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View Full Version : PTSD/Depression kicking my tail



Grampz
March 13th, 2016, 08:00 AM
It's 4:49 am and I can't sleep. Feeling so down. Feeling like there is a dark cloud hanging over my head. Imagine Eore the donkey from the Pooh stories. I'll get through this because of my faith. I sure pray none of you have to live through PTSD/Depression because it sure sucks!

The other day I triggered real bad at a party because of the constant noises and too many people crammed into a small place. I left abruptly which made several people worry about me. I feel so bad that they couldn't enjoy the party because of me. I keep telling myself, hey! at least they care about you!!

Sorry to post downer stuff

Judy, USMC
March 13th, 2016, 08:50 AM
I can sympathize because my husband Steve went through the same. He would ignore the warning twinges and try to tough it out. Then he would trigger. We decided to get to any party early and always tell the host that we had another stop to make. When the first twinge would come we would leave. It came slowly - but as time went on his tolerance level increased.

It's been decades but he doesn't even twinge any more and even enjoys the 4th of July fireworks. It's a very long process but attainable.

Monique
March 13th, 2016, 09:40 AM
Sorry you are feeling this way. I hope your days get brighter.

Cokie
March 13th, 2016, 09:44 AM
This is a price that our veterans pay that many people don't realize. My oldest son deals with this also. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way now, and hope you can find some peace as time moves on. Thank you for your sacrifice on behalf of the USA.

Sandy Navas
March 13th, 2016, 10:13 AM
Sending major understanding and appreciation of the job you did. Gentle hugs - we are pulling with you!!

MayinJerset
March 13th, 2016, 10:29 AM
127628 Hope you are doing better soon.

MRoy
March 13th, 2016, 10:41 AM
You don't have to apologize. We support you. I hope you're feeling much better soon.

Carlie Wolf
March 13th, 2016, 10:50 AM
Not a pleasant way to live. It's like living in two world constantly, side by side, and only a thin veil separates them, easily intruding on each other. It is draining having to constantly remind yourself when you are in the present and then, oh wait, no I'm in a past moment and it could only hurt me then and this is now. I can say that one of the most important things is to remember that sleep and getting rest is extremely important. These emotions and flashbacks are more exhausting than running a marathon. If you make that a priority then you will find the flashbacks will get easier to manage. It's too easy when emotionally exhausted to slip rapidly into depression and it becomes that snowball cascading downhill.

Allow yourself to cry, what you went through IS sad and it needs to get out of you. Being able to cry is not a weakness, it's a strength to healing. As far as the drain on you that crowds cause, hyper vigilance was your friend and was a strength that was necessary. I think right now, just recognizing that "it" still feels it's necessary to protect you, is honoring it's presence. Be proud of that capability, not everyone attains it when necessary. With your help it will eventually readjust. Treat it kindly :-)

It is possible to come out the other side and also to come out the other side much stronger than even before you went in. Don't feel guilty for what might feel like your weaknesses right now because they are your strengths. You've heard the term "Pay it forward"? You'll be amazed how soon it will be your hand that is reaching back to help another. There will always be people both ahead and behind us. One thing we learn is that compassion is far easier to give to others than to give to ourselves.

You're in my prayers :icon_hi:

KPH
March 13th, 2016, 10:51 AM
Sending prayers for comfort up. We're here for you!

mario1360
March 13th, 2016, 10:56 AM
Depression is not funny, I went through one a few years ago. I hope that you are seeking prof. help. Life is always worth living even in its lowest levels. Peace.

KarenC
March 13th, 2016, 10:58 AM
My thought and prayers go out to you. May the Lord guide you through this with healing. May you also understand you are not ali b e and it is OK to reach out for support.

Suzette
March 13th, 2016, 11:20 AM
Gentle hugs and mighty prayers for you. You are among friends who care and understand.

SewnByBee
March 13th, 2016, 11:31 AM
Here's hoping you feel better soon. I like Eore, he reminds me of me sometime too. I haven't been as active and all due to Heath issue's...... I just slowly creep though the days sometimes..........LOL. ....I have to laugh at it or it will drag me under.......So do not feel bad please.....keep trying to find a way.... to just be as good as you can...... that's all you can do. There's nothing wrong with reaching out. It's nice having others to talk to.
We all help each other . We are here for you too.
Thank you for all you have done. You are a treasure and please know from someone who knows. MY dad served in WWll. He had sleep troubles also. Blessings be yours my friend.

Have you got a pet???? They are pretty good to help distract us from these things life throws at us........please look into a fur baby cats or dogs love and have been proven to decrease stress.
I don't think I would have made it through my situation without my sweet boy.
SCOOTER.
127634.........127635 he's been a grate friend.
Best part is he never ever tells anyone my secretes.

easyquilts
March 13th, 2016, 11:37 AM
Man, I think most of us have been there at one time or another.... Depression is awful, I know...

