PDA

View Full Version : No thank you note rant



jjkaiser
August 11th, 2016, 08:57 PM
I am usually the best person in the world when it comes to letting things go. Five months ago I made a baby quilt for my dh best friend's first grand child. My dh hand delivered it to his friend at a reunion I was not able to attend. Dh friend's wife (baby's grandmother) sent me an email with a photo saying he loves looking at the colors on the quilt. So I know it was delivered. These ppl all live about 800 miles away so we see our friends once or twice a year but do not really see their children. I am hurt that the baby's parents did not even send a thank you. Granted it was just a baby quilt, so not as much work as a full sized one, but still took me 4 months to make and it was all quilted by hand. The last time I checked you could still buy a thank you card at the drugstore that says thank you on the inside and all you have to do is sign it. My dh thinks I am overly sensitive about this. He is probably right but it really bugs me for some reason. Has this ever happened to you? The parents of the new baby are in their late 20's which to me is old enough to know better. Okay. Now I feel better!!

DeniseSm
August 11th, 2016, 09:07 PM
I would estimate I get a written thank you note less than 1/3 of the times for quilts I gift. It seems it is no longer the custom. Times change. Oddly enough I feel more validated when I see them post the quilt on their Facebook page. Then I know they really liked it.

Take pleasure in the giving, not in the acknowledgement.

Hulamoon
August 11th, 2016, 09:16 PM
When I moved here one of my best friends from high school back home had twins. Never got a note for two quilts. It hurt, but what can you do.

Vonnie
August 11th, 2016, 09:41 PM
I'm more surprised when I do get a thank you note.

Mom23
August 11th, 2016, 09:42 PM
I feel your pain. My cousin had twins so I made her two quilts. My mom gave them to her on a Friday evening. I spent the day with my cousin on Sunday and she didn't say a word of thanks. I thought maybe mom forgot to give them to her so I didn't say anything. Nope. She had them and didn't even give a verbal word of thanks. I will never give her anything again. I understand she busy but I fully expect a verbal thanks, or at least text later.

JCY
August 11th, 2016, 09:52 PM
Unfortunately, this seems to be a thankless society, esp. among the younger folks. Not everyone grew up with learning the social graces, writing thank you cards, etc. In the era of texting & e-mail, hand writing a note to someone rarely happens. I give baby quilts to all the new moms at my church. The lady in charge of the showers even announced that the moms they don't need to send thank you notes to everyone! I think that is rather thoughtless, when people spend their hard earned money on a gift, or like me, spend hours making a baby quilt & burp cloths. A couple yrs. ago I made 2 quilts for twin girls, flannel blankets, & burp cloths. I never heard one peep from her! (This was not someone from my church.) I was very disappointed. Ingratitude doesn't affect my joy of quilting, but it is disappointing. It seems to be the prevailing attitude in today's culture.

And it's not just quilt gifting. It's true of grandchildren who don't say thank you for birthday or Christmas gifts. That's been a pet peeve of mine for years. When they turned 18 & graduated from HS, the BD & Christmas $ was discontinued. We still have 3 grandkids < 18; the same will be true for them.

jjkaiser
August 11th, 2016, 10:07 PM
Thanks I am glad I am not the only one on this soap box. When we were kids my Mom hijacked our presents and we couldn't even hold them in our hot little hands until we presented a handwritten thank you which had to be long enough, and grateful enough to suit Mom first. I am beginning to think this wasn't such a bad idea.

Hulamoon
August 11th, 2016, 10:22 PM
You know jj I went to my stepdd's house one year for Christmas eve (very nice) I slept over and when her four kids came out they just tore through everything without even looking at anything. She has so many friends that there was so much!. That was the last time I went. They could care less.

When my girls were young they did the presents slowly and thankfully. I'm proud of that.

tamsterg7
August 11th, 2016, 10:24 PM
I agree with you they are old enough and should have sent a note. I am a stickler on that with my kids, and always made them write notes for birthday, graduation, etc. A bout 2 years ago my daughter sent email notes to several people and 2 came back undeilverable, so she asked me for correct email addresses. I told her I thought I taught her better, and if they took the time to think about her and send her a gift, even if it was a check, she could darnwell think enough of them to hand write a note of thanks. She was a bit mad at me for a few days, and then told me I was right (mark the calendar), and that she bought a packet of note cards at the dollar store......and did I have any stamps? Lol-at least she wrote them!

Kat Smith
August 11th, 2016, 10:31 PM
As a parent of 4 adult children, I still remind them when ever they receive gifts from people that they need to send thank-you cards. The girls are very good about it, the boys, well, at least they send texts. I was once at a baby shower for some young people and the new Father asked me if I felt they needed to send Thank-you cards, them not being my kids, I tried to think of a way to tell them yes with out being to blunt. I told them that I have saved everyone I received. However, I guess he didn't get the message, because I didn't get one from them. I was disappointed. When I had my babies, years ago, tucked in with a present from one lady was a package of Thank-You cards. At first I was a little offended but then when I realized how many I was going to have to buy, I appreciated them. Maybe we should start a movement and enclose a pkg. of Thank-you cards in with the gifts we give.

