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View Full Version : Happy and rough week in one 😧



AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 06:41 PM
I look back and wonder how I made it through this 12 years ago. Our oldest son's birthday is tomorrow and my husband's leaving this earth is on Friday. I wonder how does he feel, how does he think about his birthday and know that the next day is when his dad left this earth. Even though our son is a grown man I feel for him. My husband was only 58 when passed away from Asophogus cancer he didn't smoke or drink but had heartburn probably almost every day. By the time we caught the damage it was stage 3 he had surgery was cancer free for over a 1.5 then without any notice it popped back stage 4 and doctors gave him 6 months God gave us 5 months. He was a truck driver bigger than life woke up every morning with a smile and a whistle lol. The morning he passed was like any other morning we woke up I went over to his bedside (we had Hospice) he was in a hospital bed, leaned over put both my hands on his cheeks gave him a kiss and I said "Good morning my love" , he opened his eyes looked at me and took his last breath. He literally died in my hands me holding his face with that very last kiss that I would have never imagined that it would be our last kiss. I know that he hung on one more day not to leave this earth on his son's birthday that's the kind of man he was familia came first for him. We were high school sweethearts from the moment I saw him I just knew that he was the one. It wasn't an easy marriage he put me through hell and back but I never gave up on our marriage I hope he remembers that. Well sorry for the book but I'm feeling really really awful this week. I'm sure our son feels worse. I'm glad I could write this out.

Mom23
July 27th, 2016, 06:56 PM
((((Sandy)))) Hugs to you Sandy. You have every right to have a crappy week. Coming to the forum for virtual hugs and special prayers is good for you.

My dad died 37 years ago when I was 15. It gets easier but I never forget. I always feel a little sorry for myself that week. I feel like I'm entitled to that.

Robin

Jean Sewing Machine
July 27th, 2016, 07:00 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss, Sandy. This is a wonderful story, your husband died with your precious words lingering in his ears, what a wonderful way to go!

Midge
July 27th, 2016, 07:04 PM
Sending virtual hugs your way, Sandy. How bittersweet for you that he died looking into your eyes, loving words on your lips. How sad that your son did not know his dad. I hope there are sweet memories to share with him on his birthday and always.

rebeccas-sewing
July 27th, 2016, 07:05 PM
I'm sorry you're grieving today. I'm sure it's not easy for your son. My mother actually died on my birthday - December 25th. For me, all Christmases/birthdays are now a reminder of her passing. Losing his father at 58 is certainly harder than me losing my mom at 91 but we still miss them no matter what age they died. In a way, it's not so bad for me. Christmas is always a very busy time with lots of happy folks surrounding me to keep my mind off of that sorrowful time. It's also a happy time for me knowing that God has given me another year of life and hopefully more to come. Shortly after my mom died I lost my cousin to esophygeal cancer. His cancer was most certainly related to having been a smoker most of his life. I guess I'm telling you all this to let you know you're not alone. I shed tears now thinking about your loss and mine. All I can say, is try to think about whatever happy times you shared with your husband. You might even ask your son how he feels about it. It might do you both good to talk about it and maybe even cry together about it. How wonderful you were there with him when he took his last breath. I wasn't that fortunate to be with mom when she let go. A number of days by her side until my sis and I needed to go home and get a bit of rest. When we woke up we got the call that mom was gone.

quiltingtrish
July 27th, 2016, 07:05 PM
I can't seem to put into words what my heart feels when I read what you wrote and Robin and Jean said what comes from my heart too.
I am glad you came on here to tell us.
Sending HUGS
(didn't mean to leave anyone out - more people posted before I hit my reply button)

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 07:10 PM
((((Sandy)))) Hugs to you Sandy. You have every right to have a crappy week. Coming to the forum for virtual hugs and special prayers is good for you.

My dad died 37 years ago when I was 15. It gets easier but I never forget. I always feel a little sorry for myself that week. I feel like I'm entitled to that.

Robin
Robin I feel the same way easier but never forgotten and yes kinda feel sorry for myself no one understands they say time to get over it , we had so many plans.

