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  • GuitarGramma
    replied
    Ktdid, thank you for sharing with us. Again my heart breaks for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • cjsews
    replied
    I’ve been in your shoes recently. Replaying those last few weeks over and over. Crying all day. It is finally slowing for me and it will for you too. As for your friend, maybe she just doesn’t know what to say at this moment. It is hard to see someone go thru this and know that you cannot make it go away. You can do this. Just give yourself time.

    Leave a comment:


  • ktdid
    replied
    1, April 2020
    I finally gave up on the post office sending the boxes. I’m packing it well, a box withing a box. Sending it Fed X. As I’m driving, I cry saying “You’re on your final last trip” …… I cry all afternoon

    2, April 2020
    It was 2 weeks last Tuesday, these tears running down my face are relentless, some say it’s cleansing ….all I know is that it doesn’t stop. I asked his sister to spread some of Bob’s ashes out on the desert. I feel sorry for anyone that has never smelled the sage brush right after a rain, it’s cleansing, a freshness one can’t describe and you never forget that scent. Bob loved going out on the desert, camping out, with just his horse, a cast iron skillet, and a few provisions. I’ll ask her to send me some sage brush so I can smell it again, I doubt I’ll ever get to see that beautiful desert that goes on for miles & miles again.

    The mortuary calls, said because of the virus, they will mail the death certificate to me… now this place is about 5 -6 blocks from my house, why the hell couldn’t they just open the door a crack and give it to me…. or leave it at my house. That means, to go those 6 blocks, it will travel over 125 miles to get here……. STUPID! and no, they didn’t say anything about the flag….. I knew it!!

    3, April 202
    Finally got the mower oil changed, will mow and trim, I’m going to be sorry tomorrow, it always hurts the next day, but I just don’t have the extra money to hire someone., there aren’t any groups around, plus everything is closed up anyway. I tried to read some more of a book my doctor told me to get. “Don’t take my sorrow away from me” it’s written by a minister. I can only read a couple pages at a time, with tears running down, it keeps me from reading, maybe by June I’ll have read all of it!!

    4, April
    It’s 10 am, I’m tracking Bob’s package I sent to his sister in Wendell, Idaho, just north of Twin Falls. I start crying, as I type in the tracking #. It’s in Salt Lake City, Utah…..it will be delivered late today. The tears are uncontrollable now, I’m shaking, this is as bad as when he passed. I haven’t felt his spirit “Dear God” please tell me he will be here in this house!! Some day I may explain my experiences to the forum of all the things that have happened in this house, just hope some of them don’t think I’m losing it for good. I have experienced it myself for real, that there’s more out there that we cannot comprehend. I’m crying so hard now I can’t type. It’s just killing me! I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this nightmare! My mind just keeps seeing Bob pass, it’s like a loop, just running constantly over & over every day. Even though I’m grateful he didn’t struggle at all, it’s of no comfort to this pain and anguish.
    The forum has been a refuge, I just wished they knew how much they have helped me, and how I think so highly of them. Their kindness will never be forgotten, how could it? The only friend I had left has never called for 2 weeks it’s a blow to me, after I cared so much for her after Bobbie died. I guess she doesn’t have the same feelings for me, it’s a hard reality to think it’s all been one sided for 42 years!, she was family, I loved her dearly and told her so. What’s terrible, is I can’t tell her what I think, she’s the only one that can drive me next month for my eye surgery…isn’t that a fine predicament?? I have to swallow my pride, I can hardly drive now, but the surgery will fix that. I hate people that are hypocrites, but she’s the only one I have left to drive me. I HATE this. I need to tell the forum thank you again, I doubt they will ever know how much I have come to care about them. They’ve been so tolerant of me, and I do know of at least a couple that wish I would just shut-up about it. Maybe I should pray for them….
    Last edited by ktdid; April 4, 2020, 06:19 AM.