Kathy

pcbatiks
August 11th, 2016, 10:45 PM
I feel your pain. My cousin had twins so I made her two quilts. My mom gave them to her on a Friday evening. I spent the day with my cousin on Sunday and she didn't say a word of thanks. I thought maybe mom forgot to give them to her so I didn't say anything. Nope. She had them and didn't even give a verbal word of thanks. I will never give her anything again. I understand she busy but I fully expect a verbal thanks, or at least text later.

Wow........Robin, I feel for you. That was completely rude for your cousin not to say the words Thank You while you spent the day with her.

Sorry that happened to you, Joyceln. I guess as quilters we learn pretty quickly who is "Quilt Worthy" and who isn't.

grammaterry
August 11th, 2016, 11:36 PM
When my youngest daughter was married, she sent thank you card from her honeymoon hotel. All of my friends called to tell me they had received the most wonderful note from her. Second daughter married, same story...people calling to tell me they received a wonderful note. I don't receive thank you notes and I am always disappointed. However, recently my husbands nephew was married and we received a lovely note from both the bride and the groom. I send notes for every gift I receive at Christmas...even to my own children and their children. I expect them from my children.
Two grandchildren have passed 21 and I haven't heard from either of them since age 18. I sent a wedding gift to the older one. No response. I don't gift them any longer. It is sad to leave them out of my life, but then, they apparently don't value my existence.

Carolnnc
August 12th, 2016, 01:02 AM
I was the person who didn't say thank you or send a card. The social skills and manners my parents imparted were minimal to say the least. As children we weren't even taught to say please and thank you. I was in my mid 30's before I'd been around good people who helped me grow my manners and social skills and it still took a while to really get it down pat. I don't think this is just a problem with younger people. I have worked with people from 16 to 66 who are gracious and give a thank you for gifts and send a card or email. I have also worked with people from 16 to 66 who wouldn't acknowledge a gift if it was a thoroughbred horse wrapped in gold with $100 bills for a saddle. For years now I have given wedding and baby gifts which also contain a box of stamped thank you cards. I think of it as my way of saying sorry to all the people who were kind to me and I failed to acknowledge that kindness.
Grandmother would probably be mortified if she knew they didn't acknowledge the gift! If it's still bothering you then you could send an email to the grandmother. You could tell her you didn't hear from the parents and her email helped you to know that the gift was received and liked. It wouldn't bother me at all to get an email like that. I'd be calling my kid to make sure they sent a thank note and an apology for waiting so long.

rebeccas-sewing
August 12th, 2016, 01:11 AM
It is very disheartening to discover people we know can be very rude. It's happened to me so I know how you feel.

Jean Sewing Machine
August 12th, 2016, 01:14 AM
This always frosts me when I get no acknowledgement. My DIL is terrible about this, nothing ever said about gifts or monetary gifts. I also made quilts for two neighbors' babies. The one thanked me the other, nothing. But then 5 years later, that kid came to my house on Halloween, and his mom said, "This is the lady who made your favorite quilt!" A little late, but at least I found out the quilt was well loved!

Sylvia H
August 12th, 2016, 02:36 AM
I hang my head in shame that my daughter - my wonderful, caring, daughter - has still not sent out thank you cards for wedding gifts (Two years this coming January). I don't know how this happened. I made sure thank you cards were completed when they were children, under my care. I didn't make it a horrendous chore - just something that we should do to show that we appreciate what was given.

Even if not a card - an email, a verbal thank you - something to acknowledge the appreciation of a gift given. At my grandson's 3rd birthday party, I was agast that his mother did not stop to thank people for the gifts as they were being opened. (My son was the father, parents were not married.)

Is "thank you" just not part of our vocabulary any more?

TMP
August 12th, 2016, 02:43 AM
If I give someone a gift in person and they thank me then, I am not as upset as when I mail a gift to someone and never hear a word. I think well maybe they never received it. Manners just don't seem to be important to people anymore.

