View Full Version : Why I'm Not Sewing

January 24th, 2019, 05:27 PM
Back in December, I asked for prayers for my stepfather of 44 years. He had developed a blood clot that lodged in his intestines, and emergency surgery saved his life. The doctor had to remove all but 100cm of his small intestine, but that was deemed just enough to support life.

My stepfather started the long road to recovery. He seemed to be doing well. He began eating quasi-normal food. He moved from being bedridden to sitting in a wheelchair. From the wheelchair, he moved to walking. His color was good. He was cogent and looking forward to the future. He's spent years writing some marching band music and he talked with me about how he'd like to see the piece finished.

Warning: Skip this paragraph if you're eating.
One of the possible side effects of "short bowel syndrome" is uncontrollable "runs." That was certainly the case for my stepfather, along with his skin starting to break down as a side effect. He was in terrible pain.

A doctor advised our family that a feeding tube should be inserted for a month to give the bowel a chance to rest and recover. The pain got so bad that my stepfather decided to try this.

Sadly, this was the beginning of the end. Within a day, my stepfather was no longer cogent, instead we described him as "loopy." The bowel problems continued. And, worst of all, the feeding tube introduced infection that entered his blood stream and attached itself to the wires of his pacemaker.

His daughters decided to have the feeding tube removed. They also engaged hospice services, mostly for the extra benefits and care that their father would receive. We moved him and my mother into assisted living so that they could be together. That lasted ten days, and my stepfather passed away peacefully in his sleep.

My mom immediately moved back into her home, and my brother moved in to help her. I am handling all the financial details and the numerous notifications that must take place. We held a Memorial Service early in January, and the interment will take place next week. I am overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything.

May I say that checking into the Forum every day has brought a great deal of peace to my life? I thank you all for being my online friends. You've been quite instrumental in me keeping my sanity at a difficult time. Thank you.

Jean Sewing Machine
January 24th, 2019, 05:32 PM
Toni, that's a lot on your plate right now! Prayers for you and your family to be able to help everyone and cope with the daily challenges you are facing. I'll be thinking of you often. You have my deepest sympathy.

Patty J
January 24th, 2019, 05:56 PM
Prayers for you Toni, that sure is a lot to deal with. Remember that you can't take care of others if you aren't taking care of yourself. May you find peace and quiet for a while each day, you need it.

Caroline T.
January 24th, 2019, 06:08 PM
Toni, I'm so sorry. Losing a parent is never easy. I have a feeling your Step Father was a very interesting man to know. Did he have any influence on your musicality?

My thoughts and prayers will be with you daily during this difficult time.

Cyber Hugs being sent your way!

Carlie Wolf
January 24th, 2019, 06:46 PM
I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family have gone through. You are in my prayers.

January 24th, 2019, 07:16 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. Gods peace be on all you family.

January 24th, 2019, 07:25 PM
I am so sorry. What a shock to see your step father decline so unexpectedly and so rapidly. I am glad your brother could move in with your Mom and hopefully that will cause less worry for you that way. Sounds very stressful on everybody. Lots of adjustments to deal with besides the distress of his passing. Remember we are all here for you.

January 24th, 2019, 07:35 PM
Toni ~ So sorry to learn all you've been dealing with over the past weeks. My sympathies on the death of your step-father. I hope your mom will do okay. May God give you daily strength to cope with everything & comfort you & your family. God bless.

January 24th, 2019, 08:18 PM
Oh Toni, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes the paperwork is just so over whelming. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Tracie T
January 24th, 2019, 08:48 PM
Toni, I'm so sorry. I will pray for you and your family.

January 24th, 2019, 08:50 PM
Oh Toni, so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers your way as you deal with this.

January 24th, 2019, 09:15 PM
What a tragedy. We are grieving with you as your friends and will give you hugs and support . God bless you and your family

January 24th, 2019, 09:44 PM
My thoughts and prayers for you and your family. I totally understand the overwhelming feeling you have..... 3 yrs ago I lost both my parents exactly 6 weeks apart. Please know it does get better and please be sure to take some time to take care of yourself along the way.

