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phoots
October 28th, 2011, 02:22 AM
I've been out of work for 15 months as for Friday. I've had two interviews that were actually what I call "cattle calls" where they call in a whole bunch of people with the hopes of getting one or two to actually apply. Both jobs were for insurance/financial companies selling policies. I'm not good at that. I had a long talk with my Mom and my sister earlier this week and they've convinced me that I need to go back to school to be at least an AA degree. The problem is that I'm 99.9% sure that my boyfriend will not agree with the idea. I would max out on student loans so that I can still help pay the bills. I haven't talked to him yet but I've already applied to start school in January. He's been in such bad moods after work that I don't know when to talk to him.

Friends, I'm not necessarily asking for advice, just trying to get everything out of my head. He won't hit me, I'm never worried about that, but he does get angry once in a while. I have no other place to live.

Please pray for courage for me. Thank you!

Kelseyd
October 28th, 2011, 02:29 AM
:( finding a job isn't easy. My brothers been out of work or about the same amount as you and he has a BS. It took me 6 months out of college with a BS in accounting to find a min. wage job. If you go back to school please look for something that has an internship with it. It helps you get into the field you want and introduces you to possible future employers.

Good luck in whatever route you choose and we're here to listen. :)

Bubby
October 28th, 2011, 02:59 AM
Friends support each other in whatever is best for them. If your boyfriend gets mad and can't deal with the idea of you going to school, I would seriously rethink the relationship with him. It's important for you as a woman to have an education and the knowledge that you can take care of yourself financially. You never know what path life will lead you down and having an education is critically important. Getting your education is the best investment you can make. I agree with Kelsey that internships give you a foot in the door to your career field.

I lived in LV for over 20 years and received both of my degrees from UNLV. Phoots, I'm not preaching to you or trying to cram my opinions down your throat - just trying to share with you what I learned the hard way. It's also what I would tell my daughter if she was in your position. Hugs, Barb:)

KiltedQuilter
October 28th, 2011, 05:23 AM
phoots you may not want advice per se but I can not help but give it having myself been with a guy who had "bad moods", my ex husband.
If you find yourself thinking "how on EARTH can I talk this through with him without having an fight about it?" then I think it may be time for a serious sit down with yourself. It does not from what little you have said sound as though he is very supportive, if you know 99.9% he would not think going back to school would be a good idea then you have two choices as I see it; ask him and see what happens or don't. If your mum and sister think it's a good idea(and you have applied to do it) then it must be something you are keen to do. Why would he not be supportive of that is my question? As Bubby said friends(and goes without saying family too) should support each other.
Maybe you could try to get him to see the BIGGER PICTURE when the student loans are paid and you have a job you like and more money? From what you've said though it sounds like you may have to weigh up how much you want this for yourself, and how important it is.


My Experience:as short story by KiltedQuilter

Once upon a time there was a girl. She lived in a small village(in Scotland incidentally) but had big dreams.
She had a first love(aww!:0) and he was sweet and funny. She grew up, and they grew apart(sweet just isn't enough when your 17 is it?).
She went to college and met a boy. He was HOT and kind of moody(looking).
The girl and boy got married, then she realised he was moody ALL the time and in EVERY way(unless she did what he said).
She made a house and a home(something he'd never had) hoping it would be enough. She towed the line the best she could, thinking that might stop the arguing. But it didn't(aww!:icon_cry:).
The fiestyness(is that a word?) had gone from her.
Then one day she woke up thought "enough is enough" packed her bags(and baby) and moved back to the small village.
Nobody knew she was coming to stay(even the moody boy thought she was just taking a holiday! :icon_rolleyes:) but they were happy she was back.
She got herself together again. And a LONG time later met Mr Right(the true one, the one who doesn't care if I give him frozen pizza 'cos I forget the time while sewing, and the one who thinks I could go to do ANYTHING(ok he might not want me to go be a "coffee maker" for Gerard Butler, but you get my drift) I want as long as I am happy).

The End.
Moral of the story: sometimes Sweet wins over HOT(just takes age maybe to appreciate it!)


Hope you find a solution to this, whatever that may be.

ps. the only time(me included) that I have ever heard anyone volunteer the phrase "oh he doesn't hit me" etc was when the person(me included) was a bit worried that it MIGHT come to that at some stage. My ex used to punch walls and throw things in order to get his point across.
pps. Bubby is right about the education and finances, our ancestors didn't burn their bras for nothing you know!