Do you have someone you feel comfortable talking with? That might help.... Journaling can be if help, too. Writing things down somehow helps to relieve some if the darkness that depression brings...

Will keep you in my prayers...

grammaterry
March 13th, 2016, 11:37 AM
I am sorry I didn't see this post at 5 am to help you when you needed it most. I know that depression is a terrible thing. One thing to remember about sadness is that if you are never sad you don't know when you are happy. find a mantra that will help you get thru one minute at a time. Let our prayers fill your sadness and wash away your PTSD. You have done so much for our country and we love you. Bless you.

snippet
March 13th, 2016, 11:48 AM
oh jeepers. I don't have PTSD but I do have depression. And I've been in a deep hole lately despite my meds and seeing a psychotherapist. I just tell myself that I'll get through it. My faith is my foundation too. I shudder to think where I'd be without it. My sleep cycle is weird too - I'm awake at night and I sleep during the day. I think it is a mechanism to keep me alone.

Anyways, I'm here. PM me if you want someone to listen. I will understand.

quiltingtrish
March 13th, 2016, 11:55 AM
So sorry to hear you are dealing with PTSD - I have you in my prayers that you find a way to get through this because as many have said here - we care and love you. Thank you for your service - it does mean a lot to us.

Bubby
March 13th, 2016, 12:00 PM
Wishing you strength and praying that the cloud will lift soon.

I was at a 4th of July party in the 90's at the home of dear friends. When they began shooting off the fireworks the host (a Vietnam veteran) went indoors and came out with an assault rifle and began firing at all of us. He thought we were responsible for "incoming". Three of us were shot and I was one.

I have nothing but compassion for your condition and I understand how real it is and what a burden it can be on the life of someone who fought to defend our rights and freedoms. Thank you for your service. I hope you feel like yourself soon. Prayers coming your way....

Snip Snip
March 13th, 2016, 12:02 PM
Sending healing thoughts your way. I am so pleased to see all the good wishes and good advice you have been given. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Getting a pet is a great suggestion. I got a dog for my DH, and even though he didn't want the dog, after close to a year later, he really loves the dog, and his depression is lifting.
Good luck to you, and thank you for your service.

Grampz
March 13th, 2016, 12:05 PM
Thank you everyone. Your kind thoughts and prayers help tremendously!

I have a service dog that is right here beside me which helps tons.
Thanks again!

Simply Quilting
March 13th, 2016, 01:01 PM
Sending hugs and prayers.

EsGrandma
March 13th, 2016, 01:10 PM
Sending prayers and warm hugs to you - please continue to reach out - we're here for you

jjkaiser
March 13th, 2016, 01:45 PM
My sister did not have PTSD but suffered from depression for years. She was bipolar. I think she made a huge mistake isolating herself from family and friends--everyone really except her therapist, including her children and husband. She lived way on the other side of the state from me. I tried to call her often but she would not even come to the phone or would just hang up abruptly after a minute or two. She was also heavily medicated. Don't let this be you.

K. McEuen
March 13th, 2016, 01:47 PM
I have to say, I would have left the noisy, crowded party too, and I don't have your issues. Hugs and best wishes for a quick turn around for you.

LauraP
March 13th, 2016, 03:18 PM
I too have PTSD and depression but mine come from my abusive previous life. My husband who was also in an abusive relationship and I call the flashbacks our ghosts. When we over-react to something we just blame it on the ghosts and don't get mad or upset about it. Parties and even family gatherings are hard for me too. I tend to find a corner where I feel physically safe and then zone out if it starts getting to be to much. Sometimes just going to the restroom or to the kitchen for a drink is enough to restabilize me. Luckily, everyone knows what I am going through so they all make allowances. It also helps that I am one of many in the family who suffer from this.
I think Carly Wolf had the best suggestions. Just give yourself permission to work through the trauma and don't worry about sleeping with the lights on, etc. Thank God for those who haven't suffered as we have but who empathize anyway.
I've been out of the abuse for 19 years and it is getting easier but I never know what will trigger it.

ceiliam
March 13th, 2016, 03:42 PM
I am so sorry you are going thru this, just know we care prayers, warm thanks being sent your way

dwil23
March 13th, 2016, 04:21 PM
Hugs and prayers.

My Dad, a WW2 vet surely suffered from PTSD - though they didn't have a name for it then. Any loud, sudden noises made him nearly jump out of his skin. He didn't enjoy being around a lot of "commotion" as he would call it.

Don't forget - quilting is soothing for the soul. Try having a bunch of 2 or 2 1/2 inch squares and just sew them together randomly in 4 or 9 patch units. I think that would lift your spirits and help to take your mind off the dark cloud. I call that mindless sewing - you don't have to think much about it or stress over making a mistake.

judimccl
March 13th, 2016, 05:07 PM
Never be sorry to post "downer" stuff. Even though I don't know anybody personally on the forum, I feel like I do because of reading the posts. It gives me a chance to say some prayers, and feel in my own little way I am helping them. Definitely prayers coming your way for God to wrap his arms around you and give you some comfort.

