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View Full Version : Venting, do you think I was out of line



jjkaiser
July 2nd, 2019, 03:52 PM
First, this is totally unrelated to quilting. My dd is having a baby in Sept and her best friend Megan wanted to have a shower for her. She said she couldn't have it at her house bc she got a new dog recently and didn't know how the dog would react to so many people being over so she asked me if I could have it at my house. I said sure. She did the invites and is doing the decorations and games. The invite said the shower is from 12:30-3:30. I am providing all the food. Another daughter Katy is helping pulling it all together, making cakes etc. I tried contacting Megan by phone but she lets it go to VM, says she does not talk on the phone only texts!! Katy (who does talk on the phone) told me today that she was txting Megan back and forth and Megan decided not to do any games and instead was planning an art project. She is buying 2 dozen white onesies and wants people coming to paint them with special fabric paint that she will provide. There's about 25 people coming, incl about 6 kids age 2-10. I txtd Megan that I did not like the idea. She msg me back that the kids would not be allowed to paint shirts, only the adults. I could see a problem developing right there. I told her I wished she had asked me about this first but sorry, no you cannot do this art project at my house at the shower. We would have to do it at the dining room table where we will be eating (and which has beige carpeting under the table) and where am I supposed to lay out all the shirts to dry, not to mention this project would eat up way too much time given the length of the shower. So now Megan is mad at me for saying no and wrecking her "cool fun idea" and she already bought half the supplies. I feel like a real meany but this just seemed like such a terrible idea to me. The shower is in two weeks. Well thank you for letting me vent here!

quiltsRfun
July 2nd, 2019, 03:56 PM
If it’s happening at your house it should be cleared by you first. JMHO

auntstuff
July 2nd, 2019, 04:05 PM
Your house. Your rules.

JCY
July 2nd, 2019, 04:14 PM
Absolutely! I agree. What's wrong with having some games?! And why are there children coming to the shower? Usually it's an all adult event. I hope you can get all the details worked out to everyone's satisfaction with no hurt feelings. Sorry you're having an awkward time of it.

KPH
July 2nd, 2019, 04:18 PM
You aren't out of line at all! It's your house, you have final say on everything. I wouldn't have allowed kids, or a 'painting craft' in my house either. If she insists on painting, make her do it outside and figure out the rest of the logistics of such a craft on her own.

DeniseSm
July 2nd, 2019, 05:19 PM
Totally justified. Your house, your rules.

Caroline T.
July 2nd, 2019, 05:28 PM
I agree "Your House, Your Rules".

I've been to many baby showers where kids are present, and they will expect (and their mothers will expect it too) to be included in the party games and festivities. If she thinks that they won't be, I hope she has other distractions planned for them. (I'm guessing she's not a mom yet?)

But if you're in the mind for a compromise, suggest to the hostess, and I give her that title loosely, as it seems the hostess usually provides the venue and the food too, maybe co-hostess is more appropriate, but I'm getting off topic now - where was I? Oh yeah...

Suggest that if she really wants to do this project, that she provide outdoor tables and chairs so that the art project can be done outside where you don't have to be concerned about paint spills on your furniture (this includes your outdoor furniture) and carpet, and the kids can partake too (and yes, the kids are going to want to participate and some will pout or worse, if they are told No), and she should also provide painting smocks (old t-shirts work) for the kids while she's at it.

Carol336
July 2nd, 2019, 05:29 PM
I agree with everyone else...it definitely should have been cleared with you. It's just a shame your DD's shower is turning out so stressful for you.

am2901
July 2nd, 2019, 06:00 PM
jjkaiser, if Megan's only reason for not having the shower at her house is her dog, why don't you ask her if she can take the dog to a kennel during the time of the shower, or have someone else keep the dog at another location. Then if she wants to have a "paint party" she can have it at her own house.