KiltedQuilter
October 28th, 2011, 05:28 AM
^wow, that was one EPIC post!(think that's the most I've written on here)

rebeccas-sewing
October 28th, 2011, 05:55 AM
The first two things you can do to get yourself on the right path is listen to Barb and the Quilted Kilter. Sound advice. I'm glad you're going to get a degree and I'll be very relieved when you find yourself a new boyfriend. If you're sitting there making excuses for him forget it. It's a red flag if you are with someone who is moody and someone who you worry might hit you. To be with someone you're afraid to confide in is not your friend and certainly not the right person for a boyfriend. Having no job is not your biggest problem. Your boyfriend is. Have the courage to get out of the relationship and you'll be getting on a better path. Good luck! You can never go wrong getting an education.

KiltedQuilter
October 28th, 2011, 06:19 AM
Quilted Kilter

^I'm liking that. I shall now only answer to: Quilted Kilter! :D

Shirley
October 28th, 2011, 08:24 AM
Well I would like to add my two cents for what its worth. I have two beautiful daughters, my oldest did not go to college , she was just too busy with her boyfriend and working. She is 40 now and has struggled all her life, trying to find good jobs and make a living. She is very talented but she has no college education, and her jobs have not paid well. My youngest is a college graduate with a degree in biology and is a Medical Technologist. She makes a very good living, she is divorced and has bought her own home and makes very good decisions. Make an investment in YOU! You are worth it and it is a gift to yourself.
My DH suggests you read The Burning Bed, it is a very inspirational book.
Good luck to you Phoots!
We will be in Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. We could meet up????

Shannon
October 28th, 2011, 09:14 AM
very good advice from everyone. I know it's hard, I've had almost this same conversation with my own daughter who is now living with me. It's a tight squeeze but even after 3 months she is so much more relaxed and ready to take on the world and make a life for her and my DGD. She got a job and is already starting to save for her own place. And best of all, she's feisty again! Love it!

there are may kinds of abuse hon, it's not always hitting...emotional control can be just as painful and hard to get over. I'm with everyone here in that if you are worrried about what he will say and if he will get mad he is not the right partner for you!

Just my 2 cents. hey if you keep getting '2 cents' from everyone you will have enough for a down payment on an apartment!!

best wishes,
Shannon

meemeecyn
October 28th, 2011, 10:02 AM
Phoots.....How stressful this must be for you! Trying to find a job in this environment is tough. You are to be applauded for your efforts to continuing to look for work and have made the move to go to school. That is wonderful!!! You can vent here anytime. Hope you don't view our posts as preaching (as in advice) but years of experience has created wisdom in many of us mothers! I agree totally with the above posts. They are spot on. Growing up and experiencing life in all of its forms is part of a normal process. There are normal bumps (metaphorically speaking) along the journey, but NO ONE has the right to be abusive, either physically or emotionally. You have the right to do what is best for you. Listen to your heart, my Dear. Many women stay in 'bad' relationships because they feel trapped (ie needing a place to live)....that is why there are safe places to go to, or at least hotlines to call for support and to learn about services in the local area. You say he has never hit you, but have you ever been afraid he might? Are you afraid that if you did leave, he might get violent? There are places to help you. Not sure of your age, but it sounds like you are at a stage of life where it is normal to be spreading your wings and experiencing the opportunities available (like school!). You mentioned your Mom and sister....are they close enough that they might be able to take you in or help in other ways? Being unemployed is a breeding ground for stress and all that comes with it. But that doesn't give anyone the right to make you feel bad. You deserve to feel supported and encouraged for wanting to go on to get your degree. Know that your quilting friends on the forum will do our best to provide you with that encouragement.
Please accept this huge electronic hug coming your way.
Cynthia

EsGrandma
October 28th, 2011, 11:41 AM
Phoots - Prayers are going your way - please take care of yourself in all ways!

stitching woman
October 28th, 2011, 12:16 PM
Nothing I can add but to follow your heart and do what is best for you. You are to young to settle at this stage of your life. You can never go wrong by going back to school. Take care

Genny
October 28th, 2011, 12:45 PM
A "boyfriend" is just that...."a boyfriend" not a husband or/and from the sounds of it, anyone you'll spend the rest of your life with. You should be the one planning what to do with your life and if you want to go back to school...then go.