January 24th, 2019, 09:53 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))

Cathy F
January 24th, 2019, 09:55 PM
I'm very sorry for your lost, you will be in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

January 24th, 2019, 10:28 PM
So very sorry for your loss. He is at peace now with no pain. Hugs to all

January 24th, 2019, 10:47 PM
Thank you all so very much. Your outpouring of concern is very meaningful to me. I thank you also for your prayers for our family.

My stepfather was an interesting man. I neglected to mention that he held a PhD in psychology and worked with youth. He started one of the first programs to help unwed mothers complete their high school diploma, and he took a lot of heat for doing so.

While I wouldn't say that his musical skills influenced me—I was a music lover long before my mother met him—it was music and theater that brought him and my mother together. They were a very happy couple who loved each other to the end. Their marriage blessed me with three amazing step-sisters whom I count as some of my closest friends.

Again, I thank you all.

Rhonda K
January 24th, 2019, 10:51 PM
May you have peace and comfort at this difficult time.

January 24th, 2019, 10:59 PM
I'm so sorry, what an ordeal. No more pain for your stepfather, he is at peace now.
Praying for you and the family at this difficult time. I understand how you feel.

January 24th, 2019, 11:03 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Saying a prayer for peace and comfort for you and your family.

January 24th, 2019, 11:04 PM
My deepest sympathy to you and your family!!!

January 24th, 2019, 11:18 PM
Toni, my sincere sympathies to you, your mom and your siblings. It's difficult to comprehend the speed at which a body can go downhill so quickly. I'm glad that you have support from your brother, and it sounds like you may get help from your step-sisters.

It's a lot to go through but know that your forum friends are here when you need a distraction. Hugs.

January 24th, 2019, 11:50 PM
You have God, family, friends, and quilting. You will come through this.

January 25th, 2019, 12:51 AM
I'm so very sorry you are going thru this. I know it is not easy, as we went thru it with MM's mom.

When MM was so sick that summer, this forum was my saving grace. There were days I thought would be his last, and the uplifting words of encouragement here and in private messages helped a lot.

You are in my thoughts ♥

January 25th, 2019, 01:57 AM
My deepest sympathies to you and your family Toni. You have been through an awful lot lately. I am glad that the forum can bring you some relief. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

January 25th, 2019, 02:56 AM
Thank you all so much. I'm grateful for the technology that can bring us all together to support each other.

Judy, USMC
January 25th, 2019, 03:21 AM
Toni - sending virtual hugs to you. So sorry to hear of his passing. Seems to hit harder when there seems to be improvement. Mothers and daughters share a special bond and I'm glad that you are there to handle the paperwork maze. Please know we will continue to be here for you!

Simply Quilting
January 25th, 2019, 03:33 AM
Toni, so sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers for your family at this difficult time.

Star lover
January 25th, 2019, 08:27 AM
Toni, so sorry for your loss and all you’ve been going through. So much......sending love and hugs and prayers.

January 25th, 2019, 08:57 AM
Toni, I'm so sorry for your loss. You surely have been carrying a load. My prayers are with you and your family. Love & Hugs...

January 25th, 2019, 01:05 PM
((((((((( Hugs ))))))) to you all. And I thank you for your support.

January 25th, 2019, 01:17 PM
(((HUGS)))) Your family has been through so much. I pray for healing and peace for all of you.

January 25th, 2019, 03:29 PM
Toni, my heart goes out to you & your family. This was a really rough road you guys have traveled. Remember to take a deep breath & to make sure YOU are taken care of as well. There's one thing I've learned is that you're never alone with the friends on this forum around. In good times or bad, you can count on them to help.


January 25th, 2019, 05:17 PM
Toni, so sorry for your loss...it is so hard to have to deal with your sadness and the issues that have to be handled...may God give you and your family strength to deal with it...

MissMay in Jersey
January 26th, 2019, 05:00 PM
Such sad times for your family, we're all sending up good thoughts, prayers and mega Hugs for you all.

January 26th, 2019, 05:12 PM
So sorry to hear your sad news Toni. Prayers for you and your family.

January 26th, 2019, 08:47 PM
So sorry for your loss and all your family has gone through. Prayers of peace for you and your family. He sounds like he was a really cool guy. Blessings to you.

January 27th, 2019, 12:17 AM
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.