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songbird857
April 11th, 2017, 08:19 AM
There are a few pieces to this, so I appreciate any who are reading!
Dad and mom are 86 and 84...
Yesterday, my mom was taken to the hospital. It seems that for the past few days, she had had moments of being incoherent, then it would pass. She was also barely eating, so my dad had called the nurse and she sent an ambulance for my mom.
We drove to Boston to see her in the emergency department.
She has blood clots in both legs (they are so red and swollen...), and she will be seen by a neurologist today, as well as another CT scan. They did a scan last night, and there is no bleeding in the brain - but something is going on, because she is having trouble pulling words out sometimes. When I arrived and asked her how she was, she said she had been feeling.... (paused)... Clousy. Then when they were taking her for her scan, I asked if she was comfortable (she has Spinal Stenosis - certain positions are very painful). She said "I'll be ok, as long as I can keep my legs... (paused)... oh, I can't think of the word, you know..." I said 'bent, mom?' "yes, bent."
This happened periodically while we were there. My mom is as sharp as a tack, so this is highly unusual for her.

My dad. We went to see him at home before we went to the hospital to see mom. He has a myriad of his own health problems - he is lost without my mom there. They do have visiting nurses for extensive home care (a program the former mayor implemented to try to keep seniors in their homes longer). We sat with him and made him some food. He is able to putz around a bit, and has meals on wheels, so he is eating.

Here's the tricky part. My parents live in the projects/Public housing. They live in a 2 floor row house apt. with a basement. It is totally unsafe for them there now.
Now, the housing authority would allow them to move to a one floor unit - probably anywhere in the city that they would like at this point, they've been there so long. BUT - STUFF. So. Much. Stuff.
In short, my dad has said that he won't ever move because he wouldn't be able to fit everything in a smaller unit. I know that my mom would be willing to move if he would. I also know the thought of moving overwhelms the both of them, but there are many children and grandchildren who would do it all.
My parents can't even navigate safely in their home because of clutter everywhere - think hoarders but not dirty, just incredibly cluttered.
My sister and I were talking yesterday, and we know we must insist now that they move - not a pleasant thought.

There are too many details that are too lengthy to go into as far as family dynamics, but please pray for God's wisdom and grace through all of this. Specifically in dealing with my dad.
Thanks guys, love you all :)

Mom23
April 11th, 2017, 08:27 AM
I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. I will be praying for guidance and cohesiveness for you and your siblings. I will also be praying for your dad to see that "stuff" is nothing. At this stage in his life he needs to see that safety is so important. i hope today is a better day for you.

Suzette
April 11th, 2017, 08:38 AM
Praying for all needs to be met. Hugs!

ncmphoy
April 11th, 2017, 08:47 AM
I have found with my own dad that packing up and storing the stuff but not disposing of it helped with my parents. As long as dad thought it was safety stored in my attic he was ok.... ( I usually take a couple boxes each time I viait

Sandy Navas
April 11th, 2017, 08:50 AM
Oh, Norma - prayers surround you.

Have you thought about getting the family in to move them, and while everyone is packing just do the normal necessaries and put everything else in boxes to either dispose of or donate. Been there, done that. Trying so hard to do it on myself once again.

ncmphoy
April 11th, 2017, 08:51 AM
Also, if you or one of your siblings has any services through work that you could talk to. My employer offers a Employee Assistance Program that I can to call and talk to somone for advice or help. Especially since your parents are not local. My EAP line has Elder care resources and case workers that can work with me on getting a nurse to go see dad, or help with advice.

Good luck.

Monique
April 11th, 2017, 08:54 AM
I'll add mine as well.

Granny Fran
April 11th, 2017, 09:03 AM
Said prayer for a safe and sound outcome for your parents. This is hard. Have been there and it is not easy, but can be done.

JCY
April 11th, 2017, 09:07 AM
Even if nothing shows up on a CT scan, that does not mean your mom might not have had a small stroke or a TIA which is affecting her speech & word-finding problems. Also, make sure the hosp. has checked her electrolytes. An imbalance there can cause confusion. The blood clots definitely need to be treated. I'll be praying you & your family find the right solutions for their situation. It can be tough. It sounds like maybe they may need an assisted living situation.

Star lover
April 11th, 2017, 09:09 AM
I'll be praying too. We've all been through similar circumstances but it's never easy. Going through it with my FIL now. He's good with getting rid of stuff - he just thinks it's all worth a fortune! And it's mostly junk. Praying that you'll will come to a safe and happy solution for all involved. Also,praying for the doctors wisdom, to find out in a timely manner, what's going on with your mom. Hugs and blessings!

KPH
April 11th, 2017, 09:42 AM
Sending prayers. I know it's hard and baby steps are easiest with parent, after all, they never want to admit you're now the adult that needs to look after them. That's giving up a lot of dignity.

My own son, is already trying to parent me... I'm only 58 (another week), geez!

amartin24
April 11th, 2017, 09:44 AM
Prayers for needs to be met with peace for the family.

Cool Breeze Quilter
April 11th, 2017, 10:20 AM
songbird, I'm sorry your folks are going through this. I will keep them and you in my prayers.

I haven't read what others have written so this may have been said already but if you contact the Council on Aging in your area they may be able to help make this transition easier for your folks and you. They are experienced in helping ease the fear, sadness and so much that goes with this.

It is good that your family can pull together to help get them moved. This is a big positive. Moving is difficult given the best of circumstances. It is hard for people to get rid of a life time of things I know. But there are people who can help make this easier so that they can keep favorite special things.

