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Hulamoon
June 10th, 2018, 03:36 PM
They had Roberts services yesterday without telling me. For some reason I woke up this morning and remembered that our local paper lists free obituaries online. I scrolled down and there is was. Paddle out on June 9.

I'm literally shaking right now and thinking how mean this was. Not one call to even ask me if I wanted to attend. I'm so hurt right now.

EsGrandma
June 10th, 2018, 03:47 PM
So very sorry for this pain - sending you hugs and prayers.

JulieC
June 10th, 2018, 04:18 PM
So sorry to hear you were treated that way. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

KPH
June 10th, 2018, 04:18 PM
I'm so sorry for your pain. Wrapping you in lots of hugs. Hopefully soon things will mellow and you can find peace.

jjkaiser
June 10th, 2018, 04:20 PM
Unbelievable. This must have hurt you so much. I am so sorry.

MissMay
June 10th, 2018, 04:22 PM
OH those little (fill in with the first words/thoughts came into your mind), mine can't be posted here. How much abuse can you take? Hope you have an attorney because it does't look as if there will be smooth sailing for you from here on.

Hope this helps.153042

Bubby
June 10th, 2018, 04:30 PM
I'm so totally sorry to hear this, Lorie. I don't understand how family can do this to their own family, but I know it happens all the time. My prayers and hugs are with you. (((HUGS)))

mommadeb
June 10th, 2018, 05:00 PM
How awful!! I´m so sorry. Many hugs to you.

TMP
June 10th, 2018, 05:07 PM
I am so sorry your having to deal with this at such a difficult time in your life. I don't know what makes people so mean. Sending hugs and prayers to you.

Carlie Wolf
June 10th, 2018, 05:23 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this. Why some people need to direct their hostility to certain targets is beyond me but it says so much more about their inability to negotiate their own emotions and feelings of guilt which they can't handle. There really is nothing we can or could do about it other then let it be a reminder that ultimately we need to just remain true to ourselves regardless of what world they chose to surround themselves in. Perhaps you can do something that has meaning for you, they don't have to know about it, they don't need to see it and they wouldn't acknowledge it even if it was in front of them like a billboard. And yes, it hurts but don't let it define who you are. You're a lovely person and it's their loss.

Astatoo
June 10th, 2018, 05:44 PM
Wow, that is cruel! Lots of (((((((((HUGS))))))))) for you.

Vonnie
June 10th, 2018, 06:14 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this. Why some people need to direct their hostility to certain targets is beyond me but it says so much more about their inability to negotiate their own emotions and feelings of guilt which they can't handle. There really is nothing we can or could do about it other then let it be a reminder that ultimately we need to just remain true to ourselves regardless of what world they chose to surround themselves in. Perhaps you can do something that has meaning for you, they don't have to know about it, they don't need to see it and they wouldn't acknowledge it even if it was in front of them like a billboard. And yes, it hurts but don't let it define who you are. You're a lovely person and it's their loss.

I second this. Sometimes tragedy brings out the worse in people. Come here and vent anytime, it helps to talk it out.

grandma nurse
June 10th, 2018, 06:18 PM
I’m so sorry for the treatment the family has choosen to give you. Hugs and feelings of healing go to you.

pcbatiks
June 10th, 2018, 06:39 PM
So sorry, Lorie. Wish I had some words of wisdom. I just don't understand people sometime. I think Carlie Wolf summed it well.

Big hugs going out to you.

JCY
June 10th, 2018, 07:26 PM
My heart aches for you. It's almost incomprehensible that they would do that! But I know what it's like to have hurt feeling & problems surrounding funerals. It happened with my BIL (my 1st husb.'s fam.). He & his wife had sort of cut themselves off from the family. It ended up that his widow & fam. & friends in another town had their own service, then released the body for our fam. & friends to have our own service. It didn't help matters that the BIL took his own life, so there was all that to deal with, too.

May the Lord continue to help you as you travel these uncharted waters & work through things. Sending love & keeping you in my prayers.

MSN
June 10th, 2018, 07:32 PM
Oh, Lorie, I am so sorry this happened. My guess is that Robert may have requested that you be excluded from this event. It was his last opportunity to stick it to you.

If that is the case, your kids were kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. They were forced to choose between honoring their dad's wishes or letting you know about the services. Not surprisingly, they chose to honor his last request because it eases their guilt and grief regarding his passing. They didn't want to deal with the possibility of anyone making a scene (not that you would do that).

I'm not condoning what your family did; just offering some perspective as to why it came down the way it did. (((((((Hugs))))))) to you.

KarenC
June 10th, 2018, 07:37 PM
So sorry that you're to deal with this. Who knows what is causing them to treat you like this. Maybe your husband asked it of them and they're trying to honor his wishes, even though it is cruel to you. They are not thinking clearly. I don't know. But whatever it is, prayers for you and your family that there may be peace sometime soon in the family, and everyone can move on from this tragedy. Hugs to you, and know that you can vent here with us at any time.

Sandy Navas
June 10th, 2018, 07:51 PM
Lorie, I can't post what I'd like to say right now.
Sending you feathers!!

