View Full Version : Diagnosis cancer, please help

September 3rd, 2016, 01:42 PM
Not me but my DH was just diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma. Our first visit to the oncologist is Tuesday. I already hate the words oncologist and cancer center. I don't even know if I should do research on this or not. I looked up lymphoma on Web MD right before his biopsy and he didn't have a single symptom, not even borderline. So we were totally blindsided with the pathology results. We haven't told our kids yet, we have three grown daughters. That will be so hard. Rick wants to see the oncologist first.

To complicate this even more it looks like we will probably lose our health insurance in January. The hospital I work at was recently bought out by a giant corporation and they are slashing everyone and everything. So our Plan B is Obamacare since we are 5 years away from being eligible for Medicare.

So if you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. Well I ever get to the point where I do not think about this and worry morning, noon and night? Because that's where I am right now and I can hardly imagine the stress of what the next year will be like. Thanks for listening.

September 3rd, 2016, 01:54 PM
Wrapping you up in a huge hug right now; I'll be praying for you both. I'm sure others will chime in who've had experience dealing with this...

September 3rd, 2016, 01:59 PM
Sending hugs your way too. I know your kids will be a huge support for you so don't be afraid to tell them. Sorry to hear about your insurance issues. A lot of times you can get cobra coverage through your employer for 18 months, although it may be expensive. Remember you have lots of support here too, we are always willing to listen if you need to talk.

September 3rd, 2016, 02:14 PM
Jocelyn, so sorry to hear this. When you meet with the oncologist have questions written down that you might want to ask. Or if you are comfortable have someone else in the room when you'll meet the Dr.....they can help you remember everything the Dr tells you. When you are overwhelmed it is hard to think and concentrate. When my DH was going through treatment years ago we felt like our heads were spinning at first.

I think I would tell your children after your DH's appointment if not before. The support from them will be helpful.

You might consider looking at MD Anderson's website. Years ago they had something call Network....I think.....where people dealing with different types of cancer could be put in touch with others that have been through the same type of cancer. It can be a great source of encourage talking to people that are doing well after dealing with something like this.

I would also check into a local support meeting or group for yourself too.

My heart goes out to you.....sending a hug and prayers.

September 3rd, 2016, 02:19 PM
Often times when there is a corporate buyout, a bridge insurance is offered, although it may be pricey. I realize it may be difficult, but try to take things one step at a time; collectively things are overwhelming. There are often support groups in the community that will give you a safety net and good counsel. As Lori said, we are right here for you, unconditionally. Prayers for you and yours coming your way.

September 3rd, 2016, 02:40 PM
I wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you and your husband. And we will listen whenever you need to talk. I think looking for a support group is a great idea. Also, you may want to do some internet research before the visit with the oncologist, just to get some ideas for questions you may want to ask. It's difficult to think when your mind is racing. As for the insurance, there are options, but don't dwell on that until after you meet with the oncologist and have a plan of action. Best to take it one step at a time.

September 3rd, 2016, 02:43 PM
My heart goes out to you and your family. At least with Obamacare you won't be denied coverage because of a preexisitng condition.

September 3rd, 2016, 02:44 PM
So sorry for your bad news, I would tell the kids too. I lost all my family and had one aunt left, like a second mother. She kept her health a secret from me. She thought she was protecting me because I had two small children. She had several types of cancer and a pacemaker. I got a call from one of her friends asking when I was coming. I would of been there in a heart beat.

I flew over and spent the last three months of her life taking care of her and then going through hospice. I'm hoping you don't have to go through that and that's the reason I think you should tell them. It's not thinking the worst but what they or all of you would lose.

September 3rd, 2016, 03:14 PM
So sorry to hear you are going through this. I recently found out my father had cancer and I immediately started googling and checking websites - scared the living daylights out of myself until I talked to his very calm, reassuring doctor. A friend of mine has cancer and said she made a deliberate choice to not check websites and statistics - she wanted to deal with what was immediately in front of her and not know 'the worst'. I guess what I'm saying is, there is no right answer, just what feels right to you.
Have your list of questions ready for the oncologist visit. Take a notepad to write down answers if you can. If you have a smartphone, take it with you and tell the doctor you want to record the consultation (not sure if you have to ask permission in some states...) That way you can listen back to it because you won't remember it all, and it can also be helpful to have that available to share with family whenever you are ready to talk to them.

