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BobW
April 18th, 2016, 11:30 PM
I'm not adjusting well to my move and the new situation. I don't know if it is the additional health issues I'm having or what but I'm just in a funk. I don't want to do anything or even visit with friends. I'm so tired of this. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but I just can't focus on that part of my life right now.

Do any of you great people have ways to yank yourself out of the pits that usually works? Please share your ways if you are comfortable sharing.

Jean Sewing Machine
April 18th, 2016, 11:38 PM
Well, Bob, dealing with all you've had to deal with in such a short amount of time is really hard! I really hope that you are feeling better physically. Then there is the change of living arrangements adding to the burden. I don't have any concrete advice for you except take baby steps toward how you want your life to progress in the future. You are probably still trying to recoup your strength from your wild and crazy trip, your illness and moving. So taking on big tasks or progress probably isn't in the cards for right now. Think of one small thing you can accomplish each day, and try to motivate to complete it. Pretty soon, those completed tasks will mount up and you'll be able to tackle bigger things. And know that your forum friends are here for you and praying to get our jolly BB back on track!

K. McEuen
April 18th, 2016, 11:42 PM
You were pretty sick. First give yourself time to heal completely. Once you start feeling 100% again I bet your mood improves.

Hulamoon
April 19th, 2016, 01:11 AM
Jean said it so well, so I don't know what to add. This might sound silly, but I love plants. I have a deck and I grow succulents, flowers, little pots I find at the market. I propagate from cuttings and watch it grow into a new beauty.

A little story. About five years ago my dd and I went to a farmers market and found this beautiful begonia
Pink Begonia Flower, Begonia (http://healthyhomegardening.com/Plant.php?pid=1601)

It fell in the car and broke. I took care of it and now I have four and they are all flowering. It makes me happy.

LauraP
April 19th, 2016, 01:13 AM
depression is nothing to fool around with even if it's short term. Have you checked with your doc to see if any of your medicines could be causing this? If he says no discuss other short term and long term options.
Sometimes, just going out in the woods and screaming helps me. I don't have to explain to anyone what's wrong (I don't always know) but it gets whatever it is out of my system. If that doesn't work I take an extra anti-depressant. Without them I am suicidal so I don't mess around.

stationarymom
April 19th, 2016, 01:34 AM
Bob I'm sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well.I don't have any real great advice either but,I know what it feels like to not care. Living with epilepsy and not being able to work or drive I've been there too.I needed to go see the Dr.and was put on a script it does help some.I think Jean had good advice to focus on one task a day at first and try to accomplish that and build from there.Have you considered doing something for someone else in need if your able? Sometimes that helps me at least at the moment to feel better.I hope you are feeling better soon.

jjkaiser
April 19th, 2016, 01:53 AM
Oh Bob I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Maybe just too many new changes at once is just getting to you. I don't know the circumstances that caused you to move, but you must have at some point been a little excited about it. Starting over, a new beginning!! Try to recall what made you look forward to your new place, even if it is something small like a better view out the window or a neighborhood that has beautiful old trees or houses with interesting architecture. Walk around and take it all in. This is your new normal now so you have to focus on what's good and let go of the old. Listening to music can be really helpful. Motown will get you going and if you have a lot of anxiety, classical like Haydn or Mozart can be wonderful relaxing. Compartmentalize your doldrums and give yourself am hour a day to feel sorry for yourself. Then tell yourself okay time's up until my one hour tomorrow. You might have to talk yourself into it gradually, it might not work right away but it's worth a shot. That's what works for me when I am in a really crabby mood, so you could try it. Also get lots of sleep. I sincerely hope you find something that works for you!!

quiltsRfun
April 19th, 2016, 02:37 AM
Adding to Jean's suggestion to focus on one thing to do each day

When I was suffering from major depression, my life and the world around me seemed very dark and gloomy. I gave myself the assignment to find one thing of beauty each day. It could be a leaf, a sunset, the blue sky and clouds, the silhouette of a leafless tree against the winter sky, a kind person, something I accomplished. Just small things, really. Now, years later and the depression is under control, I still find myself looking for that one thing of beauty and it still brightens my day.