LauraP
June 10th, 2018, 08:37 PM
You might want to call the funeral home and explain that you are the legal wife and that since you weren't informed you will NOT be paying the bill. Let the family figure it out. Then get your butt to the lawyer before they stick it to you again.

auntstuff
June 10th, 2018, 08:42 PM
You might want to call the funeral home and explain that you are the legal wife and that since you weren't informed you will NOT be paying the bill. Let the family figure it out. Then get your butt to the lawyer before they stick it to you again.

Very wise words indeed

laura44
June 10th, 2018, 08:52 PM
I'm so sorry, you have every right to feel hurt and angry.
Maybe you can do something by yourself to remember the good
times you had together. I know the last years were not good, but
at least you can have closure on your own terms.
One thing I learned from my mean in laws- we have no control over
what others do, say, or feel. We only have control on how react to it.
Sending you a hug

Rhonda K
June 10th, 2018, 08:57 PM
Sending special hugs to you. Wishing you peace and comfort at this time.

mommiepainter
June 10th, 2018, 09:04 PM
I am so sorry you were treated so horribly.

JaniceR
June 10th, 2018, 09:14 PM
Lorie, I am just so sorry. There is just no explaining people’s behavior. I hope you are able to find peace very soon and that you feel much better!

SallyO'Sews
June 11th, 2018, 12:21 AM
Lorie, I'm so sorry for all the loss you are suffering, and pray that our Heavenly Father will hold you close and let you know His love.
Hugs to you, dear one.
~ Sally \0/

Debbie Watters
June 11th, 2018, 12:45 AM
Sorry for your treatment by the family ... hopefully things will start going smoother for you with them ... take care of yourself ...

Anitamae56
June 11th, 2018, 01:49 AM
I am truly sorry for you. Your hurt is so understood. Sending you many hugs.

14margarette
June 11th, 2018, 03:38 AM
I am sorry to hear about those happenings in your life. Sending you virtual hugs, I hope that you feel much better now.

Monique
June 11th, 2018, 07:27 AM
I'm so sorry, you have every right to feel hurt and angry.
Maybe you can do something by yourself to remember the good
times you had together. I know the last years were not good, but
at least you can have closure on your own terms.
One thing I learned from my mean in laws- we have no control over
what others do, say, or feel. We only have control on how react to it.
Sending you a hug

I agree with Laura, do something that means a lot to YOU. Thinking of you as you deal with this most difficult situation. Karma, Lorie, karma will come back someday.

Star lover
June 11th, 2018, 07:44 AM
Oh Lorie, my heart aches for you. Lots of great advice here. At some point you'll just have to let it go......if you don't.....they control you. I know from experience of similar situation with my sister. Lots of love, hugs and prayers for you!

Bubby
June 11th, 2018, 08:13 AM
I'm thinking about you this morning and wanted to give you a hug....this is as close as I can come...153058

kayj
June 11th, 2018, 08:20 AM
I'm so sorry.

Iris Girl
June 11th, 2018, 08:36 AM
Lorie so sorry your family is acting like this. It is beyond belief. But I have seen it before when my mother in law passed how the family treated us. Its unfair. Don't let it get to you and don't let them know how hurt it made you. Move on and know you are the better person. Hugs from someone who knows.

SuzanneOrleansOntario
June 11th, 2018, 11:12 AM
I'm so sorry at how cruel and mean Robert's family have been. I know it is difficult, but try to forgive their cruelness and their stupidness. Most of all, move on. It will hurt a lot now, but if you forgive in your heart, YOu will be better for it.

My ex forbade my kids and everyone from telling me when his sister was dying with pancreatic cancer. she lived out of town. I was always in touch with her, up to her diagnosis. It was quick - 10 weeks. I finally found out when a girlfriend from out of town called to ask if I had visited Carol in hospital. It seemed everyone knew and did not tell me. She died quickly. I went to the funeral, as her DH called me and knew that my ex was controlling visits. I was told not to sit at the front with family. What upset me more was that my kids said nothing. I never raised it with them, but expressed my sympathies to Carol's children. My in-laws did not even want to extend their hand to accept sympathies, so I just hugged them, which probably got their goat. I am still close to her kids, and they realized my ex's control over THE family. He did the same thing when my FIL and MIL passed away. For heavens sake, I knew them for over 35 years. At this point, it didn't matter, and I really try to ignore this. I feel a lot of my ex health issues come from holding grudges against people he feels have wronged him. If he learned to forgive, he would be happier.

Reshape your life to include those you love and those that love you.

LLLinda
June 11th, 2018, 11:15 AM
Does this whole situation boil down to Money? That brings out the meanness and greed in lots of people. If it turns out that you are in control of the estate as you should be, I would suggest that you give them only what YOU think is fair, not what they tell you they should have. Then cut all ties, no phone calls, visits, mail, nothing. All it will be is hate and nastiness toward you.

Sharyn J
June 11th, 2018, 11:39 AM
I'm so sorry that you've been treated so poorly by family. It's hard to understand how people can be so mean. Sending you a big hug and thoughts of healing and peace.