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 07:10 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss, Sandy. This is a wonderful story, your husband died with your precious words lingering in his ears, what a wonderful way to go!

Thanks for that

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 07:15 PM
I'm sorry you're grieving today. I'm sure it's not easy for your son. My mother actually died on my birthday - December 25th. For me, all Christmases/birthdays are now a reminder of her passing. Losing his father at 58 is certainly harder than me losing my mom at 91 but we still miss them no matter what age they died. In a way, it's not so bad for me. Christmas is always a very busy time with lots of happy folks surrounding me to keep my mind off of that sorrowful time. It's also a happy time for me knowing that God has given me another year of life and hopefully more to come. Shortly after my mom died I lost my cousin to esophygeal cancer. His cancer was most certainly related to having been a smoker most of his life. I guess I'm telling you all this to let you know you're not alone. I shed tears now thinking about your loss and mine. All I can say, is try to think about whatever happy times you shared with your husband. You might even ask your son how he feels about it. It might do you both good to talk about it and maybe even cry together about it. How wonderful you were there with him when he took his last breath. I wasn't that fortunate to be with mom when she let go. A number of days by her side until my sis and I needed to go home and get a bit of rest. When we woke up we got the call that mom was gone.
Loosing your mom on your birthday is so sad and on Christmas I guess we all have our own stories. I've tried but he closes off and gets very sad.

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 07:19 PM
Sending virtual hugs your way, Sandy. How bittersweet for you that he died looking into your eyes, loving words on your lips. How sad that your son did not know his dad. I hope there are sweet memories to share with him on his birthday and always.

Yes bittersweet but wasn't prepared at all we knew it was eventually coming but never in a million guesses would be that day. And our son grew up with his dad he was our oldest we had 3, 2 boys and a girl

Cokie
July 27th, 2016, 07:19 PM
Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. What a comfort for your husband that you were right there for him when he passed. I hope that your happy memories outweigh the sense of loss for those things you didn't get to do together. No one except you knows how exactly how you feel, so it's OK to cry or feel down or come here for support - whatever you need to help comfort you in this difficult time. I'm not good with words, but please know that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 07:22 PM
Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. What a comfort for your husband that you were right there for him when he passed. I hope that your happy memories outweigh the sense of loss for those things you didn't get to do together. No one except you knows how exactly how you feel, so it's OK to cry or feel down or come here for support - whatever you need to help comfort you in this difficult time. I'm not good with words, but please know that you and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mahalo for your kind words and your great with expressing your words lol. And trust me I've cried way to much this week.

LauraP
July 27th, 2016, 07:43 PM
My father died in between my graduating from high school, turning 18 and getting married. It was a traumatic 2 months but I remind myself that 1) he got to see me, his last child, graduate 2) he knew I was getting married and knew my husband to be and most importantly he picked the time to go. He sent us all, except Mom, to a family wedding where he knew we would have the support we would need. While we were gone he finally let go and climbed the stairs. He had had stomach cancer for about 2 years so it wasn't a surprise.
When my mom decided to die she committed medical suicide. Instead of getting a police officer to shoot her she had some needed surgery (which went well) but she was determined she wouldn't make it off the operating table. Unfortunately, the doctor did not honor her DNR and we finally had to turn the machines off 3 days later. She called the entire family together to tell them goodbye while she was in the hospital and make sure we would all be alright. Unfortunately my sister, who finally told the DR to pull the plug, forgot what day it was so my mom died on my youngest daughters 21 birthday. Luckily my daughter was okay with it and claims Grandma Honey as her personal guardian angel.
You might let your son read this bunch of posts. He might be able to comment on everyone else's stories and then gradually let out his own feelings.
Remember, you are always in your husbands loving thoughts.

Monique
July 27th, 2016, 07:52 PM
It is good to come here and get comfort. That's what we do here. My father died 2 days before my birthday. He was 56. 32 years later, I still miss him. And I was with my mom holding her hand when she took her last breath. She died of lung cancer.

Let your son know that you are there for him should he ever want to talk about it. (Which I am sure you have already done)

It is true what is said
Done but never forgotten.

Thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this.

sew-what2015
July 27th, 2016, 07:57 PM
Hugs for you, Sandy. I am sorry for your grief.

KarenC
July 27th, 2016, 07:57 PM
My thoughts and prayers for all of you who have gone through untimely losses. I guess we all have our stories, and so glad we have a place to feel comfortable sharing with each other and gaining comfort and virtual hugs. My father was a crime victim and held on for 8 years in a hospital bed with mom taking extraordinary care of him. I hope I am there for her the way she was there for him.

AlohaSandy
July 27th, 2016, 09:56 PM
My father died in between my graduating from high school, turning 18 and getting married. It was a traumatic 2 months but I remind myself that 1) he got to see me, his last child, graduate 2) he knew I was getting married and knew my husband to be and most importantly he picked the time to go. He sent us all, except Mom, to a family wedding where he knew we would have the support we would need. While we were gone he finally let go and climbed the stairs. He had had stomach cancer for about 2 years so it wasn't a surprise.
When my mom decided to die she committed medical suicide. Instead of getting a police officer to shoot her she had some needed surgery (which went well) but she was determined she wouldn't make it off the operating table. Unfortunately, the doctor did not honor her DNR and we finally had to turn the machines off 3 days later. She called the entire family together to tell them goodbye while she was in the hospital and make sure we would all be alright. Unfortunately my sister, who finally told the DR to pull the plug, forgot what day it was so my mom died on my youngest daughters 21 birthday. Luckily my daughter was okay with it and claims Grandma Honey as her personal guardian angel.
You might let your son read this bunch of posts. He might be able to comment on everyone else's stories and then gradually let out his own feelings.
Remember, you are always in your husbands loving thoughts.
That saying is true when you start to feel sorry for yourself there is always someone worse off than you. Your story is so much harder than mine. Both with your mom and dad. My hugs go out to you and your daughter glad she's ok with it. And i will let my son read these comments and hope it will help him. Mahalo and God bless.

Bubby
July 28th, 2016, 08:15 PM
I'm so sorry for your pain, Sandy. When my late husband Mike passed we had a house full of family. I was on the phone with my daughter and I felt something physical in my heart (like it was being torn out) and got off the phone knowing Mike was leaving. In spite of having people everywhere in the house I was the only one with him when he left. It was a blessing and a privilege to be there.

Anitamae56
July 29th, 2016, 01:50 AM
Sandy, so many things you wrote I have the same feelings, I too lost my husband , it will be 9 years in less than 2 months. But it was not on any of our 3 children's birthdays same day. So I do not carry that as you do. As you and I both know the hurt and the loss of someone we love so dearly and think we will get to grow very old with never goes away just we learn to tolerate it outwardly better.
I am thinking of you and. Sending lots of hugs and shedding tears with you. Cherish all your memories.

mommadeb
July 29th, 2016, 04:51 PM
Many hugs to you.

Hulamoon
July 29th, 2016, 05:30 PM
Hospice is such a great organization. When they came to my aunts house they asked if she wanted to stay home. She was so scared. I stayed with her three months. Most difficult time in my life. It's a good thing you chose them so you could be together. It makes it more comforting for all. (((Hugs to you))).

songbird857
July 29th, 2016, 06:39 PM
Just saw this today...
Definitely bittersweet, Sandy, but what a precious memory that you have :)

seaturtle
July 29th, 2016, 06:52 PM
Sending you hugs today, Sandy. Hold on to your memories.

jjkaiser
July 30th, 2016, 12:42 AM
Oh I am so sad for everybody in reading over these posts. I have had my share too but I don't want to get into that.Yes it is true death comes hard to family members who relive it in their heads and hearts many times even though they don't want to. I am all for having a pity party on the anniversary, you have earned it and it might bring you some peace. Feeling sorry for yourself at a time like this is not selfish. My heart goes out to all of you.