September 3rd, 2016, 03:16 PM
My step-mother has non-hodgkins lymphoma. It is a type of cancer that stays with you, but can easily be put into remission with chemo and/or radiation. I would go online and educate yourself before you see the oncologist, so you can have a list of questions ready. If you don't understand something, keep asking questions until you do. Take lots of notes. This is one of the easier cancers to treat and since you say he does't show symptoms, they probably caught it early. Praying for good results for your family.

September 3rd, 2016, 03:20 PM
So sorry you got this news. I can't imagine the thoughts and feelings you are having right now. Hugs and prayers for all concerned.
Members here will support you and listen when you vent. It helps to have someone there to listen. My heart goes out to you and your hubby.

September 3rd, 2016, 03:33 PM
I'm praying for your husband, you and your family. Hearing the "C" word when it comes to your family or yourself will be the absolute, most terrifying and horrible word ever spoken. I have been through "C" myself, and it's not easy, ever! I will pray and ask for healing for your husband.
Lots of hugs and prayers

September 3rd, 2016, 04:17 PM
No offense but Obama care is a joke, do your homework. I paid a penalty last year due to they said I didn't qualify unless I wanted to give half my paycheck. If you were my family is add you to mine through work. Good luck but e prepared!

September 3rd, 2016, 04:34 PM
First of all, I will be praying for you. Secondly, do you have an employee assistance program at work? They can help answer a lot of questions and do research for you if necessary. That might be something to keep in mind. Where I work, they will also pay for some counseling sessions in situations like this, to help you think more clearly or just to help you deal with your fears. Take a deep breath and take one day at a time. It's hard not to panic, but you will make better decisions when you can think more calmly. Sending you big hugs from Ohio. Praying for the "peace that passes understanding" for you and your family.

September 3rd, 2016, 04:36 PM
My heart goes out to you & your husb. As a nurse, I always want to know everything, so I definitely would be doing a web search of the reliable medical web sites. You might even find a list of questions to ask your dr. Sometimes there are organizations that offer financial assistance for treatment. I have a friend who was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma maybe 2 yrs. ago. She underwent chemo. & is considered cancer free now (or maybe in remission?). She responded well to the treatment. Of course, she lost all her hair. She wore the cutest hats rather than those scarves. Of course with men, baldness or shaved heads seem to be popular now. Thoughts & prayers for you & your family. Definitely tell your children. If you belong to a church, place your request on the prayer chain so people can be praying for you. One needs that support at a time like this. Keep us posted on how things are going. (((HUGS!)))

September 3rd, 2016, 05:01 PM
I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. I can't imagine how hard it is to hear those words. Please keep the people on this forum in the loop because so many of them are incredibly supportive. Also ask for prayers from everyone you know. I would definitely tell my children because they need to know what's going on. Right now you need all the support you can get. I understand that non-Hodgkin lymphoma is quite curable. Good luck. I'll be praying for you and your husband.

September 3rd, 2016, 05:17 PM
So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with all of you.

September 3rd, 2016, 05:21 PM
Prayers for your family. Speaking as an adult child who had medical "issues" hidden by parents because they did not want to worry us-we lived quite a distance away-we would have preferred to know what was happening, maybe we could not get home but at least we could add our support thru prayer and phone calls.

September 3rd, 2016, 05:30 PM
More thoughts, hugs, and prayers coming your way. Please keep us updated.

September 3rd, 2016, 05:31 PM
My advice to you is to get a notebook that has different sections or colored pages. I got one that has four different colored pages, divided up by color. One color is for appointments. One color is for the urologist. One color for the oncologist. And now I'm sure the fourth color will be for the chemotherapy.

That notebook goes to every single appointment with us. I go to every appointment as well, as I am full of questions. The urologist is more than happy to sit and answer every single one I have. The oncologist will answer them too, but I have a hard time understand him because of his strong Asian accent.

