View Full Version : I am sure that things could be worse!!!!

October 29th, 2011, 08:45 PM
Hi everyone; I have been off the grid since May spending the summer at our island cottage. It was an ok time considering the crap that life has thrown at my family! First my daughter left her husband after 14 years and what was supposed to be a mutual agreement between them changed when he morphed into a manipulative brainwashing idiot who brought in his dysfunctional family to drive her out of the house and try to turn my grandkids against her! He is a total control freak and she trusted him when he said he would draw up the separation agreement and took control of selling the house neither of which has been done so she has had to borrow money to get her own lawyer. That by the way moves at a snails pace! He had her car towed from her workplace so she had to borrow money yet again. It is like a bad soap opera every day. Then we had to leave the cottage suddenly when my son had an accident with camp fuel and got 3rd degree burns from his knee to foot. He was airlifted to the burn unit and had skin grafts done and is now recovering. Then my Mom had to have surgery on her leg to bypass arteries as she had gangerene in her foot. She had a heart attack during the surgery but seems to be recovering. Then my best friend in the whole world had to have heart surgery (2 stents in main artery) she was a breath away from a major heart attack! All this has just stunned me silly so what happens next? I get freaking shingles and have been in a lot of pain for the past month. Talk about not sleeping. I am usually up from 3 or 4am on and I feel like crap. The percocet makes me a zombie so I am trying not to take it. The sleeping pills help my anxiety but not to sleep. I have been trying to sew but find myself so depressed I can't make a simple decision. Worry Worry Worry !!!Does anyone know how to turn off the chatter in my brain???? I don't want sympathy but just felt the need to vent. Maybe someone else has been in my spot and survived to tell the tale. I feel so bad because my dear hubby feels helpless I'm sure and I am trying not to let this take me down but it is such a struggle right now. Thanks for listening....Val

October 29th, 2011, 08:51 PM
Val, My heart goes out to you - so much stuff happening. Not surprised that you have hives (ouch!). Prayers and hugs go out to you - please vent all you want - we're here for you. Sometimes, I turn to quilting when I am totally at my wits end (small hand quilted projects that go with me seem to help) - please let us know how you are doing - Linda

October 29th, 2011, 09:05 PM
I'm so sorry life is giving your family these harsh blows. Any time you need to vent this is a perfect medium to do so.
Things will look up eventually. I know it probably does not seem so right now but they will!

October 29th, 2011, 09:10 PM
My heart goes out to you! My goodness. God Bless and see you through all this

October 29th, 2011, 09:21 PM
I'm so glad you are back with us. Sorry to hear all that life has thrown at you - it will get better. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers and I too, turn to quilting when things seem at their wits end. That must be hard to quilt though while you are going through the shingles. I have heard how painful they are.


October 29th, 2011, 09:35 PM
Oh my Val. You got your share and several other people's all at once. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there; we're here when you want to vent. Hugs.

K. McEuen
October 29th, 2011, 10:18 PM
If you still have shingles try some Caladryl lotion on them. It's a blend of Calamine Lotion and Benadryl. It sure helps with the itchy feeling.

October 29th, 2011, 10:22 PM
Thoughts and prayers sent out your way. My dad developed shingles and he was in absolute misery. He got better, but man shingles are wicked.


October 29th, 2011, 10:30 PM
Dear Val, I feel for you 'cause the last three years have been tough for our family as well. Major health issues and unemployment can create such turmoil in one's life. I'm sure you feel like there will be no end to it all, but there will be. You need to take it one day at a time, create some "me" time, even if it's just taken your cup of coffee/tea outside in the morning. Yes it might be getting colder, but put on a sweater/coat, listen to the quiet, take a deep breath, and know that you're not alone. There's a higher spirit to guide you and a ton of cyber friends here at the forum, who will let you vent, cry, scream, laugh...whatever you might need to make it through another day.