I think what upsets me more is when I give a gift to someone and its re-gifted. My dh says well, you gave it to them and they can do what ever they please with it. Still bothers me.

auntiemern
August 12th, 2016, 03:07 AM
I admit it. I am terrible about hand writing thank you notes. I have good intentions, and then just forget...the brain does not function as well as it used to. I do however always acknowledge gifts either by text, email or pm. So anyone out there that I have not acknowledged, I truly am sorry.

kensington
August 12th, 2016, 04:12 AM
I gave my Godson a quilt for his graduation... one of the nicest I've made. He sent a note but it was almost dismissive. He thanked for for coming to his party, and for the craft item. Craft item? Huh... A craft item is something I can make in 10 minutes with a hot glue gun... this was a full sized quilt. I'm glad he graduated from college, but in my humble opinion, he's an idiot. LOL

MayinJerset
August 12th, 2016, 04:13 AM
Been there too and it always makes me sad and kind of offended. We don't make quilts for others to be praised to the skies but knowing that they like our gifts does make us feel good. Made a baby quilt for SIL's granddaughter's first child and never received an acknowledgement. On the upside I sent baby quilts to my DIL's 2 nieces and nephew when they each had their first children and each sent a Thank You card, one was even hand made. Things like that make up for the ones who never say Thanks in any shape and form. I have several family members who don't acknowledge gifts and often don't cash checks given as gifts, so I told family that anyone who does that twice is off my list and although I wish all their Bdays and special occasions are happy ones the most I will send them is a card.

Like one of the other posters growing up we were never taught to say Thank You or send Thank you notes although my father did keep a book with all the gifts he and my mother gave for weddings, Christenings and funerals. What a big fuss was made when someone in their book didn't give them a gift in return. My Aunt Mary was my Godmother and I admired her and tried to follow her kind and thoughtful ways.

DramaMama
August 12th, 2016, 04:33 AM
Unfortunately, this seems to be a thankless society, esp. among the younger folks. Not everyone grew up with learning the social graces, writing thank you cards, etc. In the era of texting & e-mail, hand writing a note to someone rarely happens. I give baby quilts to all the new moms at my church.

I was going to say just this! It is all quick electronic age, no social graces.

After having heard stories like and similar to yours on this forum & experiencing a similar disappointment, I no longer make quilts when I need a quick gift (e.g., rag or JRR quilts) -- not even for family. I only make for my household family and extending family/friends if I absolutely KNOW they will appreciate it.

And one of my life mantras: If I don't expect anything from anyone, I will never be disappointed. Truly, from a psychological perspective: disappointment is a feeling that only results when someone or something falls short of your expectations.

I will leave you with this: You were so kind to use your time, talent and resources to make a baby quilt for your hubby's friend's grandchild. Maybe if you thought of your kindness as an action for your husband more than the new mom, that would help you -- as I bet he took great pride in delivering such a wonderful gift to his friend.

Monique
August 12th, 2016, 09:28 AM
Common courtesy seems to have gone by the wayside.

WendyI
August 12th, 2016, 11:07 AM
I always feel terribly guilty when I see something like this. When I was pregnant with my son I had a baby shower thrown for me as normally happens.

Well the very next week I had my son a month premature. He was in and out of hospital for the next two weeks, and I had to pump at every feeding because he wasn't strong enough to nurse. I got mastitis twice and spend the next 7 months in a complete state of exhaustion. I never did end up sending thank you cards for all the kindness at my shower and it still haunts me!

I always try my best to be appreciative when people do things for me so I get it...but sometimes life just gets in the way?

Claire Hallman
August 12th, 2016, 11:39 AM
I always am pleasantly surprised now a days when I get an actual note. When someone thanks me in person I do not expect a card as well. One thanks is enough it seems to make me happy.
I enjoy the doing, making, and the giving, while thanks is wonderful, the giving is what really makes me happy.

Altairss
August 12th, 2016, 12:12 PM
Very few people are taught the art of a thank you card anymore most do no even know that it is expected. Truly if you ask people under 30 about thank you cards most don't have a clue and they don't even know this is expected. For those raised this way we were taught it was the height of rudeness to not send a card. If your not taught you don't know to do it, so we can get mad all we want about it but what good does it do except to upset ourselves.

In todays world most people just thank in person or by phone or if they have your email they will send an email. For fun with a gift I included my email and I got an email thank you. I found out later this person only did emailed thank you's as that is what she was comfortable with and how she was used to receiving "mail" The written letter is becoming a lost art kids are not even taught cursive in school anymore. The old standards of social niceties are being lost to a society attached to their phones and computers.

For me if I get one I am tickled otherwise an in person thank you or even email is fine. I gift from my heart and because I want to.

bakermom
August 12th, 2016, 12:15 PM
This seems to come up on every forum I follow. While I appreciate getting TY notes as much as the next person, I don't stress over it. Esp. if I was thanked in person. If I give someone a gift it's because I want to, no strings attached. Yes, a note should be written but if it isn't it's a reflection on the recipient, not me. I taught my kids to write thank yous, and now as adults most of them do. What ticks me off, is when gift giver contacts ME if a non-writer fails to write. If you have a problem with my ADULT child, take it up with them, not me.

geegeequilts
August 12th, 2016, 02:29 PM
I found my calling with the first (oh boy you should've seen it!) quilt I made. I've improved greatly since then & with each quilt I think it's the prettiest one. I GIFT my quilts to those special people I love. All new babies I know get a quilt. My cousin's son & DIL had twin girls & I made them quilts. My cousin thanked me for loving her grand babies as much as she did. Didn't get a thank you from the parents but that's okay. I love making quilts. Love giving them away. Sometimes it kinda ticks me off not getting a thank you but what are you gonna do? It's not my fault no one taught them how to appreciate a gift made from the heart.

