View Full Version : Blondie - the Butcher of Lace Rambles on a Wednesday

April 20th, 2016, 10:40 AM

Hello Folksies

I did not forget to come in this morning. I was busy busy busy.

Y'all know me by now. I am SOOOOO not a perfectionist. I mean, I admire perfection. You know, tiny little Amish stitches, neat and tidy machine stitches on top and bottom without any little nests; I enjoy looking at Pinterest far too much admiring all the perfect houses created by perfect little housewives with more time and money than me. I have patience, one of my sweet virtues. I just don't have patience when I have been up and down a step stool countless times a day for a week and a half. I want faster results, most likely due to the fact that we live in an instant society these days.

After painting the kitchen and waiting for an online order of fabric to arrive, I decided to find some lace curtains to go with my pretty walls and cabinets. Living in my neck of the woods is most likely very similar to yours. Our shopping selection is limited to Walmart and well, Walmart. Deciding that getting a beating by shopping there was better than nekked windows, I ventured there. I do not like Walmart. Firstly, you run into everyone you know, whether you like them or not. The polite Southern Woman rarely shirks her obligation of being radiantly happy to see these people and bless their hearts sufficiently. This takes up to an hour, depending on how many people you have been unable to avoid by ducking down an aisle. It also depends on if you have run into a real yakker who goes into great detail about her husband's almost felonious adulterous affairs with everyone except his sister and mother. That would make a great chapter in some book somewhere, but, I think I have seen this story line on Hallmark Movie Channel more than once. Really, this lady should watch that channel more often; she may have handled her situation a bit more deftly.

Back to looking for curtains. As Walmart and my life would have it, I found the perfect little curtains. The problem being they only had ONE set. So, I had the brilliant idea of purchasing some lace and making my own. How brilliant. What was I thinking. I am still shaking my head over that one. With all the ambition and gusto of getting that kitchen done, I purchased what I considered more than enough. Again, what was I thinking? Had I measured my windows? Heckfire shoot! Who needs to measure little tiny windows in my little tiny house? A yard for each window would surely be enough. Don't make my mistake. At least pull out a yardstick and get a ballpark number in your head. That is what most of y'all would do. I blame it on a streak of reckless abandon, accompanied by copious amounts of caffeine.

The lace is lovely. I paid no attention to the fact that it is a stretchy polyester type of crap, I mean, texture-y fabric. It was the dickens to cut and after trying to stitch a hem and then a pocket for the rod to go through, I was pulling my hair out. Pinterest was of no help to me. After looking at my pitiful crooked panel, I sat down with a fresh cup of coffee and used what grey matter I had left to brainstorm. I decided to cut into strips and tie them on. Not bad. Perhaps it was the coffee. Perhaps it was the patchwork quilter in me y'all know how I love patchwork stuff because scraps are so forgiving and better done than perfect, right? I am so glad that you agree. I mean, some strips are longer than others; still trying to figger that one out, some are wider than others, ditto on the figgerin' however, all in all it looks okay. They will do until I can find some real honest to goodness perfect little lace curtains made with tiny little Chinese hands on their little machines.

When my online order comes in and I can finish up the butchering, I will share some photos. Before you ask, let me say I did not take before photos. Just trust me when I say it was as hopelessly ugly as your Aunt Fanny's face.


April 20th, 2016, 10:51 AM
Dear Blondie,
Although I rarely comment I REALLY love reading your posts. I hope you have written at least one book because you have such wit and a way with the words so you should cash in on your skill. Your comments really get me going in the morning. Thanks!!!!

April 20th, 2016, 10:51 AM
Hi Blondie.
When it comes to any fabric, I have, many times, wished that it had the feature that my printer has...just click a button and...'make it fit'.
I enjoy your posts.

April 20th, 2016, 11:03 AM
Dear Blondie,
Although I rarely comment I REALLY love reading your posts. I hope you have written at least one book because you have such wit and a way with the words so you should cash in on your skill. Your comments really get me going in the morning. Thanks!!!!
Amen to that

April 20th, 2016, 11:42 AM
Really love this post... what is it about "us Blondie types",, that insist on MAKING OUR MISTAKES WORK!!!!!! It amazes me how often i take something that wasn't as planned and begin "designing" something that i now call "my own"...:icon_heh:
As i always say,,, NO mistakes... only creative opportunities..
OH, ps,,, Your shopping is exactly WHY i now shop on line 90% of the time:)

April 20th, 2016, 12:11 PM
Blondie, I agree with the first Carol to post...you could write a book---too funny and wonderful reading---love reading your posts everyday...I can't wait to see pictures of your kitchen..