rebeccas-sewing
October 28th, 2011, 12:55 PM
Oops!!!! LOL
I think I'm going to call you KQ. It's a good thing I didn't accidentally type Quilted killer!!! LOL

janluna
October 28th, 2011, 01:01 PM
Prayers for your safety and your future! And please don't marry this guy. Make a way for yourself darlin, You will have children someday, what would you tell your daughter. Stand tall, Make sure you can take care of yourself, don't let a Man or anyone for that matter push you around. People who try and make you feel guilty and on alert are not good for you. You know in yourself what is right. Listen to the voice within. The Good Lord gave that voice for a reason. It is there for survival. Vent anytime. Hugs, Jan L.

phoots
October 28th, 2011, 04:57 PM
Thank you everyone for your advice. Today I filled out the application for financial aid to go to school. My sister is 51 yrs old and is in the process of getting her bachelors degree. I'm 52 and I'm going to finish the Associates degree I started when I was 18. Keep praying for me, I'm not as strong as my words are but I'm trying! I love you all! The lady who will be in Vegas soon, I tend to be shy but I'd like to meet you!

phoots
October 28th, 2011, 04:58 PM
Shirley, yes we could meet! Let me know when you'll be in town.

Mimis-quilts
October 28th, 2011, 06:09 PM
Phoots...all I can say is AMEN to everything that everyone has had to say!
I got my Associates Degree in nursing at 49years old! You go girl!

MaryB
October 29th, 2011, 12:21 AM
Hi Miss phoots. The most amazing thing just happened and I thought I would share it will you. I bought a new pair of shoes yesterday and only looked at the box properly just now. It has a drawing of an owl on it and the words:

one day i had had enough of other people telling me who i was and what i could and couldn't do
so i decided to take a walk
i discovered my path and made my own tracks
i walked on and on and i'm still going
it is the best walk i have ever taken

How providential is that! Hugs and the very best of luck.

Mary B

toggpine
October 29th, 2011, 01:27 AM
Mary, I LIKE that! I am going to hang on to that one. What brand of shoes, so I can give some credit for the source.

Phoots, Are we ever "too old" to be the best person we can be? Why can't you be as strong as your words? They are your thoughts, stand with them. It will be scary at first when you inform friends and family that you are doing something different with your life. You will loose some of them, but the right ones will stay by you because they have your best interests at heart.

I am sure that some job opportunities are not really what you want for your long range goals, but it may be a means to an end. Check with the university/college and see if there is a spot open for substitute kitchen help. I bet they would work around your class schedule, or you could take classes around the work times. I am looking into doing this with the local school district to help with our household budget. Just know that it doesn't have to be a "forever job", just a "get me by" one.
Please know that we are here to support you the best we can.

P.S. Start looking for someplace else to live and then drop BF like a hot rock. NOBODY should ever make you feel like you can't have hopes and dreams of your own, or that the ones you do have are silly and worthless. NOBODY!
Big hug! Cath

phoots
October 29th, 2011, 03:55 AM
Thank you again everyone! You're all so kind! Everytime I think about going back to school I remember a news report from back when I lived in Alabama....an 81 yr old grandmother had graduated from the University, finally finishing her bachelors degree! That's what keeps me going...that and all the friends I don't know out in the world! Again, I love you all and thank you for your prayers.

Can you all also pray for my cousin, James. He's recovering from his 8th bought with pneumonia. Also, I have a very dear friend who just had a kidney transplant. Her name is Marcy! Thank you all so very much!

MaryB
October 29th, 2011, 04:58 AM
You are very welcome, Cath. They are Walkon brand and I bought them from Active Foot Clinic in Wagga Wagga NSW.

Mary B

Patrice
October 29th, 2011, 07:33 AM
I agree with everyone else and with you already signing up for school without discussing it with him will never make a good relationship

Sandy Navas
October 29th, 2011, 11:34 AM
one day i had had enough of other people telling me who i was and what i could and couldn't do
so i decided to take a walk
i discovered my path and made my own tracks
i walked on and on and i'm still going
it is the best walk i have ever taken

How providential is that! Hugs and the very best of luck.

Mary B

Mary, everyone should be taught that - thanks so much for sharing!!

BellasQuilts
October 29th, 2011, 12:30 PM
Dump the boyfriend, move back home, get a degree. Relationships are about love, not fear. You can do much better. My two cents.