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View Full Version : What to do? Need advice please.



Lyndaj
December 5th, 2016, 10:20 AM
So, my M-I-L has cancer again. I believe DH and I determined that this is the 6th cancer she has had. It all started with breast cancer 25 or so years ago. Breast cancer runs in her family as her sister died from it.

At any rate, here is my dilemma. I'm thinking I should make her a quilt as she is having some awful treatment for this one.

My sixth sense is yelling that this cancer will kill her and in the not too distant future. I do not wish this, this is just what my sixth sense is telling me, and it tends to be correct.

So, I'm afraid that if I'm right, my S-I-L will want to give me the quilt back because she won't want it around as a reminder and I honestly wouldn't want it back.

I feel bad not making a quilt, but.....

Caroline T.
December 5th, 2016, 10:38 AM
IMO - Make it. It will give your MIL comfort during this tough road, and isn't that the purpose of making a quilt for someone, to comfort them while they are with us?

If, and I stress the "If", your MIL succumbs to this time around with cancer, you still have options with the quilt if you nor your SIL want it.
1. Have the quilt placed in the casket with MIL
2. Donate it to your local American Cancer Society, Hospice, or other organization that specifically helps those with cancer.
3. Save it for one of your MIL's grandchildren as a reminder of her.

meliswan
December 5th, 2016, 10:47 AM
IMO - Make it. It will give your MIL comfort during this tough road, and isn't that the purpose of making a quilt for someone, to comfort them while they are with us?

If, and I stress the "If", your MIL succumbs to this time around with cancer, you still have options with the quilt if you nor your SIL want it.
1. Have the quilt placed in the casket with MIL
2. Donate it to your local American Cancer Society, Hospice, or other organization that specifically helps those with cancer.
3. Save it for one of your MIL's grandchildren as a reminder of her.

My thoughts exactly. My prayers are with you and your family

grammaterry
December 5th, 2016, 11:58 AM
I think its a wonderful idea . And when you give it to her, tell her you have sewn in your prayers for her and perhaps the hope will get her thru this terrible saga of her life.

lovemyavy
December 5th, 2016, 01:00 PM
I also say 'make it'! As someone who has been through some of this with our son's fiance, making the quilt for her can also be therapeutic for you. I prayed, asked God for strength and comfort for Jill, and thought of her with every stitch I made in her quilt. Prayers and well-wishes to you and your family. :)

Debbie Watters
December 5th, 2016, 01:22 PM
I so agree with what the forum members have said. It will give your MIL comfort and knowledge that she is in your prayers. Sending prayers for your family and MIL.

Monique
December 5th, 2016, 01:37 PM
Yes go ahead and make it.

Marta
December 5th, 2016, 01:40 PM
Do make her a quilt. It will be a comfort to both of you. If it is returnned make a donation to her favorite charity or Hospice.

shirleyknot
December 5th, 2016, 01:56 PM
So, my M-I-L has cancer again. I believe DH and I determined that this is the 6th cancer she has had. It all started with breast cancer 25 or so years ago. Breast cancer runs in her family as her sister died from it.

At any rate, here is my dilemma. I'm thinking I should make her a quilt as she is having some awful treatment for this one.

My sixth sense is yelling that this cancer will kill her and in the not too distant future. I do not wish this, this is just what my sixth sense is telling me, and it tends to be correct.

So, I'm afraid that if I'm right, my S-I-L will want to give me the quilt back because she won't want it around as a reminder and I honestly wouldn't want it back.

I feel bad not making a quilt, but.....

Why the fuss? If you don't want it back, donate it to the cancer outfit or something. And do it in her name.

Hulamoon
December 5th, 2016, 02:07 PM
I was going to say what Shirley said.

Vonnie
December 5th, 2016, 02:08 PM
My 2 cents: Make it otherwise you will feel guilty and she would be touched you thought of her.

Bubby
December 5th, 2016, 02:48 PM
Please make the quilt....it will bless her (or a family member) and it will bless you.

Iris Girl
December 5th, 2016, 03:43 PM
Definitely make it. it can later me donated if no one wants it.

Lyndaj
December 5th, 2016, 06:52 PM
Thank you everyone.

Lyndaj
December 5th, 2016, 07:59 PM
I stumbled upon this for not a lot of money and it SO reminds me of her. So I have ordered it with expedited shipping. Hopefully it will be here soon so I can get a start on it.

http://ttfabrics.com/cms2015/wp-content/uploads/nature-c2759-garden.jpeg

Caroline T.
December 5th, 2016, 08:26 PM
I stumbled upon this for not a lot of money and it SO reminds me of her. So I have ordered it with expedited shipping. Hopefully it will be here soon so I can get a start on it.

http://ttfabrics.com/cms2015/wp-content/uploads/nature-c2759-garden.jpeg

That's very pretty. Looking forward to seeing the finished results.

Monique
December 6th, 2016, 07:48 AM
I stumbled upon this for not a lot of money and it SO reminds me of her. So I have ordered it with expedited shipping. Hopefully it will be here soon so I can get a start on it.

http://ttfabrics.com/cms2015/wp-content/uploads/nature-c2759-garden.jpeg

Yes very pretty.

peggiep
December 6th, 2016, 10:25 AM
That is a lovely panel, very serene and peaceful. I'm sure it will give your MIL a great deal of joy.

