View Full Version : well....

September 26th, 2015, 05:13 PM
I've not been having a very good week. It actually started when my deputies wife asked me to make the things for the wedding. I did and delivered them to her boyfriend. I have not heard a word from either her or the bride and that in itself is upsetting enough.

As you know, my deputy was killed in the line of duty, six years ago this December. He was a very good friend of mine. When it happened, it put me into a deep depression and for a few years, that would return around the anniversary of his death. Well, at his daughters reception, deputies showed up as a surprise, in uniform, to dance with her during the father/daughter dance. I was so very proud of them for doing that for her! I posted the pictures of it here earlier this week. Yesterday morning, there was a new video posted and this one included the song being played in the background. It showed the entire dance, and like a fool, I sat here and watched it. The song was so much like her dad that it put me over the edge.

I went upstairs to distract myself by sewing. That was a bad thing to do. The entire project is now staring at me from the waste basket....taunting me. I have never done that before. It's lucky I did not murder it with my scissors or seam ripper first. Walter also started acting up. It sounded like grating sounds of metal on metal and was very scary. I took it as a sign I was not supposed to be sewing.

About this time I got a message from the gal who was going to cut my hair yesterday afternoon. Her and her kids had just got back from the doctor and they all have strep throat!!! Why was Monday happening on Friday? So I called another gal who has cut my hair in the past, but she is on vacation till next week. My reunion is TONIGHT!!! I went to the shop she works at so somebody else could cut it in her place.

I know only two of you face to face, but when I tell you I rarely ever cry hysterically, it is the truth. I sat in her chair and I knew it was going to happen. She started talking to me about my hair and asking what I wanted done and I looked at her and said 'I just want my hair cut....I don't care'. That is when it happened. Thank goodness there was nobody in the shop but me and the two haircutters and they didn't know what to do. They had never seen me before. I am surprised they didn't call the ambulance to take me to the funny farm. After about ten minutes of hysterics, I finally got myself calmed down, she cut my hair and I flew out of there as fast as I could!

I went to the mall to buy something to wear tonight. Other than a tshirt, I have not bought a stitch of clothes since I retired...oh, I did buy a pack of socks! What I had in my head and what they had to offer did not mesh and I ended up buying a cute top and a pair of black jeans. I even bought a dress to wear when we go to Hawaii. The only reason I bought black jeans was because MM told me he was wearing black jeans.....truthfully, I'd at least of worn dress pants.

He gets up from sleeping after I get back home and one look at me and he knew something was wrong. I told him what happened and I know he felt bad for me, but he didn't know what to do. I think he was thinking, please don't make us go thru this again!!! He sat with me awhile then got up and fixed dinner. After that, I went and took a nice long bath (we have a clawfoot tub and I love to soak in it and read books), but that didn't improve my mood. Came back downstairs, watched some TV and finally straggled to bed only to lie there awake for hours. It felt like I finally fell asleep when he must have thought it was time for me to be awake.............

So here I sit, still in a foul mood. Tyler is over and I got a nice big hug and talked to him a little. He has grown into a great young man.

I have to do the buttonholes/buttons on MM's shirt so he can wear it tonight. I got Jill out. Apparently her nose is bent out of shape because she has been ignored lately and I could do nothing right. I finally figured out what was going on and we are now playing well together. Have to do the buttonholes on the cuffs and then sew the buttons on and it will be done! Hopefully Jill will cooperate with the sewing on of the buttons so I don't have to do it by hand.

I don't expect anyone here to feel sorry for me...that is not why I wrote this. I just had to explain my feelings. I really don't want to go tonight, but I will since it's paid for. Maybe we won't be there long. I really wish my best friend I've had forever was going to be there, but she is the one who lives on a sailboat in the Marshall Islands, and I think they are presently down in Fiji with it.

I hope you are all have a great day, and for those of you winding up the retreat, go out with a blast! I hope to get there in the next year or two myself. Maybe a few of us could fly into the same airport and drive there, stopping at shops along the way!! Minneapolis/St. Paul might be a good place to start. Start thinking of it....it could be a blast!

September 26th, 2015, 05:26 PM
Hard to recover from days like that, but I know you will. Maybe the reunion will change it up.

Love the idea of flying in and meeting up. And then SHOPPING. Ah yes, something happy to plan.

Anyway feel better. Keep thoughts of better times.

September 26th, 2015, 05:35 PM
If a hug will help, you can have mine..................

September 26th, 2015, 05:37 PM
(( Bubba ))

September 26th, 2015, 05:37 PM
Well, Pat since you had a good hard cry hopefully the rest of the bad mood will quietly slip away. Sounds like a stressful day. I hope your evening & reunion go much better.

Sharyn J
September 26th, 2015, 05:39 PM
Oh Pat, I'm sending you a big hug and good wishes to lift your spirits. It seems like nothing good ever happens on the anniversary dates of sad memories. I probably would have done the same thing! Every November I get into a crying gig over the loss of my two best buddies: dad and brother. So I know how much your friend meant to you and how all the other things that go wrong can get you down.

