View Full Version : Allowence question

July 14th, 2015, 11:00 PM
This is a senerio I just got involved with. I went to my little local store and this girl (20 somthing hippie girl, Iv'e been there lol) was chewing out her boy, about 10. She was grabbing his arm and yelling I told you you can't spend your money at a convience store. She was really rough. I told you to say yes mam and don't do this again!. I was sitting right there and asked what do you buy, beer? oops No we only buy water and don't allow soda. I apologized. But she was SO mean.

The boy asked the mom what I asked and she said someting that was none of her business. I agree, but she was So mean.

Both the kids (a sister) and a friend looked like they were living out of the car, We have a lot of people that transplant here like this.

If you give a kid some allowence shoudn't they at least buy someting they want? A little candy? They looked so dirty and sad.

July 15th, 2015, 12:04 AM
Awww that's sad:(

July 15th, 2015, 12:13 AM
Yes, it's their money and they should do with it what they want.

July 15th, 2015, 01:11 AM
I disagree. For example: last week my kids went to a swimming pool at daycare. They are allowed to bring money for ice cream, squirt guns, floaties, etc. My son asked to take $40--wife said no. He was allowed $20. Guess what? He snuck an extra $20, lied to us about it and bought himself and two friends $12 each floaties. $36. He has no value of money. So this said, I think as parents, we need to teach our kids how to responsibly spend money so they are prepared for adult life.

My opinion.

July 15th, 2015, 01:18 AM
But these kids weren't allowed to buy anything but water. That's not right by me in my parenting.

Edit to say I don't think they will ever see a water park or a Disneypark. I feel so sad :(

July 15th, 2015, 05:10 AM
You need to understand the situation before you can make a judgement call.

I would prefer my children know the value of money than to "blow" their allowance on stuff that doesn't matter or will soon be nothing but junk.

My children always stated I was mean while they were growing up because I wouldn't get them the candy and their every want. Guess what? They now understand now that they are on their own, the value of a dollar and not to be too extravigant on the stuff they "really do not need"!

July 15th, 2015, 10:11 AM
i would be sad too
not because they may have misspent the money
but because mom thought it was
okay to chew them out in front
of strangers
in my mind that is more harmful to them
than maybe a soda or beer

July 15th, 2015, 11:13 AM
Thanks Snick.

I guess you would have to have been there and witnessed the whole thing to see why it was so upsetting. It was like that show 'What would you do?' Do you step up and say something or look the other way. She was on the verge of hitting him. With that said I feel okay I did.

Iris Girl
July 15th, 2015, 11:27 AM
If it was their allowance they earned it is there's to spend as they want. As far as chewing them out in front of people its very demeaning to the kids and all those around. I see it everyday where I work when peoplr bring their tired , hungry kids in the store and expect them to be angels why Mom shops taking her time for things they are not interested in

Next worst thing that annoys me is get of your $*(*(&%$( cell phone when you get to the register and need to interact with them. Can't tell you how many timers I didn't know a customer was talkin AT me because the cell was pasted to her ear...

July 15th, 2015, 12:03 PM
I'm greatful that i'm 68, retired... and love to shop on line....
Mr. Bill and i only shop during the week for food and staples... i guess we keep sheltered...
I have a "big mouth", FULL of opinions! But times have changed so much!

I long for the earlier years... Seems the more we "help and give" in this country, (to the not so deserving).... the worse things become...

July 15th, 2015, 12:19 PM
I can have a big mouth too. At the grocery store one time this lady in front of me was giving the cashier such a hard time that I chewed her out. The girl was in tears and thanked me. Sometimes you just have to speak up.

This little store (in my story) is up by my house.They had a hard time getting a building permit because it's in a rural neighborhood. It's very small. They wanted to sell alcohol and people thought drunks were going to hang around. They close at 8pm. lol They mainly wanted a store because they own a cattle farm and sell meat there. They got smarter and brought in more produce. It's like a tiny,tiny 7-11.

Anyway this happened in the parking area and I was the only one there.

Sylvia H
July 15th, 2015, 12:20 PM
Lorie, I think you did good! I always get upset when I see a parent or any adult treating a child this way. The adult is acting inappropriately while they are trying to teach the child how to act appropriately! How ridiculous is that.

Shopping with mom or dad - a child's perspective: "We go shopping and mom and dad get everything they want, and they don't let me get anything." Can we see how unfair that seems to a child? We know that we are buying necessary items, but children don't understand that. And while it is the parents' responsibility to teach their children, the teaching has to be age appropriate and with love and respect.