Midge
December 6th, 2016, 02:04 PM
Well said, Caroline T. Your mother in law may be very hurt if you do not step forward with this gesture, especially if she has seen you offer a quilt to others who are sick and suffering. I know you wouldn't want to do that. It's not the amount of time she would have the quilt, it's the power of love and comfort behind it. And there is always somewhere in the community to donate your quilt after she is gone. And yes, that panel would be an inspired choice for it's beauty and hopefully ability to lift her out of her treatment situation.

alliek
December 6th, 2016, 02:13 PM
Make the Quilt. That is what is in your heart. Follow it. Prayers for your MIL and your family.

Lyndaj
December 6th, 2016, 11:18 PM
Well said, Caroline T. Your mother in law may be very hurt if you do not step forward with this gesture, especially if she has seen you offer a quilt to others who are sick and suffering. I know you wouldn't want to do that. It's not the amount of time she would have the quilt, it's the power of love and comfort behind it. And there is always somewhere in the community to donate your quilt after she is gone. And yes, that panel would be an inspired choice for it's beauty and hopefully ability to lift her out of her treatment situation.

I haven't told her that I'm thinking of making a quilt for her. My quilts in the past have been given to others, mostly for new babies. As for MIL, she has treated me like crap for all of the 33 years I have known her. I am being nice. And, it's not a panel! It is yardage and I am making a One Block Wonder quilt with it.

Hulamoon
December 6th, 2016, 11:36 PM
I haven't told her that I'm thinking of making a quilt for her. My quilts in the past have been given to others, mostly for new babies. As for MIL, she has treated me like crap for all of the 33 years I have known her. I am being nice. And, it's not a panel! It is yardage and I am making a One Block Wonder quilt with it.

Well that's a different story. My youngest dd is a bitch to me. I can't count how many times she has said hurtful things to me. Now she has come back to this island. All she is getting is a gift certificate to a local grocery store and I don't even want to give her that.

Don't make it if your going to cringe the whole time.

Mimis-quilts
December 6th, 2016, 11:36 PM
IMO - Make it. It will give your MIL comfort during this tough road, and isn't that the purpose of making a quilt for someone, to comfort them while they are with us?

If, and I stress the "If", your MIL succumbs to this time around with cancer, you still have options with the quilt if you nor your SIL want it.
1. Have the quilt placed in the casket with MIL
2. Donate it to your local American Cancer Society, Hospice, or other organization that specifically helps those with cancer.
3. Save it for one of your MIL's grandchildren as a reminder of her.

I agree 100%. Any of the 3 examples would be acceptable. Just making a lap quilt or slightly bigger for her would be a nice size for her.

Carol336
December 7th, 2016, 09:26 AM
I agree with everyone else....make the quilt for your MIL. Believe me (been there done that) when I say, even though she isn't so nice to you, you'll have regrets if you don't do this.

traildancer
December 7th, 2016, 02:18 PM
Recently I made a jelly roll race, one for husband and one for wife. As I was sandwiching them someone told me he had died. I made both quilts anyway and gave them to his widow. She was touched. Later at a memorial celebration for him, she took me to their bedroom and showed me his quilt on the bed and pointed out that the binding I had used (some Parisian print from JoAnn's) showed "NS" along the binding. Those were his initials!! She was tickled pink at how it turned out. Not my intent nor had I noticed that. But very serendipitous and it meant a lot to her.

So make the quilt. Even if she has been ugly to you, even if she is ugly when you give her the quilt--you have made a wonderful, caring gesture. The onus is on her. Thank you for you caring spirit.

Caroline T.
December 7th, 2016, 02:46 PM
"she has treated me like crap for all of the 33 years I have known her"

We've all had people like that in our lives at one time or another, not always our MIL, sometimes it's our own parents, a sibling, co-worker, or someone else that we can't just avoid completely, no matter how much we wish we could.

All the more reason to make the quilt, and definitely have it placed in her casket with her. Your final act of kindness will shine for all that know how your relationship was with her.

And this is the nasty coming out in me, so I apologize to you in advance if I'm being callous, but wouldn't it be grand to know that she'll have to spend the rest of eternity with a kind gesture from you?

Snip Snip
December 7th, 2016, 03:04 PM
This could be the catalyst that changes her behavior to you, perhaps allowing her to die with a peaceful loving heart. I think it would be very good for you, to do this for her. At least you will have provided the spark.

Patty J
December 7th, 2016, 04:08 PM
Oh I am so sorry to hear this. You should still make the quilt more for you and your husband than for her, After all she was the one who raised your husband into the man he is. He has seen how many times you have donated to others and this would be a wonderful gesture on your part. Something that he will always remember would be your generous spirit. My MIL was also awful to me for most of our married years, Believe me I spent a lot of time just managing my hurt feelings by things she said or did to me. But I don't regret even one nice thing that I did for her. You will never regret being kind as much as you can to her. When she is gone your husband will know that you really tried to get along with her, so her attitude and actions belonged only to her. There is a saying that is rolling around in my head, but I can't get it quite right. Just do what your heart says to do. You won't regret it, I don't.
May you find peace making this quilt for her. your choice of fabric and pattern is awesome. She will appreciate it.