Hang in there Bob. You've been through a lot but things will get better.

GuitarGramma
April 19th, 2016, 02:48 AM
Bob, I suffered from terrible depression. I was (still am) married to a saint, had four wonderful children, lived in a palace and sat on the couch sobbing every day. Couldn't sleep. Worse too, but I won't put that into print.

What I'm going to tell you that helped me doesn't work for everyone, but it's cheap and the only side effect is, um, a certain loosening. Enough said about that. Here's my story.

I read that depression can be caused by magnesium deficiency. I obtained some egery day over the counter magnesium, and took my first dose. Within two hours, the black clouds that surrounded me lifted. If I missed a day, they'd descend around me again. When I'd take more, the clouds would lift again. I have shared this with many people and it has worked for so many of them.

Please try some magnesium and see if it helps you feel better. I hope it will work for you.

redcaboose1717
April 19th, 2016, 03:09 AM
Maybe a change of scenery.....perhaps meeting new people. Perhaps you should call the local Chamber of Commerce in Fulton to see what the city has to offer in the way of things to do .

I took the liberty to look up Fulton MO to see if they had a Senior Citizen Center......They have lunches there. Here where I live there's a Senior Citizen Center in every township. They offer lunch certain days of the week and then play cards / games afterwards or spend time chatting. Sometimes people come in to show different hobbies etc. Maybe they do the same type of activities in Fulton MO that they do in Michigan ! LOL ! Most of the seniors here in the town I live in go to all the senior centers throughout the week.....simply because not all of them are open 5 days. That way too, they get to meet new people etc.

Anyway Bob here's the link to the Callaway Senior Center......
https://callawayseniorcenter.wordpress.com/

What about volunteering at the local hospital ? There's all kinds of things to do for volunteer work at the hospitals.....something that require standing but there are things ( such as stuffing envelopes etc. or working in the surgery waiting rooms etc.

You also could see if you could volunteer at the local elementary schools The schools always need people to help the children learn to read better. Here in our town the program for the kids is called H.O.S.T.S ( Help One Student To Succeed )

I have a friend that loves volunteer to be a greeter at the local Theater Group here at our college. That way, he gets to watch all the plays and shows that are booked there for FREE !

DH wants on the PC.....so I have to get off.....check around in your new area....there has to be something new to do there ! Doing something different just might make you feel better Bob !

TMP
April 19th, 2016, 03:14 AM
Hugs to you. I have missed reading your post here and I hope we hear from you more often. I also hope your health continues to improve. I do not really have any advice other than to tell you it helps me to get up, get dressed and get out of the house some. (even its just walking around in Walmart or the mall ). I am surprised how much better I feel just doing that. I think Jean has some great advise one small task at a time. I hope you have a doctor you feel comfortable talking with and let him know how you feel.

Bjvarizona
April 19th, 2016, 03:40 AM
You took the first step by checking in here! Some good insights and experiences have been shared, too. I still remember your Walmart thread experience and it always makes me read any posting by you first, just to smile at your words. I've wondered, too, how your beautiful dinnerware survived the move. I hope you were able to take that Fiesta-ware. And are you living with your friend? That is a big deal, living with another person is a big adjustment. Try to remember why you planned to do that. Here's hoping that just reading posts here brings up your spirits. Have you been able to carve out space for your quilting? So make a few mug rugs if you have, something small and quick, to feel like you've accomplished that one thing Jean talked about, even if you only to choose some fabric today. Send us a note often, 'cause we want to hear how you are doing, as often as we can! Hugs to you, Bev

snippet
April 19th, 2016, 04:44 AM
Oh Bob, I could write tons about being in the dumps. I have made myself many holes to wallow in over my lifetime. That's what I call them - holes. Because they are empty places in my life and so very hard to climb out of.