GrammaBabs
July 2nd, 2019, 07:28 PM
Never ceases to amaze me the "lack of consideration" that comes with many of our younger generations... At the very least, asking permission should be a given...never mind asking their elders to take on MORE than agreed upon and think about the added work and stress this would cause.... I guess it's just me... I'm 72 ,,, my kids already are "extra kind" to the hubs and me realizing how lucky they were to have us for parents...:icon_razz: GB

Lyndaj
July 2nd, 2019, 08:39 PM
Your house, your rules. She was totally inconsiderate not speaking with you before just going forward with the idea.

As for the not speaking on the phone, I'm not a big fan of that either, but I answer the phone when people call me. She's just rude and seriously inconsiderate.

alliek
July 2nd, 2019, 08:56 PM
Absolutely agree with everyone. The "lack of consideration" is a big issue with todays very young generations. I can see the difference in my granddaughters and how they were raised. I love them all dearly, but some have no idea of looking beyond themselves and others,(raised in another household) are most considerate. At any rate NO to the painting,. You are very justified.

MRoy
July 2nd, 2019, 09:09 PM
You are absolutely justified in stopping the paint party before it's started. If it were my house I wouldn't want kids or adults slinging paint brushes loaded with paint around my furnishings...a disaster just waiting to happen! Silly girl should have asked you about it first.

pcbatiks
July 2nd, 2019, 09:09 PM
I agree with the others no paint project or they can do it outside. I would have a real problem with the fact that she can’t be bothered to talk with you on the phone but she wants you to do most of work for the shower.

The kids will definitely want to play with the paint project. I would say no, no, no!

Good luck.

KarenC
July 2nd, 2019, 09:39 PM
I have no issue with kids being at the shower, as long as the parents monitor them. Paint project - no way! My DD's baby shower was at my house, and everything was perfect except for one person's youngest child. The parents just let him run wild, especially at the end of the shower when most people had left but this family stayed to help my DD and SIL pack up (really the friend was going through all the gifts, and ignoring kid). I finally lost my cool and yelled at him when I yanked the ink pen away when he went to write on my brand new cabinets. 6 months later I was still finding pen marks on my ceramic tile where he had left his art work.

When DD asked about having DGD's birthday party at my house, I said "yes, as long as this friend is not here with her child running loose". She decided to have the party with family only.

GuitarGramma
July 2nd, 2019, 11:01 PM
JJ, any normal person would have called--I mean texted--to ask "how you felt/do you have an appropriate area/what should the kids do." It is insane to think (and I use the term loosely) that you could plan a painting activity at SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE!

I don't know how I would have reacted. I hope I would have been as brave and as kind as you. You are my hero!

pcbatiks
July 3rd, 2019, 12:14 AM
I think she is using her dog as an excuse not to have the mess at her house. :D

Heather
July 3rd, 2019, 12:59 AM
Nope, shes out of line, not you. The onesie / cloth diaper decoration projects Ive done are with fabric pens, not paint. And they were on a side table, so people could decorate them at their leisure during the party. And kids were not welcome. All of the mommies welcomed a half day without their dear little monsters, lol.

shermur
July 3rd, 2019, 05:56 AM
jj.......I am so sorry for the inconsideration and immaturity your DD's friend is showing. I would stand the same as you!

My youngest sister is the same way....my sister claims since she is on the phone all day with clients (insurance business), she doesn't like to talk on the phone on her "off hours". And she prefers to text, as well. I find myself viewing that kind of attitude as rude and that I am not worth her time to speak to me and texting is very impersonal.

You have every right to be peeved at your DD's friend for NOT speaking with you and planning the baby shower accordingly. She is using her dog as an excuse. If the friend was planning this baby shower, she would have kenneled the dog in another part of the house, informed those bringing their children to monitor or not bring them, and research better baby shower games instead of the one and only she chose to do.