Ok, get yourself together, forget this day and have a wonderful time tonight with your hubs.
Sending big hugs........right now!!!! xoxo

September 26th, 2015, 05:41 PM
Everyone needs to just vent once in awhile. I hope you have a lovely time at your reunion and you can concentrate on your happier times.

September 26th, 2015, 05:45 PM
Sometimes we just get overwhelmed with life and it seems you are having one of "those" weeks. Take deep breaths. Try to think positive. You are a special person and there is nothing wrong with just venting sometimes. We are here to listen and support you.

September 26th, 2015, 05:57 PM
I understand where you're coming from...been there myself a few times, especially when thinking of loved ones who aren't with us now. I hope you have a good time at your reunion sharing good memories of the past.

Cathy F
September 26th, 2015, 06:02 PM
Hugs to you Pat, sometimes the overwhelming things catch up to us when we least expect it. It's alright to have a good cry and get it out. Hope you're feeling better soon.

September 26th, 2015, 06:42 PM
Sounds like you needed that good cry. I hope the reunion turns out ok, and maybe even fun. Take good care of you girl.


Claire OneStitchAtATime
September 26th, 2015, 06:43 PM
Loss still hurts just as much, even years later, when it hits us again. And the loss of a good friend is one of those losses that's not acknowledged much. When we lose relatives, people offer all kinds of support; when we lose friends, we're mostly on our own with that. But we can love our friends as much and miss them as much. I lost my best friend when we were both in our early thirties and I hear you.

The rest all sounds like you would have shaken it off if the grief wasn't hitting you hard right now. But sometimes, the bucket of grief is full already, and only a teeny drop more of trouble can make it overflow.

Thinking of you, Bubba. If the reunion isn't feeling good when you're there, slip out and go home.

September 26th, 2015, 06:43 PM
Well I feel sorry for you. That's a lot of different emotions to have all at once. I hope you have fun at the party. Let lose and have some fun!

September 26th, 2015, 06:54 PM
Pat.. you've done exactly what you should do.... write it all out,,, let it all out,, NOW,,, try to tuck it away and go forward!!!! Just like you've said... life is short...
My Dad used to have a couple of sayings..."Here's hoping you live forever and I never die" (toast):)
"We're not her for a long time, we're here for GOOD TIME"...
My reunion is next Sat... 50yrs.. going with my HS sweetheart!!!! DH's...:))
As for the sewing project... you needed to sew something to distract... if it's rubbish.. so be it.. there is lots more fabric where that comes from right??? Hugs, GB

September 26th, 2015, 07:40 PM
Sending you hugs and warm thoughts

September 26th, 2015, 07:47 PM
Pat, I have no sage words or uplifting advice. Nor do I feel sorry for you, it happens to the best of us.
I'm just holding your hand.


September 26th, 2015, 07:51 PM
I appreciate all your words, as I sit here with blurry eyes, knowing you think enough of me to write something.

Things in the sewing room went smoother today. The bag is still in the trash..... MM came up the check on Walter, had me sit down and repeat what I was doing yesterday with him, so I did. Walter is apparently in kahoots with MM because he purred like a kitten today. Jill and I were having our moments with the buttonholes I was trying to do, so I got out the guidebook and figured out what needed to be done, and she behaved herself too! I tried in the past to sew buttons on with her to no avail. I've done it with my other machines and had no problem. The other machines, you don't use a foot. Out comes the guidebook again, and indeed, Jill uses a foot and sews buttons beautifully. I think poor Jack might be going on sabbatical for awhile (don't tell him!!).

Thank you again.

Kat Smith
September 26th, 2015, 07:53 PM
Once again I find myself, a newbie, putting in my 2 cents worth. About 5 years ago I lost the last member of my family or origin, leaving me an "orphan" so to speak. I had 2 reunions, High School and Jr. High come up in the last year and I found a real need to go and connect with people from a happier time in life. I found it very helpful and found many of them needed me as much as I needed them. Lose is very hard but it can open the door to service. There is a verse in 2nd Corinthians (1:4) that in everyday speak says "God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters. When ever things get hard I always wonder what lesson am I suppose to be learning and who will I be able to help because of this knowledge. There will come a time you will be able to help someone who is going through what you are right now (or very similar) and you will be thankful to be able to be the one who can help.
Hope you had fun at your reunion and reconnected with old friends.


September 26th, 2015, 08:03 PM
Been where you are too many times to count. Grief; there is no time limit on it......seems just when you think you are coping with it, it can slam you to the ground. Simply take a deep breath and do the best you can. Hopefully you will enjoy your reunion and time with hubby. As for the saddness.........get it out in any way you can. Honey if you held all that inside yourself you would explode. Cry when this happens, get it out.....and then think about your wonderful friend......what would he tell you? Big hugs to you

September 26th, 2015, 08:29 PM
I really do hope you have an enjoyable time tonight. This is a great place to share more than just quilting, isn't it.