So my advice is to keep making the new baby quilts as well as for the adults. As long as you love the making & giving, try not letting the joy be diminished by not receiving a thank you.

Gina

CheyMom14
August 12th, 2016, 03:31 PM
Soon after our youngest son got engaged his fiancÚ's twin sister had a baby girl. Second child, no husband, yadda yadda yadda. I made a beautiful pink and white pin wheel quilt just a bit larger than crib size and sent it to the hospital with our son to deliver. Son reported several aunts and son's soon to be MIL were in the room and made a tremendous fuss over how pretty it was. Fast forward six months to bridal shower, DIL's sister sent out invites to the shower through facebook so I took the opportunity to ask about the quilt. Point blank said she didn't care for it, wasn't going to raise her daughter to be "pink" and had re-gifted the quilt. Furious!!!

bttyboopette
August 12th, 2016, 03:47 PM
OMG CheyMoM! furious is an understatement for that kind of thing.

Sylvia H
August 12th, 2016, 05:54 PM
... DIL's sister sent out invites to the shower through facebook so I took the opportunity to ask about the quilt. Point blank said she didn't care for it, wasn't going to raise her daughter to be "pink" and had re-gifted the quilt. Furious!!!

That was so very rude. I hope the person who was regifted was more appreciative. She obviously didn't recognize the time, effort, and also expense that went into your gift. Hopefully, she will, sometime in the future, recognize her mistake.

Marta
August 12th, 2016, 06:44 PM
I have been pretty lucky so far - if I hand deliver a quilt I get a big hug. With almost all of the quilts I mailed or my daughter delivered I got email thanks with a picture of the quilt being used. Now thank you notes for wedding gifts from husbands side of the family a big fat zero.

RockinLou
August 13th, 2016, 05:41 AM
I admit it. I am terrible about hand writing thank you notes. I have good intentions, and then just forget...the brain does not function as well as it used to. I do however always acknowledge gifts either by text, email or pm. So anyone out there that I have not acknowledged, I truly am sorry.

I am pretty terrible about hand written notes too, as I can't easily mail things from where I live. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone on this forum though, as I'm under the age of 40. There is so much judgement of the younger generations here that it is one of the reasons I vanish for months at a time, kind of ironic considering the discussion is about 'manners' and 'social graces'

easyquilts
August 13th, 2016, 08:14 AM
I have to admit that I don't expect actual Nites... A simple thank you at gifting, or a pic of the baby on or wrapped up in the quilt is enough...

Just one exception.... I made a really cute quilt gir my vet's new baby, and even when we went in, there was no acknowledgement of the gift... That one ticked me off a little...but mist if the time I just go with a simple thanks or a picture...

DramaMama
August 13th, 2016, 08:19 AM
I am pretty terrible about hand written notes too, as I can't easily mail things from where I live. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone on this forum though, as I'm under the age of 40. There is so much judgement of the younger generations here that it is one of the reasons I vanish for months at a time, kind of ironic considering the discussion is about 'manners' and 'social graces'

I'm assuming your reference to "here" means "in this forum".

First, please understand that such comments re: "younger generation" is a general comment and doesn't include "everyone of the younger generation" and perhaps not you personally.

Second, maybe you see much judgment in these discussions re: the "younger generation" because you are lucky enough to not see what most of us (in the U.S./North America) see: many failures and social disgraces of the "younger generation" (caused by various society issues and week/progressive/entitlement-teaching parenting styles). I don't know if this is the case as I have not traveled outside of America nor studied the issue of problems with the "younger generation" in different regions of the world.

Anyway, perhaps you feel such "judgment" because our talk of it makes you scratch your head because the world you see is much better than what many of us see re: this generation. At any rate, sorry you have these feelings; and hope you feel more welcomed in this forum in the future.

Blessings and Happy Quilting

RockinLou
August 13th, 2016, 09:52 AM
I'm assuming your reference to "here" means "in this forum".

First, please understand that such comments re: "younger generation" is a general comment and doesn't include "everyone of the younger generation" and perhaps not you personally.

Second, maybe you see much judgment in these discussions re: the "younger generation" because you are lucky enough to not see what most of us (in the U.S./North America) see: many failures and social disgraces of the "younger generation" (caused by various society issues and week/progressive/entitlement-teaching parenting styles). I don't know if this is the case as I have not traveled outside of America nor studied the issue of problems with the "younger generation" in different regions of the world.