Also even though your mom doesn't have Alzheimer's the Alzheimer's Association helps people with any kind of memory issues, not just Alzheimer's. If you reach out to them they may be able to help you.

Sending you and yours hugs and blessings.

cv quilter
April 11th, 2017, 10:31 AM
Prayers being sent. What a difficult time your parents are having and it's got to affect you and family. I pray that God will show you all a way that will work best for all concern. Prayers for your Mom and that they find what is causing the confusion.

sew-what2015
April 11th, 2017, 11:08 AM
I am so sorry to hear this. It is always so hard to make decisions. You want to do what's best but there are so many details and emotional upheaval for both parents and kids. I ask for God's wisdom to guide you through this.

Bubby
April 11th, 2017, 11:20 AM
This is so sad, Norma. My prayers are with you and your whole family....(((HUGS)))

Debbie Watters
April 11th, 2017, 11:38 AM
Prayers for you and your family. Trust in God that you will make the right decisions for your parents.

Eian Mcneely
April 11th, 2017, 11:51 AM
Hugs and prayers for Norma and family

redcaboose1717
April 11th, 2017, 12:08 PM
So sorry to hear about your parents. Will put them on my nightly prayer list.
My mom died in 2006. WOW....what an unbelievable task it was to sort thru her things. My mom was a saver....and so you can probably guess what we went through.
My parents went through some hard times when I was younger, my dad was ill and out of work in the days that there wasn't medical leave payments, so my mom hated to get rid of things.

Hopefully you can find a way to help your dad see the light as to moving into a smaller unit. My mom lived in the house my dad built for them when I was 14 yrs old. I tried years prior to their deaths to get them to move to a smaller home, but that fell on deaf ears as you can only image.

((( Hugs)))) Hope your mom gets better soon ! :)

KarenC
April 11th, 2017, 06:47 PM
Offering prayers for all of you. This is not easy on anyone. My mom's house was flooded and once we could get in the house we had to empty everything quickly before mold set in. OMG, 51 years of stuff. She gave us permission to toss some things, but the next day, she was not only digging through trash on the curb from her house, but also trash the neighbors through away. It's now been 5 years, and I still hear about her brown pants that are missing. My sister gets calls (because she is the only one not at an office job) wanting to know where something is in her house.(200 miles away). Although we did get rid of a lot of stuff, she has now filled the new house with stuff. Hope their health improves soon, and you can convince them to move to a safer place.

Kgrammiecaz
April 11th, 2017, 07:29 PM
So sorry to,hear your mom is having this issue. My parents are both 86. My dad just had a small stroke last week. He had similar symptoms of which most have cleared up now. CT scan did not show the stroke. However an MRI did show it. I will add my prayers for both of your parents. Bless you in the stuff issue. I am thrilled my parents dont have much stuff, my mom even started giving some things to us over the last several years because she said she does not need it all. These are tough years for us to deal with.

Patsquilting
April 11th, 2017, 08:56 PM
Prayers added also. It so hard dealing with aging parents. I pray they figure out what is going on with your mom -

SallyO'Sews
April 11th, 2017, 10:12 PM
Praying for God's guidance and grace to be poured out on you all. Isaiah 30:21.
Quilty hugs to you, dear one.

Iris Girl
April 11th, 2017, 10:17 PM
adding my prayers for the best outcome. Hugs.

GaGa
April 11th, 2017, 11:31 PM
Prayers for you and your parents. I'm headed down this same road with my parents as they are 86 and 87. We did help them go through their "stuff" when they moved into a duplex a year ago. It's now looking like there may be another move within the next year or two as their health continues to decline. This is not easy for you or them. I'll be thinking of you.

cashs_mom
April 11th, 2017, 11:41 PM
I"m adding my prayers. It's so hard dealing with older parents. I'm glad you have family to help.

auntiemern
April 12th, 2017, 01:47 AM
Sending hugs and prayers your way. This is the reason I keep getting after DH to clean out the basement and start downsizing the amount of 'stuff', while we still have our faculties about us. It is never easy as our parents age.

stationarymom
April 12th, 2017, 02:11 AM
Norma I hope that you and your family can find the strength needed to see your parents through this time.Please make sure to advocate for your mother and make sure to ask lots of questions of the medical staff to be sure you know what is happening and why.I'll keep you and yours in my prayers.

dwil23
April 12th, 2017, 09:14 AM
Prayers for you all. This must be so hard.

(((HUGS)))

WendyI
April 12th, 2017, 09:47 AM
I don't pray but I have your family in my thoughts. I hope that once you get them moved they will understand that it was the right move for them.

((((hugs))))) hope your mom recovers soon and they figure out what the problem is.

peggiep
April 12th, 2017, 10:25 AM
Prayers for guidance and strength to deal with a difficult situation. Harmony with your siblings is critical at this time. I understand your situation as I have lived through it twice now. Its not easy, but faith will see you through.

jjkaiser
April 12th, 2017, 12:24 PM
Oh my so much going on there. It does sound like your Mom may have suffered a small stroke recently. As far as moving I think your best tack to take with your Dad is telling him moving is critical for your Mom's safety. You are lucky to have a big family that can jump in and do all the heavy lifting to get them moved. Good luck, this can't be easy on you, it sounds like you live some dist away from your parents. Let us know how things are going. If you can.

Grandma G
April 12th, 2017, 06:37 PM
All of it sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. Prayers for mom's recovery and additional prayers for all of you.