Like the others have said there are certain things to remember and are worth repeating:

being in a hole is ok for short periods of time
one step at a time, don't overdo it
don't EVER feel bad about being in the hole, you should NEVER feel guilty about it
if something doesn't work, that's ok. move on to the next


So not everything will be a golden ticket out of the hole but some of these seem to work for me.

try to get out of bed every day
try to get dressed
try to take a shower, brush your teeth, you know -- hygiene
get a timer and use it for those overwhelming things. Set the timer for 20 minutes and do that chore until the timer rings.
write something you did today on your calendar


I also have a little list that I made during a hospital stay one time. I have it printed and I refer to it a lot. It's also really good to give to friends and family who don't understand: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1wBrP2Re1F5AF-gGkeWUpIaAeJ4zqo2cnSkpla4zpjPA

Give me a shout ANYTIME day or night.

MayinJerset
April 19th, 2016, 05:12 AM
129463No Advice but thought you could use a HUG. Hang in there Big Guy.

Bouse
April 19th, 2016, 05:34 AM
You had an awful lot happening at one time so it's no wonder it's taking you a while to adjust. The other posters have offered you far more advice than I could but know that you are in our thoughts and prayers right now and hopefully our combined support will raise your morale a little bit.

Monique
April 19th, 2016, 07:42 AM
I have no advice to add but I hope your on the upswing real soon.

carrie liz
April 19th, 2016, 08:03 AM
Last week I was given a home health care group. The therapist wants me to choose a duty and a fun thing each day. Sewing is always my fun thing but instead of half a day, I do a short stint sewing and a short time on the duty. I was told I needed more balance in my life. You have lost your balance in moving. You left your friend behind. What can it hurt to try the magnesium suggested. Maybe that is part of your balance. Sadness is real and hard to overcome but you can do it.
Carolyn

dwil23
April 19th, 2016, 08:05 AM
Lots of good advice, but don't forget that quilting can soothe the soul......

(((HUGS))) and prayers.

Remember "One Day at a Time":)

Snip Snip
April 19th, 2016, 08:56 AM
Gosh, there has been lots of good advice here. I just wanted to add one more thing. (or two)
Think about your nutrition; whether you are getting the fresh fruit and veggies you need. If you hate greens, put them in a smoothie with frozen fruit. Avoid sweet, overly processed food.
As we age, our bodies don't work as well as they used to, to produce the "feel good" hormones. Supplements such as St John's Wort and SAM-e are what have helped me lately.
I sure hope you get your spunk back. Sometimes prescription antidepressants can help. My DH just got put on a low dose of nortriptyline, (sp?) and he did a 180 from his 3 year long depression.

Carlie Wolf
April 19th, 2016, 09:15 AM
I usually try to get outside now that the weather is warmer. I just sit outside with a good book. I don't think seeing people on these types of days (or couple of days) helps me as it just tires me more. I go through mini spurts of this but more so toward the end of the winter. Also remember you have been through a lot so your body might just need a brain rest.

This too shall pass Bob :-)

Sandy Navas
April 19th, 2016, 09:49 AM
Momma said I should send you a great big Teddy Bear, but I refuse to give up George. So, instead, I'm sending a virtual HUG and you'll just have to imagine that George sent it. BTW he's still nursing that left ear you pulled off when we were little.

BobW
April 19th, 2016, 09:51 AM
All I can say is you guys (gals) are the best! I realize that I have fallen behind on processing the new stuff in my life, I guess I'll catch up soon.

I'm trying to see the good things I have a reason to be thankful about, instead of focusing on the changes.

Thanks everyone.

WendyI
April 19th, 2016, 09:58 AM
I agree with LauraP...don't mess around and talk to your doc about how you are feeling. As someone who deals with depression and anxiety and chronic pain, I know the difficulties you are facing. Some days I take it minute by minute and others hour by hour and then there are times I can take it day by day. But when the dark times come, they can be quite debilitating. I do a lot of self-care; I sleep when I need to and can, I treat myself to little things now and then, I meditate when my mind will allow, I practice positive self-talk when I can, and I try to remind myself of all the things I DO have in my life to be if not happy about, at least grateful. It is definitely not easy (the last 4 days have been absolute hell), but I do it for my son who would be devastated if anything happened to me. I'm not sure what you have been through in the past while as I have been away dealing with this myself...but there can and will be brighter days ahead I know....and I have to tell myself that every day as I put one foot in front of the other. In the meantime, medication is my life line and I know I would not be able to function without it. Please talk to your doc. (((HUGS)))