Anyway, perhaps you feel such "judgment" because our talk of it makes you scratch your head because the world you see is much better than what many of us see re: this generation. At any rate, sorry you have these feelings; and hope you feel more welcomed in this forum in the future.

Blessings and Happy Quilting

Yes, I mean in this forum, not only in this specific post. I was born and raised in America and am part of the younger generation that I have repeatedly seen discussed and chastised in this forum over the past two years. My international living has not been the entirety of my adult life, only a handful of years. Of course, when addressing me people say that there are exceptions to the rule, implying that I am one of those more pleasant and acceptable members of my generation. However, I still find it extremely frustrating. The underlying sentiment that younger women, and mothers in particular, are complete failures is a constant theme of the conversations here.
I don't think anyone from the older generations can possibly understand the intense stress that young women are under, we no longer live in multigenerational families, we can no longer support a household on a single income, and the rapid changes in technology put young professionals in a position to be on-call 24/7. Even when I was on maternity leave I sometimes received over 50 emails per day, and that was 5 years ago. It is quite simply a different world, and as much as young women do to keep their heads above water, it will never be enough for everyone because there is always someone older around willing to tell us what failures and disappointments we are.

RockinLou
August 13th, 2016, 09:57 AM
I always feel terribly guilty when I see something like this. When I was pregnant with my son I had a baby shower thrown for me as normally happens.

Well the very next week I had my son a month premature. He was in and out of hospital for the next two weeks, and I had to pump at every feeding because he wasn't strong enough to nurse. I got mastitis twice and spend the next 7 months in a complete state of exhaustion. I never did end up sending thank you cards for all the kindness at my shower and it still haunts me!

I always try my best to be appreciative when people do things for me so I get it...but sometimes life just gets in the way?

I can relate. My husband lost his job when my son was 4 weeks old, and by the time he was 10 weeks old, he had moved to an entirely different city 1500 miles away. I was in Atlanta, with my 2 1/2 year old and my newborn, essentially functioning as a single parent.

My son's birth announcements (born June 8) went out with our Christmas Cards. Thank you notes for his baby gifts were enclosed at the same time. I'm sure some were missed. Oh, I was also working full time from home with no child care because my salary was so low that I couldn't afford both child care and health care, and I chose health insurance because my daughter was recovering from a bacterial tuberculosis infection.

Sometimes life just happens!!

bakermom
August 13th, 2016, 12:17 PM
I am pretty terrible about hand written notes too, as I can't easily mail things from where I live. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone on this forum though, as I'm under the age of 40. There is so much judgement of the younger generations here that it is one of the reasons I vanish for months at a time, kind of ironic considering the discussion is about 'manners' and 'social graces'
I'm so sorry you feel you need to vanish. I, too hate seeing the put down of our youth and I am over 60. You see, DH and I volunteer with youth, we have for years. We feel the vast majority of kids(and I include 30something and below cause, well, we've been doing this a long time) are good, hardworking and respectful people and they are passing those values on to others. sure there are a few stinkers but I could name some oldsters I would would like to "slap 'long side the head". Poor manners has no age limit.

Also decided to add at the risk of ticking people off. I think some people set themselves up by gifting to what seems like everyone they pass by. Receiving a gift, whether its a quilt of otherwise, from someone you just know in passing, can make people uncomfortable. Regardless of the good intentions, it can be awkward. should a TY still be given? Of course but I think sometimes people just feel awkward about it.

jjkaiser
August 13th, 2016, 02:04 PM
To Drama Mama: I think you took my original comments as a personal insult to you and others your age. My three daughters are your age 23-30, and they know sending a thank you for anything home made is the right thing to do. Yes I understand perfectly well that times have changed and you are under a lot of stress monetarily and juggling work and family is a constant struggle. Still that is no excuse. Everyone has issues, just different ones. I have no hard feelings towards this couple for not sending a TY note, but I still think it was rude.

K. McEuen
August 13th, 2016, 03:19 PM
Generalizations are a terrible thing. I have always felt that way. When you make sweeping comments about one gender, race, religion, etc. someone will always get their feelings hurt.

That said, my nieces and nephews and their wives/husbands have always sent me hand written thank you notes for wedding quilts, etc. Add to that that a few years after the gift was mentioned and I was told how much they love it and fight over it when cuddling on the couch.

My nephew Marc wrote me a thank you note once for "letting us stay in your drive-way." My brother and family had driven to CO with their pop-up trailer for camping and stopped in Albuquerque for the night. I had them park the van and trailer in my driveway because it is plenty long enough and very level. We left the door unlocked so they could come in at night for the bathroom. We cooked burgers on the grill and spent the day having fun. But I laughed when I got the note, because I guess having a place to sleep that night was high on Marc's list of priorities.