April 20th, 2016, 12:37 PM
Who wudda thunk that tied-on strips of fabric could make a cute curtain? I do believe it is a new trend? Just recently saw this - probably on Pinterest. hahaha Looking forward to the reveal. Do us a favor and at least take a photo of the strips curtain so we can see it now.

Jean Sewing Machine
April 20th, 2016, 12:39 PM
Mistakes breed creativity! Heck, I would have done the same thing, MAKE IT WORK!

My daddy taught me a little poem by Edgar Guest. I realized a couple of years ago it was my mantra for life.

Somebody said it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckled replied,
Maybe it couldn't but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so til he tried.

So he buckled right in and with a trace of a grin
On his face, if he worried, he hid it.
And he started to sing, and tackled the thing,
That couldn't be done, And he did it!

So don't tell a person like me something is impossible, that only makes me more determined to make it work!

Sounds like you, dear BLONDIE!

April 20th, 2016, 01:06 PM
Haha, always a hoot to read your posts dear Blondie. And I totally feel you about sewing lace curtains. Just to let you know it isn't you, at my previous apartment I made the mistake of deciding upon double curtain with a solid fabric and a lace curtain behind that. You know the look. So black iron rods were already there, and that's what I worked with. I did kind of want the tie on look since it was the new fashion then, but I knew that was going to be no good behind the regular drape. So I decided to get those rings that you clip onto the top edge of the flat curtain panel. Which meant I needed a firmer double hem for the lace. Well, even though I went to the huge discount decorator fabric store and bought regular home dec lace and it was all cotton, it was an absolute bear to sew. Slicker than...well you know. I wanted a really straight double hem all around, and just the cutting was crazy-making. Ended up using my walking foot just to stop the slipping and crooked looking hems. Silver lining was that was when I bought my wonderful walking foot with interchangeable feet for my Viking machine. So there's that. Those curtains were much admired, but I just rolled my eyes when anyone said something.

April 20th, 2016, 01:07 PM
I love reading your morning posts...but rarely do I comment...cuz let's face it. I am not up that early, except on rare occasion. This however, my dear, dear friend really touched my funny bone. had me literally LOL. I can't wait to see your newly painted kitchen. The strips sound like a great idea. You go girl, with your bad self, and your amazingly creative mind.

April 20th, 2016, 01:45 PM
Thoroughly enjoyed this one Blondie. Please post pics!

April 20th, 2016, 02:20 PM

You know you gotta show a "before" pic. We've all been there in our "it'll look great, how hard can it be"? mind. You'll be a "pro" before too long.


April 20th, 2016, 04:18 PM
Thanks Jean....this poem reminded me of my Dad too.....I can remember his older brothers telling him that they didn't think he could (or should) to whatever he was thinking about tackling at the time. I don't ever remember Daddy not being able to do whatever he set his mind to!

April 20th, 2016, 08:52 PM
Yep, this one made us all smile or LOL. I guess we see ourselves and know just what happened. Funnny funnnnny.

April 20th, 2016, 09:58 PM
Oh, Blondie, how I get a chuckle from your posts--especially today's. Whenever your kitchen project is completed, you know we all want to see pics! I wasn't home all a.m. & don't have more time now. It's almost time for Survivor! and I need to eat supper.

Grandma Nan
April 20th, 2016, 11:47 PM
Well just call me Late to the Party today but Blondie, really? This was hilarious, you have such a way of explaining things and it always is spot on. Ducking around people in Walmart so you don't have to deal with their drama. I could so identify with the not measure thing as I almost always "just eyeball it in the store" same as never trying on clothes before buying.

Thanks Blondie for keeping us smiling and for sharing your life with us.

April 21st, 2016, 05:13 AM
We're having a few laughs mainly because we've all been there but haven't handled our situations with your sparkly attitude. Hang in there GR you are going to have the most unique window dressings in town and with a great story to go with them. One piece of advice, next you venture into Wallys you might consider wearing a disguise to help you get in and out quickly.