Most definitely, sit down and tell your kids. If you have grandchildren, let their parents decide when and how they will tell them. Our youngest grandchild is nine and she has called MM and asked him several questions, from can I catch it? to is it hereditary? He takes his time and answers every single one. The other two girls, really don't seem to be bothered by it, and neither does our youngest grandboy. However, Tyler who is 21, does not talk about it at all. He is like our third child as we raised him about half his life. Every other time we see him, I always wait until MM and I are alone with him and ask him if he has any questions or does he want to talk about it. He always tells me no. His mom and I have talked about it, and he is really taking it hard as he looks at MM as his dad, which in a way he is, just like I am like his mom. All we can do is reassure them.

Sorry about your health insurance, that really sucks. I'd check into the COBRA offerings before I signed up w/Obamacare. I know the COBRA thru my work when I retired was very expensive, but I was able to switch over to MM's and it was the same plan, but higher copays, so I was able to keep all the same doctors.

Believe me, I know what you are going thru. If you would have told me two months ago that my husband had cancer, I never would have believed you. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

September 3rd, 2016, 05:40 PM
Hi, Jocelyn,
Like many on this forum, I am a cancer survivor (colorectal; diagnosed January 2007; treated from February 2007 to May 2008). I know nothing about the disease your DH has been diagnosed with, but I know a few things about cancer.
1. Yes; it will take up all of your attention for the first little while. That's okay; just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
2. I joined an online support group through WebMD.com that was specific to my kind of cancer. It was VERY helpful, because others in the group were all either patients or family members. Many of the folks there were on the same chemo regimen I had been on, and there was so much information about "just dealing with it" that the docs did not go into. (Such as what sorts of food/drink could you tolerate while on chemo? How to take care of the ileostomy? Where to get hats? etc.)
3. Tell your children as soon as you are able to after you meet with the oncologist. That way you'll have more information regarding prognosis, expected treatment, etc. Also, you will have had a few days to get used to the idea and will be less likely to just blurt out the news. Your kids are going to need time to freak out, just as you are feeling now, and it might be best if you and DH are over the initial shock.
4. Try to write down what the doc tells you. When s/he's done talking, read back what you wrote down to him/her, in case your pen left something out or got ahead of your ears. If at all possible, go to every appointment with your DH, because 4 ears are better than 2.
3. As the primary caregiver, make sure you take time out for YOU. Go for a walk, take a long soak in the tub, whatever de-stresses you. If you allow yourself to burn out with stress, you are not going to be able to care for DH like you want to.
4. Try to carry on with your regular routines as much as you are able. Sometimes, watching Jeopardy! every night at 7 can be quite therapeutic.
5. The nursing staff wherever your DH is going to be treated is your best ally - make friends with them, bring them cookies or quilts, and you will find they will really go the extra mile for you! A great resource; I never met one who was not willing to take the time to answer my questions.
6. That said, YOU are responsible for YOUR healthcare. Following my initial surgery, I failed to call for my pathology report. It was right there on the discharge papers, but I was not exactly at my best at that time. Turned out I needed an additional 6 months of chemo, but I was not aware because I did not call until four months later. Make sure you are pro-active in getting test results.
7. Same goes for your bills. As SOON as your health insurance changes, it is your responsibility to sit down with someone from both the hospital's business office, AND the doctor's; these are usually two separate entities, and you will have to deal with both of them. If you wind up having to pay over time, they will work with you, but YOU have to go in and talk to them. They just don't see themselves as "Customer Service."
8. We will pray for you and DH; I recommend you pray also. God is very good, and He is more than willing to walk this journey with you. Meanwhile, please keep us posted as you are able; we consider it an honor to pray with and for our quilty friends.

Love, hugs, and blessings,
~ Sally \0/

September 3rd, 2016, 06:41 PM
Adding my prayers for you and your DH, you know we all are praying for the best results.

September 3rd, 2016, 08:16 PM
Unless, you've been told your job is going to be eliminated in January hang in there. I worked for a small rehab 175 beds that was sold to a national corporation. For one reason or another 1/3 of the nursing staff (nurses &aides) left before the take over. For those nurses and aides who stayed were was loads of overtime ,and we still had our jobs after the take over. As for your health insurance, if it pays very well,then consider Cobra. You will pay roughly the full amount, your premium and the employer's contribution. But the coverage it provides is the biggest consideration.
. Our pastor has been treated for NHL successfully, twice now. He's still up at the pulpit every Sunday morning, with a beautiful homily. My prayers for you and your DH as you enter this phase of your life. Kathy

September 3rd, 2016, 08:27 PM
I don't have any advice but I will put you and your husband in my daily prayers.

