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BethB
March 2nd, 2018, 10:51 AM
Yesterday he had an appointment with the oncologist to check how he was doing after the first chemo. He had shown no improvement after the treatment. I had checked his temp earlier in the week and it was normal and for some reason, unbeknownst to me, I didnít think to check it again. He was really week yesterday but did not want to go to the hospital, so we went to the dr appt as scheduled. He asked for oxygen when we got there. He was very uncomfortable in the chair in the exam room so they took him over to the chemo room and he sat in one of the chemo chairs. His temp there was 101.2. The dr. came in and told him he was going to the hospital. They called an ambulance to take him over (less than a mile) because they said he would be taken care of sooner going in by ambulance as opposed to me driving him.

Long story short, he is in ICU with pneumonia in both lungs. I donít know how this happened and went from bad to worse so quickly. I know the chemo kills the white blood cells, but he had the neurasthenic shot last week. This is all very frustrating.

And then, to top it all off, I talked to our son in California after leaving the hospital. In the course of our conversation I happened to mention that his dad had opted for DNR - big mistake - huge mistake. He couldnít understand why he would do that and would I be able to turn it around. I tried to explain to him that it would only happen in the event of his heart stopping and he did agree to allow a breathing tube at this time, since he is having trouble breathing now. This would help him breathe, if needed. Well, I opened a can of worms there and not sure what to tell him to ease his mind. Itís hard with him being clear across the country to fully understand what his dad has been going through and hasnít seen him. DS#1 is coming the end of the month for a few days so maybe we can get this straightened out.

Thanks for listening

Nancy

Star lover
March 2nd, 2018, 10:59 AM
Oh Nancy, so sorry things worked out as they have. Scary too. I hope your DH is on the mend soon and you have peace of mind. Also that all works out with your sons. I'll continue praying. Love and hugs!

KPH
March 2nd, 2018, 11:02 AM
Oh Nancy, wrapping you in hugs. It's so hard!

Bits and pieces play in my mind, 'could of, should of, would of' moments that I wish I could have changed.

Praying for peace of mind for you, strength to handle all of those decisions that will be coming your way. My kids were not understanding that neither Howard or I want extra ordinary means and those pieces are laid out now, so they won't have to make those hard decisions for me, they're already documented. Not really sure how they feel about it, but they know it's what I want.

Praying for healing touches for your DH. Prayers for understanding and strength for your children. It's such a difficult time and I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through it.

Jean Sewing Machine
March 2nd, 2018, 11:08 AM
Thinking of you, my dear friend, and knowing how hard these days are. I hope your DH gets through this crisis, and is back home feeling better soon.

TMP
March 2nd, 2018, 11:31 AM
Hugs and thinking of you. Kids, I went through something similar with my children. I tried to keep in mind they were as upset as I was. Its so hard when they aren't right there to see what all is happening to their father. I told them we would do what their father had said he wanted . I hope your husband improves and please take care of yourself and try not to worry about making everyone happy. Sending prayers to you in this difficult time.

Judy, USMC
March 2nd, 2018, 11:52 AM
So sorry to hear this Beth. Prayers are continuing.

Granny Fran
March 2nd, 2018, 12:09 PM
Prayers that all will work out in the best way possible.

chelea
March 2nd, 2018, 12:15 PM
Beth, you might want to consider talking with a social worker. They will even set up a family meeting with your sons via conference call. It might help alleviate a lot of stress if everyone understands your husband's wishes and respects his decisions. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

MaggieSue
March 2nd, 2018, 12:23 PM
Prayers to you and family during this difficult time.

Nwmnteacher
March 2nd, 2018, 01:25 PM
Beth, we had this discussion when my mom was ill from liver cancer. The doctor told us if we didn't have a DNR, the doctors or ambulance workers (if it happened at home) were obligated to do everything possible to resussitate (sp) her, and the process can be very unpleasant with cracked ribs etc. happening. She was quite ill, so, for what purpose would it be? Every situation is different, but hopefully your son will come to accept and honor your husband's wishes.