JCY
April 19th, 2016, 10:22 AM
As a nurse, I would suggest you take St. John's Wort or SAM-e or Magnesium with care. I've heard negative things about St. John's Wort & SAM-e. I never heard of Magnesium helping depression, but it does help with constipation. However, it's hard on the kidneys. When my DH took it, he noticed pain in his back (kidneys) & had decreased urine flow. One must be careful to not over self-medicate or take even OTC supplements without reading up on them & knowing the possible side effects. Have you had a complete work-up with your dr. lately? Blood panel, electrolytes, thyroid, etc? Is everything in the normal range? Are you getting enough sleep? Health problems definitely can put one in a funk. You've undergone some major life changes recently. Give yourself time to adjust. I also was going to suggest you check out the local senior center for some social contact...if you feel up to getting out & interacting. Whatever you do, don't pine away at home alone! I don't know if you go to church, but that is another way to meet people & make new friends. King David often was in a pit of despair. You might consider reading the Bible, especially the Psalms. Good music helps, too. My DH has suffered with depression over the years, too. During his worst time, he was in therapy & on medication. Maybe it would help to talk with a qualified counselor. When one is in a funk, it just isn't possible to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." People who say that just don't "get it"!!

Hang in there. I hope things get better soon. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers. (((HUGS!)))

BobW
April 19th, 2016, 02:49 PM
As a nurse, I would suggest you take St. John's Wort or SAM-e or Magnesium with care. I've heard negative things about St. John's Wort & SAM-e. I never heard of Magnesium helping depression, but it does help with constipation. However, it's hard on the kidneys. When my DH took it, he noticed pain in his back (kidneys) & had decreased urine flow. One must be careful to not over self-medicate or take even OTC supplements without reading up on them & knowing the possible side effects. Have you had a complete work-up with your dr. lately? Blood panel, electrolytes, thyroid, etc? Is everything in the normal range? Are you getting enough sleep? Health problems definitely can put one in a funk. You've undergone some major life changes recently. Give yourself time to adjust. I also was going to suggest you check out the local senior center for some social contact...if you feel up to getting out & interacting. Whatever you do, don't pine away at home alone! I don't know if you go to church, but that is another way to meet people & make new friends. King David often was in a pit of despair. You might consider reading the Bible, especially the Psalms. Good music helps, too. My DH has suffered with depression over the years, too. During his worst time, he was in therapy & on medication. Maybe it would help to talk with a qualified counselor. When one is in a funk, it just isn't possible to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps." People who say that just don't "get it"!!

Hang in there. I hope things get better soon. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers. (((HUGS!)))

That's the newest thing on the horizon. I'm having moderate kidney failure due to some of the meds I need to be on. The drs are monitoring it.

It's amazing how so many of the symptoms overlap so it isn't easy to say it is this or that.

geegeequilts
April 19th, 2016, 03:48 PM
Can't add much 'cept this. You didn't get sick overnight. Didn't move overnight. DON'T try to feel better overnight. It ain't happening! Our friends here haven given you great advice. Take a deep breath, find a quiet place in your mind (and Heart) & check with your doctor about any meds that may make you feel better. Just don't rush to get back to normal. Your normal might be just a little different now.

Take care & remember the M* docs are always on call!

Big Hugs
Gina

quiltingtrish
April 19th, 2016, 05:00 PM
I don't know what else to add to help you but I can send virtual HUGS and know that we care deeply about you. I will put you in my prayers.

songbird857
April 19th, 2016, 05:57 PM
Wow, so much good advice here... I agree with Snip Snip - what you eat can affect your mood greatly - when I eat crap I feel like crap (to put it bluntly :))
Praying for you my friend...

baskets4deb
April 19th, 2016, 07:36 PM
Hus, hugs, hugs!

stitching woman
April 19th, 2016, 07:46 PM
You have gotten a lot of good advice so I will not add to that but will send you hugs,hugs and more hugs. I am here if you need to talk give me a call.

