That means, to go those 6 blocks, it will travel over 125 miles to get here……. STUPID! and no, they didn’t say anything about the flag….. I knew it!!
3, April 202
Finally got the mower oil changed, will mow and trim, I’m going to be sorry tomorrow, it always hurts the next day, but I just don’t have the extra money to hire someone., there aren’t any groups around, plus everything is closed up anyway. I tried to read some more of a book my doctor told me to get. “Don’t take my sorrow away from me” it’s written by a minister. I can only read a couple pages at a time, with tears running down, it keeps me from reading, maybe by June I’ll have read all of it!!
4, April
It’s 1
0 am, I’m tracking Bob’s package I sent to his sister in Wendell, Idaho, just north of Twin Falls. I start crying, as I type in the tracking #. It’s in Salt Lake City, Utah…..it will be delivered late today. The tears are uncontrollable now, I’m shaking, this is as bad as when he passed. I haven’t felt his spirit “Dear God” please tell me he will be here in this house!! Some day I may explain my experiences to the forum of all the things that have happened in this house, just hope some of them don’t think I’m losing it for good. I have experienced it myself for real, that there’s more out there that we cannot comprehend. I’m crying so hard now I can’t type. It’s just killing me! I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this nightmare! My mind just keeps seeing Bob pass, it’s like a loop, just running constantly over & over every day. Even though I’m grateful he didn’t struggle at all, it’s of no comfort to this pain and anguish.
The forum has been a refuge, I just wished they knew how much they have helped me, and how I think so highly of them. Their kindness will never be forgotten, how could it? The only friend I had left has never called for 2 weeks it’s a blow to me, after I cared so much for her after Bobbie died. I guess she doesn’t have the same feelings for me, it’s a hard reality to think it’s all been one sided for 42 years!, she was family, I loved her dearly and told her so. What’s terrible, is I can’t tell her what I think, she’s the only one that can drive me next month for my eye surgery…isn’t that a fine predicament?? I have to swallow my pride, I can hardly drive now, but the surgery will fix that. I hate people that are hypocrites, but she’s the only one I have left to drive me. I HATE this. I need to tell the forum thank you again, I doubt they will ever know how much I have come to care about them. They’ve been so tolerant of me, and I do know of at least a couple that wish I would just shut-up about it. Maybe I should pray for them….
I'm not sure if I posted this correctly, excuse me I did a repeat my brain is slightly off!!.
I finally gave up on the post office sending the boxes. I’m packing it well, a box withing a box. Sending it Fed X. As I’m driving, I cry saying “You’re on your final last trip” …… I cry all afternoon
2, April 2020
It was 2 weeks last Tuesday, these tears running down my face are relentless, some say it’s cleansing ….all I know is that it doesn’t stop. I asked his sister to spread some of Bob’s ashes out on the desert. I feel sorry for anyone that has never smelled the sage brush right after a rain, it’s cleansing, a freshness one can’t describe and you never forget that scent. Bob loved going out on the desert, camping out, with just his horse, a cast iron skillet, and a few provisions. I’ll ask her to send me some sage brush so I can smell it again, I doubt I’ll ever get to see that beautiful desert that goes on for miles & miles again.
The mortuary calls, said because of the virus, they will mail the death certificate to me… now this place is about 5 -6 blocks from my house, why the hell couldn’t they just open the door a crack and give it to me…. or leave it at my house. That means, to go those 6 blocks, it will travel over 125 miles to get here……. STUPID! and no, they didn’t say anything about the flag….. I knew it!!
3, April 202
Finally got the mower oil changed, will mow and trim, I’m going to be sorry tomorrow, it always hurts the next day, but I just don’t have the extra money to hire someone., there aren’t any groups around, plus everything is closed up anyway. I tried to read some more of a book my doctor told me to get. “Don’t take my sorrow away from me” it’s written by a minister. I can only read a couple pages at a time, with tears running down, it keeps me from reading, maybe by June I’ll have read all of it!!
4, April
It’s 1

The forum has been a refuge, I just wished they knew how much they have helped me, and how I think so highly of them. Their kindness will never be forgotten, how could it? The only friend I had left has never called for 2 weeks it’s a blow to me, after I cared so much for her after Bobbie died. I guess she doesn’t have the same feelings for me, it’s a hard reality to think it’s all been one sided for 42 years!, she was family, I loved her dearly and told her so. What’s terrible, is I can’t tell her what I think, she’s the only one that can drive me next month for my eye surgery…isn’t that a fine predicament?? I have to swallow my pride, I can hardly drive now, but the surgery will fix that. I hate people that are hypocrites, but she’s the only one I have left to drive me. I HATE this. I need to tell the forum thank you again, I doubt they will ever know how much I have come to care about them. They’ve been so tolerant of me, and I do know of at least a couple that wish I would just shut-up about it. Maybe I should pray for them….
I'm not sure if I posted this correctly, excuse me I did a repeat my brain is slightly off!!.
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