Jeanen

azmotogirl
March 2nd, 2018, 02:04 PM
Continued prayer for your family......

jjkaiser
March 2nd, 2018, 02:25 PM
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully the pneumonia will be treated and resolved quickly now that he is in ICU. As far as the DNR order, that is a tough one. I am in total agreement with you and your husband, I also have a similar advanced directive on file in case anything should ever happen. You should emphasize to your son that this will be for extreme circumstances only. He is probably struggling with "this is really happening" and it is still kind of a shock that his Dad has cancer, and the whole thing is freaking him out. I will be thinking of you often. Thanks for the update.

JCY
March 2nd, 2018, 02:42 PM
Considering how ill your DH is, you were wise to make the DNR choice. I agree that children or other relatives who are not close to the situation have a difficult time understanding the full import of how things really are. The social worker idea sounds like a good suggestion. Assuming no HIPPA rules would be violated, the children could talk directly to the physician & get their questions answered. May God give you strength & His peace as you deal with this. Sending HUGS! Prayers going up for you.

sew-what2015
March 2nd, 2018, 03:35 PM
I know I can't do much for you but know that you and DH are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

geegeequilts
March 2nd, 2018, 04:51 PM
I hope your son can come to terms with the DNR so he can help make things a little easier for all of you. Nothing about having cancer is easy but knowing the order is there takes some of the "what do we do?" worry if the worst happens. I will be praying for you, your sons & most specially for your husband.

You are not alone.

Gina

Carolnnc
March 2nd, 2018, 05:37 PM
Praying for all of you as this is just a hard & emotional time. I explained my advance directives to my DH this way: This is what I wish if the time comes. I know you don't agree but the only gift you can give me at that time is to love me enough to respect my wishes. If you really love me with all your heart you will five me my last wishes.

Bubby
March 2nd, 2018, 05:50 PM
Nancy, So sorry to hear about your DH being so sick on top of the cancer. I hope he feels much better soon. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you and your family. The DNR situation is a very delicate one. The important thing is that your husband's wishes be respected.

Cokie
March 2nd, 2018, 08:40 PM
Difficult decisions. We just had this conversation at Cleveland Clinic this week regarding my husband. Not sure what my sons think about their dad's wishes, but they are documented so that the doctors are clear what is to be done if/when that time comes. It's so hard to think of these things and try to understand from someone else's perspective. I hope your husband will feel better soon and the pneumonia will resolve now that he is in the hospital. Hugs to you and saying a prayer.

MaryUK
March 2nd, 2018, 08:55 PM
My thoughts are with you at this time. A DNR order is one of the hardest decisions to make, which we had to do for my dear FIL but my DD is a nurse and often worked on the 'crash cart' so she helped my husband to understand the full implications.

pcbatiks
March 2nd, 2018, 09:07 PM
Sending hugs along with prayers. This must be so stressful for you.

KarenC
March 2nd, 2018, 10:46 PM
So sorry you are having to go through this. Hopefully, now that DH is in ICU they can give him what he needs to recover quickly. Use this time to get you some rest, at least at night. Hoping for the best.

JudyBooth
March 2nd, 2018, 11:17 PM
Nancy I am so sorry to hear this news. Connie has kept me apprised of it but I was unable to get on the forum for a while, now she can't. We are both sending our love and prayers to you and your family. We think of you often. Big hugs for you.

Debbie Watters
March 2nd, 2018, 11:51 PM
Sending prayers for all ... and do remember to take care of yourself during this stressful time ...

SuzanneOrleansOntario
March 7th, 2018, 12:33 AM
I am so sorry to hear about your DH change in health. I am certain that he is receiving the best care possible. A DnR is difficult for kids to understand. I had this discussion with my dad, after he came back to life for another time. I did not know that he named me in Power of Care. He did not chose my mom, as he knew better. In the end, we/doctors do not make the decision. There is higher intervention.