auntiemern
April 19th, 2016, 08:51 PM
Well now...you have gotten some great advice here DF. What is this new thing with the kidneys? You are on a kidney friendly diet, yes? That happened to my mom during one of her hospital stays. Her BUN levels and Creatine (?) levels were all messed up. If you haven't already, look up a list of foods that are good for your kidneys, and foods to stay away from. My mom got back in shape rather quickly, so I expect you will too. (prayers for that)
Now let's address this funk you are in. Sweetie, I know exactly how you are feeling. Try as I might..it never really leaves me. (yes I am on medication for that, and severe anxiety) Big changes, and big health changes are never easy, especially for those of us that are prone to depressive events. I did better handling my whole lung cancer issue, and surgery, than I am at dealing with this latest lupus uprising. Nothing seems to be helping my feet, and whatever it is that is causing all the problems. That being said....I do have to make it work. I have people that love me, and need me around. If you have never dealt with clinical depression....which is vastly different than being depressed...get your butt to the doctor and have a good heart to heart with him/her. Remember though, not all anti-depressants are created equal. What may work on someone else may not work on you. So you may have to try more than one to get the right fit. Do it for all of us that love you, and want our BoB back.
If I didn't have so much going on the next two weeks, trying to get ready for my FL trip...I would drive to Fulton and take you to lunch. Maybe I can do that when I get back.
You have been through a whole lot, both physically and mentally, and it all takes time to recoup from all of that. Hang in there sweetie....and we will talk soon.

shirleyknot
April 19th, 2016, 09:42 PM
Bob, I suffered from terrible depression. I was (still am) married to a saint, had four wonderful children, lived in a palace and sat on the couch sobbing every day. Couldn't sleep. Worse too, but I won't put that into print.

What I'm going to tell you that helped me doesn't work for everyone, but it's cheap and the only side effect is, um, a certain loosening. Enough said about that. Here's my story.

I read that depression can be caused by magnesium deficiency. I obtained some egery day over the counter magnesium, and took my first dose. Within two hours, the black clouds that surrounded me lifted. If I missed a day, they'd descend around me again. When I'd take more, the clouds would lift again. I have shared this with many people and it has worked for so many of them.

Please try some magnesium and see if it helps you feel better. I hope it will work for you.

It really does work, for many people. Magnesium is depleted in about half the population, and most don't know it. Certain meds (mine) really leach it out of you. I have to take double the recommended daily dose just to keep up.

Ginny B
April 19th, 2016, 10:14 PM
Bob, sorry to hear you are feeling so low. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you. Take care of yourself and just take one day/hour at a time. Stop by here often and see what we are all up to. I bet there will be some things that will bring a smile to your face and a laugh to your lips.

mommamarsh
April 20th, 2016, 01:16 AM
Bob,when I was at a very,very bad point I found a book that pulled me back from the brink. It is "The Greatest Miracle in the World" by Og Mandino. Hang in there. With all you have gone thru in the past year or so grief/change/ health issues take a BIG toll .

bhaggerty
April 20th, 2016, 10:29 AM
Gosh, there has been lots of good advice here. I just wanted to add one more thing. (or two)
Think about your nutrition; whether you are getting the fresh fruit and veggies you need. If you hate greens, put them in a smoothie with frozen fruit. Avoid sweet, overly processed food.
As we age, our bodies don't work as well as they used to, to produce the "feel good" hormones. Supplements such as St John's Wort and SAM-e are what have helped me lately.
I sure hope you get your spunk back. Sometimes prescription antidepressants can help. My DH just got put on a low dose of nortriptyline, (sp?) and he did a 180 from his 3 year long depression.