It is selfish on her part that she wants everyone else to take on the hosting and do very little on her part. And then, to get offended when her one part is NOT executing the way she wants it to? NO....you take a stand; like everyone else has stated. YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES! The friend should at least want to compromise in planning a successful baby shower with everyone involved.

One of my biggest pet peeves is.....inconsideration!!!!! Stick to your guns, sweetie!

Monique
July 3rd, 2019, 09:10 AM
My two cents worth: I agree with everyone. And don't feel bad about your decision. Stick to your guns.

SuzanneOrleansOntario
July 3rd, 2019, 09:13 AM
Jocelyn, you are not out of line, and I would blow a fuse. Meghan is definitely using her dog as an excuse. She could leave it at a friends or board for the day. But I think she is expecting you to do the work and cleanup, while she takes the glory.

She should have spoken to you about her plans. I have a suggestion - that she sends the onesie to the guests as part of the invitation and ask them to decorate and bring it back dry and done to the shower. She can put her efforts giving everyone direction how to do. This might be inconvenient as I am guessing she is sending virtual invitations. As for kids, depending on age, I think you may want to limit or not allow unless they can help.

I hosted a shower for my DD, first child only. Her guest list, friends and couples and kids. Unfortunately many were toddlers or annoying kids, which the parents did not watch. There were over 50 people in the house, and this all while I was still working. I had games planned, which I updated to include men games. It went off ok, but it was a lot of work. Decor, food and managing it all. Unfortunately it was in March, so I couldn't use our outdoor space. Would I do it again, yes. Anything for my kids.

Patty J
July 3rd, 2019, 09:58 AM
I know that I am late with my comment, but I just wanted to give another opinion on the Paint Party-- I have hand tremors and NO artistic ability. If I was an invited guest at this party I would have been so embarrassed because I couldn't participate. I wouldn't have attempted the project, leaving me sitting in the corner waiting for the event to be over. I know that you don't change plans for a whole party just for one person, but I would hope there would be some consideration for ones like me.
JJ You are right to decline to have a "Paint Party" at your house. This is a disaster from the start. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

bakermom
July 3rd, 2019, 10:29 AM
people will probably be dressed nice and won;t want to risk ruining good clothes either. i have joint hosted showers being held at someone else's house . Communication is what makes it work. She is the one that dropped the ball, not you. She definately should have asked first!

EnumclawGramma
July 3rd, 2019, 11:11 AM
You had me at "she's having the shower, at my house" HA! She's not having the shower, YOU are. Your shower, your rules.

201 Treadler
July 3rd, 2019, 04:10 PM
i feel as its your house its not really acceptable to get paint all over your furniture ect.
do you have a local village hall or community centre, this is a honest ask as i dont know,
perhaps put a tall tent / gazebo up in garden or park.
are you doing a nappy cake?

Tracie T
July 3rd, 2019, 09:25 PM
I totally would not be in to having that mess all over the house. No way...that was rude of her to even expect you to do that.

grammaterry
July 4th, 2019, 11:41 AM
I see that someone else has my idea of distribution of the onesies beforehand to be decorated. Some may be more creative than others. Like I would embroider or applique mine. Painted onesies sound stiff. Oh well! She is not the hostess if you are supplying food and housing. My kids were not grownups until they could provide those two things.
I know you want your daughter to have a wonderful shower for her baby. So, text Megan and tell her that you are assuming the role of hostess and her help would be appreciated!

Simply Quilting
July 6th, 2019, 02:55 AM
Your house, Your rules! It sounds more like you are the one hosting the party and she just wants to act like she is in charge. As far as children at the shower, it is not uncommon around here for well-behaved or close family relative children to attend a baby shower or a bridal shower.

dwil23
July 6th, 2019, 06:31 AM
You were not at all out of line.

And....from a purely practical point of view - those "onesies" will likely never be used! I have seen this done and, quite frankly, they did not end up being anything that the new mom would ever put her baby into. Some were just downright hideous! And as someone else pointed out, not soft and cuddly.