Prayers and healing light to you and your family, plus your friend. Ruby

October 29th, 2011, 10:51 PM
Vent away Val. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all this. I guess you have to get better first so you can be there for the rest of the family. And after the shingles are gone make sure you get the vaccination for them so you don't get them again. As a matter of fact, that is advice to everyone over the age of 50!
In the meantime, I will pray for you and yours. He does answer prayers. Sometimes He says no, or not that way, but He does answer for the best for you. Let go and let God. If you let go the shingles will heal quicker. Oh and laugh. I know it sounds crazy but it helps. God Bless, Jan L.

October 30th, 2011, 12:33 AM
Oh, Val. Murphy's Law at work again. No wonder you are so dang frustrated. When the body is under so much stress, it often responds physically, hence the shingles, etc. Your brain is on overload with all these issues...hence the forgetfulness, not stopping the chatter and sleep issues. Have you ever tried guided imagery, progressive relaxation exercises or other similiar things? Sorta like self hypnosis.....certainly we are here for you to vent to! What are friends for if you can't do that?

Sending electronic hugs your way and may you get comfort knowing that we care and are here for you.

October 30th, 2011, 12:48 AM
You must be going in a million different directions. Prayers go out to you and eveyone you mentioned. Yes even the "bad
guy". Heaping hot coals on the head!!! Bless you girl. Take a deep breath and hand it to God. As the saying goes 'He will be up all night anyway'. Take care of yourself as best you can.
NE Arkansas

October 30th, 2011, 12:52 AM
My heart goes out to you. I couldn't imagine going through all that back to back. I hope that things get better and stay better for you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

October 30th, 2011, 08:22 AM
Val, you are in my prayers. We never stop being a Mother and when our children are hurt or in a situation, we hurt also. I certainly hope your son is healing and your daughter is getting her life in order. So very sorry for your shingles also. Please let us know how you and your family are doing.

October 30th, 2011, 08:36 AM
Gosh, Val. It certainly can't get any worse. All of these things will work themselves out. The fact that you came down with the shingles is no surprise considering all of the stress you've encountered. I would go back to my doctor and ask for something else to help with the anxiety. I was on Lexapro for many years and I can't say enough about it. I was on it for 9 years. It changed my life. No more constant dialogue running through my head, no more repeating my worries over and over again, no more bouts of crying and going to bed telling everyone to leave me alone. Thank goodness my husband is a patient man. This medicine did not make me tired and in a zombie-like state. By the way, you have to make an absolutely huge effort not to take on the burden of all your loved ones and their problems. You've been through so much all at once. Be there for them but don't let their problems totally wreck your health. You only go around once. Make sure you take care of number one. Your daughter will get past the divorce mess, your son will heal, your friend will recover from her heart surgery, your mom is getting the care she needs to heal and your shingles will dissipate. Life will go on. Look at the big picture! Did anyone die? NO. Go see the doctor again. Percoset doesn't sound like the way to go. You don't need to be in a coma. Ask the doctor for a medicine that eases anxiety. You might ask him about Lexapro. I'm an avid fan.

October 30th, 2011, 04:57 PM
Val I am sending prayers your way that things will ease up and you can relax a bit more. We are here for you and take Rebecca's sound advice, see your Dr. again. Take care of yourself and things will get better.

Jan G

November 6th, 2011, 09:28 PM
Thanks so much to everyone for their kind words and advice!!!! I have been hanging by a thin thread but think I finally realize I may need some help coping. I thought I could do it on my own. I have had 2 days in a row with minor pain from the shingles so hopefully that issue is resolved! I plan to see my doc again soon and will take it from there. I still have problems sleeping and no interest in much but DH and I have done some serious hiking and talking lately - major sore muscles HAHA but may help with sleep. I really need to do some quilting...that always helps right! I find it so curious that I would reveal all this to you but not to my family or best friend or kids ...You will never know how much I appreciate the ear you lend to me!!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