201 Treadler
June 11th, 2018, 01:21 PM
sometimes things happen for a reason,
while your suffering a huge level of hurt right now, do agree you should of been told of the particulars.
do wonder if there was an negative to the proceedings that you were better not seeing or taking part in, which may of increased your level of hurt more.
Hugs through this difficult time.

Hulamoon
June 11th, 2018, 03:36 PM
I'm so touched by all your loving comments and words of support. I wouldn't of gotten thru this without you. It's so hard to make friends when your carrying so much wierd baggage.

I was thinking that there was a reason like Treadler said. When I was with my aunt while she was passing I had walked out of the room for a couple of moments. The Hospice nurse said she's gone. At first I felt horrible, but now I'm thinking I would never gotten it out of my mind and would still be crying eight years later.

If I had gone to Roberts service I'm thinking that when my step daughter gets drunk she gets really mean and we would of gotten into a terrible fight in front of a hundred people. So I'm going to let it go. I've already fought for ten years.

Funny that the thing that pissed him off (keeping my aunts house) is keeping me above water right now.

Thanks again :icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_ kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss:: icon_kiss::icon_kiss:

Patty J
June 11th, 2018, 04:13 PM
Lorie, I have no other words to help you with this cruelty. I come from a loving family and I can only imagine how awful this is for you. Please know that your forum friends will be keeping you in thoughts and prayers to help you through this. Hope today is a better day for you.

Hulamoon
June 11th, 2018, 05:06 PM
I forgot to say about doing something for myself...I was able to get in and take a Hawaiian shirt. I bought all his shirts, but this one I made. It was a beautiful retro 50's fabric. I'm going to make a pillow or frame it. I wish I would of taken a few more, they wouldn't of noticed.

tsladaritz
June 11th, 2018, 06:27 PM
I'm so touched by all your loving comments and words of support. I wouldn't of gotten thru this without you. It's so hard to make friends when your carrying so much wierd baggage.

I was thinking that there was a reason like Treadler said. When I was with my aunt while she was passing I had walked out of the room for a couple of moments. The Hospice nurse said she's gone. At first I felt horrible, but now I'm thinking I would never gotten it out of my mind and would still be crying eight years later.

If I had gone to Roberts service I'm thinking that when my step daughter gets drunk she gets really mean and we would of gotten into a terrible fight in front of a hundred people. So I'm going to let it go. I've already fought for ten years.

Funny that the thing that pissed him off (keeping my aunts house) is keeping me above water right now.

Thanks again :icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_ kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss::icon_kiss:: icon_kiss::icon_kiss:

So sorry you have to go through this. I am glad you have found a bit of silver lining in it though. I have gone through some with my own parents and grandparents passing. Some of it is about control. They can't control life so they try to control something else. Afterwards I realized this and was just glad to be done with it all. I hope you can move on and have peace with it all.

tsladaritz
June 11th, 2018, 06:27 PM
I forgot to say about doing something for myself...I was able to get in and take a Hawaiian shirt. I bought all his shirts, but this one I made. It was a beautiful retro 50's fabric. I'm going to make a pillow or frame it. I wish I would of taken a few more, they wouldn't of noticed.

Oh I am glad you got to do this!!

GuitarGramma
June 11th, 2018, 08:47 PM
Oh Lorie, what a heartbreak! Your kids are, of course, blind in their grief, but this is almost more than one can bear. You've done nothing wrong, you accepted Robert's decision to move into the tent, you let him live his life. And now your kids are acting like you did something wrong. I'm so, so very sorry.

Your aunt, whom I know you loved so much, couldn't have realized what a tremendous gift she was giving you. Thank goodness you have the income that provides!

I'm heartbroken for you.

cv quilter
June 11th, 2018, 08:52 PM
Lorie, send me your beautiful homemade shirt. I can make a sweet pillow with an embroidered pocket and send it back to you, or tell you how to. I am so happy that you are taking the attitude you are. Keeping hurt in our heart will never help you. You sound like an incredibly strong woman. Move on and do what has to be done. Know that your M* friends are always here.

Heather
June 11th, 2018, 11:25 PM
Sorry Lorie, it looks like everything you anticipated and then some has come to pass. I'm glad you retreived the shirt. Take care of yourself

Midge
June 12th, 2018, 12:40 AM
Oh Lorie, I am so very sorry to hear about this hostile behavior. We all know that funerals can bring out the worst behavior in people, but when it happens like you are relating, you can't help but be shocked and stunned by it. I know how you feel - my ex is very vindictive and hostile. I know it's happening, as you know, but it seems surreal. This is a gulf that will be difficult to bridge with the kids, but that must be put aside until a future time. For now you must take care of yourself and that means having a good attorney advise you and deal with these issues before you find even worse things happening. State laws differ, but you could be responsible for his debts and who knows what is coming next? You know you were blessed by your dear aunt. How grateful you must be, and what a contrast in character. My thoughts are with you. You are a lovely person and you don't deserve this.