There is no respect in berating your child in public. Some parents just make unrealistic demands upon their children as far as behavior in public regarding to the child's age, energy level, and other factors that affect the child.

I am a single parent. When my children were little, they had an allowance. The base allowance was a set amount. They had a few chores to do, not to earn that allowance, but because they were part of the family, and everyone has responsibilities to the family. If they wanted more money, they could earn additional money by additional jobs. The only rule I imposed on "their" money was that a certain amount had to go into savings. They could spend the rest as they wanted.

But once it was spent, they were broke. There was no more money available from the "bank of Mom". To me, that reflected life. I can't tell you how many times I was upset over how my son spent his money. But if I would interfere, that really wasn't teaching him anything. After all, I wasn't going to be around every day to tell him, no you can't/shouldn't buy that. Once, he had me talk to his friend, who didn't believe that that I wouldn't just give him money for a CD if he asked for it!

Experience really is a good teacher. And we sometimes have to allow our children to fail, to make the wrong decision, in order for them to improve their decision making skills.

July 15th, 2015, 02:52 PM
Thanks Snick.

I guess you would have to have been there and witnessed the whole thing to see why it was so upsetting. It was like that show 'What would you do?' Do you step up and say something or look the other way. She was on the verge of hitting him. With that said I feel okay I did.

Lorie, Chances are that boy will remember that someone said something to stop what to him must be a familiar scenario. You may have had a greater impact than you know. Planting a seed in his mind that there is another way is doing a very good thing for him.

July 15th, 2015, 02:58 PM
The mother's behavior sounds rather harsh for the circumstances.
I have had talks about how to spend money with our daughter. We talk about smart choices for spending her dollars. Sometimes she still chooses junk, but more often she decides on things that will last for a while. At 9, she still has to be reminded to think about her choices, but a simple "Is that the best way to spend your money?" usually works.

Now if she stole something from the store, well, that might get the sort of reaction you witnessed.

July 15th, 2015, 06:03 PM
Our management of our son with his allowance sounds much like what Sylvia said. We would provide guidance, but it was his money and when it was gone he had to wait for the next allowance day. He's 19 now and very financially aware.

Just a quick comment on the reference to people on cell phones checking out, in general I agree that they should not do that. However, please keep in mind that some people may not be able to hang up. I'm in IT and on call for problems and sometimes I get a call for a major problem at work and I happen to get called while I'm at the grocery store, etc. I have to either immediately check out or just leave my cart sitting in the middle of the store and leave. It's my job and I can't get off the phone. Doctors would have a similar issue. I do always apologize to the cashier and explain that I'm on a work call. Just something to keep in mind.

July 15th, 2015, 07:14 PM
I do always apologize to the cashier and explain that I'm on a work call. Just something to keep in mind.

That is the difference.

July 16th, 2015, 09:18 AM
Something to think about; how do you know that child didn't have a severe allergy to whatever it was he wanted? And how do you know how much that child had ragged and whined at mom over it? Frustration can get the better of the best of us. Consider ALL aspects of what you see before you judge. Then don't judge. Signed; mother who has been there.

July 16th, 2015, 11:51 AM
I'm in agreement with everyone here. My mom yelled at us whenever/wherever she had the notion or we got under her skin. When my own were little I tried not to do that (it was on my "things I will NEVER do to my kids" list), but it ain't always easy, sports fans. I wish I had a good response for moms in that situation that would really help to diffuse the stress for both mom and child, WITHOUT sounding like a holier-than-thou butt-insky or undermining the parent-child relationship. When I do see those sorts of things, my first response is to offer up a quick prayer for wisdom, healing, and peace. And a thank-You for my DH, without whom my children would not be the adults they are.

Amy R
July 16th, 2015, 12:41 PM
sad situation, i hope it was isolated.
If they are homeless, it may have been what he should have gotten rather than wanted.

Makes me sad. :(

July 16th, 2015, 12:56 PM
They are homeless on purpose. People move here to live on the beaches. When I first moved here it was the end of an era at Talyor camp on the north shore. They tore it down but tent's went up in their place.

Paradise Lost: The Hippie Refugee Camp | Messy Nessy Chic (http://www.messynessychic.com/2013/08/29/paradise-lost-the-hippie-refugee-camp/)