Another over the counter help is 5-htp (it is a vitamin precursor for serotonin - which is similar to what is in Zoloft and such)

Grandma Nan
April 20th, 2016, 11:19 AM
So sorry to hear you are not feeling well boB. As others have said, this is nothing to fool around with and not something you can go through alone. Everyone needs some help once in a while and you can't get over this by yourself. You need to seek professional help from someone who has the whole story both from the physical and the mental sides. Depression is so debilitating and it is impossible to get past on your own. Please seek help from your physician who can prescribe the right things for you. Big hugs boB. Did you know that on the stress scale of what causes major stress to a person are both a major illness and a move.
Take care my friend.

mario1360
April 20th, 2016, 11:46 AM
oh boy, I feel for you. I am on Lyrica and I could feel a slight depression taking over. I walk everyday for more than one hour, it seem to do the job to chase away the heavy dark thoughts. Be sure to listen to all the pro help you can get....if you can move around go ahead there is nothing like movement to get back on top of things. I started by walking around and around my apartment, up and down stairs, then went outside gradually...good luck and keep an image of a huge bright red plus sign in your mind....

Pandabear
April 20th, 2016, 11:50 AM
Here, a dog picture for you to enjoy.

129521

Tiberius feels your sadness. Daddy and Boy were cleaning the garage and wouldn't let him help!! He sat like this next to the garage door for half and hour. He will commiserate with you if you wish.

GrammaBabs
April 20th, 2016, 12:13 PM
Having met you and knowing the happy and positive personality that is within you, I can see fully that your recent "life changes which are many" have hit you hard...
Having delt with my son's alcohol situation for many many years... it was obvious one day to my Doctor that i needed something...
Her words....when i broke down one day after she asked..."How are you today"...."This is not YOU,,, you need to take something! I did for several years... still I had to drag thru every movement... Finally one day I asked to try something different.... I cannot believe how i wasted so much time not admitting that it wasn't working for me...A switch was made and I am a whole new person... Living in the moment, and getting so much done with a smile. Still have the aches and pains of aging,,, but oh how much different life is with a positive attitude!!!! OH,, and my son is doing so much better having re-located and found some very supportive friends... I cannot say enough for AA, OA and the like...:))
Hang in there buddy... "old age ain't for sissies:".. :)
Know i'm thinking of you and saying prayers for you each and every day...
Go take a peek at all those fabrics we've bought and think of something cute and wonderful to make and donate.. works for me every time:) GB

rebeccas-sewing
April 20th, 2016, 12:13 PM
I think I'd check with my doctor first to make sure there is no underlying cause. If nothing is found to be physically wrong that's a good thing. As others have said you've been through so much, Bob. As I recall it has been said that three of the major causes of depression and stress are death, divorce and moving. I would have to say a major illness fits into that category as well.

I don't know where you stand physically at this point. If you have recovered enough, try to get outside in the sunshine. I've been sitting outside every day with my morning tea and then my lunch just watching the birds and all of my plants as they are flowering. This is a good time of year for some focus on nature. Force yourself to get together with a friend. I'm not one to initiate get-togethers. I often complain to Joe that I don't want to go when it's just about time to head out the door. He laughs when we return from our social outing to hear me say, "Well, that was fun." Happens almost every time we get together with others. In fact, right now I'm not looking forward to two social events later this week. hahaha

Sitting for long periods of time; being alone for long stretches; spending too much time thinking negative thoughts will do you no good. If you are well enough for some activity start thinking about a small project you could work on. Maybe something you can do by hand. Small is the key so you don't overwhelm yourself. Start thinking about something you had in mind to work on before all this upheaval in your life. Perhaps you could start pulling together some fabrics. I don't know about you, but fabric always puts a smile on my face.;)

sewbizzy
April 20th, 2016, 12:33 PM
129525
I hope that you find some relief from your depression and that the advice from your forum members help....I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said...."you can tell you are loved"....Hugs, Carol

LaNiece
April 20th, 2016, 12:52 PM
You know, I needed this thread. I have gone through this many times in my life and today I had two people from this forum make my day worse. It made me feel better to see that there are sweet kind caring people here. It was just kind of a little tender mercy that I found this discussion. I don't know you Bob, or your circumstances, but this morning I feel like Dory from "Finding Nemo" " Just Keep Swimming". Some days are just hard and health issues (I've got them too) and the health issues of other's in your life and changes are hard. I think I will try the magnesium someone talked about and I always feel better if I can get some sunshine! It just feels good to get outside and enjoy the fresh air and get a little natural vitamin D. I pray that you will find the courage "To Just Keep Swimming"! Know that people care and you are loved!