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songbird857
April 13th, 2017, 08:14 AM
First of all, thank you all for your support and prayers - they are really appreciated.

My mom is doing much better. I spoke with her yesterday, and she sounds more like herself. I think her speech is back to normal.
She did have a stroke, along with a UTI, and the blood clots in both legs (whew, that's alot!!). They have her on blood thinners, and things seem to be under control. What all of this DID bring about was a chance to not only evaluate my mom, but also how my dad is getting along at home. My sister and I feel that even moving to a one floor unit will not be enough at this point. So we're going to probably have to have the 'nursing home' discussion soon for both of them (yikes...). They both have so many medical needs; it's not really an option to have them move in with any of the kids. The three of us that could actually consider that (as far as accommodating them); we all live at least 1.5 hours from Boston - not feasible or kind to uproot them and make them find all new doctors at this stage.
For the time being, I'll be heading to Boston again on Saturday to check in on both of them. My sister who lives just a few minutes away from them has been checking in on dad daily, and he's a bit better since my mom is feeling better - he misses her so much, and is just not up to going to the hospital to see her.
We'll sort all of it out...
I'll keep y'all posted - and thank you again - love you all :)

MRoy
April 13th, 2017, 08:20 AM
I'm glad your mom is doing better. Prayers for your parents, you, and your family. I've been in your situation and it can be a hard place to be.

Carol336
April 13th, 2017, 08:22 AM
Oh my....the stroke and blood clots are bad enough, but topped with a nasty UTI, poor dear, she really has been through the wringer. I know that a UTI in an older person can really really mess with the mind.

I sounds like you have some really hard decisions to make Norma. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Star lover
April 13th, 2017, 08:47 AM
Praising the Lord that your mom is better and that the docs found out what was going on. Will continue praying for y'all as you have some tough decisions and a long road ahead. Thankful your dad is better too.

Bubby
April 13th, 2017, 08:47 AM
I'm happy to hear that your Mom is doing somewhat better. Poor thing, having a UTI on top of everything else. It does sound like your parents need around-the-clock care at this point. I will continue to pray that they continue to improve and that they will see their need for care.....(((HUGS)))

JCY
April 13th, 2017, 08:59 AM
Prayers that the right living situation will work out for both of them & your family will have wisdom how to manage all the details.

Monique
April 13th, 2017, 09:22 AM
Happy to hear she is doing better. Continued prayers for you and your family.

KarenC
April 13th, 2017, 10:28 AM
Glad to hear mom is better. Continued prayers for the discussions and decisions that you need to make. This is n I think easy. Hopefully you can find a decent place with good care.

redcaboose1717
April 13th, 2017, 10:41 AM
Glad things are getting better.
It's so hard to have to talk to your parents about change. Years ago, my mom had cancer. After her surgery, because both of my other sisters worked full-time, I offered to have mom stay with us after she came home from the hospital. She agreed, although she was insistent that she was only going to be at my house for a week....Well, I knew that wasn't going to be. At the end of the 2nd week, she decided that she wanted to go home. So, I kept quiet etc. even though I knew she just wasn't strong enough to be alone. So, the last night, we had everything all packed up, so that when she got up and around the next day she could be taken home. During the night ( well...it was actually 2:30 am ) we suddenly were jarred out of our sleep by fierce pounding on our bedroom door ! I opened the door, and my mom was as pale as a ghost. She had taken a trip to the kitchen to get some ice tea( she drank ice tea constantly ) and suddenly the huge bandage on the wound from the surgery came off ! So, she hurried to our bedroom door to wake me up to fix the bandage ......While I was re-doing the bandage ( the cut from the surgery was really huge and had to have saline packs ) she suddenly grabbed my wrist and said " You wouldn't mind if I didn't go home later today would you......I think I need to stay a few more days ! ".
So, she didn't go home for another week. After she began to get better, my sisters and I sat down with her, and there were some changes made. Some she didn't like, but she got used to and after awhile admitted it was for the best.
Let's face it, no matter how old we get, none of us likes change.....and that was really the only issue my mom had. We were all quite close with our parents. We talked on the phone each day ( more than once a day ) and of course one of us girls usually had mom with us doing something almost every day as well.....
It will all work out.....I'm sure....Will continue to keep you in my prayers.

(((((HUGS)))))

pcbatiks
April 13th, 2017, 10:54 AM
Glad to hear your mom is feeling better. Wishing you and your family all the best with those hard conversations with your parents. Hoping they will understand that it will be in their best interest.

WendyI
April 13th, 2017, 11:53 AM
So glad she is on the mend!! I sure hope you all can get it figured out. Explain that it is just too much stress and worry for their kids and you would all be must less stressed if you knew they were properly cared for. Might help them accept it?

sew-what2015
April 13th, 2017, 01:03 PM
I'm glad your Mom is feeling better. Prayers will continue for all your family.

Midge
April 13th, 2017, 01:32 PM
First of all, thank you all for your support and prayers - they are really appreciated.