These kids are mid 20's to late 30's now so their parents must have taught them right as far as writing thank yous. Some parents never bothered.

RockinLou
August 13th, 2016, 07:05 PM
I'm so sorry you feel you need to vanish. I, too hate seeing the put down of our youth and I am over 60. You see, DH and I volunteer with youth, we have for years. We feel the vast majority of kids(and I include 30something and below cause, well, we've been doing this a long time) are good, hardworking and respectful people and they are passing those values on to others. sure there are a few stinkers but I could name some oldsters I would would like to "slap 'long side the head". Poor manners has no age limit.

Thank you for your volunteer efforts, it is admirable and gives you a different perspective on life. One week with my 70 year old mother-in-law this summer was my worst experience with poor manners in my entire life... you are right, they have no age limit!

We flew her to our house, (hers cannot be visited as she is a hoarder) provided every meal and paid for every outing. We never even received a verbal thank you or an offer to pay for a single thing. She even went so far as to call me a poor hostess because I offered her the mustard to put her own condiment on a sandwich. However, I suspect if we were to "cut her out" because she shows no gratitude, kindness or even empathy, we would be judged.

I think poor manners abound no matter what the age, and that is why the attitude of superiority bothers me so much.

In the situation of the original post, as she did not directly deliver the gift to the parent of the new baby (in person or by mail) then perhaps the parent felt that the indirect response, sending a photo of the child using the quilt, was adequate.

As a few others have shared, I give gifts to people I know well and love because it makes me happy to give them. I am not motivated by a thank you not that will be promptly discarded anyway. I am not offended when I do not receive a written note, an email or a photo of a gift being loved and used is plenty to acknowledge the act of kindness.

sew-what2015
August 14th, 2016, 09:39 AM
I have given many quilts as gifts.
Yes...I do feel joy in the giving and will continue to give.
I also feel that it is human to want to be appreciated for what we do.
If I gift a quilt to a person and they never acknowledge it in any way, then they don't receive any other gifts from me...quilts or any other gift.
I like to receive a hand-written note but I know that isn't done much anymore..a pity!
I accept any type of thanks..letter, thank-you note, in-person thank-you, facebook post, phone call etc...as long as the gift is acknowledged, I am happy. Sorry to say, some of my gifted quilts have never been acknowledged in any way.

Carlie Wolf
August 14th, 2016, 10:40 AM
This has become a pet peeve for me too over the last 20 years. I'm happy with a verbal thank you or an email, it doesn't have to be a handwritten note. I understand that with peoples busy lives sometimes it's hard to remember to pick up a thank you card but I see no reason for someone not to take a few minutes to write an email, it's so much easier now. It's gotten to the point that occasionally I have actually called or emailed to ask if the gift had been received in the mail as I want to know if it had gotten lost. At least I get to know it was received that way. I really feel that if a person can't acknowledge a gift they don't deserve another one from you in the future.

SuzanneOrleansOntario
August 15th, 2016, 10:38 AM
It is the least that you can expect. They are not children.
I understand what you mean. When I met my husband 11 years ago, I urged him to send gifts for Christmas to his family in the US. His mom & dad, sister and 3 grown children. They were thoughtful gifts, and cost a lot to mail from Canada. Every year, we had to ask if they received the package. Yes, thanks. When we went on special trips we would get gifts. Last year, my husband made each placemats and personalized with his embroidery machine. And he made a lap quilt with horses for his sister. She showed it on Facebook. But we never hear from anyone, no thank you's. I guess we were not all raised the same. After so many years, I wonder if they would notice if the gifts stopped. I know for my family, I have stopped sending gifts if they cannot even send an email thank you.

DramaMama
August 16th, 2016, 02:44 AM
Yes, I mean in this forum, not only in this specific post. I was born and raised in America and am part of the younger generation that I have repeatedly seen discussed and chastised in this forum over the past two years. My international living has not been the entirety of my adult life, only a handful of years. Of course, when addressing me people say that there are exceptions to the rule, implying that I am one of those more pleasant and acceptable members of my generation. However, I still find it extremely frustrating. The underlying sentiment that younger women, and mothers in particular, are complete failures is a constant theme of the conversations here.
I don't think anyone from the older generations can possibly understand the intense stress that young women are under, we no longer live in multigenerational families, we can no longer support a household on a single income, and the rapid changes in technology put young professionals in a position to be on-call 24/7. Even when I was on maternity leave I sometimes received over 50 emails per day, and that was 5 years ago. It is quite simply a different world, and as much as young women do to keep their heads above water, it will never be enough for everyone because there is always someone older around willing to tell us what failures and disappointments we are.