GuitarGramma
March 13th, 2016, 06:14 PM
My heart goes out to you. I hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion. It's simple and cheap, and pulled me out of the black clouds.

Magnesium. Magnesium deficiency in and of itself will bring on depression. While it certainly is not the cure for all depression, it is over the counter and affordable, so it's helpful to try. Magnesium will calm nerves, and it helps to regulate over 300 functions in our bodies.

Please get some inexpensive magnesium from your local pharmacy and see if it helps. For years, I knew when I'd forgotten to take my magnesium because I'd feel the black clouds descend. A couple of tablets and the black clouds would lift and disappear.

P.S. Because magnesium can, ahem, loosen one up, I now buy a time-release magnesium called Jigsaw. But don't start there, start with the cheapy local stuff.

Hulamoon
March 13th, 2016, 10:12 PM
I'm with Karen too about the party. I go to Thankgiving every year to my stepdaughters. It gets bigger and bigger with all her friends or my dh's old friends in the backyard. It's hard to handle.

(((hugs)))

seaturtle
March 13th, 2016, 10:25 PM
I'm so sorry you're going through this, and so thankful to see all the loving messages and good advice being given here. I hope you can feel the warmth from this thread. I also add my prayers to the many expressed here for a lifting of your spirits and calming of your soul. God bless and thank you for your service.

Cool Breeze Quilter
March 14th, 2016, 01:20 PM
I am sorry that you are going through this. I will say a prayer for you.

There is an organization called Guardian Angels Medical Service Dogs in FL. I believe (could be wrong) that they serve areas outside of FL. I don't know if this appeals to you or not but wanted to put it out there for you. They have helped many Veterans with PTSD as well as other medical service needs that the dogs can supply. I have watched their videos and many Veterans (and others) have talked about how their lives have been dramatically, positively changed for the better because of these medical service dogs. Another plus is that the dogs they use are German Shepherd rescues.

Guardian Angels pairing & training medical service dogs (http://www.medicalservicedogs.org/)

Thank you for your service.

Cool Breeze Quilter
March 14th, 2016, 01:23 PM
Thank you everyone. Your kind thoughts and prayers help tremendously!

I have a service dog that is right here beside me which helps tons.
Thanks again!

Sorry, I hadn't read this before I wrote about the medical service dogs.

alliek
March 14th, 2016, 01:38 PM
I will pray for you heart to be free of sadness and your mind to rest and for peace for your soul. Don't despair, healing will come, stay the course. Many of us care about you. You can get better, you WILL get better.

source of joy
March 14th, 2016, 02:21 PM
Thanks for sharing, it reminds me to verify if this is what I may be suffering from....no fun! I know what faith can do in such circumstances as well....so grateful you have something beyond you to hold onto.

cv quilter
March 14th, 2016, 06:35 PM
Grampz, I have an aching heart for you and am sending up prayers for you. Keep faith and rely on Him. So sorry for the depression and fear you feel. Many are sending prayers and good thoughts your way. Today is here and make it the best you can....tomorrow is another day to be grateful for. Psalm 118:24

Sylvia H
March 14th, 2016, 06:52 PM
I am glad you reached out to this community, and I hope you will continue to do so. (I am also a sufferer of chronic depression, which started in a very abusive childhood. I also have symptoms of PTSD.) You have friends and a support network here. Glad you do have a pet - sometimes my dog was the only thing that made me get through a day. And quilting is wonderful therapy. I like the idea of just repetitive sewing. It keeps you busy, productive, and in the end, you have something lovely and useful. I hope you find the relief you need. Take care, and keep in touch with all of us.

auntiemern
March 14th, 2016, 10:06 PM
As the wife of a Viet Nam war wounded vet, I can totally sympathize and empathize with you. (he still has shrapnel in his head) He suffers severely from PTSD. I am also a PTSD sufferer along with depression and severe anxiety. You have my deepest sympathy and understanding. My husband has never been one to be in lg groups of people or that could tolerate fireworks. (he was hit with shrapnel from a mortar round). Even the sound of helicopters bother him. It is completely understandable that you have the issues that you do. People that have never been through that kind of trauma can never truly understand..We can be supportive and understanding, and give our heart felt thank you's for what you did for all of us. You will be in my prayers and thoughts, and if you ever need a shoulder or an ear...hit me up. If you can't find me here send me a PM and you can almost always find me through FB messages.

sewbizzy
March 15th, 2016, 01:26 AM
Sending prayers your way...I am glad that you reached out to all of these amazing members of the forum...Hugs and blessings

songbird857
March 15th, 2016, 09:00 AM
Grampz - thank you for your service.

My dad, a Korean War vet, has struggled with this as well - to this day, he has only told me minimal details of his service. Please know that I am praying for you :)