My mom is doing much better. I spoke with her yesterday, and she sounds more like herself. I think her speech is back to normal.
She did have a stroke, along with a UTI, and the blood clots in both legs (whew, that's alot!!). They have her on blood thinners, and things seem to be under control. What all of this DID bring about was a chance to not only evaluate my mom, but also how my dad is getting along at home. My sister and I feel that even moving to a one floor unit will not be enough at this point. So we're going to probably have to have the 'nursing home' discussion soon for both of them (yikes...). They both have so many medical needs; it's not really an option to have them move in with any of the kids. The three of us that could actually consider that (as far as accommodating them); we all live at least 1.5 hours from Boston - not feasible or kind to uproot them and make them find all new doctors at this stage.
For the time being, I'll be heading to Boston again on Saturday to check in on both of them. My sister who lives just a few minutes away from them has been checking in on dad daily, and he's a bit better since my mom is feeling better - he misses her so much, and is just not up to going to the hospital to see her.
We'll sort all of it out...
I'll keep y'all posted - and thank you again - love you all :)

I don't think I saw your initial post about your mom and dad's situation, but now that I have, how stressful for all concerned and of course warm thoughts and prayers for your parents' improvement.

A few ideas to pursue as you and your sister try to plan - I write as a retired nurse practitioner, so I have the perspective of dealing with these issues professionally for many years, as well as the perspective of a daughter whose late mother ended up in much the same difficulty with hoarding. First, given that your mother had a UTI as well as a stroke, her thinking and expressive aphasia might improve a bit as she convalesces. UTIs cause confusion in older people too. Second, given your parents' living situation, please try to enlist the help of her caregivers in supporting you and your sister's assessment of their self-care ability. And do try to speak with the social worker assigned to her care, or get one assigned to her through the nursing staff. They will be very aware of the resources in your community to support your parents in independent living. There may be enough supportive services they qualify for as low income older adults that they will be able to stay out of a nursing home. Definitely do not make snap judgements because you don't want them in a nursing home if they don't have to be. And don't waste time and energy calling around trying to find out what your parents can receive to help them. The social workers knows. Passport Services may be available in your area, and your parents will probably qualify since they already qualify for low income housing. The worker will have to do an assessment and get the paperwork for Passport going - not lengthy, but essential. These services are designed to keep older adults who need help in their homes as long as possible. And they are designed for low income elders. Your parents may also need a visiting nurse service to supervise your mother for her anticoagulant therapy. This should be a covered service, and a visiting nurse is an expert on keeping people functioning in their home, as well as having ambulatory social workers associated with them. It sounds like your parents need that. You and your sister have a lot of work ahead of you. In my own situation, once my mother became overwhelmed she let me clean out her house (o.m.g.) and she was actually relieved. Good luck!

KPH
April 13th, 2017, 06:10 PM
So glad to hear she's feeling better. Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

tamsterg7
April 13th, 2017, 11:21 PM
Glad your Mom is diagnosed and doing better. It is surely a testament to their love that your Dad misses her so much, but also very sad to see him so sad and worried. Hopefully she will be home soon and you will sort out the best options for them.

ilive2craft2
April 13th, 2017, 11:32 PM
Glad to hear things are somewhat better! The UTI can definitely cause lots of confusion, etc.

If things don't improve to the point that they can stay where they are, there are other options, such as assisted or independent living. Have been through this with my MIL and my parents - all are gone now, but I still remember the stress of the changes for everyone.

Please take time for yourself during all of this, if you don't, you can't take care of them. You need to find ways to de-stress and change your focus (sewing is great!) even if just for a few minutes at a time - a quick prayer, walk around the block, etc.

Happy to chat via pm or phone. I know how scary all of this is and sometimes just expressing what is going on to an outsider you can get a better perspective. Sometimes the family dynamics (even if they are always good) can cause issues. I am the 3rd out of 4, but I am the oldest daugher, so I did the majority of running, decision making, convincing the parents they needed more help etc.

Hugs and prayers for all of you.

Judy, USMC
April 14th, 2017, 12:22 AM
It's hard on a person of any age to recover from multiple medical problems ... glad to hear she is progressing in her recovery.

Lots of good advice ... you will know what is best route to take. My mom also had multiple problems but made me promise to never, ever put her in a nursing home. She did agree to go to a rehab facility. And would have contemplated going to an assisted living facility. You have to remember that their generation grew up with the notion that nursing homes were akin to prisons where you went to die. Silly in today's world ... but something they may fear. And giving up possessions is giving up on living ...

Possibly approaching them with the idea that certain family members need something that your parents don't use (ie, some of the hoarded items) and wouldn't it be nice if they could support them and share what they have. Yes, it's a ruse - but it's an approach that is more positive than them having to "get rid" of stuff. Senior psychology is the key to maintaining a good relationship without making them feel bad about getting old.

Best wishes to you ... it's a tricky path ... but can be done with a lot of patience. Been there; done that.

stationarymom
April 14th, 2017, 01:00 AM
Glad to hear your parents are doing better and that the dr's found the problem with your Mom.I will keep you and family in my prayers because you have some hard choices to make.

peggiep
April 14th, 2017, 09:31 AM
Prayers continue for you and your family. These decisions are not easy and I know what you are going through. I pray that you have the strength and guidance needed.

auntiemern
April 14th, 2017, 01:57 PM
So happy to hear she is doing much better. Great advice has been given here, though I do believe Midge has the best perspective and advice. Going in to a nursing home isn't always the best, if there are other available options...especially for low income seniors.