September 26th, 2015, 08:30 PM
He would say woo hoo to you and he always told all his friends he loved them. He was a special guy, if ever there was one.

If you want to see about him, go to youtube and google Kent Mundell. There is a clip in there from a day he crashed his airplane in a strawberry field. Such a character.

Learner quilter
September 26th, 2015, 08:41 PM
Oh Pat, I feel so sorry for you (((hugs))).
I had a reunion with my cousins today. It was a 50th Birthday. It was nice to see them when it was not a funeral.
When my Mum died at Easter, I had to do something, so I took a charm pack that I didn't like much, made d4 patches and my Daughter loved them so I made them into table mats for her. So something came out of nothing.
I hope you feel better soon

September 26th, 2015, 08:54 PM
Pat.................no rain, no rainbows.

cv quilter
September 27th, 2015, 12:06 AM
My heart hurts as I read your post. I don't know you, haven't really been a part of this forum for long, but I do feel for you. Can't say I've had the same experiences, but I can say I have had crushing, overwhelming times and losses. God is good every day and I count on that. I hope you do, too. So very sorry for your sadness and for your past losses. Hope that your reunion, and the kindnesses from your forum friends, are able to pick your spirits up. Just words, perhaps, but I pray that tomorrow is a better day. May your next week be at least 10 times as happy as your past one was sad.

September 27th, 2015, 12:17 AM
Pat - sending you some hugs. I'm glad you came on and let us know your heart achings. Well, it says that isn't a word, but it sure is to me.
I hope you had a good time at the reunion and have better days ahead.
I think it's a testimony to your friend that he meant so much to you.

September 27th, 2015, 12:27 AM
Yep. Sometimes life just sucks and you are glad there's only 24 hours in a day, which gives you hope for tomorrow.

September 27th, 2015, 12:55 AM
Just read your post, sending you a big hug.

September 27th, 2015, 01:21 AM
(((Hugs Pat))) I hope venting helped you to feel better,when my kids were young I would have them do that it did help some.I hope you were able to see some old friends and let all the other events go away at least for a while.

September 27th, 2015, 03:06 AM
We just got home from the reunion. It was fun to see people we have not seen in 40 years, and fun to ignore some we have not seen in 40 years!! We both thought it was quite interesting that the same 'clique' all hung out with each other and didn't really socialize with anyone else, where us from the lower circle talked to everybody we wanted. There were some surprises and some of them were sad. I knew that there were some classmates who had died, but I think there were at least 20 or 30 (class was over 400), and for some reason, I wasn't expecting that!!

When I was getting ready, I actually put on makeup, which I rarely do, and that lead to wearing some perfume, so I spritzed on some Red Door, which I love. Then I remembered where I first smelled it a year or two ago and it was at bunco where one of my friends was wearing it. She just passed away two weeks ago, but I refused to remember and get any sadder than I was. MM told me when we got home he could tell I was feeling better because I was actually talking again instead of moping around like I have been. And here I didn't think he noticed!

Thanks to everyone again....you all mean a lot to me. Especially the private messagers!

September 27th, 2015, 06:42 AM
(((HUGS))) I'm glad the reunion went well, and itsn't it funny how those cliques are so self-isolating? I'd rather be in the lower half talking to whomever I please too!

Red door makes me think of my mom, that was her favorite for a long time.

Of course MM noticed, and isn't it so wonderful of him to compliment you on the improved mood rather than chide you on the sour one? He's a keeper!

September 27th, 2015, 08:12 AM
I am glad you had a good time.

September 27th, 2015, 09:55 AM
Pat, I am thinking about you. We've all been there a time or ten thousand. Just had a total meltdown about two Saturdays ago myself dealing with my Mom who has Alzheimers. The short version..went to take her out for the day, didn't remember I was coming and the staff were clueless (even though I had called them). She left with a friend and got back about the time I was leaving. Got into an argument with the friend (she thinks we don't take very good care of Mom). Mom was hateful and said I was an embarrassment to her and her "people". Left in tears to drive 30 miles back to Wichita. Did a little shopping - didn't help and kept sobbing. Went to my Dads - they're wonderful. After about 4 beers - they decided to drive me 60 miles home, brought pizza and then things started looking up a bit. Take care, Pat. And...I'm hoping to go to the retreat next year...... Hugs.

September 27th, 2015, 10:20 AM
Hugs to you Pat and to you Carolyn. To happier days ahead

September 27th, 2015, 10:28 AM
Reunions are difficult enough without all the other added pressures you've had. Try to wipe your slate clean and go to the reunion and enjoy yourself. I'm sure MM will be by your side as support. (((HUGS)))