Sandy Navas
September 3rd, 2016, 08:57 PM
Definitely adding you to my list of prayer receivers!

September 3rd, 2016, 08:58 PM
Sending hugs and prayers....(((HUGS)))). I'm so sorry this is happening to your DH and you.

September 3rd, 2016, 10:01 PM
Sending prayers to you and husband.

September 4th, 2016, 01:52 AM
Jocelyn I will keep you and the whole family in my prayers.Like all the others said right down your questions and if you don't get answers that you understand make sure to stop the dr and have him or her explain things in english so you do understand.If you don't like the Dr. you can look for one that you do like and feel confident with.(My DM had Leukemia and she hated her oncologist and I believe this really affected her health)Don't be afraid to ask anything the only stupid question is the unasked one.I think I would wait to tell your kids until you have a little more info to offer them and if they want to be present at appts. I would welcome that.

September 6th, 2016, 02:40 PM
I just remembered something that might be of help to you and DH. My BBF had lung cancer. The cancer center she was treated at paid her COBRA payments for her for the 18 months. The center got paid and she didn't have to worry about the bills. Take care Hope you got your questions answered and options explained . Prayers & hugs Kathy

September 7th, 2016, 07:30 AM
My heart goes out to you dear one. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way! You will have lots of support here.

Snip Snip
September 7th, 2016, 09:44 AM
You have lots of support and prayers on here, mine included. I hope your DH has a few friends he can talk to, as well, because there may be times he needs to talk to another trusted person, besides you.

September 7th, 2016, 10:45 AM
Prayers for you and your husband. Sometimes the Lord puts us through certain tribulations to draw us (and others through prayer) closer to Him. Also as encouragers to others going through the same thing. Support groups & prayer are key. God Bless!

September 7th, 2016, 10:47 AM
I'm so sorry for this diagnosis but take heart in what others have said and you will get through this. You have a lot of people supporting you. I agree that you should tell your children after your oncologists appointment so that you are able to be informed enough to answer their questions. From everything I have heard, this is a very survivable form of Cancer. Still sucks but I am hopeful he will be just fine. Sending love and hugs your way! xoxo

September 7th, 2016, 01:13 PM
So sorry for all of this. Please do Not do too much research on line. It may be too scary for you both and really not pertain to you. Listen to your doctors, Do research the best hospital,docs. Prayers going out for you. Hang in, medical science is making great strides in cancer treatment. (((((())))))

September 7th, 2016, 06:25 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. I will be praying for him!

I also have a bit of practical advice, if you don't mind (just sent this to Bubba in a PM but will post it publicly here). My oldest daughter is a breast cancer survivor who went through six sessions of very strong chemo and never once threw up. We have a wonderful man to thank, Lisle Babcock, who heard someone praying for my daughter at church. Lisle is a citrus grower who specializes in unusual varieties of citrus.

Lisle grows Palestine sweet limes which stop nausea. These limes have been used for generations in India to help with morning sickness, and more recently with the nausea from chemo. You mix the juice of one lime with an equal amount of 7-Up. My daughter says it's like a light switch, the nausea goes away completely.

(I once gave her the juice of only half a lime--I don't know why. Practically in tears, she said, "It's not working." I mixed another drink using a whole lime and her nausea went away. I share this because I think it's proof that it works.)

Here is an article about Lisle: Partnership keeping small producers growing - Parksville Qualicum News (http://www.pqbnews.com/business/140636023.html) . He provides the Palestine sweet limes FOR FREE to anyone undergoing chemo. It is a ministry for him, so please do not offer to pay him.

To: Lisle Babcock
Phone: (559) 333-8226
Fax: (559) 535-2907
In the past, Lisle has asked that folks fax their address to him. Someone recently told me that he doesn't need that anymore, but I'm not sure. Lisle will tell you the best way to get him your address.

Please call Lisle ASAP. He uses Fed Ex to ship the limes, so you receive them pretty quickly.

Blessings to you and your hubby!