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  • redcaboose1717
    replied
    This might sound silly, but my DH Terry died in 2002.....and when I remarried in 2009, I still hadn't removed his clothes from his closet. Partly because I just couldn't deal with it and another thing was that his closet was in another bedroom, because I have so many clothes.
    I didn't clean out the closet until a few minutes after John called and asked (this was about a week prior to the wedding) if it was okay if he started bringing his clothes over to the house!

    There's no rules set in stone as to how you handle things like this.....

    Leave a comment:


  • 201 Treadler
    replied
    all can say is your here in our hearts, sending you virtual hugs, when you need them, speak when you want to, cry when need to, feel your not alone all the time here, 🌷

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  • Kgrammiecaz
    replied
    Grief has no rules. They say sharing helps, so please continue to share. I will add prayers for easier days. Virtual Hugs sent your way.

    Leave a comment:


  • MSN
    commented on 's reply
    "Worry does not take the pain from tomorrow. It only takes the strength from today." -- Author unknown

  • Navy Wife
    replied
    I have no words of wisdom, but so many here have given you great advice. I would only add, take care of yourself. You will be able to handle things better if you are well and healthy. I know it has to be hard to do, but be sure to take your medicines regularly, try to eat the best diet you can, take vitamins, try to rest even if you can't sleep. Keep writing to us, and know that our prayers are with you.

    Leave a comment:


  • PrettyCurious
    replied
    Your thoughts, and feeling are normal, and they help others to feel normal. It's ok, to tell us about it. Get those feelings out there, instead of keeping them pent up.
    One thing I learned about fear, is that it won't change the outcome - it will only change you, into something you won't like. I should know. I've wasted considerable time fearing my future.
    May God Bless you and bring peace to you.

    Leave a comment:


  • shermur
    replied
    It is part of the healing process, sweetie. Lean on those who care about you......

    Leave a comment:


  • SallyO'Sews
    replied
    Hi, Kathryn, I have no wisdom to add to that which has already been offered, but want you to know your words are never a burden here. Sending you cyber hugs and praying for you. Thanks for sharing with us; we really do feel honored that you trust us with your feelings.

    Leave a comment:


  • toggpine
    replied
    You might also see if you can contact a senior services program in your area. Ours has a list of resources or people who are willing/able to help with things like yard work. In some cases, some students need community service hours for graduation requirements and will work for free. Since it's outside, they may even still be able to come help during the social distancing mandate.
    If you don't want his award ring/jewelry you may take it to a jeweler and see if they can restyle it for you. They could design a ring using the gold and diamonds that you could wear. You could also see what a fair market price for those items is, if you don't want to keep them. If you don't want the jacket, you might ask his employer. They may want to hang it in the office or something.

    I hope you find the answers you need from the people you have contacted. These are crazy times right now. I can't begin to imagine going through your situation during this pandemic.
    Prayers for peace and healing of your heart.

    Leave a comment:


  • Deegles
    replied
    Writing this all out will help, and does help. What you are experiencing is normal. Do not worry. Perhaps you know someone who could give you a bit of relief with the mowing. My parents are your age and are too stubborn to ask for help. Reach out and ask for help, it is easy. Asking for help......I know there is bound to be someone you know that knows what you are going through who can help you with the physical, while you are dealing with the emotional aspect. As much as we want to help you in this forum, we are limited. Sending hugs from Texas. ((((((Hugs)))))))

    Leave a comment:


  • Navy Wife
    replied
    God be with you as you find your way through this maze. Many of us have been on that trail. The rest will face it in the future. Take care of yourself first. We are here to help with the rest.

    Leave a comment:


  • GuitarGramma
    replied
    Dear Kathryn,

    Like everyone else here, I'm glad that you can pour out your feelings here on the forum. We are honored that you are sharing your difficult journey with us. Please, as so many others have said, do not strive to spare us. We are here to read as much or as little as you want to share with us.

    God bless you and keep you as you walk this difficult path.

    Leave a comment:

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