CarolynK
July 30th, 2016, 10:55 AM
What a touching story, Sandy. Sending you hugs. My mom passed away in April on the 15th - tax day. She had a bit of a wicked sense of humor so I'm guessing she didn't want us kids to forget that day - like we ever would.

alliek
July 30th, 2016, 12:53 PM
Today you need lots of hugs. (((()))). :icon_hug::icon_hug:And prayers being said for peace of mind and heart for you and your son. God Bless.

snippet
July 30th, 2016, 02:54 PM
My heart sank over each and every memory on this thread. Gosh we loved and lost so many great people haven't we? HUGS for everyone.

It helps to tell the stories, and it helps to read them. We aren't alone. We share more than just fabric and thread with each other.

When I was 11 we lived in Maryland. My mom had to fly home to Texas because one of her sisters was dying of cancer. I was mad because my 12th birthday was in a week and she wouldn't be there for it. Selfish I know, but I was 11. My aunt died on my birthday. It then hit me how selfish I was. My dad did his best to make it a good birthday for me. He took me to the mall and got my ears pierced. I fainted on the first ear stick, so they took the opportunity and pierced the second one while I was out on the floor. :)

Every year after that my birthday does bring me some sadness but I think about Aunt Ruby and how much we loved her and miss her. Please tell your son how important family is and that his day is a day of celebrating great lives lived - his and his dad's. And his dad is so very proud of him.

dizzyLiz
July 30th, 2016, 03:42 PM
Oh Sandy my heart goes out to you and your family. Grief is a very personal thing and different for everyone. Your son has to do this in his own way, I'm sure he knows you are there for him. My Mom passed at age 53 after a 18 month battle with cancer. I rarely left her side. 12 days later my youngest daughter was born. God doesn't make mistakes and He knew I would have to have someone who needed me to survive my grief. It took almost 3 years to put my Mom to rest. I even went on a quest back to her hometown, never realizing I was letting her go. I live in SC, and was born in Buffalo NY. I planned to visit Buffalo, Mom's bestfriend, the house we lived in ect and finish with a trip to Niagra Falls on mom's BD. EVERYTHING was going wrong to stop me from going. After driving 100 miles from home I called me sister in law ( she was to help my husband with the baby while I was away), crying asking her should I come back. Her brother was involved in a horrible car accident the night before. She told me, God is sending you on the quest, you have to finish it. So I drove north through the remneants of a hurricane and followed my heart. Mom has been gone 23 years and I now think of her in heaven, healthy, pain free, and playing with all og the children there with her. It was a long journey for me to find peace. I will be praying that you and your son find the path to your journey.

All my love,
Liz

AlohaSandy
July 30th, 2016, 07:30 PM
My heart sank over each and every memory on this thread. Gosh we loved and lost so many great people haven't we? HUGS for everyone.

It helps to tell the stories, and it helps to read them. We aren't alone. We share more than just fabric and thread with each other.

When I was 11 we lived in Maryland. My mom had to fly home to Texas because one of her sisters was dying of cancer. I was mad because my 12th birthday was in a week and she wouldn't be there for it. Selfish I know, but I was 11. My aunt died on my birthday. It then hit me how selfish I was. My dad did his best to make it a good birthday for me. He took me to the mall and got my ears pierced. I fainted on the first ear stick, so they took the opportunity and pierced the second one while I was out on the floor. :)

Every year after that my birthday does bring me some sadness but I think about Aunt Ruby and how much we loved her and miss her. Please tell your son how important family is and that his day is a day of celebrating great lives lived - his and his dad's. And his dad is so very proud of him.

This is a wonderful story made me laugh about you fainting picturing a person on the floor getting an ear pierced. On the other note sorry you had to loose her on your birthday.

SisterDi
July 31st, 2016, 10:23 AM
Robin I feel the same way easier but never forgotten and yes kinda feel sorry for myself no one understands they say time to get over it , we had so many plans.

A giant hug to you, and pardon my language, but anyone who said the bolded part to you about your sadness can suck it. There are no time limits on love, or on grief.

I'm having my own crying spells at every "first since" or "first without" regarding my father's passing right before this past Christmas. I was in the ER Friday, and the admitting lady asked me if my emergency contact was still my Dad. I actually feel sorry for the woman because I started crying immediately, and I know she felt awful about it. It just hit me like a punch in the gut, and took me by surprise.

Hugs again, my friend.