Wow! I get how a few scattered opinions on this forum about the younger generation would put a younger woman in overload when she's already bombarded with all that you mentioned above. I guess we might do well to remember the quote on this forum: Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Note: when I think of the "young generation" I think of tweens to college-age kids, not young moms nor working moms

Nonetheless, I hope you are not one to carry the world's problems or in this case the problems of "today's young generation" on your back -- especially when what is said may not apply to you -- because that is a lot of WEIGHT for one person.

Blessings.

Hulamoon
August 16th, 2016, 03:09 AM
Yes, I mean in this forum, not only in this specific post. I was born and raised in America and am part of the younger generation that I have repeatedly seen discussed and chastised in this forum over the past two years. My international living has not been the entirety of my adult life, only a handful of years. Of course, when addressing me people say that there are exceptions to the rule, implying that I am one of those more pleasant and acceptable members of my generation. However, I still find it extremely frustrating. The underlying sentiment that younger women, and mothers in particular, are complete failures is a constant theme of the conversations here.
I don't think anyone from the older generations can possibly understand the intense stress that young women are under, we no longer live in multigenerational families, we can no longer support a household on a single income, and the rapid changes in technology put young professionals in a position to be on-call 24/7. Even when I was on maternity leave I sometimes received over 50 emails per day, and that was 5 years ago. It is quite simply a different world, and as much as young women do to keep their heads above water, it will never be enough for everyone because there is always someone older around willing to tell us what failures and disappointments we are.

((hugs)) I see it too. I'm the older generation who grew up with Led Zepplin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath . I'm still a youngster in my head. But when posts are written that if your not a hand quilter that's not quilting. It makes me pissed. I see my dd's struggle and it does make me mad that the older generation puts them down for being lazy or whatever.

Stop labeling people.

just4me
August 16th, 2016, 04:39 AM
Yes, I mean in this forum, not only in this specific post. I was born and raised in America and am part of the younger generation that I have repeatedly seen discussed and chastised in this forum over the past two years. My international living has not been the entirety of my adult life, only a handful of years. Of course, when addressing me people say that there are exceptions to the rule, implying that I am one of those more pleasant and acceptable members of my generation. However, I still find it extremely frustrating. The underlying sentiment that younger women, and mothers in particular, are complete failures is a constant theme of the conversations here.
I don't think anyone from the older generations can possibly understand the intense stress that young women are under, we no longer live in multigenerational families, we can no longer support a household on a single income, and the rapid changes in technology put young professionals in a position to be on-call 24/7. Even when I was on maternity leave I sometimes received over 50 emails per day, and that was 5 years ago. It is quite simply a different world, and as much as young women do to keep their heads above water, it will never be enough for everyone because there is always someone older around willing to tell us what failures and disappointments we are.

I am over 60 years of age, I didn't live in a multigenerational family, I was under intense stress, my husband and I had no one to help raise our children...we did it on our own, we couldn't afford to live on one income so I had to find part time work...any sort, and rapid changes in technology were happening "back then" making us all too aware of the need to up skill/up grade, re-educate to stay in the work force and retrain. It is not a different world just a different time. And I am straining my little old brain trying to think where I have read consistent criticism of the "younger generation". Whilst you bemoan the older generation for being so critical and generalising of your generation please be aware that your comments also seem to be of the same ilk....just saying....

and yay...another Led Zepplin, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple fan here.....gotta love 'em.

RockinLou
August 16th, 2016, 07:24 AM
Whilst you bemoan the older generation for being so critical and generalising of your generation please be aware that your comments also seem to be of the same ilk....just saying....

and yay...another Led Zepplin, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple fan here.....gotta love 'em.

I'm sorry that you feel my comments are the same sort, whereas I felt they were being somewhat defensive of some who might not speak up. I know of at least one formerly very active forum member who has left due to such comments, and I know that I have turned away multiple times due to the same type of commentary on other posts. Having recently returned again from another hiatus, I was disappointed to see it continuing.

I see forum activity rapidly decreasing, and the number of active members is quite a small percentage. I think it is relevant for people to know why some members leave. I don't think any type of harassment is being done intentionally, but when I read two to three pages about how young people don't have manners, I feel that I have the right to point out that it is condescending and overly generalized.

RockinLou
August 16th, 2016, 07:33 AM
((hugs)) I see it too. I'm the older generation who grew up with Led Zepplin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath . I'm still a youngster in my head. But when posts are written that if your not a hand quilter that's not quilting. It makes me pissed. I see my dd's struggle and it does make me mad that the older generation puts them down for being lazy or whatever.

Stop labeling people.