Sandy Navas
November 6th, 2011, 11:09 PM
Val it is always easier to talk to someone and share what is in your heart if you aren't looking that person in the eyes. I don't know why it works that way, but it does. And like everyone has said - there is someone listening and you will find it in yourself to get better day by day. Years ago I read a book that had a passage that I wish I had copied or memorized word for word. But, in essence, the message was that life is a road to be traveled and there are many hills and valleys. Each time you encounter that hill and struggle to reach the top you just need to remember that there is smooth sailing on the other side. Stop while you are on those hikes and take time to smell the roses (even if they aren't blooming in Ontario right now).

November 7th, 2011, 06:32 AM
^Sandy hit the proverbial nail on the head here, it is SO much easier to talk to someone who you don't have the burden of putting your woes on. Telling family how you feel is not the easiest thing to do, but everyone need to vent(I totally believe keeping things bottled is bad for your health). Glad you could let off steam here.

Now, I am sure it must be "onwards and upwards!" for you. Best wishes.

November 7th, 2011, 09:06 AM
Hi Val...

So sorry to hear so much is happening to you and your family. Sometimes life seems really unfair. Having shingles on top of everything is terrible....most likely caused by the stress. My prayers and thoughts are going out to you and your family. Try to take one day at a time and not worry beyond that....vent whenever you need to - you have friends here. Hugs and prayers, Barb

November 7th, 2011, 12:07 PM

I used to be like you - worry about and stress over everything - not sleeping - making my husband crazy! I've also been in your shoes with the kids with crazy exes, family with health issues - it takes its toll. But, this is what I've learned to do, and it really works.

Deal with what you have control over as best you can - like your own health. The things you have no control over - your daughter's crazy ex, your family's and friend's health issues - Leave those things with Jehovah God to deal with. And remember - he will not put upon you more than you can bear (even though it feels like you can't take anymore). He will make a way out for you in His due time. If everyone is healing well and things are getting better, look at the positive. Each day will bring it's own blessings.

November 7th, 2011, 05:50 PM
Hi Val, sorry to hear that your life is in such upheavel. It is true, God does not give you more than you can bear. It is easy for us to say, but you now must look after yourself. I believe in positive thinking. I have been up many mountains myself and have wondered WHY ME!! Try to keep positive, and that this too shall pass.

My doctor prescribed Amitryptaline (it helps to keep your mind quiet if you have to get up in the middle of the night). I only use it now and again to get a really good uninterupted night's sleep. It really works.

This forum, as I discovered, is not just for quilting. This forum holds a special group of people who come together when needed. And this is one of those moments. Vent, cry, scream or whatever you need. I have pretty big shoulders.

November 7th, 2011, 06:38 PM

Breath in....
Breath Out....

Breath In....
and Out....

I will Light up a candel and say a long Prayer for You....

Life can Really Be a "B" Aint It!!

Hang in There..... try Meditation to Clear your mind and quite your thoughts.

Have You ever tried it!? It's Really REFRESHING.

and so is this BOOK!!
Check it Out!


November 7th, 2011, 09:38 PM
Sending you a HUG. That is so much to try to cope with. Sounds like you have a good hubby to lean on. I sincerely hope things start going well for you and your family and friends!!!!!

November 8th, 2011, 07:11 PM
I have no words of wisdom, only words of comfort and caring. I can't imagine all of this hitting you at the same time. Life is so complicated and so unfair a lot of the time. My only advice is that you try your best to take care of YOU.....everything around you is going to be as it is, but you and your health is all that you have control over. Just today I was telling my daughter that I tell myself every single day to stop worrying about those things I don't have any control over; I only have control over ME ! I don't have shingles but I don't sleep well either and my sleeping pills leave me feeling terrible; but then again, only sleeping a couple of hours a night leave me feeling crappy also.....unable to function at 100%.

Please take care of yourself.
Sandy in GA