Thank you for seeing it to and not making me think I'm crazy. I think the post that I remember most was someone who ran a booth in an antiques market and bragged about putting up a sign along the lines of "If you can't mind your children, I don't want your business" ... and it was followed by pages of comments applauding her for "putting people in their place" because "parents these days let their kids run wild". I just couldn't wrap my mind around how this is a good plan... and why it should be so celebrated. As a parent, even if my children are well behaved (thankfully, they generally are) and I saw that sign in a shop, I would not make a purchase. It seems pretty silly to me to turn customers away because you think that parents today can't control their kids. That post made me log off and walk away until Blondie and May messaged me asking me to come back.... I figured if people cared enough about me to notice that I was gone that I could just turn the other cheek when people are rude. Considering the shift this thread has taken, I probably should have walked away from here too, but it appeared while I was jet lagged and the day my Grandmother died, so I was a little low on my patience reserve and spoke up.

Carlie Wolf
August 16th, 2016, 11:41 AM
I guess I don't see it or at least don't see it anymore or less then I've ever seen it for many years in the past. There has always been people who don't seem to know how to give at least a simple thank you and it's always been rude. There aren't any real excuses for not being appreciative enough to say thank you, because we've all lived through bad times, hard times, scary times, busy times.

What I see is people here expressing their hurt feelings when recipients of any age group don't acknowledge the kindness and time that was put into trying to give a loved one, friend, organization or child that was put into preparing a special gift just for them.

MayinJerset
August 16th, 2016, 11:43 AM
Lacking the wisdom and ability of our Blondie to diffuse situations may I ask that we end this long thread. Bottom line is that a forum member's feelings have unintentionally been hurt, and while no one targeted her I think we all need to step back and rethink our posts in the future. The rapid expansion of M* business and forum has taken away the 'at home' feeling we used to have so let's try to get it back. I for one will try not to make generalized statements especially about the younger generation - that's a really difficult one for me since at age 80 everyone is the younger generation from my 70+ friends down to my still unnamed 2 month old great grandson in CA.

EnumclawGramma
August 16th, 2016, 12:23 PM
Wow. How in the world did this get so far off point? Gratitude . Appreciation. Respect.
I love it when I receive (and I always do), thank you cards from my Grands. Credit to good parenting (theirs and mine)
I LOVE sending hand written thank you notes for EVERYTHING; hosting a family event, a thoughtful gift, a well timed visit. (I am not yet 60 ;-). )
If I put my love and resources into making you a quilt and I never know if you cared or liked it, you go to the bottom of my quilts list.

Now, can we please just stay on topic and not turn this into an argument that ruins it for everyone?

THANK YOU

jjkaiser
August 16th, 2016, 01:29 PM
Here's something you probably never heard of before: Every Christmas I choose the favorite card I received and then I write a thank you note to the person who sent it, telling them they "won" my personal and unofficial best Christmas card contest. Then I just save the favorite card every year instead of saving ALL of them. People are so excited when they win!

Carlie Wolf
August 16th, 2016, 02:18 PM
What an adorable idea! I've never heard of anyone doing that.

MayinJerset
August 16th, 2016, 03:17 PM
Here's something you probably never heard of before: Every Christmas I choose the favorite card I received and then I write a thank you note to the person who sent it, telling them they "won" my personal and unofficial best Christmas card contest. Then I just save the favorite card every year instead of saving ALL of them. People are so excited when they win!

Great idea. I save all the cards we receive on my dining room hutch and when the pile starts to get too big I re-read them and then deposit them into our recycling box. I think I'll borrow your idea - such a nice way to say Thanks for thinking of me.

jjkaiser
August 16th, 2016, 03:18 PM
Thanks. This is an idea I came up with all on my own about ten years ago when I noticed I was saving too many Christmas cards. It is really fun opening cards now and deciding if the latest card I got should be a contender in my contest. I have even had winners write and ask if it is okay for them to start their own contest. I say go for it! Everyone should do this at least one year. It's fun!

RockinLou
August 16th, 2016, 11:06 PM
Considering the shift this thread has taken, I probably should have walked away from here too, but it appeared while I was jet lagged and the day my Grandmother died, so I was a little low on my patience reserve and spoke up.


Lacking the wisdom and ability of our Blondie to diffuse situations may I ask that we end this long thread.

Yes, please. I love you, May.

RockinLou
August 16th, 2016, 11:08 PM
Great idea. I save all the cards we receive on my dining room hutch and when the pile starts to get too big I re-read them and then deposit them into our recycling box. I think I'll borrow your idea - such a nice way to say Thanks for thinking of me.

If the front of the card can be removed and re-used as a tag on a present the next year, I often do that. It keeps the wrapping interesting and unique too!

Hulamoon
August 16th, 2016, 11:14 PM
I don't get cards anymore. I could rely on an old high school friend to send a picture of her family every year. It was fun to see her kids grow up. I must have more than twenty. She finally just posted a picture on Facebook last year. lol